Reflections on anger at diabetes

By Type1Lou Latest Reply 2015-10-29 22:50:14 -0500
Started 2014-08-14 11:40:16 -0500

I've read many posts expressing anger and frustration in dealing with diabetes. Diabetic Connect is a good place to vent those feelings and to seek advice on how to deal with the challenges of living the diabetic life…and yes, it most definitely is a challenge. A recent post expressing anger at those persons without diabetes who continue to eat the stuff we diabetics should avoid led me to these thoughts. If we were blind instead of diabetic, would be expect the non-blind people around us to keep their eyes closed and not look at the world around them? If we were deaf, would we expect those with hearing to stop listening to music because we can no longer enjoy it? If we were paraplegic, would we expect the people who can walk to stop doing so because we can't? Just because we have diabetes doesn't mean that we have to impose our dietary restrictions on others. I'm happy to see my husband enjoying those foods and desserts that I now choose to avoid in order to maintain control of my diabetes. I pray he never develops diabetes because it would be a rude awakening but I wouldn't think of depriving him of the pleasure as long as it does him no harm. With the right decisions (not always easy), diabetes is manageable and we have the potential for a good quality of life. No, I'm not happy to have diabetes, but it is MY disease. I own it and the decisions I make in dealing with it. I've learned that anger at it is counterproductive. I just had to get this off my chest…thanks for listening.

37 replies

urquidi2015 2015-10-29 22:50:14 -0500 Report

Type 1 Lou. I have to agree with YOUR analogy. From day 1 of my diagnoses, I came home and told my husband - I blame no one .I will say though, I did experience half a day of a pity party. I then snapped right out and told my husband - I own it .I don't become angry at others… for being able to eat "normal". Although, if they seem to over indulge on something and ask me if I think they might become one based on their life style, I always say - if they continue on the path that they are on, then, they JUST might.

Kalisiin 2015-10-29 11:10:45 -0500 Report

I agree with you, Lou…but it does not stop me from wishing this world could be JUST A LITTLE MORE ACCOMMODATING to diabetics.

It would be nice to be able to go into a restaurant I didn't know, in a strange town…and be reasonably sure I could find something on the menu I can actually have. I can't do that.

There ARE tools out there that can help, for example, I have an app on my Android called "Healthy Out" which will show you a list of restaurants and dishes in any area that meet whatever dietary restrictions that you set up.

One of the reasons I love a particular restaurant I go to a lot, called Sweet Tomatoes…is because THERE…I can eat about 85 percent of what they offer…instead of like most restaurants, where I CAN'T eat about 85 percent of what they offer.

debcox 2014-08-26 10:26:57 -0500 Report

Thank you for your post. I was angry when I first got diagnosed but only at myself because I didn't do something in the years of being prediabetic. I got through that phase pretty quickly as it was counterproductive.

In my moving on stage (still in this), I am exercising and eating correctly for me but do not impose my way of eating on anyone. During our recent camping trip, my grandson asked if I was choosing not to drink soda because of my diabetes and asked if I would explain what diabetes was. I explained in a way he would understand since he is 7 years old.

Afterwards, both him and his brother decided that they would have one soda a day and then drink either milk or water with Mio just because it was better for them. This was a month ago and both are still sticking to it. I fix dinners that are good for us all and still fix desserts for us 2-3 times a week. I either eat the same dessert but a smaller portion or choose a piece of fruit instead.

Everyone in the family has been great about eating the healthier food or choosing restaurants where I can choose something healthy to eat. We still get a shared dessert except for now, there is more for the others as I usually have one small bite and I'm fine.

Type1Lou 2014-08-26 16:59:16 -0500 Report

Glad to see that your handling your condition well…and what a wonderful example you're setting for your grandsons. Wishing you well!

Vhm 2014-08-18 20:19:07 -0500 Report

I can't imagine comparing diabetes with being blind, deaf or paralyzed! Really? I would much rather have diabetes than being unable to walk! Or blind! Or not hearing music! Just me, but I can't imagine this comparison. Like I told my endo: "you didn't say I have cancer (or I am paralyzed, blind or deaf), so I'm the lucky one."

