Being single at Christmas or anytime really!

By andy1979 Latest Reply 2014-12-26 12:16:41 -0600
Started 2014-12-21 12:10:03 -0600

Firstly i would like to wish all diabetics good health at this festive time. Whilst in a conversation by text with a female friend yesterday she brought up the topic of relationships and how her significant other irritates at times. As a single person it got me thinking , are we all meant to fall in love ? , do we all have to kiss many frogs ? is second best good enough for just companionship ? should we reach for stars when it comes to looking for love ?. Those of you that are blissfully happy i wish well or some of you who learn to love i admire as both things take hard work. 50% of time i think there is enough things to keep me busy and amused in life do i need an extra part of jigsaw to fulfill me.. Do other people who are single or wishing to change this aspect of their life feel they could do with a change in relationship status in 2015 and beyond?

21 replies

Phoenix Eye
Phoenix Eye 2014-12-26 03:38:51 -0600 Report

I have been to relationship hell and back many times. I know what it is like to want to start a family with a new house, daughter, car and fiancé. You put so much of yourself into the thought of a happy nuclear home. Then you forget to protect yourself. You let someone lie, cheat and steal from you because you want to make sure your new daughter doesn't become homeless. You cling to the memories of giving them a newly built house in an award winnings school district. You feel that you have put so much into this relationship both financially and emotionally that you cannot afford to take the loss and move on…

After that disaster I realized it was better to be alone and happy than miserable with a parasite. You must make your own happiness in this world. It is not always going to fall in your lap. My greatest fears about being single were about being alone when I got old and sick. Who would take care of me? Next I was afraid to be alone. When I was younger I was very social. But as time passed I realized that people were more devoted to their wives and kids. I wanted to build my own family and was feeling my age. I wanted someone to go to dinner with and have fun vacations with. I wanted to have a Valentine to spoil and cherish.

Well after losing 5 houses after 2008 and getting smashed by my EX, I knew one thing. I would rather be alone than miserable with someone who not only did not love me, but hurt me deeply. I regrouped and did not think about being happy again after such a devastating financial and emotional loss. However God never forgot me and I ended up with a beautiful wife and daughter. I think I had to learn to let go of my losses in order to rebuild my dreams again. I had to love myself before I could really grow with someone else. It is easy to give everything selflessly to another in a one sided relationship. It is another more beautiful thing to love each other. You learn to respect others better after you can respect and love yourself.

In the end I don’t think you have to be with someone to be happy, but you need to keep your life fulfilled with friends and family. Be happy first and find someone who wants to love you as much as you love them. Otherwise you are just wasting your time. Good Luck!

Just Joyce
Just Joyce 2014-12-25 18:47:29 -0600 Report

I have found out by observing friends relationships that looked for love found they made mistakes in their choice.

I have a friend I met in Kindergarden, we went to school together. She met and married a man who insisted that because he is Catholic he had to be married in his church by his priest. Her minister told her to think about the man she is marrying. She didn't and married this clown anyway. He cannot stand any of her friends. He tolerates her family. He can't stand the fact that I totally ignore him. He is diabetic and will not take his medication if she doesn't put his medication in one of those weekly pill sorters. They go on vacation where HE wants to go. She had the nerve to tell me I should get married to a man with good benefits like she did. If my tongue was not partially paralyzed I would have swallowed it.

I love being single. I do what I want when I want to do if. I have watched people settle on the first man or woman who comes along and many regret the choices they make. I am never going to do that and I am not going for second best.

valentine lady
valentine lady 2014-12-23 15:54:12 -0600 Report

Hi Andy,
HAPPY HOLIDAYS to you and a blessed NEW YEAR. You asked some very important questions. Made me stop and think. I hope what I have to say
does that for you.

