62 Years of Diabetes.....Chapter 20

By Richard157 Latest Reply 2009-02-06 15:35:25 -0600
Started 2009-01-31 19:04:01 -0600


Anita and I have been married for 44 years. I was diabetic for 18 years before we were married. She was only 20 then and knew nothing about diabetes. I rarely had hypos back then. I did not know about carb counting, there were no glucose monitors and there was no advise given by my doctors. When I became more educated about diabetes, I knew about carb counting and I had a doctor who knew a lot about diabetes. I started using tight control. I had hypos! I probably had two per week back then and about four per year when my control improved. When the hypos started in the early 70s my wife was very good about it! She did a great job!!! I praised her every time she brought me out of a hypo. She devoted most of her time to our two sons. Many years later the boys were in high school and they demanded very little of her time. She was a stay at home Mom and she had a lot of time on her hands. The boys went off to college and so I was the center of her attention!!! She became a chronic worrier about so many things, including my hypos, which were not so frequent at that time. She would stuff me with glucose tabs when I had a hypo at night until I began to come out of it. She usually fed me 10-15 tabs before I awoke. My BGL a few hours later was 300+. I could not talk her into using the 15/15 rule. I needed only 4 tabs most times. We argued but she refused to give in. She continued doing this. She is an extremely nervous person, especially concerning my diabetes even though I have very good control now. She wants me to test every 2 hrs. including nights. Once every hour when we are out and about traveling, shopping, etc. Every time I turn over at night she wakes me up and wants to know if I'm OK. I love her to pieces but she drives me crazy!!! I lie to her when I test and she is not watching. If I am 70, I say I'm 90. She worries needlessly if I am under 80, even during the daytime.

My wife did start to become overprotective after the kids left home. They have been gone for 22 years now. They live in NC and GA and we are in NY. We only see them twice per year. My wife heaps all her mothering on me. I have realized that for some time now but there is nothing we can do about it. Our marriage is wonderful and I understand she cannot help being this way. Is it possible to be loved too much? HA!

I started pump training in May of 2007. My wife attended all the training sessions with me. She actually said that she thought that I would do much better and she would not have to worry so much. It was a dream come true to hear her say that! The very next night after she said those words I had a rather bad hypo. It was the first one since Jan. 5 of that year. She still seemed rather optimistic though. I was encouraged about pumping and her optimism. Now I have been pumping for 18 months and I have needed her help with hypos only twice since June, 2007. So why is she still worrying as much ever??? I still have to test every two hours, I still lie when I have a test below 80 and nothing has changed despite the fact that my control is very, very good with almost no hypos that require her help. Her worrisome ways will never end. I am convinced of that.

After retiring I wanted to travel and see more of our country and Canada. I wanted to visit the UK and other European countries. Anita hates travel and loves staying at home. She even hates flying to Atlanta to see our kids and grandkids but she loves the visit once we get there. I want to travel alone. I am very confident that I would be perfectly safe in doing so. Anita says she will not allow this! If I go she will go with me even though she does not want to do so. I can not enjoy a vacation with her being with me because I would know she was not enjoying herself. We would both be miserable. I am destined to stay at home. I hate this situation. I can tolerate her mothering me and worrying about me but I want to travel. I worked hard for 34 years and we have a nice savings that would permit the travel. The only solution I can come up with is running away from home. I would stay away for a few weeks and call her three or four times per day. She would eventually forgive me. She would be at home with her three cats, where she wants to be. She would be very angry but she would understand, or would she? I have been planning this escape for several years. So why don't I do it? I don't do it because I love her so much and I don't want her to worry and lose sleep at night while I am away. I dream about this frequently. What would you do if you had this problem? It is not fair to me if I stay at home to make her happy and it is not fair to her if I take her along or run away on these dream vacations. We are getting older and I have to make up my mind how I am going to handle this.


8 replies

midnight sun
midnight sun 2009-02-06 13:29:25 -0600 Report

I so hear you! I am thankful that my husband of 32 years will go with and do anything. I've had T1 for 45 years and we've traveled "all over", even back in the day before meters and pumps…Is there someone you could sit down with who could serve as a "mediator" while you have a heart-to-heart discussion with your wife? She's devoted her life to you, but she needs to come to an understanding that you have dreams that you'd like to pursue (before you can't any longer). Would she be open to you having another traveling companion, perhaps one of your grandchildren?

Richard157 2009-02-06 14:07:23 -0600 Report

Thanks ladies for the kind comments!!

My grandkids are ages 5 and 1. Too young to be my traveling companions. My wife doesn't trust AYONE with my diabetes except herself. All too often she doesn't trust me either. The only way I could travel and see the country and visit some of my diabetic friends whom I have met online would be to run away from home. I don't have the guts to do that, I don't want her to worry so much. It might even interfere with our wonderful marriage. I am a prisoner in my own home.

highlandcitygirl 2009-02-06 14:57:40 -0600 Report

richard, if you want to see the world, you two are going to have to come to an agreement. if she doesn't trust anyone else with your diabetes, then she might as well put on a happy face and go with you. when i go ,i board the dog and hire someone to take care of the cats,works out beautifully! there are people that just as soon stay home, i'm married to one of them. every once in a while he just has to get with the program and come along. once the griping stops, he starts enjoying himself. i get depressed if i have to always be at home. he has finally started realizing a happier me is a happier him! hope you two sweethearts can work it out!

Richard157 2009-02-06 15:21:17 -0600 Report

Citygirl, I think I have just found the solution!! You and I can can travel together and let our spouses stay at home. LOL!! Just kidding, I think. LOL!

highlandcitygirl 2009-02-06 15:35:25 -0600 Report

LOL!! what a hoot that would be! i am always gettin' into something! he(the hubby) thinks i'm nuts and he is probably right! we could all go, they could medicate us. and stay in the t.v. lounge and we could go ride a poney cart on the back roads of ireland!

Debe Pendice
Debe Pendice 2009-02-05 11:14:41 -0600 Report

Bravo!!!! Thank you…Debe
P.S. Like this new picture much better.

momwith juvie
momwith juvie 2009-02-05 16:43:23 -0600 Report

I have enjoyed reading your storiy and have been reading them to my son who is 9 with type 1 and he loves them.thank you so much for sharing it with us.