support for spouse with diabetes

By Anonymous Latest Reply 2014-10-02 17:05:09 -0500
Started 2014-09-30 22:17:44 -0500

I am married to a wonderful person who has had diabetes for about 5 years. Though he started out by making real changes to his lifestyle, he has only maintained some of those changes— the main one being that he is exercising a lot more than before, which is great. However, he is not being as careful with his diet as he needs to be. While he is not currently taking any meds to control his diabetes, and doesn't want to, his doctor has asked him to consider doing so. I think it's terrific that he was able to control his symptoms through diet and exercise before, but he's having a harder time doing so now. (It's hard, i know.) I DON'T want to nag him, but I am worried about him. When I see him eat multiple servings of desserts, I feel like he's giving up. Any suggestions?

5 replies

Glucerna 2014-10-02 17:05:09 -0500 Report

Perhaps you can both attend a diabetes education class or support group? Being around other people with diabetes and learning more about diabetes and how to manage it might help him understand the options that are available to him. ~Lynn @Glucerna

Type1Lou 2014-10-02 13:13:59 -0500 Report

The truth is that you cannot make him take care of his diabetes. You cannot absolutely control what he eats…it is his choice as to what he puts into his mouth and how much he exercises . What you can do is provide support and, if you are the cook in the household, provide him with healthier, lower carb food choices. Don't nag…he's an adult and is responsible for himself, even when he acts irresponsibly. While some "tough love" may be needed if you see him seriously make repeated bad decisions, it doesn't sound like you're there yet. As we age, our bodies react differently and adjustments have to be made through the years in how we manage and control our diabetes.

GabbyPA 2014-10-01 08:56:49 -0500 Report

There are so many emotions that go with all of this on both ends. It can be a delicate thing, but hearing from the guys gives it a bit of reality. I would not think an ultimatum would work, but it seemed to with Steve and James. So maybe that is a good way to go. You just have to be willing to uphold your part if you make it. That might not be something you want to do.

Do you eat with him? What I mean is do you share the same healthy diet? If not, then maybe working together on it will give him the support and show that you are willing to do some sacrifices for him as well. The same goes for the exercise. Do things together, then it's not nagging, it's time spent with the person you love.

jayabee52 2014-09-30 22:55:51 -0500 Report

Howdy Anon

I know it is hard to watch someone you love so much get into a state of denial. There are limits to what you can do in such a situation.

You could give him an ultimatum, like my 1st wife did when she called me into the Pastor's office one Saturday (we were cleaning the church) and threaten to divorce me if I didn't take my medicine (Metformin) and take better care of my Type 2. Of course that depends on how strong your hubby's motivation is regarding staying married. It got me moving the right direction, 'cause I wanted to stay married to the lady. (she did divorce me a few years later over another issue in out lives)

Another tactic you could use to get him to see the seriousness of this situation is to start something romantic with him and just ask him to take better care of his diabetes. You'd like to continue to enjoy one another and you are fearful that if he doesn't take care of himself, that enjoyment of one another will be cut shorter than it should be.

Another way might be to ask if his will is up to date, as he may be needing it sooner rather than later.

It is however, ultimately up to him to take care of himself, and one cannot force another to self care without their will.

I pray he sees the light, sooner rather than later.


haoleboy 2014-09-30 23:06:26 -0500 Report

I'm with James on this. My better half gave me the ultimatum to get to the doctor and get healthy or she was leaving.
Worked for me … otherwise make sure his will is up to date ans he has really good medical insurance.


Next Discussion: Diet Blunders »