Ready to just give up!

By lipsie Latest Reply 2011-10-12 07:51:05 -0500
Started 2009-06-19 06:55:06 -0500

I hate feeling this way, its not new to me for I do have mental illness and yeah I am on medication but there is more. I went to my regular doctor yesterday and he triggered this feeling, plus my weight gain did not help. I WAS on a VERY strong pain medication that had me out n about walking, felt so much better about myself, was loosing weight, etc. Then its so weird they pulled a urine test right…well first on my finance for his PRN medication, and his showed NONE in system which made NO sense but it was a as needed pill anyhow…they threw him out, so then I was having troubles with my patches stay on…but I would tape them on and wanted to find some other type of medication cause of the issue BUT they urine tested me and mine came back with NOTHING in my system, I WAS WEARING a patch as I did this test!!!!!!! I don't get it…how, why, and they kicked me out too. Now, we both look terrible and our regular doctor won't even help us temperately like he had before, said I failed this test, said he didn't see why I needed pain meds, even though I get wounds, have back injury, neuropathy, arthritis, knee issues, etc. I really am a wus I guess, that's EXACTLY what he basically said to me, he's never been must help for me…I know I have to change, its so hard around here but I won't go back.I did stop taking my cholesterol meds cause they can cause pain, and until I have pain meds, I won't take them…I can die of whatever I DON'T CARE!! I CAN NOT live in PAIN!! I am sorry I am bringing this to all of you but I don't socialize, only with my finance and therapist…which I don't see for another week and half or so. *sigh* I dunno, I feel a little better just letting out this frustration…lol Sorry for being a pain in the butt. *HugS* Sheila

42 replies

Pat Roth
Pat Roth 2009-07-23 12:30:30 -0500 Report

Oh, MY! I just re-read this important post!! And I saw my few added words and was SURPRISED at how I felt THEN, as I feel so much better now, July 22, I think! So, as was metioned, someplace on this site, my mind sags—mostly what we all need is, SUPPORT! If no one listens to you about anything!!!!! It is like living in that forest where a tree falls, does it really make a noise if there is no one there to hear it??! That is how I have felt for years, no wonder I was so DOWN—but—make way, folks, I feel like I am finally rising up from my own ashes, much like our town from our big fire last week! All I needed was nourishment and love from others, to supplement God's love that has been in my heart!

God Bless you ALL, a MUCH improved, Patricia ANN!

lipsie 2009-07-04 01:20:54 -0500 Report

I am not GIVING UP per say, at least I am fighting it…my moods are rapid cycling…by-polar big time lately and my sugars are affected big time. I am getting that new MD and so happy for that, plus my pain doctor appt. is almost here, 2 more weeks…once I see these MD's I am hoping things will change…thanks everyone for the help…I am trying to keep up beat!! Happy 4th! *HugS* Sheila

Two painful feet
Two painful feet 2009-07-03 17:58:10 -0500 Report

Lipsie, Please don't give up. You have a Loving Heavenly Father who Loves you more than you can know. You have all of us who Love you. I do not have depression. But I have days that I feel so alone and have a pitty party for a short time. I have no friends except here in this group. You have alot of people here who look forward to your cherry note to others. I will pray that you will be able to pick yourself up from the depression that has a hold of you. You have Ty who loves you and cares for you very much. Just hang on and days will get better.
Love you JoAnna

Charla Hageman
Charla Hageman 2009-06-30 07:58:50 -0500 Report

I am so sorry to hear what you are going through. I have trouble with my knees so like you it is hard for me to walk to get exercise. If I do go walking I have to walk with someone because my knees could give out and I would fall down,out of the blue and I cannot get up by myself. Maybe you should find another doctor to help you get a second opinion. Charla

lipsie 2009-06-30 05:06:18 -0500 Report

Okay, maybe I have thought about suicide lately but no I am not going there again. I am just so frustrated with the things in my life with doctors and have been told I will die of a blood desaae and that I am like Micheal Jackson from another…I am just so frustrated with it all!! But I hanging one the beginning of July..dunno when the first appt will be but still.have to wait until there is a appt first. lol I do have hope. I love Ty and my children so I have to hang on. Thank you for your concern. *HugS* Sheila

Turtle 2009-06-25 00:56:10 -0500 Report

I know some days are more difficult than others. I live that kind of life too. All I can say is please do not give up. I am doing my best not to give up.

Charish 2009-06-25 01:11:16 -0500 Report

Hi Turtle,

And don't ever stop trying and never give up. Its worth the fight ever day that we get up and thank God for a new day.

