we are moving into the long goodbye!

By highlandcitygirl Latest Reply 2009-01-31 07:36:19 -0600
Started 2009-01-07 19:39:03 -0600

it is very painful to witness the failing of a loved ones mental abilties. this in itself is an extreme sense of grieving and torment. i know there must be others with similar problems. GOD help us!

20 replies

LadyDi - 26259Miller
LadyDi - 26259Miller 2009-01-17 07:48:25 -0600 Report

I have held back commenting in this discussion because it is so very painful. I had not read many of the recent posts until this morning. There is so much pain and so much truth written here. Watching anyone fade and pass on is so heartbreaking and tough, no matter how much faith we have. God knows and understands that. All of this just re-emphasizes what we constantly hear, and in our hearts know…that we should never let a day pass with anger or grudges in our hearts, and that it is imperative that we tell those we love how much we love them. In my own family (siblings) there is discord and hurt, and it is so painful. We definitely need to cherish each moment we have with our loved ones. God bless each of you for all you've endured or are now going through.

steadb 2009-01-17 08:26:33 -0600 Report

This post and all the stories with it is such a strong reminder of what is important in this world…and how, life can get in the way of relationships.

Cherish is right.

2009-01-17 03:40:02 -0600 Report

I cared for my husband for 3 years (while learning of his severe illnes just a couple of days before we married) and it had decreased his quality of life almost instantly, and I cared for him until he passed at age 26.

I can only think that it was good that we had this time together; and he was not alone through all of this.

I also think that I had learned a lot of patience and compassion from this.

Hope this helps

LadyDi - 26259Miller
LadyDi - 26259Miller 2009-01-17 07:56:34 -0600 Report

Boy, that is tough. He was so young! Your love is so evident, and he was so blessed to have had you and that love surround him throughout that time. I know it was extremely tough. Sparrow is so right, this type illness (and others) are more difficult for the caregiver than the patient most of the time.

Sparrow - 16557
Sparrow - 16557 2009-01-15 13:16:08 -0600 Report

I definitely feel for you! I worked as a Recreation Therapist for almost 20 years. Many of those years were spent working with patients with Alzheimer's and dementia. Caregivers are undera LOT more stress and pain about the disease than the "patient".

I strongly suggest that you contact the local Alzheimer's Association (if you don't have one, contact the national organization) and find 1. a support group for caregivers and 2. either an Alzheimer's Day Care (for people with other dementia's also) or an in house caregiver to give you some time to be by yourself, with your family, and with friends. Being a caregiver can be an overwhelming job! You NEED a break for your own health's sake!

G Thomas
G Thomas 2009-01-09 22:46:30 -0600 Report

I have my mom who was really never there for me. She raised her 5 siblings and married my dad to get away. Well along came me and she has had enough of kids by then. Anyway By the grace of god a step grandmother and two aunts, I made it anyway. Mom had a hard life. Lots of beatings drinking partying with peolpe just ti get in her pants. Mostly bad husbands contributed to her overall bad health. Now well, about a year and a half ago I started to see signs of dementia and her sight was going fast. Now, we have had specalist for both conditions and there is nothing they can do. All the bad sight and dementia came from the beatings not old age. At 72 she would be in graet health if she had not had the bad life. I remember getting very angry with her when it started. I cried at times and I would work like a fool to keep from thinking about it. Back in Feb. of 08, I took her to visit her sister who is also sick and two years younger. When I phoned to pick her up she wasn't ready. So, I just went for her election day and I was fully prepared for this. I had already kicked myself for being angry at the loss but truth is I lost her at age 3/4 and now I was robbed of enjoying her at old age along with my kids and grands. I now have a better attitude with her and more patience. At time I wasnt sleeping cause she starts in with the restroom trips for no reason and she always calls me her sisters name . She harldy remembers me cause she use to leave me anywhere to get to a man. I have lots of patience with people that have wrong me and I am a true believer in god and his wrath. He is keeper of us all. I will care for mom until god takes her or me. After that, I only hope that if I am gone a thoughtful person will step in. She is mean at times but that is all a part of dening that you are not able to care foe yourself. I pray god doesn't let me live that long. It is very hard to watch your family members disappear right before your eyes. Prayer is a great tool and god will not place more on your shoulders than you can bear.I did some time years ago for something I did not do. However, I would have still ended up there because I would have killed each man that had a part in my moms present health if I had not changed. And if her last husband was still alive I would lay him down. He was really abusive. He shot her and beat her so, that that is why she can't see today. So if you have had the love of your family member cherish it. It is priceless..

highlandcitygirl 2009-01-10 11:34:51 -0600 Report

take courage friend there are innocent people who are doing time! i have seen the so called justice system at work! it is scary! i have respect for a person falsely accused and convicted, a person paying a price that they didn't owe! i am so glad you came out of all your hurtful situations with your trust in GOD intact!

