I just Do Not Care Anymore.......

By Lisa61611 Latest Reply 2009-08-04 10:59:51 -0500
Started 2009-05-03 04:58:43 -0500

and that should scare the heck out of me right? I have reached a certain level these days in my life that I just do not care about certain things in my life and my Sugar Levels, my depression, my Cholesterol Levels, and other things in my life. This I know should really scare the hell out of me..but I seem to not be able to reach that point where it does?! I have stopped watching what I am eating and I have stopped watching how much I eat. I made a move in the last few months and thought that I would have enough medications to get me through until I could get to a new Doctor in my area. I have been totally wrong on that ever since. I have no insurance so one of the local hospitals barely treated me the other day when I was in there with stomach pains and a migraine…chalked the stomach pains up to being related to the migraine. I can not get into the local University Clinic until the very end of July for an apt. I can not wait that long. I did finally find out that I have a UTI, and a spill over of sugar into my urine. My sugar levels are running sky high for the last 3 months. I will not embarrass myself even further by stating what they are. but they are higher than what they have ever been for me. I am literally destroying myself from the inside out and I know this. I have had enough medical background to know what I am doing is slowly killing me…But the depression is not helping my mind set with the Diabetes, and I have reached the conclusion that I just do not care anymore. I figure that I can not commit suicide..so in a way I might as well do it this way. Yes, this is not normally how I would think about things and not how I would handle me personally. But I am trying to do something about it by reaching out to someone that will listen to me and give me suggestions or at least be a friend. I know myself well enough to know that as long as I am still talking about what it is that I am wanting to do…then I wont go and do something stupid. It has always been a very hard struggle for me to ask someone for help or for assistance on something and I can not go to my family for that. They have never really understood my depression and why it has always been a hard struggle for me.
If someone could be an ear or knows of something that I could do to help better myself…please let me know. I am feeling like this ship floating out there on the sea that is being battered by all of these problems(diseases) that I have, and not a sure foot to stand on.

The lost one in LA

19 replies

Pat Roth
Pat Roth 2009-08-03 15:43:23 -0500 Report

Lisa, I just ran across your plea and wondered how you are doing now? It is Aug 3, I think—-Yipes, toomorrow is our daughter's birthday, late again!! Man—It is hard to keep up!!

I too felt so all alone with depression and several health issues, an aging mother to care for, a husband who is the King of Critism!! My mom died at 98 yrs., 2 yrs ago, I had to have 2 knees replaced, just had woke up and they shoved a thing in my shaking hands and said that I would have to test myself for diabetis—here is how—once time, and also, "you have a hernia, when do you want surgery on that??" Well, I was having trouble with so much tension, could barely breathe, nor walk and breathe at the same time—-O2 was low, was on O2 for 3 mos, still have trouble, and I attribute part of my depression to lack of oxygen getting to my brain!

I was mAD!! I was just waking up, and to WHAT??!! I felt resentful for almost 3 years until I got on this site and found others who had similar problems and worse—I was mostly exhausted and overwhelmed, had battle fatigue, which doesn't do your mind any favors!

I so hope that you have figured out some financial solutions, and know that we on this site, do understand, true—like one lady said, do not trust anyone for your own happiness—-that is, entireley!!!! WE ALL need someone though, it is just a matter of knowing where to look, friends help to reinforce your own faith in God!

Best of Luck and God Bless you too!!! Pr

Sarguillo 2009-05-04 16:47:53 -0500 Report

Lisa, Sorry you are lost in your way. Depression is somthing that alot of us have to deal with. On top of everything else. I too suffer from depression from time to time and stop caring what I eat and what I am doing. Did a 10 year stint where I didnt care about what I was doing. I dont want to think of the damadge I did to myself in that time. Seek help if you can. As far as not having insurance, there should be a free clinic or a county hospital somewhere nearby. You might have to travel to find it. Dont become a shutin. Go out and meet others. Volunteer. get out of the house. Try to be active if you can. All I can say is "been there, done that, moved on, hope you do too". Blessed be.

thomasdiabetic 2009-05-04 10:32:55 -0500 Report

Dont give up on yorself life too precious too do that let me tell you about myself. I got diagnosed 3 weeks ago with a bs level of 1182 it happened over night i woke up one morning blind i spent 3 nights in intensive care at hospital. Yes i was overwhelmed believe me but you have too keep your head up and fight this you are not the only onr that gets frustrated about this just ask other people that have it. Its a disease that has an impact on youre life and lifestyle but please dont give up you have friends here that care about youre well being. If you need any advice on things i will help you all i can my bs runs in the 60s inthe mornings and 400s during the day i know how you feel its a bad feeling but i have too live with just do some more research. You do have a friend here and i know what you are going through so please dont say you dont care because you have people on here that care about you.

