This was one of the saddest holidays in my life. My mom had a stroke at the start of the month. I kicked into overtime taking care of her. The diapers, liquid diet and orthopedic issues took a toll. She is also a member of the D-Life club which led to many complications. With home care and therapy I thought my mom was getting better. BUT she had a major stroke on Sunday night. So Christmas has been in the hospital again. Now she cannot speak or swallow and I fear tomorrow they are going to cut her open and insert a feed tube. Her kidneys are also going and that complicates the diet a lot.
I was so busy getting everything ready for everyone else's Christmas that I never even thought about what I wanted. And on Christmas Eve I put a necklace around my mom's neck and realized that all I wanted was her to be alive and happy.
Suddenly all the two hour feedings and diaper changes all seemed so trivial. Earlier I felt so overwhelmed trying to manage everything. Now I feel like there is nothing I would not do or sacrifice in order to ensure her well being.
I busted out the sanitizing wipes and cleaned the whole room. For a nice hospital everything was FILTHY! Like months of bodily fluids were all over the walls, doors and floors. I never sleep well in a chair. So I cleaned the floor and camped out.
The staff were amazed that I cleaned so much and disgusted that I slept on the hospital room floor. However I cleaned it well and giving my mom a little comfort was the best thing I could do. I let her hold my hand for as long as I could keep it raised.
All of this kind of scares me because I know what the future has in store for me too. But then again I realize just how fortunate I still am. My diet restrictions are not nearly as bad as my mother's. So in the end I need to grow up and enjoy my health now while I can. More importantly it is time to spend as much time with my mom while she still clings to life. All the stuff I once hated to do as far as being her caregiver now seem so wonderful because I cans how her how much I love her with more than words…Merry Christmas everyone. Sorry I have not responded more, but I have been busy.
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