It's My Birthday And Today I am Wishing It Was The Worse

Cricket Crafter
By Cricket Crafter Latest Reply 2009-04-05 08:29:59 -0500
Started 2009-03-30 20:07:01 -0500

For numerous reasons I am feeling like this is the day where I should just let it end.

My illnesses (plural)no cure or even treatment for some.

Some severe medical problems, family problems; severing relationships, financial problems brought on by all my physical problems and so much more.
I just plain feel like a burden, and on this birthday I went to the doctor today and found that there is no cure,and that my physical body was aging with physical problems much earlier than it should be.

So, I just feel like I am taking up much needed space and it would benefit everyone if I was gone,

Please help me change my way of thinking before it is too late.
I can live with the diabetes,it is the rest of the stuff. I need friends to tell me how tough things are for them and how they deal with the problems and complications.

13 replies

midget 2009-04-05 08:29:59 -0500 Report

all i can say is that i'm sorry for the problems you have, really i am. but look at the bright side, your alive and still here and you have friends here also, we are all in the same boat with health problems and we learn to deal with them all. with me i always look at the bright side of everything, that i'm still alive and kicking. i know it's late but happy belated birthday to you.

momwantsacure 2009-04-04 22:51:02 -0500 Report

I am so sorry that you feel this way but know you are not alone. My daughter at 18 was diagnosed with thyroid problems, diabetes and Addison's disease. She sometimes seems as if she has given up, but her family, especially Mom will not let her. We have to remind her how much she is loved and how sad we would be if she were not here with us. Oh, yeah she also has a 2 year old who keeps her busy and an estranged husband who has tried to take care of her, but for reasons beyond control, he is no longer there..So she does not need the extra worry..because of Addison's, her body does not make cortisol, so she takes pills for this and the thyroid, and insulin shots, many a day. Lost count on how many times she has been in the hospital in the last 4 years. So, hon you definitely are not alone. Just remember there is always someone worst off than we are. I know it is hard but keep the faith, as hard as it may be…prayer does work…and I will definitely pray for you and All of the people who are at this site. Best wishes and much love…Kathy

lipsie 2009-03-31 11:03:25 -0500 Report

sorry, btw ya all Thank You, I needed a little reminder myself, pick-me-up kind of thing…its what helped my day, for real! Love ya all, Sheila

lipsie 2009-03-31 11:01:34 -0500 Report

Happy Birthday first off, btw…you share my 16yr old now sons' b-day. I knew I had to write one to say a little something, two well I just this am have gone thru the same exact thing. I contimplated overdosing with my and Ty's pills…and there's a lot. Anyhow what hold me back though I wanted to share was thinking of the ones you love…my first thoughts of course our my children and what I would do to them. I just don't think I could go there again. There may be someone in your life you may not want to put that kind of thing thru right? I know times are hard, oh believe me…but those moments are what make us stronger I think, at try to think, lol. Good luck to you, and I do hope to hear from you soon…or IF you have to check into a hospital…you may not want to go to that level, I never did but I have gone numerous times now and there are those weridos yup, lol BUT there are the everyday people just struggling…give it a try IF you feel that need…good luck..Love Sheila

LadyDi - 26259Miller
LadyDi - 26259Miller 2009-03-30 21:38:29 -0500 Report

It is heartbreaking to hear your comments. Life can definitely be cruel at times - and often it seems that the problems, pain and frustration will just never get better, much less go away. At some point in our lives, we all go through varying degrees of sadness, helplessness and hopelessness.

As you are on this site more, you will see some who are dealing with monumental health, financial and relational issues. I've experienced that in the past as well, and I just thought at times I would never be happy and at peace again. But here I am feeling so very blessed, even though my life is not perfect by any means. Compared to many others on this site and with whom I come in contact through my volunteer work, my problems are so small.

Medical expenses can certainly drain you. I watched a once very wealthy family member lose everything because of medical issues and the expenses she faced over the years. In today's economy, we see more and more people without jobs, therefore without health insurance…just struggling to keep food on the table and a roof over their heads, much less take care of their health issues.

