Very Weary..... ugh

handmashed
By handmashed Latest Reply 2015-02-25 15:48:39 -0600
Started 2015-02-22 23:27:03 -0600

HOWDY~~
I know this will sound like a whiny cry baby, and all I can say is this seems unfair!! Many of you already know that my current weight loss is 40 pounds, and that my A1c has now dropped to 5.7. Usually my morning bg is in the 80-90 range, but am still peaking out in the low 100's several times a month.
One of my great struggles is in FOOD… lol (who would have guessed) I want to eat sweets, and salty crunchy carb~y things. Just when I give in… and do it, my am bg is blown up!!
How much longer can this go on?? I am deeply trying to avoid meds, and want my body to return to normal health…sometimes I just feel so… DEPRIVED!!
Wondering how to cope…
debs


20 replies

handmashed
handmashed 2015-02-25 15:48:39 -0600 Report

I think that the emotional state of being denied something must stem from childhood. I don't have a food addiction. Personally, it really isn't about food. For me, it is all about being told no, you can't have. No, you don't get to… I was not the "baby" she, got everything she wanted! I do still dislike being told no, and find it hard to justify no, while another is allowed. YEP… scarred for life. AND… in case you are wondering, no I don't hate "her" but I don't bother with her either. Why should I … she is better than me anyhow. Or so we were raised to believe.

Mallacai
Mallacai 2015-02-25 11:25:54 -0600 Report

For me realizing that refined sugar is my enemy ( yes i had a very,very hungry sweet tooth ) i grew a mindset to stay of it. From eating lots of pastries i can now look at it and turn off as i have conditioned my mind to. Now i have to condition my mind to turn off from Coors Lite and white bread. Keep up the fight and you will win.

RosalieM
RosalieM 2015-02-24 11:22:41 -0600 Report

Hand mashed,
I don't have a overwhelming sweet tooth, but I do like something sweet now and then too. I have figured out how to make some sweet things that don't raise blood sugar almost not at all. If they don't raise blood sugar, they don't feed the carb addition as that is caused by insulin release.
I make chocolate chip cookies, cheese cake, chocolate truffles, and a chocolate pie that I like. They have Splenda for sweetener butter or cream cheese for fat, lots of fat and flax seed, oat bran, and resistant starch fiber, these are all fiber.
when I need something sweet, I have one of those. The cookies and truffles are easy to have on hand at all times. They make my tummy very full and don't raise blood sugar.

suecsdy
suecsdy 2015-02-24 10:01:24 -0600 Report

Hi Debs. I am pretty much in the same boat with you. A dyed-in-the-wool Carbaholic with a strong sweet tooth. One answer is this will go on for the rest of your life. We don't get to go back to the way it was. Would I?, knowing what I know now, no. I went straight to insulin 4x per day, so if you can take the pills do it. My numbers are also in the same range as yours and am hoping my next a1c will be under 6 and my diabetes will no longer classed as uncontrolled. I hate seeing that word on my record when I have worked so hard to get in control. Kind of makes me feel like they don't see how much I have put into this. I am 6 mos into this new life and still very resentful of it. I have accepted that this is my life now, but have not come to like it much. Maybe we could work on this together.

sweetslover
sweetslover 2015-02-23 22:53:28 -0600 Report

Hey, Debs. I can relate to your feelings of deprivation. As you can surmise from my name, I do love sweets. I do not eat them anymore, but I still want them. I think I am a sugarholic. I have found a few desserts that don't have sugar that let me at least enjoy the sweet taste. When I feel like caving in, I consider the consequences of making the diabetic complications I already have even worse. I believe everyone has to find their own way to cope with having diabetes. Rant and rave when you need to. Let the pressure out, take a deep breath, and continue on. You can do it.

Fefe12
Fefe12 2015-02-23 13:25:07 -0600 Report

Maybe I shouldn't answer. I don't have a food issue, never have. I don't understand it, although I know it exists. This isn't to make you feel bad, I just don't get it. If I get hungry I don't always eat, I'm too busy. If I want a sweet I take a bite and save the rest or I give it away. Being hungry doesn't bother me, I know I will eat later. I don't believe in being deprived, it just causes too many issues of its own. I have a family I cook for and I only cook what I can eat. So they eat like me. I rarely eat pasta, I use my zucchini cutter instead and only eat lettuce wrapped burgers. Our favorite foods usually can be replaced with a healthier version. I find it fun to look for new recipes to replace my old ones. I believe it's all a matter of choice. You have to decide what your life is worth to you. Food will not control me, it cant, my life depends on it and I'm too busy to let a bit of food pull me down. Now, if you want to talk about my addictions, let's talk about shoes!!!

handmashed
handmashed 2015-02-23 16:22:36 -0600 Report

LOL You crack me up!!
Food isn't an addiction for me, but feeling deprived is a problem that I have.

