Protecting diabetics feelings is, it for their sake or mine?

By RosalieM Latest Reply 2015-02-27 13:49:49 -0600
Started 2015-02-17 13:08:24 -0600

I am rereading some old books I have read in the past they are psychology books. "I am ok your ok"
and "Games People Play." The were written in the early 1960's.
We understand even more about those subjects today than we did when they were written about 55 years ago. At that time they were revolutionary ideas.
The basics are that what ever we learned before age 5, is recorded in our brains as emotions.
A five year old does not have thinking skills, only emotions. It has been proven that the emotions stored in our brains are permanent, even though we have no memory of them . what is really important is our emotional behavior today stems from those emotions stored before we were five.
When a person comes to understand in some way that his emotional responses comes from the
feelings of a five year old, as an adult, he can choose to change those responses to better suit his current circumstances. A child from birth to five years old only knows the strokes of his mother or caregiver. His goal is to get more strokes that feel comforting to him.
As adults, unless we come on this information in some way, we don't have a clue that our responses
are designed by us to get us strokes (good feelings). In a diabetes support group, giving strokes to get strokes is hurtful in the long run to the person given strokes and to those reading the stroking comments. Diabetics want to be in denial as it is a painful reality, I have been there too.
We can choose to take the adult route now that we know. That is to be honest, because "We can't fight what we can't see." but accepting of each others struggles by not shutting them out. Asking myself is my response based on strokes for me or for the welfare of the person to whom I am responding. What do you think?

92 replies

Grandmama16 2015-02-22 15:06:08 -0600 Report

This is very interesting to me as I believe my depression comes from not being touched much for 2 months after I was born. In that era, 1944, babies who were small, 4 lbs 9oz were in an incubator and treated like thin glass. Now that size is no problem if healthy and go home. It's also known now how important human touch is. I had to be 6 lbs before going home. I wish I had asked more about it. Also the formula was canned milk, and karo syrup. I think I still have the AD for it in my baby book…diabetes here I come. No one else in my family has or had it. My sis and bro both died in their 50's tho, sis of heart attack…she smoked, and bro of Melenoma and don't know why, his wife too 17 years later. We all lived with 2nd hand smoke tho from our dad. Our parents lived into their 80's, mom the longest at 89. She loved to walk. I'm trying to improve that by tread mill when I go to hubby's Parkinson's exercise classes. Mostly I do the reclining bike tho and read. Fibromyalgia makes walking and balance a problem.

RosalieM 2015-02-23 06:17:10 -0600 Report

Hi Grandmma,
It is important to be handled and touched, as a baby, The book I got this from "I'm OK your OK" indicates that when we become aware of
something in our past that causes us an emotional problem today, our adult can choose a different way to react than from our child. It is about becoming self aware. I suspect depression is your (child) way of reacting to something you feel you don't have control over.
If you could choose from your self aware (adult),would you react in a different way than depression. Depression is a helpless response. Infants are very helpless! Your "adult" doesn't sound helpless to me at all!. You may benefit from reading the book yourself.

Grandmama16 2015-02-23 17:20:48 -0600 Report

I would defintely decide against depression but it's something I didn't choose. I have fought it, with meds and trying to look on the bright side but depression is not a choice. Then I get hit with something else. I've had Fibromyalgia for many years so I said " I can deal with it " since our children are raised. Then in daily babysitting grandkids I discovered I could'nt lift the toddler…had to go down 2 basement steps so she was even with my arms. I dealt with it. The fatigue was hardest as more babies came along. Now they are grown or in school. Then acid reflux and Sleep Apnea. The CPAP is difficult but despite finally finding the best mask for me…I can't keep from feeling smothered. Diabetes was a total surprise which I denied for awhile. There's none in my family except for 25 yr old grandson who developed type 1 from Meningitis at 17. He has the Right to be depressed but isn't. I deal with my type 2 but my BG is too high, I think…140's to 250's, but Dr says A1C at 7.2, up from 6.4, is OK. I take 1500 to 2000 mgs of Metformin. I've lost 20 lbs since diagnosed by eating low carb as much as possible. Weight is ok. Veggies can cause me problems even when not sick tho I do like them. I have numbness and tingling in hands with itching on hands and feet (that for many years) no rash…but the worst for me is fatigue. I take an anti sleepiness med in the AM, 1/4 tablet which helps fight depression too…but here I am wanting to sleep at 4pm. My choice is not to because if I do, I need Ambien to get to sleep at night. How crazy is that?! To be sleepy doesn't mean sleeping well. Sometimes I'm up until 3am. My 12 meds all started with blood pressure which is controlled now. Some meds aren't daily. My husband is great but he has Parkinson's…doing well so far. Our future?…who is taking care of whom? We go to his exercise therapy and I take advantage of the machines. We go to his support group and a few things at church. I plan things…then it's difficult to follow thru. It could all be a matter of having Will Power I guess. BTW, I read "I'm OK, you're Ok "many years ago.

RosalieM 2015-02-24 10:59:09 -0600 Report

I read "I'm Ok Your Ok" many years ago when it first came out. I was young at that time. Rereading it now had a much greater impact on me. It might have that effect on you too.

Type1Lou 2015-02-19 14:06:03 -0600 Report

I believe it is every diabetics duty to accept responsibility for their disease and how they are dealing with it. Some of us need more direction than others. I also believe that I attempt to provide any direction in a compassionate way, trying to "put myself in the others shoes" and suggesting what has worked for me. Ultimately, how we choose to deal with diabetes is a personal choice (or non-choice.) IMO, unneccessary brutality is counter-productive.

