wife who needs advice

momwith juvie
By momwith juvie Latest Reply 2009-02-20 09:28:48 -0600
Started 2009-02-16 18:30:05 -0600

I need advice on what to do about my husband.My son has had type 1 diabetes for 5 yrsand i have provided most of his care.He does do a good job taking care of himself with supporvision.He wants to now why his dad has not helped him.why he wont give him a shot ,or mesure his food when he needs help.i have tried to talk to my hubby about this but he gets mad,and wont talk to me.i have tried therepy,blew up in my face.I dont want to be the one to tell my son his dad is terrified of him or what he has to go threw.i do believe my husband blames himself for some reason but i cant get him to tell me.i was wondering if any one has advise on how to help either on or both.thank you


10 replies

MeiMei
MeiMei 2009-02-20 09:28:48 -0600 Report

I feel for you. The man thing comment while funny is quite to the point. The suggestions of having him go with you to the doctor's office, providing books about diabetes that he can read to your son, and finding a man to talk with him (as someone suggested, perhaps if it came from some one else besides you) are all very good suggestions. Has he ever been on this web site and read some of the discussions by the men on the site?

Richard157
Richard157 2009-02-19 20:15:12 -0600 Report

I was diagnosed when I was 6. My Mother was an excellent caretaker but she loved me too much to give me injections. Daddy gave me injections until I was 12. Maybe it is your husband's love for your child and his not wanting to hurt him.

DiabetesDiva
DiabetesDiva 2009-02-19 17:04:03 -0600 Report

What a beautiful son you have! My husband is very supportive of my diabetes, but does not want any part of the testing. Perhaps the disease scares your husband? Is there a male friend who could talk to him? This must be so hard on both you & your son.

Good luck to you.

Kate

2catty
2catty 2009-02-19 18:34:55 -0600 Report

It sounds as if your husband does not trust his-self enough to care for your son. Kinda like when a man is scared to pick up a baby because it might break. He is scared if he cares for him he will mess up and something bad will happen. My husband will not give medication to my toddler he is scared he will give to much or not enough. He does not trust his-self. They think we have built in directions or something. Odd I know but bless their heart.

dyanne
dyanne 2009-02-17 01:16:59 -0600 Report

I was also thinking that it sounds as if he may be in denial,not so strange for men !!! Maybe he will come around little by little. Maybe you can find some books at the library for children on the subject and see if he would read to your son so they could connect that way. And he would be learning more himself and maybe loose some of his fear. You could let him know how much this would help your son!! Maybe if he felt he was helping him in some way he may want to start to do more. I hope this was helpful would you let me know??
Good luck to you hugs dyanne

2009-02-16 20:01:19 -0600 Report

When I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes, my ex husband turned white and almost passed out at the site of a needle when the nurse came to our apartment to train me. I wasn't much better, but I knew the baby in my belly wouldn't be born healthy, so something just came over me, and it was then I started to give myself injections. My husband now wants no part of doing any of the medical part, but he does help alot with the diet part.

I wish I could help more, but you can glean from all of our experiences, and mold it into what fits for you. I wish you the best of luck, and keep your chin up!

rbergman
rbergman 2009-02-16 19:08:40 -0600 Report

When I myself became diabetic my husband was the same way with me, even after it was explained that there may be times he would have to give me a shot for highs or something to counteract a low. It took him about 3 months before he would even look at a needle, his problem was he was afraid he would load it wrong and inject air into me if it was wrong and kill me (extreme I know but thats the way he felt about it). With our daughter its like starting all over with him and she doesn't even take injections she is on pills and even though only 7 she checks her own bg levels, yes I keep an eye on her when she does but she is independent about it all.
However, he has always been the cook in the family, he loves cooking and so supper around here is made by him and has been for years with me occasionally cooking too. When Laura was put on this carb and calorie counting diet I noticed he stopped cooking suddenly, came up with every excuse in the book not to cook, I knew what was going on and finally asked him about it and he said "What if I screw up and don't count something right and it causes her blood sugar to go sky high?" I tried to explain to him that even if he did count wrong it wasn't going to kill her to have a little more than what the diet says sometimes. Didn't help he still won't cook afraid to mess it all up, he is going with us on Wed to see the dietitian and I'm hoping it will help him understand it all.
This isn't as drastic as the issues your having, I realize that, but I seriously think its a man thing (no offense to any men out there meant.) The women are always the ones that just buckle down and do what needs to be done while the men, not traditionally able to handle the fear of the unknown when it comes to their spouse and their children tend to shy away until push comes to shove and their instincts kick in only when absolutely necessary. I compare it to the fight or flight theory…if it isn't an emergency they choose flight but when they MUST react they do so like it is second nature to them. I bet your husband knows what to do but doesn't want to be the bad guy that makes the rules on food intake and medication injections.
I also understand it isn't easy on you, but if you push him, he may retreat even more…
Does he go to Dr. appt.'s with you and your son? Has he ever been trained by someone other than you what to do for your son? Sometimes training coming from someone other than the wife works better too.
I know this isn't great advice but it's all I have besides prayers to offer that things get better in your home.

Mom and boys
Mom and boys 2009-02-19 19:55:13 -0600 Report

Very intresting "man thing" comment. When I was GD the frist time my hubby gave me shots at night, worked with my diet and encouraged the exercise. Now that I am type 2 his additude is a little more whatever - would you like a glass of wine !

Mom and boys
Mom and boys 2009-02-19 19:55:13 -0600 Report

Very intresting "man thing" comment. When I was GD the frist time my hubby gave me shots at night, worked with my diet and encouraged the exercise. Now that I am type 2 his additude is a little more whatever - would you like a glass of wine !

highlandcitygirl
highlandcitygirl 2009-02-16 18:39:43 -0600 Report

i have never experienced this problem ,but it sounds like your husband may be in denial and doesn't won't to deal with it. also he might be afraid of needles. i am sure that you will find someone on this site more qualified than myself to give you some advice, but i do lift you up to the FATHER in the name of HIS SON JESUS and ask that HE opens the eyes of your husbands heart to his son's needs!in JESUS name!

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