Fefe12
Fefe12 2015-02-25 03:14:54 -0600 Report

I think we all have those feelings. But that's just it, they are only feelings. They really mean nothing unless you make them so. So you feel deprived. Let it go. Is it worth it to risk your quality of life? It's just food. As important as food is, the US is so wrapped up in the wrong kinds of food to the point we now have a nation of bad health and addictions if we don't get what we want when we want it. If only life was that easy. So I say don't fight it, feel deprived, let it go. The feelings will go away. Learn to share treats, or have a favorite that's harder to get to like See's candy at the mall. Get one piece and enjoy every bite. Life is already hard, don't make it harder by being controlled by things not so important. Is this not what we teach our children, self control? Why not work on it ourselves? By the way, buying shoes isn't an addiction, I can stop anytime I want…sorry I just saw a cute pink pair!!!!!!

valentine lady
valentine lady 2015-02-23 13:18:37 -0600 Report

Hi debs,
First of all I hear what your saying and can relate to most of it. ONe thing I want to point out is you mentioned getting off diabetic medication and be normal again. Debs, you will never be normal again. Even if you do go off meds your eeating habits will still remain the same. It has to be that way or your back on medication. Your excessive must continue. Everything will remain the same except for the lack of meds. You are a diabetic and for the rest of your life you will be. In remission for lack of a better word but still a diabetic.

Your numbers are fantastic. …you need to work on a new attitude. I realize food has been you friend. It was for me as well. I ate for all sorts of reasons, it comfort me. When this diabetes thing happened to me it took a long while but I finally accepted it. Food and all. Ll bought a book on diabetes and read it cover to cover. All the bad things that can and will happen if not in check. That convinced me I
needed to comply to this life style. You might think of getting a book of the same ..read it and believe it. You loose those cravings. I get
cravings too. Mostly for potatoe chips. I have taught myself to learn to ignore the cravings, it will go away. Or drink a full glass of water or 2. It will fill you up. When I crave salt I put just a little on my salad
It works and the cravings are gone. When I crave sweets I eat an.
Atkins bar made for snacks. I. also keep a bag of sugar free candy in my drawer and I'll have one piece. There are ways to compensate and
still remain healthy. Hugs to you, VL

Jibber Jabber
Jibber Jabber 2015-02-23 07:55:49 -0600 Report

Your numbers are great…I use to freak out when my numbers were higher than I thought they should be…I have since adopted the attitude that since I cant do anymore than I am already doing..I am not going to sweat it…Don't expect perfection from yourself…it will drive you nuts…I am speaking from experience…take a big deep breath and look at the big picture…40 pounds gone and an A1C of 5.7…That is fantastic…never stop trying to improve…BUT realize that even in your imperfection you are doing an amazing job..

handmashed
handmashed 2015-02-23 11:57:57 -0600 Report

Yes, 40 pounds is a lot of weight. I have another 27 to go, Lot's of hard work for me, I have no thyroid gland.. my Dr. again offered to put me on meds (metformin and bp meds) I declined. The plan is to reverse the metabolic disease. I just feel like… any other 5 year old staring a a plate of cupcakes. So frustrated… and involuntarily "hungry". A lot of t2 patients tell me "if my A1c or am bg was that… I would be happy" but I want more than happy, I want healthy. SO… yes I work hard!! Let me just say that 35 carbs a day, doesn't go far on a pallet of sugar preference. Logically, I know that I eat WAY more than many people, some are dying of starvation and malnutrition… I don't have a logic problem… I have an emotional one.
I walk no less than 40 miles a week… and do 7 hours of cardio to boot…but I just wanted this over with already!!
sorry to be such a crab…
debs

Pegsy
Pegsy 2015-02-23 07:10:55 -0600 Report

Hang in there Debs and don't give up. I am extremely diligent about my diet, am on medication and still, I don't have numbers as good as yours. I would give anything to get my A1c below 6 and if I woke up in the morning with numbers in the low 100's, I would be doing a dance! And you are managing this without medication? You are where I want to be!!!

