So here ya go...straight up

By Torey1028 Latest Reply 2015-04-05 09:26:33 -0500
Started 2015-03-13 01:29:52 -0500

I know that no one wants to sit and read, or listen, to anyone rant about something but this is going to be my one and only time. I am sick of being a diabetic…I was diagnosed at 21…10 years ago this year…I can't kick and scream about having it my entire life but maybe, sometimes I do…Things may have turned for the better..I didn't get the disease, or yet, I didn't know it. Quick to learn though…It was hard to find an endo…like it is now..and the one I went to did little. Basically through this big problem back at me and had me deal with it…so I have…I haven't had an appointment with an endocrinologist in years…I'm somewhat of a brittle diabetic…waking up with 600 or 488 for a few days in a row..I got extremely sick…35 in-patient visits through the er into icu for an insulin drip…before it got this bad I was able to somehow…oh I remember…my pumps…especially my omnipod…loved it…but while I pursued my last semester of graduate school…I had already somehow received my undergrad a few years before in social work…I turned 26 and no longer had insurance…I dropped out with two classes and two internships to go…now..I filed for disability twice and was turned down..have a lawyer now but I think it has been 15 months since I was placed on the list waiting for a trial date…ive been asked why not get another pump and you all know the answer…i'm only covered by Medicaid and they wouldn't dare pay for one…My fatigue is chronic…weight gain, increased anxiety, sometimes I sleep for two or three days straight…im 6'1 243 for you wondering…but I'm getting off subject and I don't want to take anytime I don't have to…With no endo and only vials and syringes…its a guessing game for me..sometimes I wake up and instantly know its so high that I just pull the vial of novolog and lantus without even looking…i wish I could finish school…wish for a lot of things different…maybe to have even played college basketball but instead I received this death wish…sorry for the rant…as i call my other writings…thoughts from an unknown mastermind…and last thing…I also have Bipolar 2 disorder..guess i went into social work to figure myself out after all…but I have been on SO many meds, that I don't doubt some of them have effected my blood sugar in the past…now im on lithium..and I can tell it spikes my sugar so I only take one third of what I'm supposed to…blah…i know that you will say…I need to see a doctor…but the doctor can't give me back the pieces of my life that diabetes has taken from me that past ten years…thank you everyone…

6 replies

maonh 2015-04-05 09:26:33 -0500 Report

Hi Torey,

I am new to this forum, but I understand what you are going through. I too had to work through my graduate program, and I think that may have pushed me over the edge to having to go on insulin. I had some serious sleep deprivation. I hope the best for you and keep in mind, you will not be in school forever. I was unemployed for a while, and could not get insulin at all, and had to make due with meds. The hospital in my community did offer me free medical care though, so I was able to see my doctors. I hope your community hospital will do the same for you. Hang in there!

Sopies Grandma
Sopies Grandma 2015-03-17 19:40:13 -0500 Report

go ahead kick, scream, cry. we have all been there, and it's a place I still go to some times. :) Just when I think I have it all figured out that demon Diabetes throws something else at me. So getting knocked down is just a part of life, But know that we are here to listen, or pass the tissues to ya, or cheer for you. whatever's needed. Hang in there. :)

jayabee52 2015-03-14 02:44:22 -0500 Report

Howdy Torey
You might like to know that I read all of your post here and in my 63 years I remember a time in grad school when I felt like that. I also had a wife (who is now deceased) who was a LCSW, was blind and had Lupis so days in the hospital for high BG (blood glucose) levels are familiar to me. She had to take corticosteroid injections or prednisone pills and she had BG levels above 600 mg/dl. But sometimes her BG was only above 250 or 300 mg/dl and we used a sliding scale to bring her BGs down. And she was "brittle" as well.

I tell you this to tell you that someone out here understands the difficulty you are facing, and will pray for you.


TammyMSW 2015-03-13 18:35:01 -0500 Report

Agreed. We are here for you so rant away! I would submit to you to think of yourself as a client/service user. Be as empathetic and empowering to yourself as if you were treating someone who presented to you in a professional capacity. There is always hope, but also, let the anger and sadness teach you what it came for.

MarkS 2015-03-13 08:17:07 -0500 Report

Hey Torey, I am sorry to hear about all of your trials and tribulations and I empathize with you. I wonder if there is some way to see an endocrinologist (try a county/city hospital or university hospital near you) to get you started with better control of your blood sugar. You are an educated person, so you obviously have a good understanding of your metabolic issues. I hope that you can get the care that you need. And don't worry about letting it all out here, that's what this place is for. Good luck in both pursuing your Master's Degree and in controlling your diabetes.

Jibber Jabber
Jibber Jabber 2015-03-13 07:01:20 -0500 Report

Hi worries this is why we are here…Your story really hit home with me in a way..I was so sick for the first couple mos I was on Metformin I had to drop my 3 hour bio lab class..because I needed to constantly be by a bathroom…my other instructors were nice enough to bend the rules something fierce for me..and didn't require me to attend…They let me do everything on black board…I was fortunate…I HATE how the government makes you jump through hoops to get help when you need it..I am fortunate enough to be back in school and not needing to deal with THAT process…but I worked as a Case Manager for years advocating for people to get disability and even testified at two trial trying to explain just how bad a certain client was…It seems that lazy people get help much easier in this country than the disabled do…I feel your pain…but please DO NOT give up on school…it may not be possible now…but things change..You have a medical issue and a separate mental illness issue both that need to be properly dealt with…very difficult.(.especially when the medical issue and disability issues are so stressful and can feed the mental health issue,,,,).but not impossible…deep breath..and DONT EVER feel like you cant come here to rant..sometimes we have nowhere else to go BUT HERE…praying for you…huggles..

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