HUBBY IN DENIAL

msann
By msann Latest Reply 2014-03-19 01:30:18 -0500
Started 2014-03-06 12:06:29 -0600

HEY GUYS THANKS TO ALL THAT REPLIED TO MY DISCUSSIONS. I COOK BUT HE WONT EAT HEALTHY. HE LOVES CARBS: POTATOES, LASANGNA. WHAT HE NEEDS IS TO MOVE AND HE DOESN'T. HE'S JUST THAT KIND OF FELLOW. LOVE HIM TO DEATH BUT WE ARE SO DIFFERENT !!


40 replies

valentine lady
valentine lady 2014-03-16 17:04:19 -0500 Report

Dear Msann: I have read both of your discussions and most of all the wonderful advice everyone offered. Some really good stuff here. Now here is my opinion. It is true your Husband is in denial and atleast in this area you both are real different. In this area neither one of you are going ton see eye to eye. Atleast for now. Someday he may be more accepting and want to get healthy but for now all you can do is cook healthy and serve it. He makes the choice to eat or not to eat. This is one area your not going to get a team effort. You must think of yourself now and let him worry about him. I wouldn't push him, I wouldn't even mention it to him. Don't even ask what his BS is…this isn't a disease that one can go alone. If he's fairly forced to go it alone and see's you carrying on alone (but of course you'll have all of us and friends to rely on) he may come to the realization he needs help and you. Remember, YOU ARE IMPORTANT and need to think about yourself too.

lorene1212
lorene1212 2014-03-17 01:45:44 -0500 Report

I agree with you valentine lady,
This is to MSAnn:
She is doing good. No forcing him just because you need to change. I know I live with my 19 yr. son…melt my heart. He knows what I cook and if he wants it he will eat it..lol…seriously, I am important enough to show him I make changes all the time in my life and usually all are important for my well being as well as his.
He is very accepting and has made dinner for me and I know what amounts are all about if I follow them…lol…I really dont cheat a lot…
You actually begin to eat things that others like not every thing is bad…Garlic, parsley, fresh herbs every one likes.. Vegetables like spinach, celery, romaine lettuce, eats,
Chicken, beef, pork, every one eats… I call it moderation…know portion sizing. So you take 3-4 ounces chicken, spinach 3/4 cup, yams are great baked with real butter. (margarine should not be eaten) real butter is better.
He just may fall in love all over again: haaaaaa

Lorene

Sly Kitty
Sly Kitty 2014-03-16 09:22:54 -0500 Report

There is one exercise that every man I know will do. Work on that my dear and you will find a changed man!

Nana D76
Nana D76 2014-03-12 13:20:10 -0500 Report

I too was in denial and until we where clam digging and I got wet but to stubborn to stop, didn't bring a snack with me, and started to feel odd . Then proceeded to pass out three times on the way to the hospital that my denial stopped.. Dr said it's called diabetic hypothermia … I started a quest to find ways to eat what I wanted… It's kind of like the book eat this not that… Tell him he can eat what ever he wants…it's his choice…if he's stubborn like me…it was being told I can't have good food.lol I have tons of ideas if he wants to try them… Let me know…one ol stubborn chick to one ol stubborn rooster…lol

JSJB
JSJB 2014-03-10 06:29:21 -0500 Report

Sometimes they need a crude awakening. I was a 3 pack a day smoker. When I started to work part time at a hospital, the security guard gave me a tour of the cancer area and what I saw cured me. Quit smoking that day and haven't smoked since. If talking doesn't do any good, show him what the results will be or let him read some of the posts on this site. I hope it works, even with this condition we have so much to live for. Oh, his eating habits are like mine and I changed for my family so maybe he will. Good luck

tiny22021
tiny22021 2014-03-07 01:29:41 -0600 Report

Support him, just don't make him think he's going to survive longterm. I thought I could handle it, control it. Sofar the only thing I've managed too control it getting my meds on time, cause I know for sure I'll loose more body parts if I don't! I've gotten parts of my feet, one leg and a toe removed. I lost my right eye because of blood flow.(Circulatory Disease) And remind him (His Shits) going to stop working, this is because of the circulatory disease he got because he didn't heed your warnings. You got this, make him see it

Laurene
Laurene 2014-03-06 17:27:30 -0600 Report

Don't try to change your husband. To change anything you will actually be getting rid of one thing and replacing it with something else. You love your hubby so don't try to change him! He can support you in other ways. Try new recipes but don't forget to giver him what he likes. Your friends and relatives can help support you. Your lifestyle (eating) has to change for the better. You are on your way and he might follow.

