I Apologize

By rbergman Latest Reply 2009-03-09 06:30:44 -0500
Started 2009-03-03 01:09:28 -0600

As many of you know my emotions have been on a horrific roller coaster lately. I KNOW it is a problem and I KNOW it has caused me to say things that I probably wouldn't have said in the manner I did if I weren't so stressed. This has become an issue at home causing extremely heated arguments between my husband and I and some that the kids have witnessed sadly. I also find that I am responding to certain comments on discussions inappropriately or I fire off without thinking it through taking too much to heart lately when I shouldn't. I think I have it under control only to find I have yet again offended someone or hurt their feelings by how I respond.
We haven't had the funds for me to go to a doctor for a number of medical issues I myself have and a lot of money has had to go to transportation and such for our daughter and just hasn't been there to take care of my own needs. I have also neglected my own diabetes for so long that I am pissed at myself because now I'm finding what I should have been doing all along doesn't seem to be working now as a good treatment as it did before. Most times I don't even realize how emotional I get, depressed, angry, upset, even combative until after the fact and then all I can do is apologize, and I seem to be doing a lot of that lately which just frustrates me that much more. The things I cannot control outweigh the things I can and that just makes it worse. I'm not trying to make excuses for my behavior but please know I am truly sorry if things I have said affected anyone here in a negative way. I think it best if I just stop commenting for awhile until I can get my act together. Thank you all for being there for me and for my family too and when I get a better grasp on reality and my own life I'll come back to this site, none of you have done anything or said anything to me to deserve such behavior and it won't happen anymore.

21 replies

jsd2005 2009-03-05 02:08:28 -0600 Report

I can't imagine how you must feel. You have had such an amazing up and down hill situation to deal with lately. Anyone in your shoes would react in some manner that let's them display their feelings, emotions, stress and frustration.

This is the place you can do this without repercussion. These people know you, enjoy you and are here for you regardless. Your apology not necessary, I'm sure, but appreciated by those who respect and love ya!

Hang in there, if you need additional help there are others who can and will help you. You may need some additional treatment to get you over and through this time. Don't be afraid to ask your Dr. Okay?

Starfire - 23364
Starfire - 23364 2009-03-09 06:30:44 -0500 Report

Like any MOTHER if you know that your child could be in danger your emotions are on edge and you want answers , the range that my doctor gave me were 80 to 120 but said if I could get to 100 it would be great. I also know that when I stress or am sick my B/G gos way to high. You have to take good care of yourself first no matter what it takes to be sure and be there for your children. Who would know what to do if you were not there?? Thats
the question, could any one in your family take over to see that the children were watched carefully with their diabetes? You and yours are in my prayers good luck

BeckyJ 2009-03-03 21:24:37 -0600 Report

Good luck on getting better, both emotionally as well as physically. Your comments have been wonderful and I will miss you while you are away. NOW is the time to get back on track and get to feeling more like yourself. If you want to rant or yell DO IT!!!

2009-03-03 20:19:33 -0600 Report

Robin, I am pretty new to this site, but from the posts you've done, I've learned alot! I think moodiness is a basic issue with this messed up disease. You are a brave woman, and I respect you for being so self-less, but now my friend, it is time to take care of you! For without you, Laura and your husband will have no one to take care of them. I cannot speak for everyone, but I think they will agree, we have our 'down' times, and with you realizing that you need some help, those 'down' times are on the way up!! You have reached your bottom, my friend, you recognized it, and now you are taking strides to fix it, and THAT my friend, takes ultimate courage! I wish you the BEST in your journey, and know that I am thinking of you, and waiting for periodic updates!
Be Well, and Take Good Care

Amy Togtman
Amy Togtman 2009-03-03 21:20:19 -0600 Report

U r a wonderful friend and u've helped me out with the meter offer u sent me and I am greatful for that and understand that u need time to urself and take control of ur diabetes. I am glad u r going back to the doctor. I know what it's like to not have the funds available to take care of ur health. BELEIVE ME!! Iknow. I am now suffering the consequences of not taking care of myself. Please take care and u and ur family will be in my prayers each and every day! Hope to hear from u soon

Luv Always,

gma 2009-03-03 19:09:43 -0600 Report

Robin, We are all friends here and I truley understand you have been thru alot you said you were sorry and that is a big step so dont be to hard on yourself and please take care and know that all of your friends are here for you

lipsie 2009-03-03 14:41:14 -0600 Report

Robin, I give you much credit for picking up that phone. You HAVE to take care of yourself to take care of your family and like you said it can be paid in installments of some sort. You have given great information and support here, and I have only been here a short time so don't beat yourself up on this. You have SO much you have been dealing with and sometimes need to vent, it happens, no big deal…it'll be okay. *Hugz* Sheila

firefightermom 2009-03-03 12:45:22 -0600 Report

just want you to know you are important here and your emotions and feelings are important to me. Wish I could take all of your questions and frustrations away from you you are dealing with alot right now. Hope so much you find that peace you need. love ya and I will continue to pray for you and your family.