I understand your struggle with food and feeling deprived. I get into a pitty party now and then (just yesterday) about not being able to eat whatever I want to. It usually hits me in restaurants (weekly) or when we are guests in friends homes (also weekly) or when we travel. Yesterday, on the way home from a restaurant, I spoke with my husband about me adding a second medication so that I can enjoy food again and not have to live such a rigid lifestyle. Well, I came to my senses later and I will continue my healthy lifestyle quest with as little medication as possible. I do occasionally indulge in the sinful dessert or snack but those occasions are rare. I keep healthy snacks on hand at all times and I have a collection of recipes to safely indulge my sweet tooth (more like chocolate cravings) without sugar or too much carb. Having satisfying but "legal" snacks on hand really helps me stay with the program.

I do indulge on special occasions. When I do that, I am careful not to blow it for the entire day. I get right back on track at the very next meal. It's what happens in our bodies over time that really matters. One high now and then isn't anything to get too upset about.

Try not to be too hard on yourself. I think you're doing great!

RebDee
RebDee 2015-02-23 05:38:18 -0600 Report

I think that I am lucky to have Diabetes rather than some other God awful disease. My son died at 2 years of age from Cystic Fibrosis. My sister has Multiple Sclerosis and is dying slowly, now confined to a wheelchair. And I have Diabetes where I can help myself be healthy by losing weight, eating right, doing exercise. Sure it aint easy. But many people don't learn of their particular disease, be it cancer, diabetes, or some other disease, until it manifests itself and then they react with either avoidance or helping themselves to be as well and healthy as they can be. I choose LIFE by helping myself be the best that I can be under my own circumstances.

Jibber Jabber
Jibber Jabber 2015-02-23 08:01:14 -0600 Report

I wish I could triple like this one…Diabetes is a terrible thing…I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy…but sometimes we get so wrapped up in ourselves we forget that many many many people are worse off than we are…I have told my story here before…when my doctor called me at home and told me my labs were in and I had to go see him right away…LIKE NOW…I was terrified…I really thought he was going to tell me I was dying…when he told me it was diabetes…I was relieved…Not that diabetes isn't serious…but it is manageable…unlike so many other illnesses…

jayabee52
jayabee52 2015-02-23 05:52:28 -0600 Report

Howdy Dee
I had married a lady a while ago who had Lupis. I know what you mean regarding being thankful I only have diabetes (and also kidney disease) and can manage those.
My wife "Jem" has passed (07/2010) and I thank God I have what I have because I don't know what I'd do if I had something like Lupis, MS, or CF.
I too choose LIFE,

God's best

James

jayabee52
jayabee52 2015-02-23 04:12:08 -0600 Report

Howdy yourself Debs
Sometimes the best thing we can do is to vent here on DC. where pretty much everyone knows what it is like.

On the other hand I would not complain when my BG levels are in the low hundreds.

Food is generally the bugaboo for many who have diabetes. And in regard to "how long can this go on"? Until you recognize that this is your NEW normal and adapt yourself to it.

We all go through periods of disapointment and discouragement and feelings of deprivation. I do as well!

Also it is not the end of the world when one's BG level is blown up, tomorrow is another day and as long as you don't allow yourself to stay and wallow in the emotions and get back up and fight it another day, then you will be good.

Know that many of us here understand completely and that we will be pulling and praying for you.