RosalieM 2015-02-20 05:51:54 -0600 Report

"accept responsibility" are the key words. As a type one, I am sure you know that better than any of us.
Unless a diabetic is willing to take responsibility for his disease, all the compassion the world isn't going to help him.
Taking responsibility for the diabetes can be more difficult for a type two, than type 1 as with type two, it is possible to put off dealing with it.
Type 1's don't have that option their life is at stake immediately. I have all the compassion in the world for type one's.
I have compassion for type two's too, but am willing to kick their butt if it is needed.

Just Joyce
Just Joyce 2015-02-19 10:53:47 -0600 Report

I actually don't care if anyone knows if I am diabetic. There is absolutely nothing they can do about it and what they say is of no importance to me. I read those books years ago and times have changed.

There is much more information out there than it was when these books were written. I don't agree I don't think all Diabetics want to be in denial. Being in denial is a choice. I have never chosen to be in denial as it doesn't help the diabetic at all.

I think people spend way too much time stroking peoples egos. It is not another persons responsibility to make any adult feel good about themselves. That is again a choice.

As children parents taught some of us to learn to feel good about ourselves. Some are taught to take the good with the bad and how to problem solve on our own. It is all a part of growing up.

If you constantly give a person good strokes, they become Pavlovian. They can't accept it when someone doesn't give them a good stroke. In the real world not everything is going your way. You have to learn to accept things that occur in life an that not everyone is going to give you a good stroke.

RebDee 2015-02-19 05:32:52 -0600 Report

I know that I am a Diabetic but I don't walk around with a Big D on my chest so that everyone I meet knows that before we even get to know one another.

I find this topic fascinating. What is wrong with giving strokes at times rather than strikes? Why would it be a bad thing?

As Sam and I started learning about one another, I took a chance and told him that I was a Diabetic and ate in a special way. He replied that he too was a Diabetic and he was going to eat the same way that I ate so that he too could lose weight and have better lab results. Of course it was just one of the things that we have in common that has led us on this path towards a future together but I felt like it was "one small step for me and a big jump for mankind."

RosalieM 2015-02-19 09:21:22 -0600 Report

HI RebDee,
I am fascinated by the subject too. It is not "strokes or strikes" in my view. It is more like strokes or truth. Can we give strokes while telling the truth to a person about their diet and diabetes? I am not talking about being offensive but being truthful. Some may see truth as offensive. You told your friend the truth about your diabetes, it made him able to be truthful too.
What if you both would have hid it from each other? What would the consequences have been. How would it have felt to keep it a secret?

Stuart1966 2015-02-18 23:59:09 -0600 Report

Words are like clouds, seen and interpreted by each person. Interpreted poorly, my words can be made into things I never intended.

Freud never been a fan, too many problems with the man himself. Ridiculous ideas… as for other old ideas, myself usually prefer the new ideas best. Absorbed the old perspectives and because or from them produced something different from that…

Where is harm in offering the seeds of hope? My decades have taught many truths. Beginners do not know mine. I share what I can. If I do not share the darkness I know with beginners, have I protected them, myself or nobody at all. Perhaps tiny mouthfuls, tiny bites are best to prevent harm

Does omission not protect all parties? Us from crushing others with excessive fear, others from being understandably overwhelmed.

Given the either or choice, I say protect ourselves from doing harm to others… imho

RosalieM 2015-02-19 09:33:18 -0600 Report

H Strart,
I don't like Freud either, However the emotional response before 5 years old is current today and has been updated.
When we fudge about telling a diabetic the truth, are we protecting ourselves from taking the risk of being honest or protecting them
from the truth about their diet and blood sugar? How will they feel when they learn they have not been told the whole truth by lots of people
on a diabetes support group site? How would you feel if it happened to you and now your are told your leg has to come off ?
Just something to think about.

Stuart1966 2015-02-19 22:16:45 -0600 Report

One of the benefits of a website, there is much we do not know about one another. Consider that as well. Do I have two legs? Two good hands? You know only what I choose to share…

Try this hypothesis… is it possible to make NO mistakes and yet still fail anyway? We can make certain assumptions about eating, habits thereof… been on many boards since the CompuServe days.

One of the things I have learned in that time is the presentation matters. Blunt and severely brief will stick with some, the required.approach for them. Many will not withstand that approach and.disappear.

Gone, can we help them? Or hear their wisdom, their needs…?

Perhaps it was the region, but since I was a child there have always been local support groups, active. Camaraderie? Non isolation? They held little use for my needs in the many, many decades.

Appreciate your candor, but advise levity, small bumps to redirect, assist our peers. A katana (traditional Japanese sword) is a wonderful tool, used incorrectly, the wrong manner our peers walk/run away. Use the sharp edge approach carefully. It can make unbearable one possible future

Jibber Jabber
Jibber Jabber 2015-02-19 12:14:10 -0600 Report

You neglect to include one thing in your theory..MOST diabetics' first dance through their diagnosis is directed by their doctors and the ADA…Who in MY opinion (not everyone's opinion) are misguided…they come here many times as newly diagnosed diabetics searching for advice and help…to bombard them with the cold hard facts (facts that not everyone agrees with) is devoid of emotional compassion…I am a very emotionally stable, relatively intelligent person…but even I was a bit confused when I was diagnosed..If someone would of used your approach on me at that point I simpley would of tuned it out…much better to support someone and offer options for them to research…while giving your personal experience..than tell them they are in the wrong…let people (adults) find their own way..

RosalieM 2015-02-19 17:51:38 -0600 Report

When I was diagnosed there was no diabetes support group or internet to go to.. There was no help from anyone and very little information.. The only information I got was from the ADA and I agree with your opinion about them. It is dead wrong. Now 20 years later there is a diabetic epidemic. There is information all over the internet and support groups all over. I had to grow up in diabetes all by myself. It has made me strong and kept me healthy because I knew it was all up to me. I didn't even know another diabetic because there weren't many around. You don't think I was scared. You better believe I was. It motivated me big time. I am thankful I didn't have any enablers around to tell me it was going to be ok and I could take my time. It wasn't going to be ok and I couldn't take my time.
You are an exceptionally intelligent person and you are approaching your diabetes the right way. Pass that on to other diabetics, that is what they need.