Type1Lou 2014-08-19 15:38:10 -0500 Report

If I'm reading your comment correctly, I think you agree with me that there are worse conditions to deal with than our diabetes. Some of the anger expressed at diabetes and at others because they can eat what we should not triggered my post. I wanted to point out that there are people who don't have all the options we do to manage our condition. I am very grateful that I don't have to cope with more serious conditions. If I interpreted your comment incorrectly, please set me straight.

TLTanner 2014-08-15 19:00:02 -0500 Report

Excellent post and very well said! I've been diabetic since I was 4 years old and actually don't know any other way of life. Maybe that helped me more than those who are diagnosed later in life, but anger never entered into my life for having diabetes.

We don't expect those around us to eat like I do either. When we have guests over, we will serve regular desserts, I just don't eat it or have very little of it. Sometimes, we will have sugar-free desserts and they find that they love them! Not to mention, they can't tell they're sugar-free!

I absolutely love your references! Keep up the good work and the positive attitude, Lou!

Type1Lou 2014-08-16 08:08:28 -0500 Report

Thank you for your kind words. I grew up watching my Dad treat his diabetes in the 50's and 60's and I think that made it easier for me to accept my diagnosis at age 27. We have so many more alternatives and tools than my Dad did. I can't imagine how hard it would be as a child and teenager to deal with diabetes like you did.

TLTanner 2014-08-16 15:11:43 -0500 Report

Lou, I actually grew up thinking EVERYONE was a diabetic and had to have shots! LOL It wasn't until I was older that I realized they didn't!

I have to say that the roughest part was during my childhood where I spent so much time in insulin reactions that I don't remember a lot of my childhood! But, of the memories I do have, most are of funny incidents where I'm surprised I didn't kill myself! Like falling over face down on pavement from a standing position. How do you do that and not have a mark on you?! I don't know, but I did! LOL

I have to give credit to my parents too for I believe they are who taught me at an early age to not let what others think run your life.

I'm glad you had some examples of what to do and that it doesn't end your life when you are diagnosed with diabetes. It seems to have given you some sound advice too that you carry with you now.

Glad to have met you, Lou!



Type1Lou 2014-08-16 16:33:22 -0500 Report

Likewise, I'm happy to have met you Teresa! Although I didn't develop my diabetes until age 27, I recall a "face plant" once when I was living up north and wanted to finish planting dahlias before going in to dinner. My BG got so low that I actually wound up with my face in the dirt…luckily, I didn't pass out and decided it was time to take a break. (Doh!)

TLTanner 2014-08-16 22:35:37 -0500 Report

It would be neat to get everyone here to collaborate on a book of the "funny" incidents that have happened to us because of diabetes! I bet it would be a best seller and funnier than anything else out there! :-D

Trudie Ann
Trudie Ann 2014-08-15 13:00:43 -0500 Report

Thank you for this post Type 1 Lou. This reminded of something that happened to me. I helped serve at a bereavement dinner a while back and this actually came up. The person who called to have it set up requested all vegetarian. We happily made the all vegetarian meal for them. When the guests arrived a couple of them complained about no meat dishes. When we explained that was what was requested, they quickly apologized and said it's ok, we will just stop and get a burger at McDonalds on the way home. They also sent a card thanking us for being so nice and helpful. It made me stop and think about how some times I get just a little jealous of those who can still eat what ever they want.

robertoj 2014-08-14 21:59:22 -0500 Report

Anger may be a legit response but it has no place in my life. Not that I never get angry but I don't allow it to ruminate.I'm much more invested in making changes in my program. Some things will never be the same and isn't worth dwelling on.

Type1Lou 2014-08-15 07:41:57 -0500 Report

I agree with you. Rather than expending anger on something (or someone) we can't change, we need to concentrate on those things that are within our power to change.