Leigh Marsden
Leigh Marsden 2009-03-03 12:23:56 -0600 Report

I wish that you wouldn't stop writing. You have offered alot of valueable input to this site. You are going without medication. Depression is also a side effect of diabetis. Moodiness sadly is a part of that.
Don't get so down on yourself. Since you don't have the money to go see a doctor, research, ask questions, and learn as much as you can about diabetis and start applying it to your lifestyle.
I wish you only the best and I will definetely keep you in my prayers.
Thank the Lord your human, or you wouldn't have any excuse!!! lol
Be thankful for the things you have. I am looking forward to your participation at this site.
Your Friend, Leigh

GabbyPA 2009-03-03 12:16:32 -0600 Report

We know that you are going thru so many things. There are people here that are just that way all the time, but we know that your heart is in the right place...it just needs a little TLC right now. You do have to take care of yourself so you can take care of Laura. It will be a great time for you two to bond in a special way.
It kind of happened with me and my mom. When I got that first reading, my heart sank, but mom was there for me. Now, I inspire her and we work together to help each other.
So your apology is only needed for you to feel better...we never stopped loving and caring for you. Even in a blow up. Not like any of us can't relate. LOL
You are a special soul, you might be a little lost right now, but you will right yourself and sail on.
Big ((Hug))

rbergman 2009-03-03 11:26:24 -0600 Report

I appreciate each and every one of you and your honesty here as well. I did the most difficult thing for me, being the strong willed person that I am, I called the doctor, explained that my diabetes and me in general is out of control and that I need help, it took me probably close to an hour of staring at the phone before I could convince myself I needed to make the call. Because I'd already had breakfast they would not see me today, and because I explained I needed to get my diabetes back on track and what I'm doing isn't working they need fasting blood tests, so, they scheduled me for 8am tomorrow (Wednesday). I told her my concern was the money it was going to cost and I was told the money doesn't matter it can be paid in as many installments as it takes but right now my health is the issue and that takes priority over the cost. I think I convinced myself for too long that the money was the real issue that it became more of a reality then my health itself did. So, with that being said I am still going to take a break and get myself back on track but I know you are all here for me when I encounter the "derailments" as I'm sure it isn't going to go perfectly for awhile, but I have taken the first step and am feeling a little better already and over the initial embarrassment of having to admit I have issues out of my own control.
Thank you again and take care of yourselves as well please.

Hugs & Much Luv,


2009-03-03 12:09:24 -0600 Report

Best of luck to you. Get yourself well. And remember, you do have support!

DiabetesDiva 2009-03-03 12:56:02 -0600 Report

I'm so glad you had the courage to call your doctor. You've been taking care of everyone else and now it's time for you.
I understand the mood swings & I've been there. I signed another petition today for universal healthcare and hopefully that will realized soon. Keep us posted. You can rant here, we're your friends.

Love, Kate

Richard157 2009-03-03 10:03:33 -0600 Report

Robin, you and your daughter are both diabetic and that is a very difficult situation. I have had periods in the past when I was emotional, depressed, angry. That was usually due to poor diabetes control. Several years ago I had much better control. I rarely ever have those depressed and angry moods now. For me, control is the answer. If you can work on your own diabetes and get good control then i think things will be so much better. Good luck to you and your family!


John Crowley
John CrowleyCA 2009-03-03 09:47:34 -0600 Report

Robin, thank you for being so honest with us. You are certainly carrying a huge burden of stress and I can assure you that we are very sympathetic to your situation.

Take your time and know that we support and care about you and your little girl. And most importantly, take care of yourself.

LadyDi - 26259Miller
LadyDi - 26259Miller 2009-03-03 09:38:16 -0600 Report

I want to say again that what you've been going through makes it very understandable that your emotions would be right on the surface. Most of us have had that experience at one time or another. You're a wonderful contributor on DC,Robin, and your shared information and experiences have helped a lot of people. You write so well, and you express yourself so beautifully.

I find I have to get away from the site at times, too, and I actually think that's a good thing. When we're on here too often it causes us to be too focused on our health issues and all the problems that go along with them. The site serves a wonderful purpose, but too much of anything is usually just not good. We need to get our minds off our illnesses and problems as much as possible and give our brains and emotions a little rest. And when someone upsets us on here, it just makes sense to step away for a day or so and try to avoid thinking about it. Not always easy to do, I realize, but always worth a try. The added stress, as we all know, has a negative effect on our BS and our overall health.

It's all going to get better. We all love you and care about all of you. Don't be too hard on yourself. Take a break, if needed, but come back and join us soon!

momwith juvie
momwith juvie 2009-03-03 08:09:55 -0600 Report

I just think we are alowwed a week here and there to be a real pain.you have gone threw alot and notice that.you also need to relize YOU need time to yourself or your going to be where you are now more often.we are here for you and will listen to you.just try to take some time for yourself every now and then.

2009-03-03 05:49:23 -0600 Report

Robin, you're not a problem. Given what you have dealt with including both children and your own health in the last few weeks is enough to make anybody go off! You want answers and you get an answer and then something else creaps in. You can vent anytime you want. You are just a concerned mom dealing with a lot right now. I am worried about you and your health. You have given all for Laura and Wade, but you have got to get your diabetes in control again. You have so much stress on you right now, your numbers have got to be through the roof. Don't apologize, just know it's okay and your friends support you 100%. Love n Hugs my friend! Ang

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