Hugs and Kisses


Dancehawk 2009-06-21 08:18:25 -0500 Report

Find another doctor, do not tell them about what happen, go in and show them your in pain at times.
have a diary and a list of foods my brother uses a calender it tells what time he woke up and a scale of 1-10 on pain, his mood where he hurts. What he ate for the day bowel movements and types I mean he had details. he did it because the doctors today are so busy they do not listen to you nor do they listen to your complaints and they give you meds to appease you but do not look for the cause.
he went through a lot of problems with doctors, he has a crushed spine in areas, neropthy really bad, cancer, diabetic, emphysema, and they could not find the cause for the consist pain in his legs and why he was loosing strength till he fired all his doctors and found a new one, she ran a bunch of blood test and they found MS in his system so they went further and now have him on medication to help slow it.
he also uses the loppy pops, plus smokes to cut the pain they have a nurse that also gives him morphine, between everything there doing for him he is in alittle less pain.
but you need to have you ducks in a row when fighting the docs, so document and show them.By doing so they will see you are serious about your health and you have the paper trail to show you have something going on that needs there attention and if there not willing to do the job tell them nothing against you but i need someone who will take care of my needs i have somethings going on and i need a reason why they are, what i can do to help myself get better or slow down whats happening, i need your help with taking the inflammation down or help reducing the pain i am in and if you can not help me with this please send me to someone that can.
My doctor I have to carry a note book with because she is in and out of the room so much so I use the check off system hehehe and I tell her OK we have everything covered here is your copy for my records.

I fell several months ago hurt my shoulder, I am talking pain so bad could not move it, crying all the time i went in could not get them to do ex rays it was aww your a diabetic you have bursitis, it got worse in pain i was eating a bottle of the Tylenol using the heating pad and not moving cause it hurt so bad went back into the doctor, here use this medication for inflammation.

my hand gave out i lost all my muscles in my arm my shoulder froze and no matter how much i tried to stretch it was pain pain pain plus the coldness all the time in my arm and hand my bones hurt bad, I went back in she said OK we need to send you to a orthopedic.

it was about a week later i sat down wrong hit my arm and elbow on the chair where it shoved my arm up in a weird way i felt a pop and screamed then after being a baby for a short time i started getting relief in there i went from a 10 in pain to about a 6 now i am about a 2 i went back in i had a partly dislocated shoulder. if they would have ran ex rays they could have saved me a lot of pain.
so stay on top of things sweety.


lipsie 2009-06-23 06:59:23 -0500 Report

Thank you for your help. First, I am concerned that the doctor that did the referral may already sent previous records so they'll already know what happen, or they'll want records…so I don't see getting around that one. BUT…you are so right about keeping a record of things, I am going to start doing that!!! Great idea! Every little pain, may not be related but you never know…thanks so very much! *HugS* Shela

mamaoak 2009-06-20 15:26:17 -0500 Report

dont give up where there is a wii there is a way. sorry to here of all thats going wrong for you . cheer up things will work out iam sure. vent all you want maybe someone can come up with a solution for you. hugs

Charish 2009-06-20 12:57:32 -0500 Report

Hi Sheila,

Thats what we're here for to listen to one another and help each other through the frustrations that we're facing.

It is sad to have doctors who don't care about our care and the only interest they seem to have in us is when we're in front of their faces anything after that is non-existant. I am going through a lot right now too, and I like you don't bother people with my problems. But I have learned that holding it all in isn't healthy either. I have tried to be honest in telling what I feel when I go to my doctor but it fell on death ears. Its partly my fault for not being more aggressive in my treatment and care, but now that I really need help my doctor really seem that he could care less. I'm now in the position to get another RA doctor and perhaps personal care doctor too.

In a big way I am going through HELL and that is the best way to say it. And I know that is out of character for me, but that is how I feel now and I know that being truthful is all that we have but sometimes I wonder. I would rather acquire something through telling the truth and not by lieing, I can wear it better that way. Believe me my dear you are not alone in this. It is a hard thing to wake up one day and realize that you have nothing because your doctor caused you everything that you had worked so hard for and refuse to correct the mess that he created for for me and then to say that you need help from a profession of individuals who don't seem to care is even harder. I have tried to get help and have been faught ever step of the way. I'm fighting the system right now in appeals, so trust me you are not alone.

But the important thing that I realize above all that I have said is that GOD HAS THE FINAL SAY SO. Man seem to think that they can control all aspects of your life but don't realize that they only have the power that it allowd by The Father. Its through all that I have gone through and all that I face now that I have grown stronger and fight all the harder. Yes I have cried much and have had some tears even this week because of personal issues that I had to face and medical ones too, but I know that I can only change the things that are in my power to change and all else is up to God.