LadyDi - 26259Miller
LadyDi - 26259Miller 2009-01-17 07:52:54 -0600 Report

Your story is heartbreaking. We learn lessons the hard way so often, don't we? It's amazing that you have come through this as you have, and I applaud you. I can think of few things much worse than being imprisoned for something you did not do. It is so painful for somemone to even accuse you of something you did not do or say, no matter how small and insignificant. I have friends who have dealt with parents that experienced dementia or Alzheimer's disease, and that is just a horrific thing to witness. My heart goes out to you. May God continue to be your comfort and strength. Diane

steadb 2009-01-17 08:25:31 -0600 Report

Thanks so much for your thoughtful and candid story. We are so glad you are here providing help and support.

2009-01-31 07:36:19 -0600 Report

God Bless You for being able to live and care for someone who has affected your past life so badly. I wish I could let go of the past; and forgive some of the people who have put me in the position I am in now.
I also lived a life of severe pain and abuse, by family members and outsiders.
I am so proud of you for learning how to take control of your life, and live on with God by your side. I know for a lot of people, what I read, this is the most uplifting part of their lives.

Thanks for your post
Claudia B

shannonlynn 2009-01-08 21:17:35 -0600 Report

Here are a few associations that may be helpful to you.
National Institute of Mental Health
American Psychiatric Association
American Psychological Association
The American Institute of Stress
I have a son who is 13. He has three types of disorder combined. He has been under treatment since he was 5 years old.
It has been a long road for me. Quite an experience. I will keep you in my prayers.

Avera 2009-01-08 21:35:44 -0600 Report


This is an excellent idea to post these sites for people to find good information. Many people on the site lately have been asking questions concerning stress. Please post them in a separate discussion if you have the time. Everyone could use these links for reference. They might not read this discussion and miss them.


highlandcitygirl 2009-01-09 11:31:34 -0600 Report

thank you so much for the sites! my heart goes out to you for your situation. i am finding that the people who i can listen to and get help from suffer some of the same or similar circumtances. GOD bless you. and as avera says a lot of people can make use of these sites!

Lisa Ann
Lisa Ann 2009-01-08 15:32:54 -0600 Report

We watched my dad slowly die. He got dementia and then went downhill from there. It took 2 years of suffering before the good lord took him home. It was hardest on my oldest daughter. She was really close to my dad until he married my step-mom when she was 9. When he got sick and had to go into a nursing home she wouldn't go see him. It hurt too bad. She went to see him before he died. It was the hardest thing we had to watch.

2009-01-08 12:49:41 -0600 Report

My brother's father-in-law passed away in mid-December after being ill for 9 long years. Watching a strong, intelligent, retired State Police Officer, go from this to the mental and physical state he ended up in, was painful for me, not to mention his immediate family. His dementia lead to other medical problems, too. It is very, very hard to watch those you love go downhill and suffer.

barbiesue 2009-01-08 08:56:23 -0600 Report

I watched my daughter fight for her life and then accept the fact that it was a losing battle. My heart goes out to you. There is nothing worse than to lose a loved one, especially if you are right there during the battle. Keep your chin up and try not to let them see how you are grieving, it makes it harder on them. God's Blessings be upon you and help you through this trying time.

Meridian - 26751
Meridian - 26751 2009-01-08 06:56:20 -0600 Report

The biggest lesson I learned from watching first my father then my mother fail and eventually pass was to relish every moment God gives us with them so that we have no regrets when they are gone.

Avera 2009-01-07 23:10:08 -0600 Report

Believe it or not, the first time I had experience with this was when I taught school. One of my students had a grandmother living with her family and she used to share the heartbreak of her experiences with me.

Until this student shared little day to day things that happened with her grandmother, my experience with this terrible disease was next to nothing.

It helped me to understand the heartbreak, the lonliness, the fear, and uter sadness felt by her family.

Are you saying that you are experiencing this within your family right now? If you are, please let us know how we might help.


highlandcitygirl 2009-01-08 11:20:47 -0600 Report

my husband has a condition that is , to put it in terms you can understand, a short-circuiting of his brain. he has been going downhill noticably for several years, this last being the worst. he doesn't notice it as much as those around him do. he can become very angry if he thinks you are putting him down. if i say he needs to see a doctor to check up on the 'condtion" it is an instant battle! it is a painful thing to see him when he get stuck like a tape recorder going over and over the same thing and then becoming very agitated.

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