It's been a while. I think I said that last time, too. Have been trying to get my life in order since my husband died. I have lost people in my life before, but nothing prepared me for his passing. I have never endured such agonizing pain and hope I never do again. But, life is life, and sometimes sh*t happens. I am an independent person, strong. I have always taken care of other people and stepped up and did what needed to be done and have always been there for everyone when they needed something. I tried to handle my grief on my own. Was drunk for probably the first 3 months. Was totally manic trying to feel "normal." Could not run from the pain. It was constantly there.
One day I stood in my bathroom, looking at a handful of pills, and all I could think about was how I could make the pain stop. I stood there for several minutes really trying to talk myself out of taking my life. Justifying how my family would be okay if I wasn't around. I put the pills back in the bottle but the thought of that option was at the front of my mind a lot. I finally realized that I needed some help and went to a psychologist. My doc put me on antidepressants.
I'm doing better. Back in school. Not manic anymore. I think I'm going to be okay. The issue is, when a person is stressed and grieving the first thing that takes a hit seems to be your blood sugar. Mine has been creeping up more and more and now I'm starting to have some vision changes. So here I am, really needing to get on the ball and take care of myself. Still trying to live like I always have, eating what I want, blah blah blah. Got my wake up call.
So here I am again at DC ready to give it the old college try! Wish me luck!
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