caregiver for the elderly

msann
By msann Latest Reply 2015-01-24 22:07:30 -0600
Started 2015-01-22 12:09:38 -0600

hey guys I got my aunt she is 87 my mama 83 both live by there selves how do you cope with them they not diabetics glade they don't have that but me being diabetes they stress me out so much any advice thanks in advance enjoy your day!!!


23 replies

Dr Gary
Dr GaryCA 2015-01-24 22:07:30 -0600 Report

HI msann, I have been a caregiver myself and I know how hard that is. Is there somebody else who can do some of the work? It's rough when you are taking on all the responsibility. Are they eligible for any services you might bring in to help? Take good care of yourself, my friend!

andy1979
andy1979 2015-01-24 06:25:39 -0600 Report

My advice is to be there for them but take a step back when needed. As someone who spent their working life caring for others i know how stressful it can get. old or young/mental or disabled i have learn't that regardless of even if not a relative the emotions you feel can be so strong there is that element of " i wish i could make things better". Fact is you need to look after yourself if you are to care for others . i have had to learn that lesson the hard way.

Gabby
GabbyPA 2015-01-23 22:54:43 -0600 Report

Being a caregiver is a hard job for sure. The only thing that helps me is to get out and away from the situation a little each day. For me, it is a walk around the neighborhood with the dog. I can get away, take a deep breath and go back refreshed.

valentine lady
valentine lady 2015-01-23 18:43:09 -0600 Report

Hi Ann
At first I decided not to write a reply to your discussion because everyone gave you such wonderful advice. I too have been a caretaker to my parents. Their both gone now but I would gladly do it again. My heart break's for you as you are under such stress. It comes out in your discussion. However, I kept in mind how they must have felt when I was growing up. The stress I alone put on them must
have been over whelming at times as well. Like they were beating their heads against the wall. It's just a thought, but one well worth thinking over. Hugs,VL

PINKCAJUN
PINKCAJUN 2015-01-23 13:02:55 -0600 Report

DEAR MS.ANN,I AM NOW WHAT THEY CALL,DISABLED.I LIVED MY LIFE GIVING TO OTHERS..I WAS WITH 99% OF MY FAMILY WHEN THEY WENT HOME TO GOD.I WOULD,DO IT AGAIN IN A HEART BEAT,GIVE UP MY LIFE MOVE TO HERE MY FAMILY NEED ME.YES, THEY DROVE ME CRAZY.GOD KEPT ME SNAE. I LEARNED TO DO SOMETHING FOR ME EACH WEEK. OUT OF THE HOUSE… MADE MYSELF.TRUST ME YOU NEED TO DO THAT.FOR YOU AND THEM.WALK, DRIVE, MOVIE ANYTHING YOU ENJOY.THIS IS A HARD DAY FOR ME SO PLZ, EXCUSE ALL THE EXTRA INFO. TALK SOON.GOD WILL CARRY YOU THROUGH…

rhett t
rhett t 2015-01-23 09:48:56 -0600 Report

I know what your going through. I had my mom and dad then after they passed I had my husbands mom and dad. A lot of praying. Don't do what I did, they took over my life. at least It felt like it. Please take time and take care of yourself. do things that you want to do and don't let them make you feel guilty for doing so.

kathylynne56
kathylynne56 2015-01-23 07:28:25 -0600 Report

try not to stay to long to vist for one…and if something hits a nerve you know it is time to say I have other thngs to do and go on your own way. Stress will elevate your level, pain, etc…so, tell them your not feeling your best and excuse your self. You have to take care of you.

kathylynne56
kathylynne56 2015-01-23 07:25:16 -0600 Report

Yes, being the caregiver is hard. I had to move back to help my father with my mother who had Parkinsons. I had been working in nursing for 25 yrs and had to quit due to my left temporal lobectomy. The doctors said that I could not go back to work afterwards because they didn't get all they needed and my seizures came back. So, I wouldn't be safe working with others around me. Nursing had been my life so, my father called on me from N.M and I was in Calif. at the time. saying he would help me get moved if I would just come. Well, it got to the point I was either having to stay 24/7 or have him pick me up at my own house at 5a.m so, we could start taking care of her. I took care of her for 4 yrs at her home and then she went into a nursing home facility. However, you always have to check and see how they are and, if they are getting the proper care…I would go and feed her each meal. I don't regret helping my parents. I love them…but, I don't like where I am living anymore. The health care system really stinks. New Mexicon is good for having no healthcare or hardly any good drs. stay on for your health. I would love to be able to move where there is better health care. Now that my mother has passed. But, my father is at an age, I feel like I need to stay here and take care ot things also. He had a stroke 2 yrs ago and doesn't monitor himself like he should. I try to tell him he needs too and he shoves it off. There is only so much we can do for some. I am trying to find time for me. That is the hard part.
Where is the time in the day for me?? I start out early so, I can accomplish something before he calls on me.
Kathy Lynne Cook

