Loss of a family member

By BreC Latest Reply 2015-01-05 21:55:10 -0600
Started 2015-01-02 09:04:17 -0600

I sure hope the new year has started on a better note for everyone else. I got a call Wednesday night(New Years Eve) saying that our Aunt MaryLee had just passed away. She was that last of my fathers siblings. The last of the family and the last of a generation. I was asked to please go about informing other cousins as things were still raw for the immediately family. I was happy to do this and I soon became the hub for information. Between phone calls and facebook chats, time has been precious. Funeral on Saturday. It's sad that it sometimes takes a death for people to reconnect with family. It is what it is though and we will come together to say goodbye to a beloved Aunt.
Life is short. Make the most of the time you have with family because they could be gone tomorrow. God Bless

29 replies

BeckieJ 2015-01-05 21:55:10 -0600 Report

I am sorry to hear of you have lost a family member and one you held so dear. It is hard to loose the ones we love. I hope you had a special time with family and there were many hugs and shared stories while you were together.
Hugs from California, Beckie

valentine lady
valentine lady 2015-01-05 11:31:27 -0600 Report

Dear BreC,
Just a note to convey my deepest sympathy for your loss of a vital
family member. I know and feel your pain, but remember the Lord
will not give you more than you can handle. You will get through this pain. If there' anything I can do to help, please don't hesitate to contact me. Hugs, VL

lilleyheidi 2015-01-03 18:20:04 -0600 Report

so very very sorry for your loss Bre, if there is anything I can do for you please do not hesitate to ask. HUGS, Heidi.

BreC 2015-01-03 16:54:06 -0600 Report

Back at home. It was certainly an emotional day. My cousin Robert came down from Kentucky and officiated. When he started talking about it being the last time he would be officiating over an Aunt or Uncles funeral because Aunt MaryLee was the last of the siblings, it touched all of us deeply. He did officiate at all of their funerals. Seen a lot of cousins I hadn't seen in years and got info so that we can stay in touch. I told my son, Now you know where all the red hair comes from.. LOL

andy1979 2015-01-03 10:50:52 -0600 Report

I,m sorry to hear of your loss but another way you may want to look at is think of the fantastic reunion that will be occuring in heaven now. Obviously loss of a relative is an awful thing to have to endure, its why we have to love for now and evermore and always remember those who are still here . my best wishes go to you at this distressing time x

rhett t
rhett t 2015-01-03 10:20:06 -0600 Report

so sorry for your loss. I know it is hard losing a family member. you are so right about making the time with family cause never know about tomorrow.God bless you and your family

Dr Gary
Dr GaryCA 2015-01-02 19:57:06 -0600 Report

Hi BreC! So sorry to hear about your loss. I know it is hard to see aunts and uncles getting older and at some point losing a generation of beloved family members. And yes, family members do have a way of connecting during these times. I agree, life is short. Let's stay in touch with family. Take care of yourself!

BreC 2015-01-02 19:00:44 -0600 Report

The calm tonight before the storm tomorrow. Literally!! It is supposed to rain and possibly storm here tomorrow. So tonight I will rest up for the hour drive there and be prepared for the emotion filled day. In this area, a big meal usually follows the procession at one of the Churches. I plan on eating a good breakfast and a little snack before the funeral begins. Hopefully then I won't be so apt to eating things I know won't be good for me.

GabbyPA 2015-01-02 14:26:20 -0600 Report

I am so sorry for that loss on top of all you have been dealing with. It is good though that you have found a way to give in this time. It can make it easier. A new year can bring about all kinds of new things and maybe the connections will last through out the year and beyond. Hugs to you my friend.

Pegsy 2015-01-02 12:48:30 -0600 Report

I'm very sorry for your loss Bre. Not a great way to start a new year. Unfortunately that was the case for me last year and the year before that. I know what you are going through. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

KrochetKrazy 2015-01-02 11:09:48 -0600 Report

My thoughts and prayers are with you. I lost the last of a generation about 8 years ago and it is heartbreaking. It was also introspective for me that my siblings and I are now the "elders" of the family. God bless you and your family.

Jim Edwards
Jim Edwards 2015-01-02 11:09:10 -0600 Report

I sometimes wonder if we should fake the death of someone that is loved. Then the whole family can put stuff on the back burner and come to the fake funeral and meet their family and friends again. Of course, having the "deceased" love one in a casket and having them sit up during the service, may be too much for some. My Mom, 85, says, "Forget the gathering after the service. If family and friends want to gather, let them do it beforehand so I can appreciate them and it." I am down to one uncle (dad's brother) and one uncle (mom's brother) and, of course, Mom. It seems as if the older people get the more they tend to die. It is sad, because at that point, they have just about figured life out. Peace to your heart. Jim

GabbyPA 2015-01-03 09:07:40 -0600 Report

That would be an interesting funeral indeed. I can see you doing that Jim. LOL
My grandfather told my grandmother to wear red at his funeral because he loved to see her in red. She did.