I pray that you are able to take advantage of counseling, because you really do need that help, it seems. It is also my hope that you have a relationship with the Lord, as that is the thing on which I rely to keep me sane and able to keep on keepin' on. I believe in the power of prayer, and I believe in the wonder of God's love and the fact that He can and does work miracles. Don't give up. Allow your friends,relatives,clergy and doctors to know you need help in getting through all of this. Allow them to comfort and encourage you. There's no shame in needing help, you know. We all do at times. The shame would be to give up.

None of us can see into the future or know what tomorrow may bring, so just keep remembering that each day holds new opportunities and new possibilities. This may be the month or the year when your problems begin to improve. Medicine is moving forward at such a rapid pace that I don't think you should accept the fact that any health issue is beyond help. New improvement and discoveries are always in the pipeline, and who knows when you will benefit from some new discovery or innovation.

I'm sure there are people in your life that love you very much and would be devastated if you harmed yourself. Please get help, and please know that even those of us who are "strangers" care very much about your happiness and well being. I will be praying for you. Keep letting us know how you are doing. It's good to talk with others about what you're experiencing. And as much as we hate to see others suffer, it somehow helps to know that there are others who are experiencing multiple hardships in their lives, just as we are.

God bless you! I expect to see a post from you every day, so don't let me down!

Oh, and Happy Birthday!


P.S. Sorry about the length of this post. I usually dislike such long, wordy posts. But your words really touched me, and I just felt the need to speak to you.

Judimar 2009-03-30 23:46:59 -0500 Report

Happy Birthday!

I have felt like you at times. I have called myself a waste of space and a burden so many times I have lost count. Usually when I do that is how I know when depression has its hold on me and I concentrate on the blessings I have in my life.

I know no one in my life feels that I am a waste of space or a burden. My husband always tells me that I make this a better place just by being here and loving him. I am sure that your significant other and the other people you are close to in your life feels the same.

When I feel like giving up, I think about him or my sisters. I imagine my husband's smile and suddenly things don't seem so bad. I picture my niece dancing on stage and I find that I am smiling.

I also know that there are others in this world who may not have the blessings I have and then I pray for them. I pray that they will see that no one is a waste of space. God doesn't make junk.

You are God's special gift to the world. Even if you don't know it or you can't see how it can possibly be. We all touch each others lives in some small way. Believe it or not you make a difference just by being here.

Happy Birthday, hon. I am glad you are here. You are beautiful and special and there are people who love and appreciate you.



MeiMei 2009-03-31 11:05:40 -0500 Report

Amen! Happy Birthday! You are loved and a blessing to the world! God does not make trash he makes beautiful things! Please remember that.

bigjrm45 2009-03-30 21:35:28 -0500 Report

First of all happy Birthday,We all have days that are bad so you are not alone,You have to look for the good in the this I meanthat no matter what goes wrong there is a good that comes from it like when my son got my only car impounded and lost it to the state of Calif.that was the bad now the good part was I had to start walking every where and I lost 30LBSand I can even run now so you can see how it all works out in the end things do get BETTER keep your chin up and open your eye's and you'll find what you need around you good luck. James