lilleyheidi
lilleyheidi 2015-01-22 22:59:06 -0600 Report

Being a caregiver is hard hard work. I took care of my Mom full time, she lived with me for the last 2 1/2 years of her life as she was dying. I would speak to your local health care agency or your Mothers doctors office and see if there is a care givers support group locally. They are really good. You really need some good stress outlets. Find time to take care of yourself each day. Take a bubble bath, take a walk, do something you enjoy by yourself. Find others locally that are in similar situations to talk to and keep coming back here. Always take care of your diabetes. Your health is of utmost importance. I wish you the very best. Heidi

lorlee
lorlee 2015-01-22 22:23:05 -0600 Report

Stress is not good for anyone for sure. I understand they are living with each other and not you, but they rely on you?? If so, for what? Are you working, do you also have a family to look after (children)?

sweetslover
sweetslover 2015-01-23 12:51:16 -0600 Report

Hi, lorlee. My parents rely on me for almost everything. They do not cook. I have located a wonderful organization that delivers them lunch 5 days a week for a very reasonable price. Thank goodness I am retired and my children are grown. I do not resent taking care of my parents, but sometimes I feel that I am just butting my head up against a wall.

Scaredy Cat
Scaredy Cat 2015-01-22 20:46:19 -0600 Report

My daughter and I both have fibromyalgia and I have diabetes and other health issues. My parents don't have any understanding of the fibromyalgia. It makes it difficult because they expect more than we can keep up with. My daughter is tryng to finish college and it takes all the energy she has. My parents somewhat understand the diabetes and complications. My mother's friend has had her right leg amputated below the knee and she has had an infection with it.

sweetslover
sweetslover 2015-01-23 12:53:02 -0600 Report

It's rough, isn't it? I have rather advanced diabetic neuropathy and Mom doesn't understand why I can't just let her hang on to me for balance, or why I can't pick her up when she falls. We're figuring out things as we go.

Scaredy Cat
Scaredy Cat 2015-01-23 18:59:42 -0600 Report

Yes it is. Neither my daughter or I work and my parents don't understand why. But we can't work and be available to take them where they need to go. We basically have one vehicle for 4 adults and my daughter drives about 25-30 miles one way, 4 days a week, for school. They feel like we aren't earning our keep. What would they have to pay someone to come in and help clean house, cook dinner, and provide transportation?

sweetslover
sweetslover 2015-01-22 20:39:48 -0600 Report

My parents (88 and 89 years old) live across the road from me and both have dementia. I have tried explaining to them how they could help me in the stress relief department, but they cannot retain what I said. When I sat them down and tried to explain to them that I have diabetes my mother's only concern was what I would fix for their dinner that night. I am their only caregiver. I know stress is not good for me, but it is a way of life for me at the moment. At this point, they refuse to have any other help in the house. I take time when I can for exercise, but I am always worried about them. Any suggestions for coping skills would be appreciated.

Scaredy Cat
Scaredy Cat 2015-01-22 20:32:13 -0600 Report

Caregiving is stressful. My daughter and I moved in with my parents just over three ears ago to help them. My daughter is 23 yo and I am less than a month away from being 51 yo. My parents are in their 70s. My mother is legally blind and I don't think she has ever come to terms with it. My father has Parkinson's Disease and has had it about 20 years. Trying to merge two families with different lifestyles is not easy.

emily - 16239
emily - 16239 2015-01-22 19:07:04 -0600 Report

Stress is not good for you my dear. I am an 80 year diabetic. My daughter has gently lead me and her dad to respect her time and effort on our behalf. Being older is not always being wiser. We talk and we compromise. Talking helps, it works.My daughter is not getting any younger. And neither are you my dear. Take good care of yourself. Try and find the best method you can to help you help them without the drama.

Sybursu
Sybursu 2015-01-22 14:44:00 -0600 Report

Do you have anyone else to help you out. Being a caregiver is extremely stressful work. Are they on the same side of the family? Wouldn't it be great if they could live together and keep each other company? Do they visit each other?

msann
msann 2015-01-23 12:04:09 -0600 Report

no they don't visit each other and my mother inlaw also is 87 and live by herself we got our hands full thanks!!

33suz
33suz 2015-01-22 14:10:49 -0600 Report

I agree with Jayabee52, we might need a little more information. The good thing is this is a great place to get ideas.

jayabee52
jayabee52 2015-01-22 13:21:01 -0600 Report

Howdy Ann
In what way are these ladies causing you to stress?

James

msann
msann 2015-01-23 12:08:22 -0600 Report

thanks because I am responsible for them when I go to pay my aunts bills on the 3 of each month she always have a problem me and hubby live 40 miles away his mom 87 also they just love to rattle her nerves those 3 don't really care about us just their buddies hope you understand what I am saying our time and feelings don't matter thanks for replying