I was married for 25 years in a loveless marriage. Toward the end he got sbusive, he put me in a wheelchair for life. I'll never walk again. Still and all when we broke up I felt like a failure. I became bitter, sad and lonely . But I refused to show it. I held all that in my heart and swore to spend the rest of my life that way. I stayed that way for 12 years kissing a bunch of frogs and my fair share of toads too. Then a friend from here on DC professed his feeling toward me and my heart started to melt. He was so sweet and sincere.and interesting I couldn't help but wonder what life would be like with this gentle man. We spoke on the phone, and
emailed eachother then finally met face to face. We both knew
it was love last month we became engaged. We plan our ceremony for January of 2016. My bitterness and hard heart have melted and all that remains is a glow. This man I'm speaking about is James. He saved me from myself. I hope one day someone saves you from yourself. It's wonderful, even the 50% deal, even the rough times. Christmas is beautiful again.and
I look forward to 2015 with him. Many more years to come.
Happy Holidays, Valentine Lady

andy1979 2014-12-26 12:16:41 -0600 Report

thank you for your reply, fact is it made feel angry that someone could treat you in such an appalling way, as someone who believes in karma i hope the ex has his. As for you and James may the love you both have shine as a great example to others! sounds like you finally have your prince charming! hope you have everlasting love! If 2015 brings me love i promise not jump in feet first but work at nurturing it.

haoleboy 2014-12-22 17:20:05 -0600 Report

uh … last time I was single was 1975 … I've forgotten what it's like but do remember kissing a whole lot of frogs back then … I think it was worth it


busymom888 2014-12-22 17:11:31 -0600 Report

After several "failed" relationships, I'm happy being single. I can do what I want when I want. The problem I found was I was too nice (if there is such a thing) and got financially and emotionally taken advantage of. I'm plenty busy dealing with my medical problems and raising my 2 teenagers. Would it be nice to have a companion? Of course. But I don't think it's a requirement to be happy. You can't love someone else if you don't love and take care of yourself first. Take things as they come…one day at a time ☺️

andy1979 2014-12-22 23:44:29 -0600 Report

sorry to hear you have met some illegitimate's along the way , makes me ashamed to be a bloke at times, i was product of a single parent and if honest best thing my mum ever did was rid herself of my sperm donor to pardon the term . you carry on doing the great job of being a good mum . in past i have had friends fear the word "singledom" , hence why their kids suffered with a succession of "uncles" through their insecurities . maybe im meant to be a male version of my mum fairly happy but single in own way.

GabbyPA 2014-12-22 08:52:27 -0600 Report

This is very interesting.

I was panicked when 27 came and went and I had not gotten married. That was when my mom got married, so I felt I failed. But as time went on, I learned to embrace my singleness and really enjoy it. Bought a house, traveled the world, did some good and stupid things along the way. Didn't look for the "missing piece", didn't focus on that and filled my life with friends and incredible experiences.

Then I had a friend tell me that I would never get married if I was not out there. So while it was not a focus, I started to just put myself out there. I met some great guys that I am still friends with and then also met my husband. He wanted to get married on the second date! LOL. But we worked things out for about a year and a half and then had a simple wedding.

We celebrated our 13 year of marriage this year and while it does have it's moments of ups and downs, it has been a wonderful part of my life experience. It has taught me selflessness (or just how selfish I can be). It has taught me tough love, mushy love and my favorite, romantic love. It shows me the graces of understanding someone who is different from me and it gave me great confidence that someone would love me for me...the way I am.

It can be a double edges sword as I put his health before my own. But at the same time, it's good to know that in his way, he tries to look out for me as well. Alone, I would not have that they way I have it now.

I don't see marriage as completing me, but just making up a part of me. It adds to the whole of me as I hope it adds to the whole of him. It is just part of our lives, as we lived before it, and hopefully, one of us will live after it. Will I seek it again if that is how it works out? Probably not, but never know. And when you least expect it, there is a heart on your doorstep, needing a home.

andy1979 2014-12-22 10:27:01 -0600 Report

i loved the thought behind your answer it was so emotional but great at the same time, made me envious and happy for you that you feel so strongly about another human being. wishing you and your husband many loving years together- it sounds like you were made for each other!

GabbyPA 2014-12-22 10:28:47 -0600 Report

We are true opposites and while it does attract sometimes it divides. But love works through a lot of those things.

jayabee52 2014-12-22 06:12:50 -0600 Report

Howdy Andy
At age 62, I have been blessed by having a satisfying relationship with 3 wonderful ladies. I have been blessed by having 3 sons by my first wife of 25 yrs.

