i appear again this time unstoppable

By t0tianna Latest Reply 2014-03-10 14:08:25 -0500
Started 2014-03-08 16:53:49 -0600

things haven't changed for me much guys lol
I see my councler regularly but its finially getting to the point of relif
where I have a place that I feel safe to talk to someone
I've had a few slips of wondering if I should go back to the loony bin or not but I sit back and just try to catch my head and collect my thoughts.
my best friends who are basically my support group moved a whole lot closer to me, like walking distance
I've learned who my real friends are
and I've walked away from things that don't make my life easier.
I've learned to make a joke out of the things you cannot change
and ask god for strength to help me change the things I can
I haven't been testing regularly though, I need to
and I know I need to I just don't. which is something I need to work on
I got over the whole bike thing and even put it together and rode it to the stores
things with family doesn't get much better
but I can def tell a change in my mother and our relationship
but shes worrying me, and im trying to figure out if I should be worried

ive seen some things in this past month and a half
that were sick and just horrible
and to the point I just sat there and thought what kind of human being can do these sorts of things
which lead to me sitting down and really thinking about the life im living
and the rate it can be headed
but for some reason, it doesn't even phase me
death no longer scares me, also that worries me. but people tell me that its normal to not be scared
I really do need to rethink things though I just choose not to
I wish I could understand that.
I write like this so I can go back and re read the things I write its also a reminder to myself
to help me not procrastinate
I don't know what to think of life right now
I don't know how to act
but I do know I will be shined down upon in the right direction
and one day all this hurt
and hardships will be worth it

im trying to stay positive
its not worth being sad all the time
oh and I did mange to loose about 35 pounds in a half a month
but it wasn't the healthy way <<< also something im working on

have a blessed day

3 replies

GabbyPA 2014-03-10 14:08:25 -0500 Report

I love the fire in your title of this post. I hear a spark in your voice. This makes me smile, and I hope it makes you smile too.

vivdg88 2014-03-10 11:52:49 -0500 Report

congrats on loose n the 35lbs . keep your chin up things can always get better if u work on them.

jayabee52 2014-03-08 18:15:01 -0600 Report

Howdy t0tianna
It is great to see you having a better attitude about life. I have been through some tough times in my life and I know I have grown from them.

About being scared of death, I don't fear death either, because I know where I am going after death and how I am getting there. But I think that when it comes dying time for me, I will probably want to hang around and resist going even though I believe heaven is a wonderful place.

Really, t0tianna, you write "I don't know what to think of life right now. I don't know how to act" Truth be told, the great majority of people are the same way. They don't have a overlaying vision for their lives. In a sense they're making it up as life goes along. I myself have broad parameters for my life and general guiding principals but day to day, I am making stuff up within the parameters I have established.

God's best to you
James Baker