Jibber Jabber
Jibber Jabber 2015-02-19 18:06:17 -0600 Report

I always pass my experiences that people can learn from them…but others have been successfully managing their diabetes for years doing things different than I do them…and for me to tell people that my way is the only right way would be narcissistic and irresponsible…Some people just can not eat the way I do…sorry they cant…YOU may think everyone should be strong enough to do it…but reality is a little inconvenience we all run into in this world…I would rather a person take small steps than give up completely because they feel like a failure for NOT being able to do things MY way…

RosalieM 2015-02-20 06:03:22 -0600 Report

So we see things a little differently, that is OK. When you have 30 years under your belt, as I do, you may see it a little differently. We will see. In 30 years, I will only be 106 years old but I am pretty determined to hang around!!! :)

GeekonBoard 2015-02-18 19:43:02 -0600 Report

I knew that reading this thread was a HUGE mistake, but as a more sensitive person, someone who prides myself on being mindful, & keeping an open mind - I felt like I should read & try to understand where RosalieM is coming from. I, too, feel like I'm reading the same topic but with different subject lines or slightly different starts, but I feel like the base is the same - cold hard brutal honesty - feelings be damned. I have read RosalieM write that she never means to offend. I believe this, but one can't get into another person's head or way of interpreting things. I usually am a peace at almost any price but as self confessed introvert & highly sensitive being I just can't stop myself. I feel like I'm reading your posts & hear what you are saying… people should be told this is harmful to you, that is bad to eat, you should do this or that — but are you hearing the flip side of this thread?
I came to this website to have support (which obvious from this thread mean different things to different people - which is okay) & to read different tips, articles, & get to know other people & how their journey is going. I came to this website with an open mind & intended on taking things with a grain of salt. I in NO WAY came to this website to have someone who isn't my doctor, OA sponsor, endocrinologist, therapist, psychiatrist, &/or diabetes educator assume to know what is best for me. I would never tell someone X is better than Y. I might say - have you thought about Y?
But, to read: "You are speaking of my picking on Sweetslover, I don't like to call her that as I believe it hurts her." is truly offensive to me. Key words: "TO ME". I'm an artist love getting creative with my usernames - if I chose "SwimsInIceCream", "CriscoIsMyHomeboy", "FryOrBeFried", or "SnuggleMuffin", or "QueenOfSweets" - doesn't mean I do or am these things. In fact, it shouldn't matter. Why is a username/handle such a hot button topic on this website? I'm truly baffled & like a moth to a flame - I can't help but give my opinion.
I am not trying to change you or anything you post & I respect your brutal honesty to a point. I get the vibe that you are continuing to say that you don't agree with what others post or how they respond to other people's posts. Me personally - I withdraw…that's my personality. Until I'm ready to face whatever … or hear … or act … if pushed in such a strong armed way - if that's how I interpret remarks… I take myself out of the equation (for the most part). If I don't show up for the advice needed or offered to help myself - that is my adult decision. I make that choice & I will deal with whatever consequences may result.
Someone writing about an article they read or a book they read - doesn't make it a fact or right for everyone. If someone posts something they read in a science book or something similar - I would look it up myself before I would assume it was fact. Again, this is me & my opinion. I would welcome such posting but for someone to then see I posted that I was doing something contrary to what they just wrote about is neither an attack on their info or meaning that I'm in the wrong. What if that person is misinterpreting the data incorrectly - there are SO many variables …
People that have such black & white opinions & ways of delivering information are great, but grey area folks are just as awesome! That's what I was hoping to find on this website…an awesome mix of both, but I feel like people that aren't so black in white with their ways of living/views/opinions &/or posts are treated by some like they are doing something incorrect. I feel like that is BS (and I don't mean blood sugar) ;)
I think I feel so strongly about this because I have a personal matter in my life that parallels with these postings. (However, I would feel this way even if this other mess wasn't occurring, but I think it's fanning the flame - so to speak). I signed up for a retreat called Release & Renew. It's being held by highly praised place in TX called The Center For Well Being. I was SUPER excited about going to this retreat/workshop to work on my triggers for my emotional eating & continuing work on my self confidence, self esteem - etc.
I paid my deposit & 1 hour later realized that I hadn't put two prior commitments into my work calendar that were smack in the middle of said retreat. This particular retreat was being run by a friend that I hadn't seen in a while but had stayed in close contact with - so it was extra special. I called my friend & since I own & run my own business explained the situation & asked if I could attend the next retreat or would I just have to eat my deposit. She gave a very inspirational pep talk about not giving up & trying to find someone to take over my work for that weekend. I got off the phone & thought - she's right. I shouldn't give up & should see what I could do. I made some calls & over the next few days racked my brain on a way to make it work. I called her back & confessed that the people I have contracted work out to before are already busy that weekend & I was drawing a blank. I even confessed it was stressing me out trying to make it work & would just need to either go to the next retreat or eat the deposit. She then gave a similar pep talk about not giving up & said something about a big part of the work of the weekend workshop was showing up & getting there. Keep brainstorming! It will work out! Again, a couple days later after making a couple more calls - I text her & said it wasn't going to happen. I was so sorry. I am a professional pet sitter & house sitter & I can't just put anyone in my client's house. I didn't feel comfortable with a couple of my animal rescue friend referrals after I met with them & it just wasn't going to happen. She then told me that she truly felt like it was meant to be & to keep trying - don't give up! Next night I received this text: "I'm moving ahead in trusting that everything is working our for you to join us this weekend" & continued to txt instructions on how to get to the retreat. At this point, I was hurt & pissed. She wasn't hearing me or even listening in my opinion. I text her back the next morning that I still wasn't able to find backup workers so I could go to the Feb retreat. I was so sorry & that I could either go to the March retreat/workshop or eat the deposit.
Her reply: "Oh no! If you want a suggestion from me, keep asking! Don't give up & don't give in! This is no mistake! There's valuable learning here…"
This friend has college degrees & doctorates in addiction & mental disorders. She has interned many great places & I have always looked up to her. But, her pushing & pushing — there's a fine line between staying positive & not giving up & feeling like a car salesman is breathing down my neck. This retreat/workshop was suppose to be guided mediation & zen. I was feeling anything but zen! Her last text was 4 days before this retreat to be held. I haven't replied. I'm speechless & baffled at this point. In fact, I don't even want to go to the March retreat. That is how I interpreted her remarks. I guarantee that she probably didn't mean to hurt my feelings or seem disrespectful to assuming I could shove Jane Doe into my weekend overnight house stays with pets & it would all be hunky dory, but that's how it registered with me. I don't understand how else I should say it - can't go & sorry.
Just like I can't imagine reading/writing/adding to another similar thread about how some people's usernames are ill chosen or how opinions are too fluffy & not as brutally honest as they should be. Who is the judge of all that & why would you want to be that person. Especially when you realize that it's hurting someone's feelings. I cringe at the thought of speaking my opinion & it hurting RosalieM's feelings — that's just how I am — I don't want anyone to change. I guess I would just hope that mindfulness comes more into play & when keeping an open mind we don't mistake honesty with being a bully. I'm not saying that's how I think RosalieM is, but the way I read these posts…it's skirting a very fine line. I hope that I make this the last post on this thread & any other that is of the same vein. I think conversation is great & important but rehashing this stuff is … for me, not something I feel is productive or good for me. Sending out LOTS of Peace, Love, & Light to you all. ::HUGS::

