why off topic

By vrswesley Latest Reply 2014-02-25 19:01:54 -0600
Started 2014-02-24 19:10:01 -0600

Got an email from a distant cousin a minute ago with an "updated family tree"..my name was wrong and Dan was not mention..nor our wedding or his death! Everybody eles was (spouses). So while Imam annoyed..I didnt say that-instead I politely emailed him and asked for the corrections.. hopfully it was an oversite-my blood family and I barely speak. And is hugh!

11 replies

Just Joyce
Just Joyce 2014-02-25 10:50:35 -0600 Report

If it was a distant cousin, the cousin probably didn't know your husbands correct name so he/she left it blank for you to fill in. Why get annoyed? The cousin could have ignored it all together and not contact you at all.

My cousin did her fathers family tree. He only listed her mother, sister and brother and their spouses and children. A cousin was upset because her mother my aunts sister was not included. She got mad with me when I said she is doing this for her fathers family. We are not related to him by blood only by marriage so we are not HIS family, get over yourself. Her mother told her the same thing.

If your husbands family did a family tree, they might include you as a spouse and any children he had. If you had children that he did not father, they would not be listed on his family tree because they are not related to them. Only you would be listed as the spouse and none of your family.

Your cousin could have done a family tree of just his family and not included the spouses because they are not related to him. It all depends on the kind of family tree and the information they want included.

vrswesley 2014-02-25 15:42:30 -0600 Report

he included everyone elses spouses. that is why,..plus it bothered me because we belonged in there..just like the rest of the family..it also bothered me because we mattered.. my name was there but my husband wasnt mentioned..ecerybody elses husbands or spouses was mentioned.. Dan mattered.. he should be in there.. that is why.same as everybody else. But i waspolite and just updated the info and he gladly put it in.-he just didnt know..that I can deal with-I thanked him.

GabbyPA 2014-02-24 20:23:40 -0600 Report

Wow, that is just sad. I hope it was an over site as well. Things like that are very touchy.

vrswesley 2014-02-24 21:01:36 -0600 Report

I got a note back from him with most of the changes I wanted. so Ill take it. am happy. enough. we arent forgoten, he isnt ignored.thats what really matters to me.. our marriege and him.

GabbyPA 2014-02-24 21:10:41 -0600 Report

That is good to hear. My hubby is on the "don't talk to" list with my mom....it's very sad and hurtful to me though, not just him. Funny how we can't forgive and move on sometimes.

Just Joyce
Just Joyce 2014-02-25 11:07:53 -0600 Report

Gabby I met a cousins husband in a hospice center as my aunt was spending her last few hours with her. This man was very abusive to her. She was crying because her cousin was dying and he pulled her out of range of us and slapped her twice for crying in public and making him look bad. He continued to berate her until it got on my nerves. I got in his face literally and told him if he opened his idiotic mouth again my fist was going down his throat. He had never had anyone confront him. I told him my aunt is going to die and the family does not need this in here tonight. He asked another cousin if I would hit him. They told him none of us play with her when she gets on us because when we grew up older cousins could correct us. I told him you are going to have a horrible life and death. I also told him I would never say another word to him for the rest of his life. God does not like ugliness and he was going to suffer for it.

Two years later someone said he had cancer. A year and a half later he was dead at 32. Cancer ate him up. A cousin said he died a horrible death because cancer was in all of his organs and his brain and pain meds were no longer working. He still mistreated his wife as he was dying. I did not go to his funeral.

I did not feel sorry for him nor did I feel bad for not talking to him. What is going on between your mother and husband is between them. That has to be hard on you which is understandable. Don't feel bad because not every problem in relationships can be fixed. Just love them both. It can be hard for some people to forgive and move on especially if neither party believe they have done nothing wrong. I once told a co-worker who spent a week not talking to her husband to just apologize even though you feel you were not wrong. She finally did and he sent her flowers with a card that said I am sorry too and I love you. It takes two to dislike each other but one has to be strong enough to say I am sorry or I forgive you.

GabbyPA 2014-02-25 18:13:54 -0600 Report

It's been hashed to death and even in everyday conversation she finds a way to remind me....I love my mom, but this gets very hard. My husband has gone out of his way to try to do things for her to make up so to speak, but it isn't working. Now she's a thousand miles away....It's better, but not at the same time.

Just Joyce
Just Joyce 2014-02-25 18:52:18 -0600 Report

Gabby sometimes two people simply are not going to get along and in this case it is your mom. At least your husband tried to make amends. I wouldn't worry about it.

GabbyPA 2014-02-25 18:58:25 -0600 Report

I try not to. Just every once in a while it gets to me. I hate being in the middle. That is the worst part, because they both wanted me to choose sides for a while.

Just Joyce
Just Joyce 2014-02-25 19:01:54 -0600 Report

Never allow people to put you in the middle of their battles because no matter what side you choose, the other side is going to be angry. We did that once in our family and my aunts were angry with each other for several years. Finally they made peace but we stayed out of it.

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