rbergman 2009-03-30 21:29:24 -0500 Report

I have never wanted to give up on life but I have given up on diabetes before. I have a leg condition that could very well cost me my leg if things don't change, I am going blind in 1 eye slowly but surely and being an out of control diabetic sucks because now that I decided to take care of it again nothing is working yet and it just makes it worse.
My 7 year old daughter keeps me going though. In September of 08 she was diagnosed with Hypothyroid Disease after gaining 56 lbs in 4 months time. She was put on a medication that took the place of her failing Thyroid and she will be on that the rest of her life…another 70 years give or take…in November she started showing signs of having diabetes and sure enough February 6th 09 she was diagnosed as a T2 leading to T1, or, Double Diabetic, she was put on a strict diet, everything had to be counted she had to learn to check her own blood sugars as directed by her Endo and take more medication on top of the Thyroid medication…oh I forgot, before the Thyroid condition she was diagnosed with severe allergies and was taking 2 pills a day for that…at the end of February she was again hospitalized for more tests, they diagnosed her a couple different times with different conditions and then came to a final decision that she has Addison's Disease…this effects the adrenal glands that sit on the kidney's…more medication.
As of today at just 7 1/2 yrs old, she takes 21 pills per day to control all of her conditions, she gets up every morning, takes her own fasting blood glucose tests, knows which pills are to be taken before meals, during meals and after meals and goes to school and is a straight A student who not only deals with all of her medical conditions but, she's lost nearly 14lbs since Feb. 6th, doesn't complain but on occasion about the junk food and sweets she can't have like "normal" kids, and even managed to take 3rd place in the school spelling bee just 1 1/2 days after being released from the hospital. She was involved in the school dance team right up through the final recital, she is active in 4-H having her own animals to feed and take care of on a daily basis…and I'm talking 2 birds, 2 guinea pigs, 10 rabbits and a shared job of taking care of 32 pigs…daily, school or no school.
Now, you may wonder why I brag on my daughter like this, well, because I can, simply put…and to show others that if a 7 (and 1/2) year old can "deal" with a boat load of serious medical conditions then we as adults have no right to pity ourselves, and please don't get me wrong I've done it myself…the whole "why me Lord" depressed feelings and the wanting to give up.
Some say my daughter was put on this earth to lead by example and well, I know for me she does exactly that.
I am sorry that you are going through so much and that the doctor's report today wasn't the greatest in the world, but, as I learned to do, try to remember that no matter how bad it is for you, there is always someone worse off out there…some of them may even be members of this site. But if you choose to give up on life then it can never get any better, you have to want to live and you have to have the willpower to fight the diseases and illnesses that plague your life and prove that you can overcome, or at the least manage them. Just my advice and opinions and I am by no means trying to make you feel worse than you already do, but, a little tough love never killed anyone.

Hugs & Much Luv,

zobel 2009-03-30 21:08:11 -0500 Report

I feel this way occasionaly it will pass. concentrate on things you can control and make a goal to work towards.

i am currently mentoring a freinds son who is going through tough times. it helps me get through mine.

dj7110 2009-03-30 21:05:16 -0500 Report

I am in pain 24/7, unable to care for myself and rely on home health care services to help me care for myself. I have tried to take my own life in the past and it isn't worth it. I'm glad to still be here mainly for my kids sake. From now on when I ever get that urge to end the pain, you need to think of how it would cause pain to those in your life. This is what keeps you going. No matter how bad the pain gets at times you need to hang on for family and/or freinds in case there is a cure some day. As new things are comming out all the time. just hang in there and think of more of what it would do to others, family and freinds if you don't. Take Care, David

BeckyJ 2009-03-30 20:42:23 -0500 Report

Isn't it awful that one day can make some things seem so much worse than others. I was in your shoes last year. At my 30th birthday party I was so miserable I didn't even care if I made it to the next one. I had been to the doctor that day as it was the only time I could get in. It was awful. Felt like a house of cards was collapsing around me. After an emergency therapy session with the psychologist I got to feeling a little better. Even today I have some severe bouts of depression. I sometimes can't accept that at my Age I am totally dependent on others and that the life I was planning is over. I have to start each day with the reminder that it could be soooo much worse. PLEASE remember that each life is precious and has a purpose. It may seem a rough road and happiness totally unreachable but believe me there are good days ahead. You are obviously looking for help and that is the right direction to be heading. I pray that you find some strength and purpose in the journey ahead. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers and hope that the days ahead are less stressful. One thing that I would suggest is getting in contact with some type of support group or even just someone to talk to. Sharing your burdens with someone else will ease your anxiety and hopefully provide hope for a better future. GOD BLESS…Keep moving forward as it's the only thing you can do to get back on track.

marvinvwinkle 2009-03-30 20:33:59 -0500 Report

Now is when you have to get your chin up. You are a burden only if you think so. Many of us have incurable life threatening and shortening diseases. You can't let it take you down. This board is a listening device to help you talk it out. Good luck, you deserve it.