MarkS 2015-02-19 11:44:21 -0600 Report

Hi GeekOnBoard,
Great post - and you had me rolling with the usernames, especially "FryOrBeFried"! I may have to consider changing to a fun "offensive" username. I agree with all you said and would like to add that there is a way to say the truth in a kind way rather than a "bully". While I find RosalieM to be an interesting character I take everything (and I mean EVERYTHING) she says with a grain of salt, in fact more like a shaker of salt (reminds me, I need to have a margarita tonight!). I've had to re-read some of the things that she has posted and, as I knew. they are filled with either incorrect information or are misinterpreted from what she read (and I think her reading apprehension skills may be questionable!). Again, I love the lady (there go my 5 year old child emotions) but I am careful as to what I read posted by her as gospel rather than opinion. And, as we all know, everyone has an opinion! Oh, and check out her store website - I think its criminal what she charges for cookie and muffin ingredients - but that is my "opinion"!

RosalieM 2015-02-20 06:24:17 -0600 Report

I appreciated that you take what I say as a grain of salt. I do that as well. What I write is intended to get people to think. I try to be accurate in what I write, and If you find something that you think is not accurate, I would appreciate it if you pointed it out and told me what you think is the correct way to look at it.
I am serious about that, I want to know. My weaknesses are math and everything digital. I also don't see detail, so miss typos easily. My strengths are reading comprehension and creativity.
It may be my creativity that causes you to think some of what I write is in error and you may be accurate. However I know lots of experts who are dead wrong and have been teaching it for years and still do. The American Diabetes and Heart Associations are two o f them.
It is criminal what I charge for cookies, but they don't raise blood sugar almost not at all. The ingredients I have to use are very expensive. White flour and sugar are cheap. I have spent 8 years of trial and error and a lot of blood testing to come up with four recipes that don't raise blood sugar. I have yet to make a penny profit. Send me your address and I will send you a bag free. That way I can get you hooked on cookies! :) :)

MarkS 2015-02-20 12:23:05 -0600 Report

Thanks for the offer on the cookies, RosalieM, but I think I will pass. As for the ADA and the AHA, a blanket statement that states they "are dead wrong" is your 5-year old emotional self coming out! What are they incorrect or "dead wrong" about? And, as an fyi, my background is science so tread lightly when you are disparaging very bright and talented physicians, nurses, and scientists who are part of those organizations.

RosalieM 2015-02-19 09:50:03 -0600 Report

You didn't offend me at all. I understand you are extremely sensitive. I can read that in your post. However you summoned up the courage to write it to me. Could that be the first step toward increasing your emotional strength? Dealing with diabetes successfully takes a lot of emotional strength. You have it in you to become Strong, we all do. That is the truth!

GeekonBoard 2015-02-27 13:49:49 -0600 Report

Dear RosalieM,
I took some time away from this discussion thread because it was giving me negative vibes. However, it is a subject I feel passionate about. I, myself, am a more sensitive soul & know quite a few beings that are more quiet, sensitive, & gentle beings in comparison to stronger personalities like yourself. While I don't want to rehash this thread - I did want to come back to the last post you addressed to me…
you asked: "Could this be the first step toward increasing your emotional strength?"
I have ALWAYS had emotional strength. I am a person who listens, who is mindful of all opinions & personalities around me. I choose my interactions carefully & weigh the pros & cons of engaging in a more "heated" or strongly worded discussion. This is not from place of weakness, but rather from a place of thought & heart. This is just how I roll. Peace & Love to you all.

Jibber Jabber
Jibber Jabber 2015-02-18 21:10:56 -0600 Report

Read your entire post..and I appreciate the entire thing..sincerely ..BUT I had to tell you …I had to stop reading for about 5 minutes because I was laughing THAT hard when I read CriscoIsMyHomeboy…I might change my name to that…and YES what a shame if you don't go in March..that you have been so turned off to something that you once looked forward to…people need to take a step back sometimes..and just leave be what is…and huggles to you..

