Have you changed ?

By wasted.wonder Latest Reply 2014-04-28 15:13:04 -0500
Started 2014-04-07 11:18:36 -0500

Everything was going smoothly. Life could not have been better. In all fields of live I was doing better than good. Then TADA …pronounced T1 D. Being from a family of strong and healthy people this came as a rude shock to everybody. It's been 16 years already and dunno how many more are there. I still find myself as a loner everywhere, in the middle of nowhere.

Anyway,the point I want to make is that there has been a drastic change in my outlook, perspective, point of view towards life more like the philosophical type. For eg, no matter how much I excel at anything but the real happiness is missing. The way I look at things , everything. I was the live wire, soul of my pack of boys but today I am the most laidback. The things I used to do with interest, no I have to think twice thrice and then even if I do it the enjoyment is not there. I used to be a emotionally tough guy, but even to my amusement my eyes swell up real fast now. I mean things have changed and probably I am left somewhere in between.

The needles, numbers, doc's constant warnings, social stigma, compromises with life, from carefreeness to extra carefulness,forced discipline , medicines, regimented life style have probably made me like this.

I just want to know, have you changed after D or ur still the same. Are you emotionally withdrawn at times, do you feel lost in a competitive world. Would love to hear your experience, in case you wish to.

Thanks again for your time.

Love and hugs to everybody. : )

13 replies

Silicone eyes
Silicone eyes 2014-04-09 16:17:14 -0500 Report

I can relate, I was dx'd at 15, and thank God I'm still here to change. Off the top of my head, there were 4 of us T1's in my high school in Podunk, 27 years later, 2 of us are above ground, and the other one is just barely. I went through all the denial and rebellion, ate what I wanted, drank twice as much as everyone else, I guess to prove I was twice as ;normal', hell I would skip shots and over eat to lose weight and wrestle in 4 different weight classes. It has been a gradual awakeaning and I have come to look at my diabetes as a means to level the playing field, you know, so the guys my age don't feel too bad about being out of shape and suffering from male pattern baldness.
I believe being D has improved my life in some ways, maybe even saved me from myself. It's a struggle and it sucks, but it sure as hell beats the alternative. Hang in there

wasted.wonder 2014-04-28 04:17:27 -0500 Report

thank god. there is someone who can relate to me. otherwise everybody i come across on this site are sooo sooo theoretically correct. every post of theirs is so full of diabetically correct things that makes me think … either they are not diabetic or they are too good with diabetes management. ; )

boring, struggling, pricking, injecting, walking, exercising, dieting, managing… hoping, praying… n still hanging : )

Silicone eyes
Silicone eyes 2014-04-28 06:34:20 -0500 Report

well we don't live in theory. I was raised to think, have what fun you want, just be ready to own it and pay for it. Life is more balance than any of us understands, just do the best you can, try to improve where you can, and LIVE. Otherwise, if you don't live, what the hell is the point of being alive?

GabbyPA 2014-04-09 09:20:19 -0500 Report

Life does change quite a bit after the diagnosis. For me it was for the better, and while I did miss the "freedom" to do whatever I wanted, it created a discipline in me that helps me be much healthier overall since diagnosis. I know not everyone comes from that kind of background, but it is how I changed. I don't feel excluded or withdrawn, but I have had very supportive family and friends.

There are days when I just want to scream. Days when my numbers are not what I want or when I really want to eat the cookies I bake for the family. It's not always pretty, but it does get better

The things you are talking about are part of the grieving of a chronic diagnosis where you begin to realize that the old life style has to "die" and a new one is in it's place. Not that you don't get to do what you did before, but it does take on a different perspective. Time can help it become more comfortable if you embrace the changes instead of lamenting the old days. At least that is what happened to me.

Just Joyce
Just Joyce 2014-04-08 13:43:51 -0500 Report

I basically stayed the same. I have diabetes, it doesn't have me. You can make you life what you want it to be with or without diabetes.

Life is about making choices. You choose to feel unhappy, lost, and alone. You choose to struggle, be angry, be in denial and frustrated. If you are going through this, you and only you can change it.

You can also wish for the wrong things. You wish you had family and friends to support you. You wish you were stronger. You wish you didn't have diabetes. Stop wishing and learn to become self supporting. Learn to be stronger and accept the fact that you are now diabetic and move forward with your life.

Wasted said, "The needles, numbers, doc's constant warnings, social stigma, compromises with life, from carefreeness to extra carefulness,forced discipline , medicines, regimented life style have probably made me like this."

All I can say is this. If you are getting constant warnings from your doctor, it could be because you are not doing something right. There are times when you have to stop doing what you are doing and look at it differently. You may have to make adjustments. From the day you were born there have been compromises in your life. It is how you deal with the compromises that help the most. You and only you are stopping yourself from being happy and carefree. Diabetes is not my main focus in life. and if you view your life as a regimented lifestyle, that is what it has become because you made it that way.

What people don't seem to realize is that your house has a door. You can walk out into the world and choose two paths. One path takes you down a road that will lead you to a happy, healthy lifestyle, you will meet you people and make friends. You will become adventurous and try new things and visit different places. You won't look back and see what was, you look forward and see what will and can be only because you chose to take that path.