RebDee 2015-01-02 11:01:25 -0600 Report

Five years ago this month, my dear husband died, leaving me alone as my children do not live near me. In trying to get ready for the shiva (mourning period of a week), I became bogged down and luckily I had some friends who would help but money was scarce and time was of the essence.
My first cousin, Ted and his wife Sue had just moved from North Carolina to Phoenix Arizona two weeks before. All of a sudden the doorbell rang and when I answered it, I saw a vision — Ted had left Sue to do the unpacking and had driven all night to my home to help. I still cry as I tell this story because it was something so unexpected yet so needed. Ted stayed four days and took care of everything needed from food to answering the phone or door, to making sure I ate, and being a shoulder to cry on. He will always be my favorite cousin for this act of kindness.
My friends were also gracious and kind and helpful and every day one would come to help me to walk the dogs, take me for a meal (that's when I started gaining weight), make sure I was not depressed, made me go to grief counseling. It took a while but I finally was able to cope on my own especially since I was caregiver for my Mom. Mom died in May, 2012 and was buried in Philadelphia, where cousins, my daughter, and my sister accompanied me.
I literally ate my way through four of those five years, gaining weight until I reached obesity.
This year I am different. I am now the oldest in my Clan (both mother and father's side), in contact with cousins and other relatives through genealogy, have many friends, volunteer for both fun and fund organizations, attend synagogue regularly, have been losing weight steadily since bariatric surgery, eating right, and am happier and healthier and have more hope than ever before.
I wish everyone the same thing as I want for myself, that 2015 is the best yet, health, wealth(?), hope, happiness, laughter, learning, love and to live life to the fullest. DC has given me an audience to voice my opinions and not keep everything to myself so that I am able to be emotionally satisfied. Thank you all for your help and kindness in listening to me.

elizag1 2015-01-02 10:24:19 -0600 Report

I am so so sorry. I know we only see relatives at funerals and, that is
something that could be resolved if only people would talk to each other,
I don't understand why people are so distant and, ignore each other.
I don't like facebook, I know people know my phone number and,
my e-mail but, as much as I have tried with sister-in-laws, cousins,
uncles, they still don't communicate much..I tired but, have given up.
No grudges just praying for them.

BreC 2015-01-02 12:25:56 -0600 Report

I live in a different part of Tennessee than most of my relatives and also have family across the globe. From Texas, Louisiana, Indiana, Michigan, Kentucky, and North Carolina. Though all are reachable by phone, it is easier to reach others through Facebook. I can send one message to multiple and answer question for any who have them. Through my genealogy work I have been able to connect with distant cousins that I never knew about before. I spoke with one distant cousin via phone call and was able to send a copy of a photo I have of our shared gggrandfather and gggrandmother. He was overjoyed to get the photo. Makes it all worthwhile.

RebDee 2015-01-02 12:49:02 -0600 Report

Facebook for me is a necessary evil. Every day I see messages from people I know (I appreciate them) and from people who are friends of friends (therefore strangers to me) that I don't appreciate getting. But at least I can put the message out to many at once. However, it is public. Therefore I prefer to make a group for each family, for each society, each synagogue, and even for those that I just send jokes.
then if I wish, I can add all the groups into one e-mail and send all blind copy (shouldn't send everyone else]'s e-mail address publicly).

RebDee 2015-01-02 12:45:43 -0600 Report

I LOVE doing Genealogy. I have found many long lost (never even knew of their existence) relatives and some that i knew but had lost touch with. My family is actually getting bigger even though the elders are dying off. Genealogy is great fun especially when you find someone that is actually your cousin. I have even introduced a cousin to another cousin and that has worked out to add still another branch to the family tree.

RebDee 2015-01-02 15:32:11 -0600 Report

Funny, to combine what I said about mass e-mail and genealogy into a story:
Many years ago, I had a doctor named Dr. Carl Naden who had diabetes and diagnosed mine. His office was in Pasadena where we lived. Then we moved to Chatsworth, and were not allowed to keep the same doctor. However, he had become a friend and we continue in each others' lives by sending jokes. One day, he sent me a joke without making his list a BBC. I happened to notice a name HERB BARG on his list. WOW said I, that is a name from my past. So I called Carl and he said that he was on vacation but if I called this number, I could learn about Herb Barg. So I called and Judy Barg answered the phone and asked me how I had gotten her phone number. I explained and she laughed since
Carl was her brother. She then put Herb on the phone and of course he wanted all the details of why I thought I was related to him. I told him his parents and grandparents names. I explained that his grandmother's name was Deena Leah and that I had been named for her because she had died 2 days before I was born. His grandmother was the sister of my great-grandmother. And I ended with the following statement: my mother, Sarah Gast Goldenberg taught you to dance!!! That was what convinced him that I was for real. Even after I had given him his entire petigree.
OK, so this post had nothing to do with food or Diabetes (although he too had Diabetes), but just 6 degrees of separation.

RosalieM 2015-01-02 09:45:03 -0600 Report

I have been thinking about that too. Getting together with neighbors next week. Have lived in this rural neighborhood for 50 years and hadn't done it until now.
Shame on me and them. It is not too late! Do it now!

Type1Lou 2015-01-02 09:16:08 -0600 Report

My condolences to you. My Mom's baby sister is the only one left from my parent's siblings and she is 92. Mom died in 2005 at nearly 98 and I was blessed to have her in my life as long as she was! Her death, although expected, was not easy and I still miss her. She was the kindest, most loving and accepting individual I will ever know. I was happy that I spent much time with Mom while she was still here.

elizag1 2015-01-02 11:07:18 -0600 Report

I call Mom everyday sometimes more than once a day, she is 92, will be 93 on
Feb. 12, 2015…she is my best friend and, being females we are close.

I am happy to read your post…spending time with people is what is important..

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