Am I fooling myself?

Sarguillo
By Sarguillo Latest Reply 2009-03-09 17:41:34 -0500
Started 2009-03-09 16:37:41 -0500

I have 2 meters and use them both. The main meter is the one my diabetic nurse hooks up to her PC and down loads the information off of. This main meter, I take my BS at fasting pre-breakfast and pre-dinner. These numbers my nurse wants to know of. I even email them to her on a weekly basis, but she downloads mothtly. Those I am ready to give her. At other times, I use my second meter to know what my numbers are between those times. I have even caught myself with a high number, Took some extra insulin and waited for my numbers to come down, Just so I would be able to post a descent number on my main meter. I think I am not trying to fool anyone since an A1C will tell all and my last A1C was so much better then the previous one. As human animals, alot of us try to be pleasing to others. Show our best side. Even to our medical teams. So my question is, why do I accept that I am not perfect, but not accept that its ok not to be perfect in front of others. Do we all try to hide some part of ourselves that we dont want to share with the world? Even this site, Yes, you can find out where I live if you try, but you wont come find me. I dont have to come face to face with anyone of you. We still retain a certain sense of hidden identity. Its all a sense of ambivalence. I guess it all comes down to the duality of man. any thoughts on this?


5 replies

Pauline B
Pauline B 2009-03-09 17:41:34 -0500 Report

Even though many of us are older than dirt, we still hear our mothers, first grade teachers, Sunday School teachers or other authority figures in our heads criticizing us for our imperfections. I've been through intense pschotherapy and have most of my demons in their place, but at times unconsciously respond to my dear sweet husband very defensively. He can call joke with me about it without my getting angry because he is so gentle. We perhaps see our docs as part of the authoritative base instead of part of our team to help us be all we can be. Imagine what a football coach would do if a player didn't tell the truth about his behavior? He is only hurting himself. (I say after eating many slices of banana bread…)

2009-03-09 17:38:52 -0500 Report

Lol, I think you're very smart. I think we all want perfect numbers. I had just taken my A1C test on Friday and then out of the blue, Saturday my numbers went to over 400 for the first time. (I normally run very, very low.) I thought about the next A1C test and put a note in my log to wait an extra week in three months before I take the next test! Lordie, I just didn't want those number's in the 3 month test. I think we all do it to some degree. I keep an old fashioned hand-written log book, but I do write down my numbers as they are. Even when I don't like them, I do write down the correct number. Again, you're very smart to think of this! :) Take care, Angie

firefightermom
firefightermom 2009-03-09 17:23:46 -0500 Report

I can relate. Sometimes if my daughters blood sugar reading is high I will not write it down and then just act like oh i forgot that one..I keep a every 4 hour logbook so I'm sure they know what's going on. For me it's that failure feeling you get when the doctor goes ummm what happened here??? sometimes you do your best at being on target and then when the number pops up it's some crazy thing you were not expecting and my feeling is failure- not doing a good job and I really hate that feeling. Sometimes the numbers don't add up for alot of reasons she played hard - wasn't hungry - and sometimes my carb. count gets reduced some if she is playing outside. Don't think it would be so stressful if it was me but being that it is my daughter and my actions to her control determine her health issues is alot to carry and I don't want people to know when we have a so called bad ##!! guess it is human nature noone likes to be out of control of anything in their lives. Thanks for sharing… by the way speaking of control.. I quit cold turkey smoking 5 days ago!!! praise the Lord!!

2009-03-09 17:30:54 -0500 Report

Congrats on the smoking! I would be stir crazy right now if I stopped cold! I have a horrible attitude about smoking and I know I've got to STOP! I admire you for stopping, now I really feel guilty! Congratulations again!

rbergman
rbergman 2009-03-09 16:50:57 -0500 Report

I think your right, we all try to keep some part of us, our lives private, a doctor usually knows some of your most intimate details that you wouldn't share with just anyone. I know for myself I was convinced that going to a doctor meant admitting I hadn't been taking care of my diabetes, and other medical things I tried to play off or keep to myself, even from my own husband. Calling and making that appointment was very difficult, I was more embarrassed then anything that I would have to admit I wasn't perfect and that I needed help. I finally did it last week, and am getting back on track, and also decided to "let it all hang out" when I went to see her last week, if I was to get better I had to be totally honest with her. My numbers were in the 300-400 range and the night before my appointment I took extra insulin just to make sure I'd have a better reading when they tested me at the office, like you I knew it wouldn't do much good once the A1C was done but I wanted to put up a good front too.
As far as you using 2 different meters, it doesn't help much either as no 2 meters ever test the same, even if you use the same drop of blood at the same time in them both you will get 2 different readings, I know, because I have done this myself too. Our daughter's Endo also checks Laura's meter against the office meter and they are never the same either, usually 7-10pt difference in the readings, so for this I worry for you that by using a second meter to dose yourself for a better reading you turn in to the doctor isn't wise, and yes, I would have to say, you are only fooling yourself on that part. As I said, I have no room to judge as I too have done the same thing in the past. I don't know what it is that makes us try to seem different than what we really are, but, we are all just human afterall and none of us are perfect no matter whether we fool ourselves into believing we are or not. I wish you the best of luck, but NO you are not alone in your thinking thats for sure.

~Robin

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