seawolf1944 2009-05-04 07:07:55 -0500 Report

Hello Liza,
Just read your comments.Im sure that,Youre not the first and only one to have those thoughts and problems. First of all,I care about your situation. I can't help you in the physical sense. Im a diabetic minister. Maybe,I can offer some suggestions . First,Lest start from the beginning. First and most important,GOD allowed you to be born into this world. There had to be a special reason for that or you wouldnt be here. number two, You are somebody and you have a special place in society.Number three, You need to pull your shoulders back and keep your chin up. whether,You beleive it or not,There are places where you can get help. First of all, as far as,I know,each county in this country is supposed to have a state health department. I don't know how far,You are from the one in your county. Each health department will offer their assistance . Since you are working, The service are offered on a slideing scale based on your income. If,Your income is low enough,you may be eligible for your meds at little or no charge. They have doctors,who specialize in different areas of medicine. I don't know if, You are type one or type 2. Your place of employment should provide you a place of privacy so that,You can check you bsl and do your meds. Also,There is a law,which states that,a hospital can't refuse you medical treatment just because,You don't have insurance. Last but not least,pull your self together and get with the program. Life is worth liveing.Watch what,you eat research and get all the free help that,you can. Its there. Keep your head up and wear a smile. John

dyanne 2009-05-04 01:48:06 -0500 Report

Hi Lisa, just try to remember you will NOT feel like this forever and there is light at the end of the tunnel. With your sugars running high it wont help the depression. Believe me I do understand about depression and feeling overwhelmed. Just take a deep breath and try taking care of one thing at a time .Dont be to hard on yourself. You have people here who care and I will help you however I can. I can listen very well. You are not alone. Please try taking small steps and you will start to feel better. Keep in touch and let me know how you are doing.
Best wishes, dyanne

Least 2009-05-03 17:08:17 -0500 Report

Dear Lisa,

I know the feelings of depression you are having - they can be very overwhelming! This is going to sound crazy but I have never found relief or comfort from thinking -" I'll just get back on my feet", or resolving to take better care of myself. I have never found lasting relief in people around me - they cannot always understand and they certainly cannot always be there for me. (I'm not saying you shouldn't try to take care of yourself :), just that relying on other people or even myself has never brought me happiness and peace)

The one and only place I have ever found complete peace and comfort is in God. My faith in and relationship with Jesus is a stay when all the world is crumbling 'round me. He is a solid rock in the face of the most severe trials. He is always there - with Him I am never alone! I cannot even describe the beautiful peace of belonging to something bigger and more important than myself - belonging to the God who created me and loves me!

I don't know whether you are a christian or have ever thought these things before, but here is a scripture verse that means allot to me personally.

"He makes my feet like hinds feet, and He sets me on my High Places." Hab. 3:19

The thought that goes with this verse for me is that I am on a journey to the "High Places". I cannot get there on my own because I don't have the feet of a deer, and I certainly cannot leap up the towering cliff faces that confront me! My Lord is using my diabetes to help me develop beautiful "hind's" feet so I can follow Him wherever He goes. Whenever I come to a trial I try to remember this and that "All things work together for the good of those that love and serve Him" Romans 8.

If you have never turned to the Lord for comfort and help in trouble I advise you to try it as soon as possible! Also having a church to fellowship and go to in times when you need support is a real blessing.

I hope this is encouraging! Love From Your Friend,

Lisa61611 2009-05-03 15:24:42 -0500 Report

I would like to thank each and every ONE of YOU that has posted to my vent that I made here early this morning. I know what needs to be done and I am not a stupid female. But with me being here in Louisiana…I seem to have lost my train of thought of where I need to go and do. But after reading the responses here, it has made me realize that once again whether or not someone knows you personally…there is always someone out here that has been through what you are going through and has some insight to get you through another day.
I came from IL to Louisiana for a better chance at a life and that is what I need to start working on. Yes, I have had a minor set back. But, I have been dealing with most of my illnesses now for awhile so this isn't something new for me.
I have tried several times to try and get assistance from IL while I was still there, and was refused each and every time for the fact that I have no children and that I am not over 65 and that my illnesses were not child onset basically. It is frustrating yes, but I know that there are programs out there that I can get into that will help with my meds. I just needed the reminders from ya all.