Spyderblade
Spyderblade 2014-03-06 16:39:24 -0600 Report

You could serve smaller portions of his favorite foods, and encourage him to exercise more by going on walks and asking him to come with you,

Trudie Ann
Trudie Ann 2014-03-06 16:38:17 -0600 Report

I know how hard it is. You cook and try and end having to eat it yourself. I usually put what's left in freezer bags I am fanatic when it comes to wasting. My hubby will eat a lot of what I fix, but once in a while it happens to me too. At least he likes most veggies, so I usually fix more of the ones he likes and only a little of the carbs. Try different veggies etc fixed different ways. Hang in there. I will be praying for you.

Glucerna
Glucerna 2014-03-06 16:21:00 -0600 Report

You might gradually make smaller portions of foods like potatoes and lasagna, and prepare a big salad or vegetables your husband likes to go with the meal so he doesn't feel hungry or deprived. Has his doctor encouraged him to become more active? Sometimes people will listen to their doctor's advice and take it to heart. Also, I encourage both of you to attend a diabetes education class. You'll both learn a lot, and being with other people with diabetes may inspire your husband to make changes. ~Lynn @Glucerna

jayabee52
jayabee52 2014-03-16 15:42:21 -0500 Report

She could also slowly introduce mashed caulfower into the mashed taters, A tiny bit at first, then increase the ratio of caulflower to taters so he gets used to the taste. Eventually it could get half and half. Probably would need to load it up with butter or margarine to mask the cflower taste, but that would lower the carb level of the mashed 'taters. ( he probably doesn't hang around the kitchen — like I used to do — when the meal is being prepared?) Just a thought.

I pulled something like that on my sons, who didn't like spinach. But I pureed a can of spinach and added some Ketchup and mustard to mask the flavor and the color of the spinach and made it into sloppy joe mix. They raved about it! They wanted to know what was in it and I told them "you have to be 21 to learn the secret recipe." They bought it! (the oldest was about 16 at the time.) I had made a large batch and so had sloppy joe mix for quite a while and they raved about it every time. They were kinda let down when I told them what was in it. So at least for a while I would steam the fat out of the hamburger and mix it with the secret sauce and fed them healthy sloppy joes.

God's best!

James

robertoj
robertoj 2014-03-06 15:30:41 -0600 Report

There are ways to make carb safe foods. I do my own cooking so that makes it easier. I love macaroni so I use half macaroni and half cauliflower. You can make lasagna using zucchini instead of noodles. You can find many such recipes here and elsewhere on line.

bigbird988
bigbird988 2014-03-06 15:28:14 -0600 Report

hi i am to but i am slowly moving over i have all my bad stuff but i add in all the good stuff and have reduced all the pop chips and sweets those sweets are almost non existent now coffee and sugar is a hard one for me
i am here if he likes he can chat at me . i had five double rum and cokes last night felt better this morning than i did all yesterday i had salad for supper it was great
bob

jayabee52
jayabee52 2014-03-06 15:36:43 -0600 Report

Howdy Bob
Be careful you don't go too low when drinking alcohol. The alcohol shuts down your liver to process this toxin out of your body, that means that other functions of your liver are on hold and you can experience a hypo, so be careful there!

God's best to you and yours

James

chiefgreybeard
chiefgreybeard 2014-03-06 15:13:40 -0600 Report

It's hard to make a person to change. Maybe if you change, he would follow you. Some gave examples of how to change your lasagna. This site has other recipes. I'm just suggesting.

shoulders
shoulders 2014-03-06 15:04:59 -0600 Report

Try to get him to walk to a little store near your home, let him get a piece of fruit or a frozen fruit bar as a treat for him to eat on his way home. Check out some of the Diabetic recipes and try introducing it to your own home.