I was married to my 2nd wife for 2.5 yrs when she died in her sleep in 07/2010. Now 4 yrs later I am still single but am in a long distance relationship with my fiancee` (I will be flying to see her on Christmas day and staying there till NY Day) Mid 2015 Valentine lady of DC here, will be moving to Las Vegas to live with me.

Each of the ladies Were/are special in their own unique way. But along the way there were ladies who didn't make the grade for me, for one reason or another.

I had been living with a lady for about 6 months who didn't make the grade for me and would maybe have been OK for companionship, but there were things about her which were quite irritating, and for self-preservation I had to walk away. I would have had to give up too much of myself to continue that relationship even to be companions.

I am glad I have been blessed by VL now that my late wife "Jem" has . passed. I would have been content to live out my life as a widower, however this current relationship kinda snuck up on me.

Yes it does complicate my life, but it is a good complication IMO.

In the Bible book of Genesis God says 18 And the Lord God said, “It is not good that man should be alone . . . . " Gen 2:18a NKJV

I pray you find someone who is genuinely compatible to you and you love one another deeply.


andy1979 2014-12-22 10:34:59 -0600 Report

Thank you for your best wishes , i hope you and vl have a good life together . experience is a wonderful thing don't you think? maybe i need to reach for my star and embrace it . At least when your life comes to an end you will be reunited with the loves you have had , it shows you have a lot to give. carry on giving if that is in your heart.

jayabee52 2014-12-22 15:36:12 -0600 Report

Thank you, Andy, for YOUR good wishes as well! I feel I do have a lot of love to give! Each experience of love I have had (even the ones which haven't worked out) have served to build me into the man I am today.

andy1979 2014-12-22 10:34:50 -0600 Report

Thank you for your best wishes , i hope you and vl have a good life together . experience is a wonderful thing don't you think? maybe i need to reach for my star and embrace it . At least when your life comes to an end you will be reunited with the loves you have had , it shows you have a lot to give. carry on giving if that is in your heart.

GabbyPA 2014-12-22 08:59:20 -0600 Report

It is kind of funny, and while I understand that "man" in the scripture includes both men and women....I do believe it's easier for a woman to be single than it is for a man. At least in our current times.

jayabee52 2014-12-22 15:31:51 -0600 Report

Actually, Gabby, in the Biblical Hebrew (the original language of the OT) the word for "man" in that verse is in the singular. . Other places in the OT Hebrew, it is correct that the word for man is more like "humans" or "humanity".which would include women.
Right now, as said before, I could happily be single for the rest of my life, but I believe I'd also be foolish to have this wonderful gift God has placed in my path to be ignored by me.

lilleyheidi 2014-12-22 02:47:24 -0600 Report

I'm single, happy, and enjoying my life. I'll continue to see if there is a person out there who is a match for me, but I'm not going to stop living my life if there isn't. I'm happy being me as I am. HUGS, Heidi

andy1979 2014-12-22 03:18:01 -0600 Report

Like your attitude made me smile when i read your comment . best wishes to you and i hope whatever comes your way is fantastic!

Jibber Jabber
Jibber Jabber 2014-12-21 17:14:12 -0600 Report

HONESTLY ..if it is marriage you're looking for ..don't settle…now mind you..I am not telling you to be overly picky…I once knew a lady that found flaws in everyone…guess what..she never found love…but have a list of must haves..for me that list includes the ability to laugh at oneself and the abilty to admit when you are wrong…thank the lord I found a good man…as for falling in love…I honestly believe that love and trust are created..I don't think anyone just falls into it…I believe that when youfind a good person..a person that makes you laugh.. and makes you a can nurture that relationship and make it grow…or you can neglect that relationship..not give it the attention or respect that it deserves and watch it die..just one womans opinion…

GabbyPA 2014-12-22 08:56:47 -0600 Report

I heard it simply stated the other day that you like someone for their good qualities, but it's the flaws you fall in love for. I thought that was quite a good way to look at it.

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