James

GeekonBoard
GeekonBoard 2015-02-23 01:58:38 -0600 Report

Hiya Handmashed! I don't think you sound like a "whiny cry baby" at all. It sounds like you are frustrated & I can totally relate. I'm still a newbie at this website & with my T2 diagnosis so I'm still struggling to bring my numbers down & that's with medication. At this point, I'm working hard to try & keep insulin at bay, but as good as I started off — I have taken a couple of steps backwards. I'm not doing as well as I was in January & that has me pissed at myself. Food has always been my friend & copilot throughout life. I have always answered to being a compulsive overeater & I was sure that being diagnosed would scare me enough to make the changes needed for better health…
…it has in many ways, but not quite as I had imagined. I use food to soothe my emotions. If I'm happy I'm used to eating, sad = eating, bored = eating, etc., etc., etc …
I make small changes & have learned to accept what I can do today & keep moving forward. I keep trying & am incredibly grateful for a place like this website where I can come & confess or vent to people that might be going through the same mess or might have been there a time or two many years ago. Sometimes we don't need advice but rather to put it out there & know that we are surrounded by others who not only hear us…really hear us, but know with every fiber of our being what you mean.
When you ask "how much longer can this go on?" - My answer: I still ask myself that question. But, the more comforting thing to pass along is that in continuing to reach out for things like this website, my therapist, books, my diabetes educator — If I just keep trying & using the tools that are there for the taking - hopefully you will ask this question less frequently as I now do.
For me, I believe I will always be a compulsive overeater - like any other addiction, but as long as I keep addressing it & treat it then I will not rot in the land of denial. I will also always be a diabetic, but I will continue to battle my way through. In January, I wasn't feeling deprived, but all last week - I felt very deprived & angry! I run my own business & work out of other people's homes while they are away on trips or possibly at work. Most of my clients tell me to make myself at home - eat what they have in the kitchen & cupboards. I usually tote my own food (which is a HUGE pain in the butt, but I have no alternative). Some people's houses make it very easy to stick to the food I brought or they too are healthy eaters. But, every once in a while I am staying a few days at a client's house who has open containers of chocolate frosting in the frig, cookie dough in the freezer, ice cream containers, potato chips, candy, & this last weekend she had made me something called 7up salad & left me 5 boxes of Girl Scout Cookies. I know my Grandfather will be thrilled to take the Girl Scout Cookies off my hands, but I feel like I can do little but obsess over food lurking in the next room. When I'm spending days & nights at these houses - it can get pretty intense.
At my house - if it's a trigger food - I don't let it pass the front door. If it's not something that is T2 friendly for the meal plan they currently have me working towards… doesn't pass go either. But, to be in a place where I have no say over the food on the counters & in the pantry feels like potential land mines lying about. This past weekend was especially strange because the client was a friend of my Mom's & I had told her about my diagnosis. She is also a T2 diabetic & is a retired nurse. So, needless to say the 7up salad & cookies left for me felt like crack being left the counter daring me to do my drug. I know that's not how she intended it, but she has a completely different view of how she eats & handles her diagnosis - which I respect. Just wish she hadn't left the goodies for me. I was able to pass but felt like I was white knuckling it the whole weekend. Plus, when I broke free & was able to head home - I felt that relief & the first thing I thought of was rewarding myself with some sort of food. Like I said — always a work in progress for me. Honestly, I have started cussing foods & places I can no longer eat at. For some strange reason…telling a Little Ceasar's Pizza commercial to "F" itself or passing McDonald's on the freeway & I can almost taste the salt of their fries on my lips - telling them to "f" themselves has been adding a little humor & breaks the mantra of I want that food, I want this food, I want, I want, I want…
Sorry for the ramble…thanks for listening. Plus, thanks for sharing!!
Hang in there! :)

NewSong53
NewSong53 2015-02-23 09:44:32 -0600 Report

I know what you mean about food calling to you. I hate being single but am glad that I don't have to keep food in the house that I shouldn't eat. It makes it easier to resist. When I'm at work I'm fine — as long as I keep healthy snacks handy and don't indulge in even one bite of sweets. Once I do, I constantly find myself thinking about them and it might be a week before I get back on track. In the meantime, I feel horrible and my moods are depressed and irritable, and I find it easier to put things off until a day when I'm "feeling better". I'm learning so much here, though — I rarely have fast food anymore and i will struggle to avoid "bad" foods when grocery shopping, but most of the time I win. I'm hoping that one day I won't give those things a second thought . . . probably time to change my self-talk about how "irresistable" those foods are. Thanks for sharing your experience.

RebDee
RebDee 2015-02-23 14:23:05 -0600 Report

They say that a habit is hard to break. But if you take at least two weeks of NOT eating something, it is easier to not want to eat it once you break the habit. Last night, Sam put salt in his soup and I almost gagged. Because I salt nothing. I find there is enough salt in my ingredients that I don't have to salt things. I even ask for sweet potato fries without salt (they look at me as if I am crazy — apparently the salt is a main ingredient) and if they cannot give me the fries without salt, then I don't eat them at all even that is what I crave. Staying on the No WHITE diet was a challenge and now it is a way of life, and one which I hope to continue for a very long time. The longer I can continue, the longer I can live and I want to beat my mother and grandmother's records of 94 years.

handmashed
handmashed 2015-02-23 17:45:05 -0600 Report

That is an impressive record. My problem really stems from feeling deprived. I don't even think it is a food issue. Sadly, I could fix a food issue… a deprivation issue is like rejection to me.

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