Having Second Thoughts

rbergman
By rbergman Latest Reply 2009-05-07 20:01:12 -0500
Started 2009-05-05 23:37:16 -0500

I recently started a job to help bring extra income into our household. I work on the same ranch as my husband and it has worked out pretty well for us…until today.
While my husband was out in the fields I was taking care of some cows after the kids were home from school as I've been doing daily. Usually the kids will go up to the barn with me but tonight I'd told them that it wouldn't take me long and since it was nice outside for a change they could stay at the house and play. I can see our house from the barn I work in as both are at the tops of hills. On my way back from the barn I saw Laura's bike at the bottom of both hills halfway between the house and barn but didn't see her, as I was coming up the hill toward the house her brother came running out saying she'd crashed her bike and was hurt and bleeding…
Came in the house she was on couch, both legs bleeding and 1 arm and as I was checking her out I noticed a knot on her forehead but no bleeding there just little blood blister type red spots in and around the knot. Then I saw blood all over her shorts and thought it was from her arm maybe but she said her side hurt really bad, I raised her shirt and there was this deeper gash on her side just above her hip bone and it was full of rocks and dirt. Called her dad on his cell and told him we were off to the hospital and why and picked him up from the side of the road at the field on our way.
Mild concussion, minor abrasions on legs and arm and 9 stitches in her side after cleaning it all out, and her blood sugar was over 300. Yes she had on a bike helmet but she said that she thought the bike handlebar is what smacked her in the forehead when she wrecked.
Sent home with the usual instructions for a concussion, and orders to see her family doctor tomorrow, keep checking her BGL as they suspect as did I that the trauma and stress made it go so high.
My problem is, I'm wondering if me working instead of being home is such a good idea. Sure I know whether up at the barn or in the house she could have had the wreck, even if I was out there beside her she could have had it. I just feel like its my fault because I'm the one that convinced her and her brother not to go along with me this time, I feel guilty I guess more than anything. She's supposed to have her newspaper interview Thursday after school and has a movie/pizza hut night with her dance team after that the same night and I feel like crap because this wouldn't have happened if I'd just taken her with me. I thought working right here would be okay, the kids know their dad and I both have our cell phones and that I'm never that far from the house even if their dad is, but still it bothers me.
Am I just being silly and over protective? We need the money, who doesn't these days, but I can't help but wonder if I was just a stay at home mom things would have been different.
Have been waking her every 2 hrs for the concussion instructions, and checking her BGL at those times too, it is coming down, her last one just a few minutes ago was 178, still a bit high but better than over 300.
My husband keeps telling me it wasn't my fault that no matter where I was she could have had this bike accident but because I went without her and she decided to ride her bike to the barn I still feel guilty as hell
Someone once told me that God never gives us more than we can handle, I wish someone other than me would tell God that my cup runnith over and I feel like I'm at the breaking point. Every (what I think) good decision I make seems to go sour shortly after made. Even my "biological clock" is out of whack not to mention my diabetes, I'll be 40 later this month but it feels more like I'm turning 80 I'm so strung out and stressed anymore.
If you wouldn't mind saying a little prayer for Laura to recover quickly from this I'd appreciate it as her luck hasn't been so great for some time now when it comes to medical issues and such. As for me, any suggestions on how I De-Stress and get myself back on track would also be appreciated.


9 replies

mamaoak
mamaoak 2009-05-07 20:01:12 -0500 Report

this could have happed any where. dont feel so bad you are worring to much. these things happen sometimes. it is hard when you have family. i am sayiing a prayer for her and your fsmily all will work out. hugs

cakeybakes
cakeybakes 2009-05-06 20:31:17 -0500 Report

We can't watch our children every second of every day. Even when we do they still get hurt! God will not give you more than you can handle, there is a reason for all things. Just hang in there, trust in Him to care for you and your family. And KEEP PRAYING! It's a great stress management plan!

rbergman
rbergman 2009-05-06 19:42:44 -0500 Report

Thanks all, yea I probably over reacted in blaming myself its just tough, I was kindly reminded by someone else off this site that she could have done the same thing had she been with a babysitter while I was off to work elsewhere away from home. I appreciate the prayers and thoughts, she didn't go to school today obviously but says she will go tomorrow and just deal with it lol.
Ahhh to have the resolve a child has once again lol
Thanks everyone again its much appreciated!!