GeekonBoard 2015-02-18 21:41:43 -0600 Report

That was one of my favs — was my sad attempt to try & lighten things up. Humor is always my friend when making my way through anything — or at least I try to keep it close at my side! ;)

lilleyheidi 2015-02-19 01:13:03 -0600 Report

definitely liked that one !!!! and please reconsider going in March, it sounds wonderful, I'd go in your place if I had a way LOL.

GabbyPA 2015-02-18 14:56:07 -0600 Report

I guess the key to this is in your preface that "As adults, unless we come on this information in some way, we don't have a clue that our responses
are designed by us to get us strokes." Many people are not self aware enough to realize they are working on a 5 year old's capacity. Most of us, I imagine, would think we are more grown up than that, but maybe we are not.

I do believe that honesty is best, but as Jack Nicholson said in "A Few Good Men", "you can't handle the truth" may ring more true than not. There has to be balance. I don't mean a balance of feckless strokes to truth, but truth tempered to meet the needs of the person who is asking for help or support.

There are members here that I know I can be blunt with. That I can get argumentative with and our friendship will survive. Some are able to handle that stronger advice or suggestions and not feel crushed by perceived criticism. There are others that I have to be gentle with and more nurturing. There have been times when I read the person totally wrong and hurt them with my words. THAT is never a good outcome even if I am "right".

If I give what that person needs (not just wants), then I have accomplished something good. If I give to get strokes or praise from others, then I have missed my mark. And if I ignore the needs of the person and respond only in a way that is comfortable to me, then I have become selfish and have no business offering support.

RosalieM 2015-02-20 06:36:33 -0600 Report

I appreciate your response. My reason for writing this is to help people become more self aware. We all operate the same way as we are all human. I wish this was taught in schools. We would understand ourselves better and have better relationships. Hopefully with the end of this conversation those who have felt offended with what I wrote will think about it. Better yet get the book and read it. Be prepared, as it will change your life.

Just Joyce
Just Joyce 2015-02-19 11:08:14 -0600 Report

I don't come here much anymore. I am sick and tired of over sensitive people who think just about everything said to them is a personal attack. I have gotten to the point that if you are not my friend on this site, I don't care about you at all. I now only come in to talk to friends.

People ask for advice or your opinion an get mad with you because you gave it. Advice and opinions are like catching a bus. you either get on the bus or you don't. It really isn't a big deal.

I still can't get over the fact that someone coerced someone into reporting me, then told me she did it and then sent me a friend request. Got mad because I declined the friend request and I ended up reporting her because she kept sending me emails. I swear people seem to be getting crazier in this world with each passing year. How do you do that and then want to be my friend. Not as long as I am breathing would I want to be this persons friend.

The two of us may not agree all the time but you do give great information. I remember the good old days when this site was fun and we learned from each other. I blocked DC on facebook because people were arguing over advice they asked for. Still shaking my head on that one.

Jibber Jabber
Jibber Jabber 2015-02-19 12:05:11 -0600 Report

It is not about taking things as personal attacks to me…I have an eerily similar way of thinking to Rosalie…BUT I also understand that we are dealing with individuals here…I have been very very vocal about my chosen path in my battle against diabetes…but I have also acknowledged that for some my way is NOT appropriate because we are all individuals…when new people come to DC I tell them what I do and then tell them that they're many other people here that do things differently…and they should take a deep breath do their research and find the path they want to take…that is respecting people as individuals…there is nothing wrong with sharing knowledge and sharing opinions..but when people are told they are wrong just because they are different…this creates issues that might drive people away..people that need DC..lets face it..some are not as lucky as others and they don't have supportive people around them in "real life"…

RosalieM 2015-02-20 11:30:24 -0600 Report

I have an "eery" attraction to you too. However there is a simple black and white issue when it comes to blood sugar control and food. Carbohydrates raise blood sugar, fat does not, protein a little bit. Starchy foods like rice, potatoes, flour/grains and sugar a lot.
Fruits and vegetables to a lesser degree. People are all a little different, but the big differences are usually in drugs they take, activity level and the amount of food eaten and even the timing. The basics of the effect on the blood sugar of food categories does not change. You will find this out when you get off the metformin all together. Drugs cloud the picture of the affect of carbohydrates on blood sugar. I love to research as you do. However I have learned that research is difficult for a lot of people and the analysis of research you do so easily comes extremely hard for lots of folks. I find this all time in my classes. That is why I have a black and white version of food and blood sugar. Give them the black and white and if they want to research, they can refine that knowledge to work for them. If they need black and white, they have it.

Just Joyce
Just Joyce 2015-02-19 12:29:39 -0600 Report

You have to always do what is best for you when it comes to being diabetic. Not everything works for everyone.

I never viewed my diabetes as being a battle because that is what it will become. I really don't spend all of my time focused on diabetes. It is not the focal point of my life.

I am more than likely much older than you and I have seen and learned a lot in life. I spent 10 years as a volunteer Emergency Medical Technician. I have seen what diabetics have done to themselves from drug use to not taking medication.

I have also learned from my parents to be self sufficient. Learn to be self supporting. That way you don't have to depend on others to support you. I have seen what happens to people who depend on others to support them emotionally. They end up lost because the person got tired of being depended on, left or died.

I lost my job and have been struggling for a long time but I don't ask for help. I make some jewelry and sell it. Keeps power and gas on and I can get some clothing. I lost a lot of weight and most of my clothing was too big. I was ashamed at first for having to buy clothing at Wal Mart or the Thrift store but then I thought about it. Why spend a lot of money on something i might not be able to wear in a few months. Besides I have found some really expensive clothing at Goodwill.