GabbyPA 2014-08-14 19:29:12 -0500 Report

Oh, this is GREAT! Thank you. I was trying to figure out a way to say it, and you hit the nail on the head.

jayabee52 2014-08-14 17:49:29 -0500 Report

Howdy Lou. Wise words you posted.

your example of the blind person hit home for me since My 2nd wife was totally blind when she was alive, She didn't ask me to wear a blindfold. In fact she needed me to cook and to take her to her medical appointments and i needed vision to do it.

She had just lost her mother before I married her and during the time she was without anyone else in the house her quality of life suffered and it seemed that she was physically failing. When i let her know I would be arriving within a day or two she perked up and became the lady I knew and loved.

She also had (what I think was Type 1) Diabetes, so we had that in common. We did not expect our friends with whom we partied to follow a Diabetes friendly eating plan. Things were good

I agree that anger at most anything is generally counterproductive

God's best to you, Lou!

kimfing 2014-08-14 16:14:40 -0500 Report

Amen! My dgtr n boyfriend are moving in with us to save money. I told them if they want their chips and snacks and ice cream that i choose not to eat, please have them. I don't want them tip toeing around me. I told them I would get angry if i fnid them doing that. My d is my responsibility and i choose to be responsible.

rolly123 2014-08-14 15:33:47 -0500 Report

Lou that's good way looking at it! Never gave it that veiw! I'm living wanting be like my friend who eats what she wants! I guese I was upset that I have disease and my friend family don't! I ate like them but it left me going up in insulin and now med that will not help with it ! Lou thanks for posting it made me c it another way! I was that person who was mad being diabetic alway was

Type1Lou 2014-08-14 17:46:51 -0500 Report

I'm glad it helped Valerie! I find anger at something we can't change is just wasted energy. We're much better off taking whatever steps we can to control what we have than raging at it.

funnygirl98 2014-08-14 15:28:50 -0500 Report

I totally understand what ur saying. ur right we all need to take ownership of our disease. I know I get angry for my oa bursitis asthma fibromyalgia and many more problems that I have.I scream yell to vent and get it off my chest and then I'm ok. Prayer helps me alot because he's the only one who knows who we r. I have a good listening ear so if u need to vent u always have me ;-) God bless

Type1Lou 2014-08-14 17:48:53 -0500 Report

I'm happy you can find solace in your faith. Thank you for the offer of a good listening ear…we all need one to help us over the rough spots.

Glucerna 2014-08-14 14:45:28 -0500 Report

Thanks for sharing your wise words Lou. I had never thought about diabetes, or any other chronic condition, in quite this way and you really opened my eyes. Very powerful: "I own it and the decisions I make in dealing with it." ~Lynn @Glucerna

Graylin Bee
Graylin Bee 2014-08-14 13:50:38 -0500 Report

Well said.
Usually I can also claim to own it and the decisions…unfortunately the other night at work as I watched a coworker enjoying her dinner I quietly envied her ability to have whatever she wanted (OK it was a moment of DQ blizzard lust). I was in the middle of a private pity party when I remembered she has Lupus.

Type1Lou 2014-08-14 14:24:54 -0500 Report

I think frustration and envy are normal reactions too and sometimes we just need to let it out. That's where DC and good friends help. I'm blessed with wonderful friends and a great spouse (even though he can eat whatever he wants.) He's one of those guys who was always thin although his chest size has migrated a bit south these last few years…gravity?

Set apart
Set apart 2014-08-14 12:36:45 -0500 Report

Lou this is so true - I struggle with this disease and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. My husband enjoys his foods, exercises and I don't hold him responsible for MY disease. My challenge comes from seeing others sometimes abuse their bodies through their diet and lack of exercise, especially if they are candidates for diabetes. My goal is to live in harmony with this disease, right now we are not seeing eye to eye.

Type1Lou 2014-08-15 07:47:47 -0500 Report

We all struggle to master our condition with wide ranges of control..sometimes it's great and other times, not so good. I hope the future brings more harmony into your life.