My head is spinning round and round, no it's my whole body. I'm twirling down, down, deeper and deeper drowning in what, I don't know. The world is crumbling in on top of me. I've fallen and I can't get up (do I want to get up?)
My husband is going in for a colonoscopy next week - he thinks he has cancer. I deal with his pain and try to reassure him he will be fine. He also tells me that the marriage is going no where too.
My husband was in a car accident a month plus ago and totaled his car. The gal that hit him ran a stop sign and hit the front drivers side. He has suffered some serious head injuries. We thought everything would be ok—but no no no…turned out after the police left and we called her insurance company, they had no insurance at all none. And they aren't paying for anything.
My youngest is disabled and having major problems in school. I need to come everytime the teacher or princeple calls me. I am dragging him into the counselors and doctors office once per week or more as needed to help with his behavioral problems.
My oldest son has sent me and the rest of his family a suicide letter asking for answers, but without giving the questions. He will not speak to anyone for 3 weeks now. I finally got in touch with someone who seen him and he said that my son told him that his "dad is a dink (true) and his mother is crazy". Leaves me feeling real low.
My #2 middle son is in Germany, he just got out of Iraq. I don't hear anything from him at all.
My #3 Middle son I heard picked up his big brother with his dad and moved him somewhere.
But, no one is talking to me. Yet, I have sleepless nights, crying all the time, people are hollering at me for one reason or another ie; like its raining outside, well you know that is my fault. I have had a migraine that has lasted 5 days now. My stomach is sick. My feet keep swelling up. Sometimes I can even get them into my shoes. My teeth are discintegrating, I lose about a half a tooth per 2 weeks - my osteoporosis is been good to me. In order to have dental work I can't be on my osteoporosis medication. Make sense right—wrong
I feel I should be with my son, but I have no money to get to Minnesota to help him. But, what's the point if I can't find him. I know from my counselor that when they stop talking that's when its time to start worrying. I can't be anymore worried than I am right now, can I?
Please forgive me for venting here…There is so much more I could add to this like the affair that didn't happen and the other car accident that I had and came up on the other side of the median into head on traffic and hit the car. The medications I'm on have been generisized and haven't a clue anymore what is working and what isnt working.
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