And know sweetheart there is much more to my story, but I said this to let you know its alright to vent and have the feelings that you do that's why we're here. But remember that you can't give up and never quit, because when you quit that says that you never had the fight in you anyway. And I believe that you are a fighter and that giving up is not and option for you nor me. Remember this too that God never said that this life would be easy, but HE did promise to stand by us and that HE would never leave us. Remember Sheila JUST STAY IN THE RACE and we will be here with you fighting every step of the way.

Take care … Hugs and Kisses


Pat Roth
Pat Roth 2009-06-21 06:44:15 -0500 Report

Oh, my!! And I too, thought that I was all alone in trying to communicate with Drs, They helped plunge me into the blackest despair throughout my life, from really sick children, on—-I am just now pulling myself up and out of a DEEP DEPRESSION, thought that no one else cared, so why should I?? I got so exhausted from "the fight" that I could barely drag out of bed for 4 years, trying to SUPPRESS STUFF, not to bother anyone as I couldn't stand the critism—-I HURT so badly inside, "just nerves"—-ha, yow, right!!

I discovered that I had Diabetis 2, just 2 or 3 years ago, kept fighting the diagnosis, went from 500 mg of Metformin to 750 mg once a day. I realize that isn't too bad, but I do want to avoid the side effects of diabetis and have found NO ONE who will listen, they keep accusing me of worrying too much, when all I want is to be better informed!! Our church women may mean well, but they have persecuted me beyond belief!

But I am a fighter, but when your own husband and 4 kids are distant with you because you "make them uncomfortable"—-cheeezzz they should have to live inside my skin for awhile and realize how desparately alone I feel, with NO support—

Keep fighting and I will too, especially since I have found a comforting group to vent to, that really seem to care about each other, even if they are ill, with whatever!! Pat ROth

Charish 2009-06-21 20:37:32 -0500 Report

Hi Pat,

The most important thing to remember is that we do care here, eventhough we may face many issues of our own we still have a respect and love for one another that can not be mistaken. I know how it feels to be depressed too, it was told to me years ago when I was in my twenties that I was Accute Depressive and I decided after going through theropy for about a year with what I consider one of the best theorpist there is that I was not going to be the victim of depression that I was going to be the victor and that I would defeat it and not have it defeating me. And thats the same attitude I took with the diabetes issues and now with the facing the disability fight. I have never walked away from a good fight and I want start now. I may have distanced myself from some things in life, but a good fight no.

You hang in there and you keep right on fighting for you health and family will sooner or later see what you are going through. It bothers me that I see people who don't know how it feels to walk in our shoes, and that includes medical professionals too, but what we have to do is square our shoulders and be determined to make others listen to our concerns and hear what we are experiencing.

It's as I said in my earlier response God never promised us that this life would be easy, but HE did promise to be with us and never leave us. So Pat with all you have in you keep fighting sweetheart, and remember to JUST STAY IN THE RACE and we are here for you in this and to help you along the way.

Hugs and Kisses


lipsie 2009-06-23 07:01:32 -0500 Report

Yes, depression is a !#!$#!$# I know…I have been on meds for that for years too. But yes, I have to keep fighting ty! *HugS* Sheila

wilfred healer
wilfred healer 2009-06-23 12:07:31 -0500 Report

HI charish . Your health is very important to you and to all my friends that may read this message. Your first concern should be educating yourself about your condition and natural medicines that works. you can find natural medicines in your food store. They are call vegetables and fruits. Also you can buy herbal vitamins ].
wilfred rolle remedie healer

Charish 2009-06-24 00:22:24 -0500 Report

Hi There Healer,

I have already started this journey and I have been doing really well. In search of the right foods and the herbal supplements. On last year I weighed close to 300 lbs and now the scales ran the other way at 236 and the right choices that I had to make because of my health and spiritual well being. I feel the first step was the latter step spiritual and everything else fell into place.

Hugs and Kisses


lipsie 2009-06-23 07:02:06 -0500 Report

Thank you so much! You are a doll! *HugS* Sheila

Charish 2009-06-23 09:57:56 -0500 Report

Hi Sheila,

Just know that sweetheart you are not alone in this and there are people that love and are concerned about you. I can yes that I am one of the winners who came out, don't get me wrong I still have days that are sad and I have tears but I'm not the way I was okay.

Keep on fighting and we will fight with you.