Not you, me or anyone else knows what the future holds. In reading some of your posts and responses I think we both will be able to handle it. Real life isn't always rainbows an roses but with good old fashioned common sense we will make it through what ever is thrown our way.

I saw where you are in Louisiana, can you send me some warm air? It is 17 degrees with a wind chill of -5. I think I am partially frozen…:>)

Jibber Jabber
Jibber Jabber 2015-02-19 14:36:42 -0600 Report

it has actually been a bit cold down here the last couple the 30's…I know that sounds warm right now to most…but it was in the upper 70's before when the temp drops that fast you feel it more…BRRRR…from strolling in a short sleeve blouse one a winter coat and hat the next…I miss NYC where you know what the weather is going to be like and it is consistent…and I LOVE Walmart..I buy most of my clothes there…the only thing I cant buy there are suit seperates..they are a bit too low end for me…and I am not that picky so THAT says a lot..

Just Joyce
Just Joyce 2015-02-19 14:59:05 -0600 Report

Wal-Mart is evil, I always over spend. I found a two piece set in their a year ago. Still fits but the skirt has elastic and I can fix that. I was at a yard sale about 10 years ago and got a Harve Bernard linen dress in red fully lined coat dress. I am going to have my cousin tailor it to fit me now. Good having a tailor in the family. I have to wait until after prom and wedding season because he makes the most beautiful wedding and prom dresses.

I love NYC. Especially Manhattan. Going to to try to go to a bead show there when it comes up.

We forgot to leave water dripping and our pipe froze outside at the meter. had to get a plumber to thaw it out. As soon as my sister takes a class to learn how to solder metal for jewelry. We won't need a plumber to do that again.

I am so tired of the cold weather. I have not been out of the house this week. I am getting ready to go out tonight as soon as the officer gets here. I am counting the days to Spring.

Jibber Jabber
Jibber Jabber 2015-02-19 18:18:45 -0600 Report

Yeah the pipe thing sure does suck…we even have had to leave our faucets dripping down here the last few nights…now when we go out at night it is …OOoo did I turn off the coffee pot…and the lights…and turn all the faucets on..pain in the tukas.. ..But I am lucky when I go to Walmart because my Hubby always goes with me…we have a list of things we need…then we hit the clearance racks..all of them because between me and hubby my grown son and daughter and the two grandkids we ALWAYS find something good…I am wearing a 5 dollar blouse as I type this…and I LOVE IT!!!!!…Then my hubby gets on line… long as he is on the line I can shop..he sends me a text when I have afew minutes to get back to him with what I have if anything…keeps the spending down…

RebDee 2015-02-19 09:58:40 -0600 Report

I have found that if I talk about myself: what I do, what I feel, what my own personal situation is, then it is not a confrontation, not making people feel bad about themselves. Rather, it is what I feel and they can take it or leave it. If it helps then all to the good. If it doesn't help, is not going to change the way that I do something even if I wrote about what I do on a certain subject. So know that I love you all, that I respect what you have to say about yourself, but I would rather not have a lecture saying "you should do ———- because I might not want or be able to do it or I might feel bad about it.
I have learned from her many writings, that Rasalie is a "you should" writer, but it is her personality and I know that she means the best for all of us so I take it with a grain of salt as well as a grain of sugar and read everything that everyone writes and make my own decisions. I love being with you all on Diabetic Connect. I have learned much and appreciate what you are trying to tell me even if it is not in a way that I personally would use. Please lighten up and remember if every book was written in the same way, only the first book would be bought and the rest would be thrown away as there would be nothing new to read.

RosalieM 2015-02-20 11:45:44 -0600 Report

I appreciate your response, I try to write as think. That is what comes out. To change my style would be so confusing to me that I would never get anything much written. Take what you can use and let the rest go. I don't have in my mind to order anybody to do anything or judge any individual either. I will
be honest though.

Cathleen1 2015-02-18 14:45:47 -0600 Report

I am trying to make sense of this discussion and I remember my parents reading those book in the 60s and that is where they need to stay. She is also qouting some of Freud , and He believed that a childs personality is totally developed by the age of five which I do not agree. and their life is not already planned out by then either. I do not agree either that sweets are deadly to a diabetic. They are deadly if they are abused and that can be for anyone, sweets are always going to exist and the key is to learn how to control the blood sugar and make choices.

Jibber Jabber
Jibber Jabber 2015-02-18 09:03:02 -0600 Report

Rereading all the post that have been put up on this subject I am thinking that maybe we have been harsh with RosalieM…which was not my intention at all..I enjoy her post for the most part and always like reading different kinds of info from all different sources…what I was trying to do is NOT come down on Rosalie but try to explain that some things aren't always as cut and dry as we think they are…things are not always as they should be…and we should neither assume they are or try to "fix" other people…This is a support site…and that is what it should remain…hugs to RosalieM…

RosalieM 2015-02-18 14:43:12 -0600 Report

Don't worry about it. I am not offended. It takes a number of exchanges to
make ourselves clear. We can't know how someone else understands what
we write until they respond. I never intend to offend. Share knowledge and
express what I know to be true is the only motive I have. I encourage people to take what you can use, write a rebuttal, debate with me, ignore what doesn't suit you or chew me out if it helps you.

lilleyheidi 2015-02-18 14:12:14 -0600 Report

When have you ever even remotely seen anyone here not give some kind of advice song with the strokes to the new folks? Ya to some of the folks who have been around for a while if they are giving a rant we may just give a stroke with no particular advice, but for anyone new we almost always offer comfort, support, and advice.your right it is a support site. I'll shut up now.