Once again, I THANK YOU for that. Hugs to one and all.

dianef 2009-05-03 15:28:10 -0500 Report

what type of meter do you have? I have some for a one touch that i could send to you if that would help little

Judimar 2009-05-03 16:47:31 -0500 Report


What part of Louisiana are you in if you don't mind my asking? I lived in a small town in Louisiana for almost 36 years called Leesville. Currently I am living in New Mexico.

There are charity hospitals you can go to for help if you don't have insurance. One is in Alexandria.. Huey P. Long Memorial if I remember the name correctly.

Hope to hear from you soon :)



cyncyn 2009-05-03 12:10:37 -0500 Report

Sweetheart, when you posted, you "was" reaching out. and sometimes venting, will make you feel, so much better. I'm a caregiver, of my mother-in-law. plus I have, my own disabilities. I have been, where you are now. I suffered a back injury back in 95. It shoved the vertabraes into my spinal cord. for years, I have had to fight workers comp and disability. I have had to have several spinal fusions(which comp has not paid for yet), and getting ready to have another one in two weeks. and yes, severe depression has reared it's ugly head, at me, more than I can count. But, I found, that my friends, were the best medicine!! And, Sweetie, you have many, many friends here. We are always here for you, anytime, day or night. There is always someone who can give you advise, or just have a shoulder to cry on. So vent on, girl, it does help! Been there, done that, and still there!
best of luck to you

Judimar 2009-05-03 10:35:10 -0500 Report


You say you've given up and you don't care anymore but you obviously do. There are people here for you just as everyone who has responded has said. You aren't alone even if you feel you are.

Maybe you feel like you don't matter, but I want you to know that you do. There is only one you in this world. You touch so many different people in ways you can not even imagine. You may not feel like your life makes a difference to anyone else, but I am certain it does.

I know it is hard but you need to find a reason to care and to want to live. You need to take care of yourself for you and for the people you love, but mostly for you. Your life is precious. There is only one you and you are a gift to this world. No one can ever replace you.

I want to encourage you to keep reaching out. There are many people who don't know you but care very much. You will meet some great people here. I can't even begin to name them all for fear that I will leave someone out. I also want to encourage you to search your heart and find the things that give you joy and happiness. Focus on those things when the feelings of hopelessness are engulfing you. That is how I pull myself through the dark times.

I don't mean to prattle on like this. Please know that I and many others are here for you.



Connie4849 2009-05-03 11:14:45 -0500 Report

Please know that by posting this you have indicated that you want and need help.
Go to Toma Grubb's web site. Read everything that he wrote. Do it.
Your depression is part of the diabetes and having high blood sugar counts. If you can lower the count your depression will subside.
Begin by eating only when you are hungry. Then eat vegetables like broccoli, and califlower and some protein such as broiled chicken. You will enjoy the food, and your blood sugar won't be impacted. I know.
Please take care of yourself. People on this site care and so do I. Blessings to you. I'll pray for you. I'll send you Qi energy.

donsqueen 2009-05-03 11:15:33 -0500 Report

I completely understand how you feel. I go through periods like that myself, and just came out of one. I think you do care, otherwise you wouldn't be posting here. I had a long period where I had no insurance. It is hard, I know. I am going to make a suggestion, based on my own personal experience…take care of the depression, immediately. LA is a big area, and I'm sure they have mental health crisis centers. Find one and get an emergency appointment. Tell them you just don't care if you live or die anymore. They will get you in. When you go to the appointment, tell them everything you've told us here. Once the depression is being treated, the rest may not seem as overwhelming. Also ask them for resources to get you in to see a doctor sooner than the end of July. What you do with my suggestion is entirely up to you. Know that there are lots of people here who have been where you are. I am one of them. Keep posting. It will get better.

dianef 2009-05-03 07:42:33 -0500 Report

I am so sorry that you are feeling this way! I know that it can be very frustrating trying to do all the things that diabetes requires us to do. Sometimes it just feels good to vent to people who understand what you are going through. Does the clinic that you are to go to at the end of the month realize that you are almost out of meds? If they do, maybe they will schedule you sooner. I was supposed to get a test last week that required an IV, after 7 sticks with no luck, I told them that was enough. I didn't get the test. I wanted someone to tell me that they understood how much that hurt and that they understood why I said stop. All I got was "you should have let them try again. You need that test" I wanted to just cry (actually I did) I will probably go back and let them try again next week, but right now I just want someone to understand. Lisa, I understand how you are feeling!!!! Right now you don't care, but how about next week? Will you try again next week, please? If you need to vent, I am here for you. It is ok to get sick of this once in awhile, we all do.