Hugs & Much Love,
~Robin (and Laura)

Sarguillo
Sarguillo 2009-05-06 13:49:49 -0500 Report

Sorry to hear your kid got hurt, Kids will be kids and they are going to get hurt, if you are there or not. Bringing in an income if it is needed, might be more help to the family then you think. You cant second guess yourself after the fact. Its a loose loose situation. Do your best as you have been doing and let God handle the rest. Yes, he doesnt give you more than you can handle, but I think most of us have not yet been throughly tested just yet. Good luck. Dont let the downs, get you down. Remember, you are a great parent who cares about their children. What more can they ask for?

cyncyn
cyncyn 2009-05-06 08:16:49 -0500 Report

Robin,
Please don't beat yourself up, over this. It's natural, of course, for us to feel guilty over our childrens pain and suffering. That is how we were programmed.
When my children were growing up, I also worked. But my youngest son, seemed to always have his accidents, on my days off! We spent so much time in the E.R., they know his medical records by heart! Since I worked at this hospital, the drs. & staff, would joke to me, about, "I just loved my job so much, that I couldn't even stay home on my day off! LOL But he was just being a kid, and experiencing life.
We teach our children, that when life knocks us down, we get back up, and are a little stronger, each time!
And yes, sweetie, all Mom's need a little me time! Guilt free! (this may be hard at first)
Will say a little prayer for you and yours,
Cyndi

Mom and boys
Mom and boys 2009-05-06 07:26:06 -0500 Report

Robin isn't it hard being a Mom?

I had some of the same guilt feelings in January when I had to take Blaise my 11 year old in to the orthopeidic for the 4th time in 12 months. I was actually worried they would call social services.

When I made a joke the Dr. told me that she "LOVES" her frequent flyers. It means that he is out there experiencing life and not stuck in the house watching TV or playing video games.

Being over protective is normal for a good mother but we have to start letting go a little bit at a time. So give your self a break, let Laura experience life and be thankful that she is able to enjoying it - being an noraml kid.

My boys tell me I am the most over protective mom in their school. But Blaise (11) will be backpacking this weekend in the mountains, with out me (or his father) and 3 hrs. away. Yes, there will be a lot of praying on my end :)

dyanne
dyanne 2009-05-06 00:28:19 -0500 Report

Hi Sorry to hear about Laura… the poor kid has been through so much. I will pray for her and she will be fine.
You know it would have happened even if you were home,
but I understand how you feel. Do what feels right in your heart.
Hugs dyanne

Judimar
Judimar 2009-05-06 02:13:27 -0500 Report

Robin,

I am lifting you and Laura up to God. I pray that He heals you both and eases the burden of stress you are going through.

I understand your blaming yourself for what happened but it was not your fault. It is only human nature to second guess ourselves. We all do it. Recrimination will only add to your stress. You have to trust yourself and your instincts. I know I don't know you that well, but from your postings I sense that you have great instincts.. especially when it comes to your family.

Being a stay at home mom would probably not have made a difference at all. I can tell you this with a great deal of certainty because when I was about twelve my mother was a stay at home mother. That year I was thrown from my horse and was trampled by it. My younger sister witnessed it and ran into the house where my mom was preparing dinner. She rushed me to the ER and the doctor told me if the horse had been just half an inch closer to where my neck and skull joined he would have killed me.

Robin, no matter how much we protect the ones we love, we can not stop them from being hurt. Please stop beating yourself up over this. Yes you were away and working but you were observant and you got your daughter to the hospital and took care of her. You are a GOOD mother, Robin. Don't ever doubt that! If you don't believe me just ask your children :)

As far as your stress goes, perhaps you should start by cutting yourself some slack. Take some time out just for you. As a wife and mom you focus so much on your family, that's natural of course, but how much time do you focus on YOUR needs/wants. Take a little me time out each day for yourself.. even if it's just 15 minutes or so.

You seem like such a great person, hon. I hope that things improve for you and your family soon. Please hug Laura for me and ask her to hug you for me too :)

Sincerely,

Judi

Latte Lady
Latte Lady 2009-05-06 00:23:21 -0500 Report

{{{hugs}}}
This may possibly have happened, no mattter where you were, or what you were doing.
Not your fault. Sure, you feel guilt. Comes with the title of 'mom'.
Things will work out, know you did your best and take care of YOURSELF.
Tell her many people are holding positive thoughts for all of you.
Eileen

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