When is "Enough too much?" and how do you find help?

By pjeckert Latest Reply 2009-04-01 16:16:24 -0500
Started 2009-02-07 23:24:36 -0600

My head is spinning round and round, no it's my whole body. I'm twirling down, down, deeper and deeper drowning in what, I don't know. The world is crumbling in on top of me. I've fallen and I can't get up (do I want to get up?)

My husband is going in for a colonoscopy next week - he thinks he has cancer. I deal with his pain and try to reassure him he will be fine. He also tells me that the marriage is going no where too.

My husband was in a car accident a month plus ago and totaled his car. The gal that hit him ran a stop sign and hit the front drivers side. He has suffered some serious head injuries. We thought everything would be ok—but no no no…turned out after the police left and we called her insurance company, they had no insurance at all none. And they aren't paying for anything.

My youngest is disabled and having major problems in school. I need to come everytime the teacher or princeple calls me. I am dragging him into the counselors and doctors office once per week or more as needed to help with his behavioral problems.

My oldest son has sent me and the rest of his family a suicide letter asking for answers, but without giving the questions. He will not speak to anyone for 3 weeks now. I finally got in touch with someone who seen him and he said that my son told him that his "dad is a dink (true) and his mother is crazy". Leaves me feeling real low.

My #2 middle son is in Germany, he just got out of Iraq. I don't hear anything from him at all.

My #3 Middle son I heard picked up his big brother with his dad and moved him somewhere.

But, no one is talking to me. Yet, I have sleepless nights, crying all the time, people are hollering at me for one reason or another ie; like its raining outside, well you know that is my fault. I have had a migraine that has lasted 5 days now. My stomach is sick. My feet keep swelling up. Sometimes I can even get them into my shoes. My teeth are discintegrating, I lose about a half a tooth per 2 weeks - my osteoporosis is been good to me. In order to have dental work I can't be on my osteoporosis medication. Make sense right—wrong

I feel I should be with my son, but I have no money to get to Minnesota to help him. But, what's the point if I can't find him. I know from my counselor that when they stop talking that's when its time to start worrying. I can't be anymore worried than I am right now, can I?

Please forgive me for venting here…There is so much more I could add to this like the affair that didn't happen and the other car accident that I had and came up on the other side of the median into head on traffic and hit the car. The medications I'm on have been generisized and haven't a clue anymore what is working and what isnt working.

19 replies

jsd2005 2009-04-01 09:54:58 -0500 Report

I am sorry to hear about what you are going through. It sounds like a very difficult time for you. Try not to worry too much over the things you can't change and concentrate on the things that you can make a difference with. Possibly your husbands accident and head injury are causing him to say things about the marriage and he doesn't even really mean them or realize what he is doing right now. Concentrate on yourself also. You can' help others unless you feel well yourself.

I wish I had some other answers for you. I for feel your pain and can tell you there are so many here who can offer you support and are doing just that. Call on us, when you need to talk. It helps to express yourself.
Best of luck and Hang in there. Sounds like your family really needs you.

pjeckert 2009-03-31 06:01:05 -0500 Report

Thank you all for your support. It has been nice having people to share with. Otherwise I would be sitting alone and that would be alot worse.

Since last input…found out my son in Iraq had been shot in the back of the neck/head…doing ok? No more information.

Eldest suicidal son's father told him he doesn't care about him and never did…this must make him want to live more.

Youngest son with be going to hospital - long term - mid April for hopefully some treatment this time that I hope will really help him. It will be a 4 hour drive one way. Not sure how I will handle that, but will figure out a way.

