Diabetes sucks but I suck more

Anonymous
By Anonymous Latest Reply 2014-08-21 17:36:54 -0500
Started 2014-08-21 05:34:46 -0500

Ever since I can remember I've been diabetic sine the seventh grade to be exact, and I am almost done with University. I've never felt beautiful because no matter how much I killed myself at the gym or dieted my bottom fat on my tummy wouldn't budge. It's kept me from many things as ridiculous as it sounds I don't feel worthy of love. It's so bad I can't have people touch me because all I can think is about my tummy. I haven't even had my first kiss because any guy who come near me I push away. I know it sounds extreme but living with this has been an absolute nightmare. I'm over weight yes, but that skin isn't normal. I always searched for picture of people with a hanging tummy, but it never looked like mine. I don't know how, but today it finally hit me maybe it has someting to do with my insulin. I've always had in the back of my mind that my stomach is the way it is because of the insulin. Turns out my doctor is a shit doctor who never really explained this to me. He did mention I should rotate my injection site, but he never mentioned the gravity of it. So, almost every single injection I've ever given was on my stomach. He never bothered to check my injection site or even ask. Today, I found out I have lipohypertrophy something I had no clue even exsisted un till a couple of hours ago. My case seems to be quite sever because my stomach is extremely a huge bump. I am of course immediatly going to a diabetes to get this checks, but I read that most of the time the only way to get rid of it is through comsmetic surgery. I am willing to do that and more, and of course start injecting on other part of my body asap. I am going through a major low with life as a diabetic now, and to be frank I am f**king sh*ting my pants to what my future holds. And I am so mad at myself for causing this horrible deformed thing on my body.


3 replies

wraithmb
wraithmb 2014-08-21 17:36:54 -0500 Report

We are all human :-). Just last night I went to bed pretty much starving because I didn't want to eat a snack so loaded with carbs I'd risk a low in the middle of the night, and I got sick of wandering around the supermarket looking for something I could just eat and enjoy, rather than digging out the calculator.

You might want to consider joining us here at DC… You will likely find more support than you imagined possible. I know I have :-)

wraithmb
wraithmb 2014-08-21 09:07:42 -0500 Report

Hi anonymous, sounds like you're having a rough time. I had to look up lipohypertrophy myself. After reading, I've actually had this myself, although nobody ever called it that. I had to stop taking injections in my stomach for a couple years, and to this day, 3 years later, my insulin is still a bit unpredictable when I inject there. My point here is that it does heal, but it takes time. From Wikipedia: "Lipohypertrophy usually will gradually disappear over months if injections in the area are avoided."

If I can take a moment here to address another issue… Why so much self hate? Every one of us has imperfections. That doesn't mean we have to isolate ourselves and drastically change who we are. Personally, I have a pretty good dose of "ginger rage", and I tend to be a real a-hole when I'm in a bad mood. Most people think it's good that I don't let people walk all over me, but they have never been reamed out for having good intentions that were perceived as being a bit…misguided. I have a mole on my leg, acne on my shoulders, and BO that would make a skunk turn and run because I do nothing but sweat and roll in the dirt 8 hours a day. I actually call it permastink… Now should any of this devalue me as a person? I don't think so… The only one of the above that makes me unhappy is my anger. I've been working with it for a few years now, and it's gotten to the point where I can accept, and actually appreciate it. In the words of Agent Myers in the movie Hellboy: we like people for their qualities, but we love them for their defects.

So what are the qualities that other people like you for? And more importantly…what defects are you loved for?

Anonymous
Anonymous 2014-08-21 16:03:59 -0500 Report

The weird thing about my Lipohypertrophy case or whatever it is called is that although my insulin levels as any diabetics goes up. Its actually pretty okay if anything its more common for my sugar to go low which I know is horrible. It's not that I hate myself I hate that part of my body always have always will. I've lived this whole time thinking its just another part of being overweight no matter how much weight I lose it won't go. I thought it was like the stomach that hangs from being over weight, but I had never seen anyone like that even people fatter than me. Suddenly, I take a good look and I notice its two huge lumps because of the insulin. I understand that its just a cosmetic thing, but I've never really been able to dress how I want or feel comfortable in my own skin because of it. When I wrote this I was going through a major break down. I'm a bit better now, but sometimes its just hits me how much diabetes affects my life. I just want to be the me that I aspire to be not the me I am. The two questions you pose make me think.

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