I am rereading some old books I have read in the past they are psychology books. "I am ok your ok"
and "Games People Play." The were written in the early 1960's.
We understand even more about those subjects today than we did when they were written about 55 years ago. At that time they were revolutionary ideas.
The basics are that what ever we learned before age 5, is recorded in our brains as emotions.
A five year old does not have thinking skills, only emotions. It has been proven that the emotions stored in our brains are permanent, even though we have no memory of them . what is really important is our emotional behavior today stems from those emotions stored before we were five.
When a person comes to understand in some way that his emotional responses comes from the
feelings of a five year old, as an adult, he can choose to change those responses to better suit his current circumstances. A child from birth to five years old only knows the strokes of his mother or caregiver. His goal is to get more strokes that feel comforting to him.
As adults, unless we come on this information in some way, we don't have a clue that our responses
are designed by us to get us strokes (good feelings). In a diabetes support group, giving strokes to get strokes is hurtful in the long run to the person given strokes and to those reading the stroking comments. Diabetics want to be in denial as it is a painful reality, I have been there too.
We can choose to take the adult route now that we know. That is to be honest, because "We can't fight what we can't see." but accepting of each others struggles by not shutting them out. Asking myself is my response based on strokes for me or for the welfare of the person to whom I am responding. What do you think?
Next Discussion: Pregnancy »