Medical Issues

By sjeankia Latest Reply 2014-07-28 09:16:47 -0500
Started 2014-07-27 18:16:57 -0500

I lost my husband Dave in 2008 to heart issues from type 2 diabetes. I retired last year after working 47 years full time. I have type 2 diabetes, lupus, arthritis, osteoporosis, Parkinson's, high cholesterol, neuropathy. I have not been sick or even had a cold since 2008. I have a new love in my life but he does not know my health issues and he is considerably younger than me (22 years). I have known him for 3 years. Should I tell him now or wait to see if the relationship gets more serious?

3 replies

GabbyPA 2014-07-28 09:16:47 -0500 Report

After 3 years, he doesn't know your health issues? That is a hard thing to keep hidden for so long. If love is there, these things will be workable, but I would rather have him as a friend and tell him now, then have to loose him if he decides that he wanted more, but doesn't want to do it with quite so many issues on the plate.

Type1Lou 2014-07-28 07:37:08 -0500 Report

I don't think there is any percentage in waiting to tell him. If he's the one for you, he'll stick around and commit, if he's not, wouldn't you prefer to deal with that now before it gets more serious?

jayabee52 2014-07-27 20:46:51 -0500 Report

Howdy Jean
WELCOME to DC. Sorry you qualify for this shindig, but since you do I'm glad you're here.

Unless this is a long distance relationship, if he's been around you long enough to deveop into a love interest, I would have a hard time believing that your younger man is so oblivious to your health condition he is clueless as to you having "medical challenges".

As the husband of my 2nd wife (now deceased in 07/2010 at age 55) who had Lupis, I opt for gently disclosing your conditions at the earliest practical date.

After all what if something goes wrong with your body (as often happens with Lupis). You will have to explain to him about what is going on with you while in a great deal of pain. If he is as clueless as you suggest, that's a mighty undertaking, especially if you are in a lot of pain. It may take some time for him to wrap his mind around it all.

My late wife, "Jem", was totally up front about all her conditions. Even then I did not fully wrap my mind around what she was telling me.. I had to go through it with her.

This is also an issue which sorts out the "keepers" from the "also rans". If you tell him about it and he runs away, he was likely not the best for you anyway.
Of course if he walks away and then comes back, he is probably hooked.

Being in love means making onself vunerable and open to emotional injuries. There is really not another way to love. Of course making oneselv vunerable also opens you up for great joys too.

Diabetes by itself is scary enough. Lupis to me is scary on steroids!

My Jem was totally blind, (due to an extreme case of Retinitis Pigmentosa) and due to the Lupis she had CHF, COPD, CKD, Diabetes ("Brittle" T1, I believe), Fibro, RA, and other conditions like allergies to various antibiotics and medications and others which i may be forgetting now.

IF I had been in my right mind I should have walked or even run away from her, but I was in love with her and her wonderful persoality. And if i did that I would have missed out on 3 yrs of a wild and wonderful ride that I would not have misssed for the world. I believe I am a better man because of having experienced the love of my sweet Jem.

My current ladyfriend agrees.

I pray things work out well for you.

James Baker

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