LadyDi - 26259Miller
LadyDi - 26259Miller 2009-05-03 08:18:02 -0500 Report

I can hear the fear and frustration in your comments, and it is so painful to hear. Although it doesn't help you in any real way, be aware that this period you're going through is not uncommon to people dealing with ongoing illnesses. When you look through this site you will see many who either have experienced this or are now experiencing it. Many of them have multiple health issues and/or are experiencing some of the horrible complications of diabetes.

Sad too is the fact that there are millions that are like you and lack insurance, therefore they are unable to properly care for themselves. This is just wrong. There are a lot of folks on this site in that situation as well.

You need to check with a local pharmacy to get the information on prescription programs in your area. Touch base with the Health Department, talk to the clinic and anyone else you can think of to determine what help is available to you. In the meantime, you really do need to take a deep breath and make a decision to begin eating properly and trying to walk and get some exercise daily…get those numbers down to the lowest possible levels.

Just giving up is not the answer. Most of us hit these periods of "what the heck" at times, but we are able to get over it and get back on track again. That is what you have to do. Once your BS is doing better, you will feel better physically and mentally. Is this going to be easy? Nope. But you really need to take steps now before it gets even worse and you develop severe complications. It's hard, I know, but you need to buckle down and make phone calls and talk to every available resourse until you get help.

Please do not give up entirely. I know you have people that love you and would be devastated to know you are in this position and feeling this way. Everyone needs help at some time in their life, so don't be afraid or embarrassed to ask. This is your life we're tallking about. Give people a chance to help you.

I certainly know nothing of all of your personal circumstances, or of the extent of your diabetes or health in general, but where there's a will there's a way. Take charge now. Don't allow yourself to give up completely. There are a lot of people - even on this site - without insurance, and they've done a great job of changing their lifestyles, eating habits, etc., to do as much as they can to get healthier. They've done research and done a ton of checking around to find help. You can do that too.

While you're doing this, keep involved here and let us know how you're doing. I'm sure others will give you information and feedback as well. We do not like to see people give up, and we want to be here to help and encourage you as you get yourself straightened out.

I'm adding you to my prayer list. I hope you pray and believe in the power of prayer. I'm pulling for you! I know you can do this! Start today!

2009-05-03 08:40:58 -0500 Report

Ditto to what everyone said. When you were in the ER with the horrible migraine, stomach pains, did they know you were diabetic and test your BS? It seems like any hospital would not let you go with extremely high readings. (Insurance or no insurance.) When I diagnosed I had just been laid off from the bank I had worked at for years. My COBRA transfer was not complete and my insurance did not pay. I was there for over 3 weeks. I am paying that now as a monthly bill. I do have insurance again, but just for doctor visits and hospital stays. I do not have prescription insurance. I checked with all the pharmacy's and Walgreens has a plan that you pay $15.00 per year and the prices are great. The month I changed over, I went from $267.00 per month with CVS to $41.00 for the same 5 scripts at Walgreens. I hear WalMarts is good too, I just like a smaller pharmacy. Please don't give up, you have this under Type 2 so I hope you can contol a lot of this with diet and exercise. Depression will make you want to do nothing. I went through that about a month after being diagnosed with Type 1 and got some very inexpensive medicine that helped so much. I wish you luck, please know things do get better. It might make no sense to you now, but it will in the long run. Take care of yourself. Good luck, Angie

ali eletre
ali eletre 2009-05-03 07:29:31 -0500 Report

Dear Lisa
I have read your subject and I am not agree with you to say that you killing your self !!! why ? you do not need to ask for help from people who will not listen to you pain .
depend on your self and dont stop medication if you take insuline its good but you have to take care of your food .. my blood sugger is high but when I go to the doctor and he trancfare me to insuline since one month ago I am now doing every thing by my self and I dont need any help because I am a doctor of my self
my dear
do not so desprit like you are now .. you have to live for you not for any one& I am hear any time to dicustion with you about any thing ..
control your self in food and take care of your health only for you
its nice to know you and hoping to hear from you soon to tell me that you are ok
forgive me for my bad english
yours faithfuly