My husband has diverticulosis, and his small intestines are covered with plaque starting to pinch closed the opening to the small intestines. My understanding is that when it closes, you die. He has been making light of the whole thing. Plus they found a polyp and he has to be tested for cancer every two years. Then yesterday, his eye Dr. refused to give him a new contact because his cateract was so bad that he needs surgery. No big deal except he only has one eye. This place is in another state somewhere. I don't know if a money tree is going to start growing in my back yard to cover gas expenses. (That would be one of God's miracles though, lol)

And me, I have been heavily sedated and one armed for a month now after my open carpal tunnel surgery. I am going today to get my bandages off. Yeah!! Thank the Lord and Amen to that. Although I've been told I still have weeks if not months of recovery to go…but I will just be happy to have some more freedom. I have missed alot of church, but, they have all been writing and calling me. It'll be great to great my driving limbs back.

Soap opera yet? lol

John Crowley
John Crowley 2009-03-31 10:43:43 -0500 Report

Thank you for the update on your family. It sounds like things have maybe improved slightly, but your handle on things sounds like it has definitely improved.

Hang in there and keep taking care of your own health. With so many others needing your support, you need to make sure you are gathering the strength you need.

pjeckert 2009-04-01 16:16:24 -0500 Report

Thank you John, and yes it has! The support that I have gotten here and through my church and Doctors has been very helpful indeed. I'm glad you noticed.

bscmom3 2009-02-09 10:04:27 -0600 Report

I hope things get better for you. I can honestly say I have been there. My husband had an affair with a 17 yr old a couple of years ago. he calls it a one night stand I call it an affair. My daughters are 9, 7, and 4. It took time but we worked it out. Sometimes it seems like everything goes wrong one bad thing after another. My husband is one of the most unsympathetic people I know and that is a hard thing to deal with. I know he loves me he shows lots of affection but no sympathy. We have been married 9 yrs and I dont remember a time when there wasn't some kind of drama going on in our lives. It always seems to work itself out. I will keep you in my prayers and I hope your family can work through this trying time.

LadyDi - 26259Miller
LadyDi - 26259Miller 2009-02-09 09:03:35 -0600 Report

Not that it will be a huge help, but know that most- if not all - of us on here have experienced some of the same feelings, emotions and heartbreak that you are going through. Everyone's situation is different, obviously, but the pain we experience is the same. Especially when it involves our families. I have problems in my own family (with grown children) that have caused me years of pain. Kids can be the most wonderful things in your life, but also can hurt you the most. I have a daughter that has threatened suicide as well - beginning back when she was in high school.

You can see from all the responses you've received that this is a caring and loving community. In actuality, we can't help much, but know that there are a lot of people praying for you all. There are times in all our lives when things just seem so hopeless, but years later we look back and see that we made it. By the grace of God! Not by anything WE did, but because we finally decided to lay it all at His feet…turn it over to him completely.

I don't know your financial situation, etc., but I pray that you are able to find some professional help, because you definitely are under far too much right now to handle on your own.

Hugs and prayers,


sparkysmom 2009-02-08 18:58:11 -0600 Report

Vent away. When all the jokes and fun are done that is why we are here. To have a shoulder to cry on, a place to vent. I will keep you in my prayers too. I agree that when all is said and done you need you time. Take it. I have recently started Tai Chi and it helps me. Fiind what helps you and don't let anyone keep you from doing something for you.

roshy 2009-02-08 16:04:05 -0600 Report

i agree with everyone is well!!

you have taken on so much of everyone elses problems that you have forgotten to take care of your self. its very important that you channel your feeling outwards, otherwise they become very self distructive.

You need to look into wholistic therapy. this helps you become self aware of your own feelings, you could do this through art, painting what you feel; placing your emotions on paper, or listening to music may help you relax and calm and juct live in the moment and help you forget everything else around you.
Other things include going walking or swimming, this helps release mood lifting hormones called seritonine(spelling is completely wrong however!!)
Perhaps look into your diet iswell, this has a dramatic effect on our emotions and moods and attitudes towards ourselves.

This may sound silly but it does help. spending time to help yourself is just as important as helping those around you.

GabbyPA 2009-02-08 15:23:18 -0600 Report

You must be an incredibly strong person. Yep, I said strong.

