Meeting with a new diabetic counselor tomorrow morning. Seems like the harder I try to get off on the right foot, the more I put people off.
I have been an aggressive advocate for myself after losing my grandfather to diabetes and watching my father die slowly due to diabetic complications. I got to sit with my dad for about 30 by myself when he was dying… I don't know if he could hear me or not, but I promised him I wouldn't let happen to me what was happening to him without a fight.
Seems like the more I advocate for myself, the more I put off the medical professionals that I deal with. I ask questions… that's apparently a no no. I question my course of treatment…also a no no and I have questioned my doctor's ability to treat a long term progressive disease… that is just unheard of. BTW… he specializes in OB/GYN…not exactly what I would want treating diabetes. I'm working on that though. I wont be in his care much longer.
I'm labeled non-compliant even though I've done everything I've been asked to do… problem is that it's not in the time frame they would like things done. I have managed to bring my numbers down from the high 600's to daily readings of 120 and lower. That's another saga in this story and another reason why I'm not well liked.
SO… meeting this new person is kind of scary for me. She's going to see my file, she's going to see where I've been called non-compliant, she's going to start making judgments about me (like they've all done) without having heard my side or even talked to me as a person.
Not once in a year and a half has anyone asked what I think, how do I feel or what do I want regarding my diabetes. Everyone says I'm in denial because I'm angry about being a diabetic (there's another part of the story I wont get into right now)…being angry about being a diabetic doesn't make me in denial… it just means I'm angry about being diabetic.
*sigh* I'm crossing my fingers, I'm telling myself to play nice… having spoken with her once already on the phone…I can almost see the writing on the wall. They are ok with me as long as I don't ask anything, do as I'm told and don't question my care. I just don't see how this appointment is going to end well with those kinds of limitations.
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