Along the other path you will find hopelessness, unhappiness, loneliness and and despair. You will look back and find that you didn't get very far because you are tethered to what your life use to be. You make changes grudgingly. You don't make friends, you fear trying new things, you may be healthy but you look around you and see the happy people and wish you were like them. You see people building new things and wish you could be stronger. You see no very little in your future.

This happens because of the choices each of us make in life. I choose to take the first path and stay on it. I don't view diabetes as a struggle. My life isn't regimented or lived like I have a chronic disease. I have just as much fun as people without diabetes. I don't need to depend on support and motivation to get through my ups and downs with this disease because I do it myself. In the words of one of my favorite Temptations songs, I keep on walking and don't look back.

wasted.wonder 2014-04-28 03:56:44 -0500 Report

i took the first path as well, but i did not find any happiness, adventure etc. LOL probably i forgot my glasses. so therefore i took the second path and this time i took my glasses along. : ))

everything looks very flowery and rosy on paper, but in hearts of heart everybody knows what is the reality. a T1 getting D in teenage, missing out on so many things which otherwise could have been possible leaves lasting impressions and memories which do not die out easily. the sub conscious cannot be controlled, and once it is shaken it is not easy to fall back in the same groove. you may be lucky to have move out of D but no two persons have the same circumstances. or level playing fields. it is not that i purposely want to stick to my line, but do i have a choice ??? who am i fighting with ?? is the opponent known ? and is there a defined time of fight ??? the answer is no.
it is not that i dont follow my doc, or dont take my meds or dont exercise, i do all of these but the underlying enthusiasm, cheerfulness, joy is not there. it has all become a mechanical thing.
and if u think i have not tried in life… probably you are badly mistaken. all said and done i am a human being .. and my name is not superman, but wasted wonder, ie, a wonder that got wasted with time.

thanks. cheers : )

Just Joyce
Just Joyce 2014-04-28 08:03:22 -0500 Report

Wow very profound. You are correct when it comes to diabetes the playing field is not level.

In my opinion, I think you are living in memories of the past. I was listening to my neighbors 21 year old daughter and her friends Saturday morning. One girl was upset because they were talking about Proms. One of the girls came to borrow one of my neighbors prom dresses for her sisters prom. They all told the girl to get over the fact that she missed out on going to a prom. The gist of their theory was that a lot of people missed going to a prom and they moved on why can't you? She said life wasn't fair.

You missed out on things because of diabetes as a teenager. While it is true you cannot control the subconscious mind, you can move forward and let all that you missed out on go. You cannot nor will you ever get that back. Joy isn't there because you won't allow yourself to be happy. That is a choice you made.

I wanted to be a Candy Stripe at a hospital and my father would not allow me to do that. I wanted to go to Europe in High School for Spring Break. He wouldn't allow that either. Yes I was disappointed and unhappy for weeks but I got over it and moved on. Going to Europe is on my Bucket List.

I don't think anything of you other than you seem to be unhappy and stuck. You chose the name wasted wonder. If you got wasted with time, again that was your choice.

You asked these questions, "who am i fighting with ?? is the opponent known ? and is there a defined time of fight ???

The answer to all of the questions is simple, you are fighting yourself. When you do that, you always lose.

Everyone has had bad moments in life. However, it is how each person handles bad moments that allow us to forge ahead as happy, stronger people.

I am not superman or superhuman, I simply don't dwell on the past. I can't change it so I am not going to sit in my house and sing the Woe is Me song. I also do not sit around thinking or worrying about about diabetes or being diabetic. I chose to get it under very good control so I can do everything i want to do and have as much fun as possible doing it. Life is short, tomorrow is not promised so today I am going to be as happy as I can be.

I am very involved in my community with a community association and a police community association. If I am not at a community meeting, I am helping our police district with community events. We have a lot going on and it takes several people to pull everything together. We do it because we care and because if we make others happy we have accomplished something. Good luck to you.

haoleboy 2014-04-07 14:57:31 -0500 Report

Thanks to my medical issues (stroke, diabetes) I am a much better person than I was a couple years ago. Much more outgoing and compassionate. I have an inner peace that I struggled with attaining for many years.
Although I struggle with several physical disabilities I am in the best health of my life.


wasted.wonder 2014-04-08 03:16:56 -0500 Report

Thanks for the share. I too have more peace as compared to before but feel better at home. By the way I love it when you end it with a Namaste.


jayabee52 2014-04-07 13:01:53 -0500 Report

Howdy Wonder
If anything, it made me more outgoing, especially online. Before I had been rather shy and retiring, preferring to listen to people rather than talk, I am amazed at the change in me sometimes. I attribute DC for a lot of that, also living this long with diabetes helps too.

Right now I am doing something which I would have probably never done in my life before being on DC. I am in contact with one of the ladies (who for now shall remain unnamed) on DC and we are talking of love (yes it is mutual). We both have diabetes and we both have arthritis. It has been interesting in the extreme!

God's best to you and yours

James Baker

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