and that should scare the heck out of me right? I have reached a certain level these days in my life that I just do not care about certain things in my life and my Sugar Levels, my depression, my Cholesterol Levels, and other things in my life. This I know should really scare the hell out of me..but I seem to not be able to reach that point where it does?! I have stopped watching what I am eating and I have stopped watching how much I eat. I made a move in the last few months and thought that I would have enough medications to get me through until I could get to a new Doctor in my area. I have been totally wrong on that ever since. I have no insurance so one of the local hospitals barely treated me the other day when I was in there with stomach pains and a migraine…chalked the stomach pains up to being related to the migraine. I can not get into the local University Clinic until the very end of July for an apt. I can not wait that long. I did finally find out that I have a UTI, and a spill over of sugar into my urine. My sugar levels are running sky high for the last 3 months. I will not embarrass myself even further by stating what they are. but they are higher than what they have ever been for me. I am literally destroying myself from the inside out and I know this. I have had enough medical background to know what I am doing is slowly killing me…But the depression is not helping my mind set with the Diabetes, and I have reached the conclusion that I just do not care anymore. I figure that I can not commit suicide..so in a way I might as well do it this way. Yes, this is not normally how I would think about things and not how I would handle me personally. But I am trying to do something about it by reaching out to someone that will listen to me and give me suggestions or at least be a friend. I know myself well enough to know that as long as I am still talking about what it is that I am wanting to do…then I wont go and do something stupid. It has always been a very hard struggle for me to ask someone for help or for assistance on something and I can not go to my family for that. They have never really understood my depression and why it has always been a hard struggle for me.
If someone could be an ear or knows of something that I could do to help better myself…please let me know. I am feeling like this ship floating out there on the sea that is being battered by all of these problems(diseases) that I have, and not a sure foot to stand on.
The lost one in LA
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