BreC 2015-02-18 05:53:57 -0600 Report

In reading your post and actions you take I find myself asking, " is she a doctor, or a psychologist, or just pretending to be". Also wonder why you feel the need to start so many new discussions on a subject that someone has covered. You just change the heading, a little.
I have had some awful events in my lifetime but don't think they contributed to my diabetes. I had a complete breakdown in 2004 but I know what that stemmed from. And it had nothing to do with diabetes. As far as not learning until after 5yo, my oldest son started reading at 3 and was considered very high on the knowledge scale at 5 when he started kindergarten. He has maintained that and is passing his knowledge on to his children.
Life is not easy and sometimes we need that comforting word to get us back on track. That does not mean that we are weak. I am a strong person who has flaws. Then again, No one is perfect.

lilleyheidi 2015-02-18 01:50:07 -0600 Report

a) who says we do not learn until age 5? my son was reading chapter books at age 5, that is not learning?
b) why are strokes not okay for adults? some people need and want them and they are just fine. Some people actually like to give others strokes when they feel someone needs them. When one person senses a person is having a rough time it is common that another person will reach out to that person, it's not really all that uncommon in todays world. This is 2015, not 1960.

RosalieM 2015-02-18 13:28:22 -0600 Report

Hi Lilley,
About 5 year olds, see my comment to Brec. I didn't mean to imply that strokes are somehow bad. They have their place. Picture this possibility.
You are newly diagnosed. You come to this diabetes support group for knowledge about how to deal with diabetes because you are scared as we all are. You also could use some reassurance and a little stroking. Almost all you find is people asking for strokes, (not bad in itself) and people giving strokes and not much else. How long will you stay? What will you learn?
Will the strokes cause you to believe you are OK with a high carb diet and
a ton of drugs. I just want to show you another side. When we can see the whole picture, we can choose to use strokes in a way that is really beneficial to everyone.

MarkS 2015-02-19 11:46:46 -0600 Report

Please don't say "as we ALL are" - generalizations like that get you into trouble. There are those of us who were never scared but rather seeking information on how to live with diabetes. That is NOT scared, that is a request for data.

RosalieM 2015-02-20 12:00:14 -0600 Report

I can't possibly write anything to exactly fit you. I don't know what fits you. I would need to write 20 different posts to make sure no one was offended or left out. It Would be helpful for you to develop your own filter to suit your needs. Take what helps you and let the rest go. I put your name on a post so it doesn't get lost because I am responding to at least one thing you said which I will quote. But I am talking to who ever reads the post. Most of us experienced some fear.
It is not a weakness to admit to having fear. I don't have any problem admitting to anything. I am being honest with myself. Honesty with oneself eventually leads to more strength in my view.

MarkS 2015-02-20 12:26:13 -0600 Report

Ah, I like the fact that you get people discussing issues. I just don't like to use generalizations because, as far as we know, the "all" may actually be the minority, its just those that you have the most contact with.

lilleyheidi 2015-02-18 14:11:06 -0600 Report

When have you ever even remotely seen anyone here not give some kind of advice song with the strokes to the new folks? Ya to some of the folks who have been around for a while if they are giving a rant we may just give a stroke with no particular advice, but for anyone new we almost always offer comfort, support, and advice.

Jibber Jabber
Jibber Jabber 2015-02-18 13:52:56 -0600 Report

What is your definition of okay..and why does your definition have to be everyone's definition…I happen to agree with you on this one…however I have the full support of my family..the resources to go out and try new things and buy all of the food I need to get through any given week…Maybe just maybe…some people goals are not the same as ours..maybe some people just want to beat their A1Cs down…and they don't care if theyhave to add another med to their protocol…maybe people have tried to go low carb..honestly tried and couldn't do it…it is NOT easy..I am sitting across from apple strudel, left over king cake..and assorted cookies…and I have zero desire to eat any of them…some people don't have that kind of will power…maybe those people are OKAY with trading more meds for a chance to have a slice of apple strudel…maybe it is a quality of life issue for them…I don't know..I cant get into anyones head…but that is exactly my point…because I cant get into their can I make assumptions about anything??
BTW THIS conversation proves that they're many different ways to deal with and look at the same problem/Issue…we should all just agree to disagree…and throw out the white flag…

RebDee 2015-02-19 10:10:27 -0600 Report

I love apple strudel and my will power isn't the best it should be so I will probably (if I am hungry) take a very small piece and eat one bite to get the taste out of my head and for me that is satisfactory. In October, I do the same thing with pumpkin pie. But it is not always, but occasionally that I do have dessert, which I would prefer to eat instead of a meal. That is just me!! I am a sweets lover. I have learned that I can't eat just one potato chip or chocolate, so I try to stay away from my triggers.

RebDee 2015-02-19 10:13:42 -0600 Report

About two months ago, my red hat society chapter went to dinner at Cheesecake Factory. I wanted that cheesecake and I wanted it bad. I planned for it all day but only drinking Premier Protein Drink for breakfast and lunch. Then for dinner, I ate no meal. All I had was that piece of cheesecake. I didn't even eat the crust. I know it was bad to do, but I loved it and it tasted great and I might do it again sometime in the future. Who knows for sure what I will do, not me!!

RebDee 2015-02-19 10:15:04 -0600 Report

BTW - I didn't even reach my 1000 calorie quota for the day and my blood sugar only went up 10 pounts.