Hugs and Kisses


Two painful feet
Two painful feet 2009-06-19 21:48:26 -0500 Report

Sheila, I hope you will be accepted as a patient with your Dorkey Doctor. I don't understand why your doctor acted so rude to you and Ty. So it's my understanding that he would not write you a new script for your pain meds? Could you go to the emergency room to see if the doctor on duty would write you a pain meds script? I had to take my husband to the emergency room Wednesday night. He was in sever pain and they gave him to injections of morapine he slept like a baby. I talked to a lady that lived with pain and she would have to take her self to emergency to get pain meds so she could go home and sleep. Just an idea for you to consider. I'm on fentynal pain patches and the way I keep them on is (1) clean area with alcohol, dry and put patch on and then put a bandaid across to hold it. Best to you both

Becky, I also don't like the way my oxcodine make me feel. Dry mouth and can't think clear at all. I have worked myself down to take it only when I can't stand the pain. I'm nerver with out my pain patches the pain from my stomach is so bad with out it (paralized stomach).

Your Friend

lipsie 2009-06-20 07:40:21 -0500 Report

That is something I did not do, the alcohol…great idea though and IF I can even get them again I will do it that way thanks for the advise!! *HugS* Sheila

Avera 2009-06-19 21:16:22 -0500 Report


I might be able to answer some of your questions,,,BUT,,,first I have to know what kind of pain patch that you were on. Do you mind telling me.


lipsie 2009-06-20 07:37:17 -0500 Report

Fentanyl Patch 50mg oh any help I would LOVE!! ty! *HugS* Sheila

dj7110 2009-06-20 18:18:12 -0500 Report

I take this same patch in the 75mg and ust to have prioblems wioth them staying on. the newer ones my pharmacist just started getting a couple months ago work a lot better n stay on like there supose to. as they changed supliers. and get them from teva pharmaceuticals. look like a big foil bandaid noe and even come with stickers to keep track of date n time patch was put on. there number is 1-888-838-2872. might want to run this by the pharmacy you use. best wishes David

lipsie 2009-06-23 06:47:44 -0500 Report

If the new clinic puts me back on them I will run this by the pharmacy ty very much David!!

BeckyJ 2009-06-19 16:29:14 -0500 Report

God it's sounds like we are going through about the same thing here. Trying to get pain medication is such a pain. I have been in 5 motor vehicle accidents and have had other assorted falls and injuries over the last 15 years but I didn't really take anything for it becuase I have severe allergies to most pain meds and could get by with over the counter stuff like Aleve and Tylenol Arthritis. Even when I was injured in my car accidents I only took the prescription pain meds for as little time as possible. I hate the way they make me feel. I am either a zombie not knowing what's going on around me or so Hyper that I can't sit still. When I went back to the doctor earlier this year and told them the over the counter stuff wasn't working they did more tests. New MRI's X-rays etc. found out that I have Degenerative Disc Disease with a bulging L5 and compressed S1. Also compressed C4. Also have Severe arthritis and Bursitis. They tried putting me back on percocet but I refused. I told them I had a high tolernce for pain and didn't need anything that strong just something to knock the edge off. I told them about my allergies and that I was looking for something new to take that didn't cause me the slurred speach and hyper effects of the Lortab, percocet and other meds offered over the years. They just looked at me weirdly and said that if I wanted pain relief I should take the Lortab (hydracodone), my reactions weren't that severe. URGH!!! They made me feel like a freak because I was turning down meds that I knew my body did not agree with. They gave me an injection of cortisone but said that they couldn't do more pain management until I was willing to take the pain medication they sugesseted. I told them Lortab makes my Bi-Polar worse but they are unwilling to suggest anything else. I am in pain constantly now so I gave in on the Lortab but have restricted myself to 2 pills a day to keep the reactions down to a minimum. Still with this restricition my Bi-Polar is cycling like crazy and my blood glucose is doing the mambo. 45 to 450 in a couple of hours. I'm just so fed up I want to quit it all. I just wish I could get someone to listen. I had one nurse even tell me that I obviously wasn't in that much pain if I could restrict myself to 2 pills a day. She looked at me like I was a junkie. Would a junkie turn down higher dose pills? Would a junkie turn down shots of Morphine? Come ON! I just want to find something that controls my pain without making me crazy or turning me into a zombie. Am I in the wrong here? I'm sure that they see a lot of patients that are just there to get drugs but for those of us that really are in pain and need help…we get the shaft. They have gotten so suspicious of anyone asking for new meds. Even when there is evidence of injury! I just so fed up with docs right now, I wish that I didn't need their help at all. But since I do I will try what they suggest though every part of me says it's a bad idea. What choice do I have?

