Bad, bad day

By suecsdy Latest Reply 2015-01-03 08:41:38 -0600
Started 2015-01-02 10:09:22 -0600

I need to rant today and I know y'all will understand, because you have all been there at some point. I don't know how much more I can take. Back in Aug., I woke up in the hospital minus a foot of my colon and a colostomy. I can deal with that. Then they told me I had diabetes. Not much instruction or info while I was there, but I got on board, stopped eating the bad stuff(mostly) got my a1c down, my cholestrol inline, my blood pressure inline, my thyroid inline. I take all the pills they give me. I put up with losing half my hair. I eat the restricted diet. Now I have to look at complications from kidney function. After that, what else? Just one after the other after the other? I don't want to do this anymore. More restrictions on what I can and cannot eat…I might as well just pack it in now because it won't be living and I don't just want to exist. I guess y'all can tell I'm having a really bad day. It is probably the diabetes talking and tomorrow will be better. It makes me want to go have some bread or a cupcake or candybar just out of spite, Please tell me it's not really so bad as it seems right now.

14 replies

Pegsy 2015-01-02 18:56:39 -0600 Report

Suecsdy, I am so sorry you are going through this and that you feel so discouraged. You've been through a lot and I can only imagine your discouragement and frustration. Years ago my mother was faced with several large health issues all at once. She was afraid and discouraged. I will never forget how patient and encouraging her doctor was. She said to my mother, "How do you eat an elephant?" Of course, my mother not wanting to eat an elephant was speechless, had no answer. Her doctor said, "You eat an elephant one bite at a time. That's how we are going to solve this. One little piece at a time." And that is exactly what she did. It took time and effort but my mother did get her health under control and she did well for many years. You can too. Hang in there. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

suecsdy 2015-01-02 16:19:04 -0600 Report

You know what? I was having a bad day. I i just wanted to let it out and have some one tell me it's probably not as bad as it looks today. Thanks for nothing . See you around.

GabbyPA 2015-01-02 18:30:19 -0600 Report

Sorry I missed the mark. I was trying to encourage....I guess I didn't succeed.

suecsdy 2015-01-02 18:48:33 -0600 Report

Gabby, it wasn't you or most of the other posts either. I just thought this was a safe place to vent. I'm worried about the kidney thing, wether it can be reversed, if it will affect my surgery next month, how serious it is. I'm not blaming this on the diabetes, it's just so much has happened in the last 6mos. I'm working hard to keep on top of this. Since August, I've managed to turn around all my numbers. I'm dealing with it. that doesn't mean I have to like it. It just is. It willbe for the rest of my life . I know this. I accept it. When I said it was the diabetes talking I just meant I was having one of those mood swings that seem to come with it. It isn't always bad.

GabbyPA 2015-01-03 08:41:38 -0600 Report

You can always vent here. Sometimes it's hard because all we really want is a hug. That is the down fall of the online gig.

You have done great and I know you will continue, and all part of that is bad days that can get to us for sure. Worry and not knowing are the worst things for me to deal with. For me, even if the news is bad, at least I know where to go from there. Like you said, I may not like it either, but having a direction helps me a lot.

And you can ALWAYS blame a mood swing on diabetes. LOL!

haoleboy 2015-01-02 15:55:17 -0600 Report

"Nothing's impossible I have found,
For when my chin is on the ground,
I pick myself up,
Dust myself off,
Start All over again."
-Dorothy Fields

(every day if need be)


Just Joyce
Just Joyce 2015-01-02 14:45:07 -0600 Report

I can say that I don't understand nor have I been there at any point. I agree with Stuart. In some ways you have tied a noose around your own neck. You can rant, rave, scream an shout all you want but that is not going to fix how you feel.

If you don't want to do this anymore, the only person you will hurt the worse is yourself because when you do decide to do it again, you may have caused more damage to your body.

Having a woe is me or wallowing in self pity keeps the negativity flowing. I don't like nor do I want to be around people with negative energy. It messes with my karma. I like to keep my moons aligned.

You are blaming all of this on diabetes, how about blaming this on yourself? If the doctors didn't restrict what you can or cannot eat, who did. As Stuart said, the extreme restriction approach is old and outdated. There are a bevy of foods that you can eat with moderation. If you want a cupcake or some bread who said you can't eat it? I eat a candy bar from time to time. I also eat ice cream, cake, bread, cookies or anything else I want to eat. Not one person has ever told me i can't have those things with moderation. If I want a cupcake after dinner, I don't have anything with carbs in it with dinner. I also leave a piece of meat to eat after I eat the cupcake. I do what works for me and no one else.

This is a brand new year and starting it out on a negative note is not good. The reason why you don't want to exist is because you are choosing not to live. Living is far different from just existing.

You have to choose to live and enjoy life. No one else can make that decision for you. Is there are reason why you can't sit down and make a list of all the things you want to do in life? Is there a reason why you can't do these things. I had an aunt with a colostomy bag. The woman danced, ate what she wanted, went to work, planted the most beautiful flower gardens, made very beautiful flower and food arrangements for her teas, dinner parties and meetings.