Jibber Jabber
Jibber Jabber 2015-02-17 23:39:27 -0600 Report

Please read my latest response to your carb addiction post…I really do not feel like writing it again..I understand you are well meaning…and I understand you are passionate BUT you fail to understand that not all people are reached by the means you are trying to utilize to reach them…some people shut down…some people just need a safe place to go…some people don't have that safe place anywhere but on boards like this…and yes sometimes people just need a place to show their weakness…and their fear…oh and BTW…my thinking and reasoning skills were just fine at the age of 5…I was placed in the gifted program in preschool..and stayed there throughout school…as did all 4 of my children and now my grandson…again not all people are the same…

RosalieM 2015-02-18 14:32:02 -0600 Report

A couple of my posts to you and others still seem to disappear. If you find them somewhere, let me know please it is frustrating to write a response and it goes into a black hole. Thanks

valentine lady
valentine lady 2015-02-17 16:53:33 -0600 Report

Hi Rosalie,
I've followed you and your postings and found them interesting as
well as informative. However, since you asked there is one person
you seem to pick on. You know who that is. She may appear to you to need strokes but I find her to be a strong woman. Sometimes
what does it hurt to give strokes to another in need. That's what we're here for to help eachother, give strokes when needed and offer friendship. To me you live in a black or white world. No room for a gray
area. Please learn to live in the gray area. This come as from the 60's
as well. Offer friendship when its needed. I don't know that your trying for strokes for yourself. But I do believe you are a little harsh. Diabetes is a reality. That's for sure, but do we need to criticize those who find it hard to accept that reality. VL

RosalieM 2015-02-18 13:51:47 -0600 Report

Hi Valentine Lady.
You are speaking of my picking on Sweetslover, I don't like to call her that as I believe it hurts her. I made a mistake which I am prone to sometimes, that is I should have written the discussion about
how the brain becomes addicted to anything by repeating it over and over before I suggested she call herself. Proteinlover (better for a diabetic). I feel from what I learned about the brain, that she was reinforcing the addiction to carbohydrates that just about all of us have or had, by calling herself Sweetslover. Seeing that name and writing it can, I suspect, reinforce in her brain without her knowing it, the very thing she is working so hard to overcome addiction to sweets.. Sweets are deadly for a diabetic as we all know.
I would have written this explanation sooner, but couldn't respond to anything except start a new discussion for several days. I am not perfect and I don't expect everyone else to be either. That is why I don't get offended very easily. I encourage every one to speak their mind, that is how we can all learn. I am all grey. Including my hair. Think about it how do you point out grey? If it isn't a little black or a little white it is kind of neutral. When a car is in neutral it makes no progress.

valentine lady
valentine lady 2015-02-19 17:26:17 -0600 Report

That was .my point exactly, your in neutral and
you've made no progress, STILL. I quit! !!!!! I've
explained to you over and over. So have others…
You either don't get it or don't choose to get it. There was no need to bring up names. You and I knew who we were talking about. You've virtually stuck the knife in and twisted it. You've hurt her
again. She has the right to her screen name. I don't believe it's up to you to judge anyone or their screen name. In my opinion you have become some armchair physiological analyst. Please for your sake and ours throw those books away. Now I'm done. VL

Jibber Jabber
Jibber Jabber 2015-02-18 14:24:26 -0600 Report

OMG I had to stop after reading the first sentence…YOU believe it hurts her…okay …I am exiting this conversation for good…no more comments from me on this subject…will take mama's advice if you have nothing good to say…stay shut…chow all…

valentine lady
valentine lady 2015-02-19 18:08:18 -0600 Report

Hi Jib jab,
I know where your coming from. I've tried and tried to make her see the reality. I've quit too. Just wanted you to know…VL. I couldn't think of anything nice to say either.

valentine lady
valentine lady 2015-02-19 18:06:44 -0600 Report

Hi Jib jab,
I know where your coming from. I've tried and tried to make her see the reality. I've quit too. Just wanted you to know…VL. I couldn't think of anything nice to say either.

valentine lady
valentine lady 2015-02-19 18:06:32 -0600 Report

Hi Jib jab,
I know where your coming from. I've tried and tried to make her see the reality. I've quit too. Just wanted you to know…VL. I couldn't think of anything nice to say either.

valentine lady
valentine lady 2015-02-19 18:06:28 -0600 Report

Hi Jib jab,
I know where your coming from. I've tried and tried to make her see the reality. I've quit too. Just wanted you to know…VL. I couldn't think of anything nice to say either.

valentine lady
valentine lady 2015-02-19 18:06:13 -0600 Report

Hi Jib jab,
I know where your coming from. I've tried and tried to make her see the reality. I've quit too. Just wanted you to know…VL. I couldn't think of anything nice to say either.

valentine lady
valentine lady 2015-02-19 18:05:45 -0600 Report

Hi Jib jab,
I know where your coming from. I've tried and tried to make her see the reality. I've quit too. Just wanted you to know…VL. I couldn't think of anything nice to say either.

valentine lady
valentine lady 2015-02-19 18:05:31 -0600 Report

Hi Jib jab,
I know where your coming from. I've tried and tried to make her see the reality. I've quit too. Just wanted you to know…VL. I couldn't think of anything nice to say either.

valentine lady
valentine lady 2015-02-19 18:05:21 -0600 Report

Hi Jib jab,
I know where your coming from. I've tried and tried to make her see the reality. I've quit too. Just wanted you to know…VL. I couldn't think of anything nice to say either.

valentine lady
valentine lady 2015-02-19 18:03:14 -0600 Report

Hi Jib jab,
I know where your coming from. I've tried and tried to make her see the reality. I've quit too. Just wanted you to know…VL

valentine lady
valentine lady 2015-02-19 18:03:08 -0600 Report

Hi Jib jab,
I know where your coming from. I've tried and tried to make her see the reality. I've quit too. Just wanted you to know…VL

valentine lady
valentine lady 2015-02-19 18:02:55 -0600 Report

Hi Jib jab,
I know where your coming from. I've tried and tried to make her see the reality. I've quit too. Just wanted you to know…VL

valentine lady
valentine lady 2015-02-19 17:46:32 -0600 Report

Hi Jib jab,
I know where your coming from. I've tried and tried to make her see the reality. I've quit too. Just wanted you to know…VL

valentine lady
valentine lady 2015-02-19 17:45:36 -0600 Report

Hi Jib jab,
I know where your coming from. I've tried and tried to make her see the reality. I've quit too. Just wanted you to know…VL

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