I'm 25 years old and I've had diabetes for 22 years. It's been a really long, uphill struggle to come to terms with having diabetes. This past March, I found out I have diabetic retinopathy in both eyes and it's affecting my vision in one eye. I'm terrified that this is the first step towards going blind. I went to an eye specialist to see (no pun intended) what he had to say about treatment options. I didn't like the man; he had a terrible bedside manner and treated me like a child. The second visit I had with him, I was so scared, but he just kept telling me not to cry and making it obvious that I was holding up his schedule. Then he clamped my eye open, injected the treatment and left before I really knew what was happening. I was horrified, traumatized and even more terrified than I had been going in to his office. Clearly he was not the right doctor for me.
Ever since then, I have been struggling with severe depression, anxiety and general feelings of being a bad person because my blood sugars aren't perfect. My therapist and I have been working together to deal with all these feelings, but a lot of times I just feel so overwhelmed by how much effort it takes to manage my diabetes. Every single thing I do affects and is affected by my diabetes.
I have been so angry for so long because of my diabetes that I don't really know how to let it go. I'm trying to just let myself have these feelings and then let them pass, but it's such a struggle. I don't really have any diabetic friends either, so that adds to my feelings of isolation and depression.
I have trouble dealing with my emotions when my blood sugars are out of whack, too. Like when I'm low, I can't handle ANYTHING without feeling stressed, angry, irritable and just plain mean. When I'm high, I have no energy to deal with anything, I feel kind of manic and I can't focus. So when I get on this roller coaster of blood sugars, I flip back and forth between irritability, anger and unfocused mania.
Does anyone else have these crazy enotional roller coasters? How do you deal with them?
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