Instead of ranting and raving and saying we all have been at that point in our lives, let tomorrow become the first day of the rest of your life. Each morning start out the day with the following line, "Just For Today I Am Going To________________

-do something for someone other than myself
-find out if I can read to a group of kids at the local library
-ask if I can help with an activity at a nursing home
-make a new friend
You could find something new to do almost everyday and before you know it, you will be living instead of existing and you more than likely be a much happier person. Best of luck to you.

GabbyPA 2015-01-02 14:21:52 -0600 Report

Sometimes the pile just seems to reach to the heavens. Maybe that is how we get closer? Being overwhelmed with all of it is normal and rants are welcome here.

Perhaps if we looked at it like growing up. One day you have to learn to crawl then walk and run. Then you have to learn to talk, then you have to figure out right and wrong. Of course there is then school and work and so on. We are always faced with new challenges, it's just that sometimes we get to the point we think we shouldn't need those opportunities to grow or hate the methods that are given to us. There are fun things to learn and others that are just required.

So for every requirement...I say find a fun thing to learn at the same time and maybe it won't feel so crummy.

Just Joyce
Just Joyce 2015-01-02 14:59:32 -0600 Report

Gabby every time someone says "we" I ask who are the "we" you are referring to? Not everyone fits in the "we" category and people cannot be clumped together to make it appear that others are going through the same thing which is far from the truth. I am not one of the ones in the "we" category.

Growing up means each individual is responsible for his/her own actions and not finding something or someone to blame when things aren't going the way each person wants things to go. It is also about making choices and learning to stand on your own two feet. There are people who do not go through life being overwhelmed every time they get bad news. There are also people who rant and rave to let off steam but then they jump right back in the trenches and solve the problems.

I do very much agree with you have to face each new challenge for what it is. Find ways to solve problems. Ask for help if you need it after you have exhausted every avenue.

I totally agree there are fun things to learn and do. All it takes is taking a chance. If you are afraid to take a chance on trying an learning new things, you stay in the rut you have dug for yourself and stagnate. You don't grow and you never move forward.

Stuart1966 2015-01-02 12:31:59 -0600 Report

"…When going through hell, keep going…" Sir Winston Churchill.

What you describe is a noose you have tied around your own neck, in some ways. We all have this disease, one form or another. I have been a type one since you were very young. There is no rainbows and kittens here.

The extreme restriction approach is an ancient method used when I was a child, and long before that.

There is ZERO wrong with having a small piece of something, once, once in a while. When we have them every day, or are unable/unwilling to stop having them, some food which we all know intimately is complete (if tasty) garbage food.

That is where the restrictions came about. You can have many foods. You barter and trade for them. Want a single serving of… whatever figure out whats in it, and give up an equivalent quantity of other foods to have some. One or the other, not both idea.

If weight is an issue, one of the methods is careful restriction. But if any of us want to fit into our slacks come spring, what we eat, how active we are will help one another. If I'm doing 5 miles several times a week, I can can eat all kinds of things but will cancel out the work I've done, if I do eat XYZ.

We have choices, and consequences. The game is to make the best ones we are able and play with the consequences we are dealt. Many consequences are not the result of our direct actions. Sometimes bad things happen, as if in disdain of our zeal and efforts to prevent them.

"…Only surrender after you die…" Robert Jordan

No quitting!

Just Joyce
Just Joyce 2015-01-02 15:01:33 -0600 Report

This is by far the best response I have read. You got right to the point. I for one refuse to be restricted when it comes to food or doing things I enjoy. You have to barter and trade. I do it all the time and have managed to keep everything in order.

RebDee 2015-01-02 11:08:30 -0600 Report

I understand how you feel as I have been there. So go find yourself a cupcake or gluten free piece of bread, make yourself a cup of hot cocoa to go with it, and relax. Tomorrow will get better I promise. Go do something for someone else, any little thing will do (knitting, sewing, talking on the phone, hugging, take a walk, volunteering at your church or synagogue), and find someone to laugh with as laughter is the best medicine. Got any good jokes?

Jibber Jabber
Jibber Jabber 2015-01-02 10:26:17 -0600 Report

Ranting is good for the soul..and so is having people that care to be able to rant to..sometimes they're things a person just has to get out and/or emotions they have to express…I am very glad we all have someplace to go and release…I am sorry you are having such a bad time of it…but I am also very sure you will do just fine and adjust to whatever restrictions they toss in your direction…frankly it sucks that I can not enjoy any of my favorite foods anymore…but then I remember it was my favorite foods that made me sick to begin with…so I loved them..but they didn't love me…a totally one sided abusive relationship (smile)…chin up…you will be fine!!!

RebDee 2015-01-02 11:15:03 -0600 Report

Jibber Jabber, I love the way you think: my favorite foods that I loved didn't love me and were a totally one sided abusive relationship.
So I got rid of them and replaced them with things that were healthy, and still tasted good.
BTW - I had to get rid of soda as I am not allowed to drink it because the bubbles are not good for my stomach. So I found another use for it. Recipe: a box of Duncan Hines cake mix (chocolate is preferred for me) mixed with one can of either black cherry or orange diet soda (do NOT follow the directions on the box), mix together for a delicious little cupcake that is less calories as there is no eggs, milk, butter, etc.
Pore batter into one of those muffin tins with small sized indentations for the muffins so that you don't eat too much at one time. Bake the way it says on the box. The taste is wonderful and yummy.