Laurene
Laurene 2014-03-06 14:16:15 -0600 Report

Hi,you can make lasagna with a better noodle and then you can portion control for yourself. Try to find the brand pasta "Dreamfields" it is a better low carb noodle and nobody will know you are feeding them better for them. It is often on sale at Safeway stores. Buy extra when it is on sale. Make your lasagna and freeze what is left in portion sizes (your portion and your hubby). It turns out great because when you don't feel like cooking just take it out of the freezer and you have a meal. Just cook a veggie that you like and there you go. You need to always cook veggies for your self and don't try to make your hubby eat them. He may try them if you show him how much you enjoy them.

TopazDee
TopazDee 2014-03-08 12:35:17 -0600 Report

Hi talking lasagne I saw a cookery programme where they substituted pasta with leek by cutting a medium sized leek half way through peeled away each layer steamed them for few minutes patted them dry and now they were flattened used instead of pasta sheets.
I love pasta myself unfortunately here in UK havn't found a safer option "Dreamfields" not available over here.

kimfing
kimfing 2014-03-06 17:20:55 -0600 Report

For dreamfields to work for the lower carb, please make sure u follow exactly the cooking time and the most important thing is to run under cold water immediately to stop cooking process. It doesn't say that on the box. If u don't, it will be like having regular pasta

camerashy
camerashy 2014-03-06 15:38:37 -0600 Report

If hers is anything like mine, no, he won't. It's hilarious to see a grown man spread his peas out all over his plate so I'll think he ate some! ;-)

Mrs. Alilce
Mrs. Alilce 2014-03-06 13:58:25 -0600 Report

Anyone like to dance? I have a wide variety from Richard Simmons to line dancing videos to cardiac/aerobic fun. Bless him, one day at a time, one change at a time, we can't absorb it all this week : )

theladyiscrazy
theladyiscrazy 2014-03-06 13:33:59 -0600 Report

I can't remember, how long has he been diagnosed? Was he always in denial? When we get dx with diabetes (or any other disease) often we go through the grieving process. Denial is part of that process. We all grieve differently and for different lengths of time. What about him talking to a counselor or a trusted friend? Have you been to a diabetes support group meeting? Or a self-management class?

shorty1965
shorty1965 2014-03-06 13:31:33 -0600 Report

When you go shopping take some of that bad stuff of the menu and try to fix the healthier with different seasoning and that may help also and if he has a problem let him start going to the store and shop so he can get out and move and if he cooks for himself more that's more exercise for him maybe that may help him to.:) :):):)

shorty1965
shorty1965 2014-03-06 13:23:43 -0600 Report

Get him a station pedal bike he can you.maybe that may help.
If he starts small and start to loose the weight then he may be willing to start walking with you when he is more comfortable.

Zoogirl
Zoogirl 2014-03-06 13:16:37 -0600 Report

At least start using whole wheat products where you can and get familiar with what portions are for carbs and try to work him down to where he is eating the right amount with each meal. My best friend died at 56 after only having diabetes for about 10 years - she had bloodshot eyes (lost her vision), lost her foot to gangrene, and had the blood vessels/heart of a 90 year old and a massive heart attack took her. She was on insulin and still was running over 300 on blood sugars. She didn't want to go to the "trouble" of meal planning and counting carbs and it is so easy really. Please try to get him to wake up - it will kill you if you do not control it - it will take your kidneys, eyes, liver, heart and limbs piece by piece and you will not know it until it is too late.

rebl
rebl 2014-03-06 12:40:10 -0600 Report

Dear msann:

Unfortunately, due to my very weak legs I cannot walk more than a few steps, so I do not get the exercise I need. I have managed to live with this damnable diabetes for over 40 years, and can testify to its horrible effect on my life.

Reb

simonizer77
simonizer77 2014-03-06 12:32:15 -0600 Report

I also love the carbs and hate exercise! The best suggestion I can give is go slow. See if he can cut down portion size first. Even the slightest bit helps. Also, just try and be supportive. So many Diabetics go into denial as they don't 'feel' sick. Sadly, things can change quickly. Perhaps have him look up some of the complications of Diabetes. It can be truly scary. DON'T GIVE UP!!

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