lipsie 2009-06-19 17:35:28 -0500 Report

I feel you totally!! It's a damn shame the way it works now a days. I just got great news though…before I left town previously I have a great MD and when I left town a few years and came back he wasn't accepting anyone. Come July 1 he will be accepting patients and I will be on that phone first thing for me and my finance. He is not perfect, I actually call him my big dork doctor, lol he seems dorky in how he talks and looks but he has a GREAT bedside manner, and when I went thru heart failure, phenomena a couple time…he was there and did the job. Now, I dunno about pain management with him cuz its been a while and I was taking something a lot lighter than what I would take now a days…but then again I would pleased with anything right now.That is sad though that they are giving you a hard time when you are just trying to find what fits for you…ulgh…but yes those that do abuse have messed this up, cuz now that's just what most MD'S think I guess…good luck though!! Sheila

GabbyPA 2009-06-19 07:35:45 -0500 Report

Hey kiddo,
I am sorry that you had a day like that. It sucks when you find you are at odds with your doctor, but there are other ones out there. Perhaps it is time to move on from that situation.
It sounds like he is accusing you of selling your pain meds. What a jerk. Did you see his results? Can you get an independent lab to do a test to see if the results match? You can fight him you know. They are not always right and you have to make your case clear. I have a hard time doing that, so I take paper and a list with me to make sure I make myself clear to my doctor.

Then what you have to do is put on your "I'm going to show him" face and start making some of those changes. I know they can be rough, but you have to try. My old doctor is still my husband's doctor and when we go in for his appointments, I tell him how I am improving, even though he is no longer my provider. (I had to change due to finances, not personal preference) I think he takes me more seriously now. I have also learned to be a hard ass when it comes to what he is doing for my husband as well. It is a game sometimes. But if you know the rules, then you can play to win.

cyncyn 2009-06-19 07:48:04 -0500 Report

You are so right on this one. My mother-in-law's dr. was getting the same way. When we take her for her appt., there are always another 5-6 patients with the same appt. So we now, go with paper in hand also. And I don't let him rush things. I even told him once, "Aren't you being paid for this time, well then, have a seat, we are not finished.! We have some questions and info, that need to be addressed." He had a seat, and since then, he does not rush thru her appt.!!
You have to put your foot down, with a lot of these drs. It is your health, and YOUR life! Be firm and stand strong. And if that don't work, find another dr.!
Good luck!

lipsie 2009-06-19 08:08:34 -0500 Report

YES! I do think that's what they are accusing both of us of! But we we not doing anything or the sort is the thing. I just don't get it. BUT…when they took my urine I waited about TWO weeks until they would say the results! By this time I ran out of my meds, and I did not even think of going to my primary MD and asking for a slip to do blood work at the hospital, damn! Cause I am lost, I want so badly to fight this…but I don't see how. I did call the company that makes the patches and complain. That didn't do much though. I have a ?. Do you think a hospital would still have records of a MRI that was taken oh about 10-13 stretching it years ago??? Cause that MRI is something that really showed my back. The current one showed NOTHING! I was getting shots last year down South for some L-4 L-5 thing, plus degenerative disease, arthritis, I dunno…I am trying to get those records for sure up here. This new MRI is a joke…I FEEL THE PAIN there still…it did not just go away, lol. Even recently I was at the ER and they did a scan that did show the arthritis at least and the MRI did not show that at all and that's suppose to show it all. Any advice I would love ty so much! Thanks for caring! *HugS* Sheila

cyncyn 2009-06-19 08:33:00 -0500 Report

Yes, you can get those records. They are probably stored in a warehouse now, but all you have to do, is request them. It may take time for them, to get them to you, but sounds like it will be worth it. Just be persistant! They will ask for a signature or even maybe a drs. request. Demand the dr. request them. But, yes, they are still on file!!

lipsie 2009-06-20 07:41:35 -0500 Report

Well ty for you input…I will be doing my homework Monday on this then. Wish me luck! lol I may need some. But seriously ty…I thought I was just screwed honestly. *HugS* Sheila

lipsie 2009-06-20 07:44:27 -0500 Report

I am SOOOOOO happy, FINALLY!!!!!!!!! I have been trying since I got back into town to get my old MD but they was not taking patient then. Starting July 1st they will be so I can call then for a appt, who knows when we'll get in but I don't care…I am so darn tickled I get my BIG ol' dork MD back…lol That's what he makes me think of the way he presents himself…body language…anyhow, great MD!! He took care of when I was REALLY in need before. *sigh* Thanks! Sheila

cyncyn 2009-06-19 07:17:15 -0500 Report

Don't apologize for venting. Sometimes, that good medicine! You know all of us have big shoulders. And that is what they are there for! I know, how the pain is. You are not a wuss! Everyone's pain tolerance is different! So, don't feel bad. I hope you can find some relief from the pain, some how.
You vent anytime you need too, my shoulders will be here for you.

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