While everyone around you is running away and leaning on you, you are there. Now you need to take your incredible self somewhere and just tune everything out but what you need. Even if it is just for a while.
Then when your head is clear, do some putting things in order with everyone around you. It sounds like they all need a swift kick in the butt.

I know there is so much more to your life than all of this. Try to find that one little glimmer of love, that hint of enjoyment and that slice of joy. When things keep caving in...go to one of those places and stay there, draw your strength and continue on.

Like I said, you are an incredible person to be able to be entrusted with so much...take pride in that. Gain strength from that, and confidence in yourself.

If all of that fails...just scream!
Seriously, we are here for you. Though our hugs are only words, the come with no less compassion.

Midnights Mom
Midnights Mom 2009-02-08 16:43:04 -0600 Report

I am 100% with what Gabby said. If you can't take care of yourself, how can you take care of everyone else. I have daughters who are a constant worry if I allow it, but they are grown and taking their own path. My motto has become, "Let go and let God". It has been a big help in keeping my own sanity. We are all here for you, just ask! Hugs, and even bigger hugs. Take one day at a time, and try to let God take care of the rest. Laura

highlandcitygirl 2009-02-08 10:15:22 -0600 Report

i feel for you! i stand in support and pray to the LORD for you to have the strength to go through. you are worthy of HIS love, hang onto it. it is a HELP in the time of need!

Burke - 30425
Burke - 30425 2009-02-08 09:41:08 -0600 Report

I am so sorry for all your troubles. You definately have a full plate and have the right to cry. Not that I am some great motivator but sometimes we have to do the best we can with what we have and put the rest in God's hands for help. I surely will remember you and your family in my prayers.

rbergman 2009-02-08 09:07:40 -0600 Report

We are here for you sweetie.
I was always told God never gives you more than you can handle, and at times I think God slipped up and gave me someone else's plate along with mine, but we learn to muddle through and deal with it all as best we can, one day at a time, if that doesn't work 1 hour at a time, and yes even 1 minute at a time if necessary to keep our sanity and our health in check. You will be in my prayers and thoughts.

Hugs & Luv,

kantzfe 2009-02-08 09:30:43 -0600 Report

I am fairly new to this site but your letter brought up so many things from my past, been there and done that. If you need some help you are at the right site to find it. From what I have seen and read this is the place to let it all out and know that you won't get punished for saying what is on your mind. I will be the first to say that from my past experence if you take each day one step at a time you can pull yourself up and see the light at the end of the tunnel.

2009-02-08 06:14:45 -0600 Report

Oh my dear, bless your heart. It bothers me to see you in so much pain. I've realized that you can only do what you can do. You can't fix everybody and everything at once. You have some tough issues, but things really do get better with time. You have friends here to listen anytime you want to vent. It's perfectly okay. My prayers are with you and your family. I hope things are much brighter for you soon! Take care, Angie

Debe Pendice
Debe Pendice 2009-02-08 06:07:45 -0600 Report

Pamela, This is what all your "friends " are here for. I am here to try and help friends get their life back on the right track if I can. I would be lying is I said I know what your going through, because I don't. I am here for you and you can, yell, scream, vent or whatever else you need to do. You have to let all that stress out of your system and that is a way to start the process to feel "a little" better. I will alway be willing to lend you a n ear or shoulder to lean on. Remember we are again here and will to help you get through this. I am sending you a big HUG right now and I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers…Debe

2catty 2009-02-07 23:50:24 -0600 Report

Oh hun! I don't even know what to say. I don't think anything anyone of us says right now would ease your worry or pain. So I can just tell you I hear you loud and clear. Vent when you need to I will listen. And bounce ideas when I can. I can say if a man is treating you bad, you don't deserve it. Get out of it. I have been there. And I did get out. I have a wonderful husband now. Do you see a counselor? If not get one, this is to much to deal with alone. You need a support system in your life right now. Please take care if you need to talk more let me know.

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