Sick of this....

By xXGilesXx Latest Reply 2014-01-28 15:17:20 -0600
Started 2014-01-25 05:03:17 -0600

I was diagnosed fifteen years ago when I was only four years old. People say it's so easy because I must be used to living a life with diabetes because I don't remember what it's like not to, but the horrible truth is that almost every day is unbearable. I'm sick of testing myself over and over and over taking injections everyday because when my parents had the opportunity they still didn't make an effort to get me on a pump. My A1C has been 12 for the past few years and I'm literally sick of trying to get it to come down because it hasn't worked in the last few years that I've tried. I'm so used to not even testing myself or giving myself injections at the proper time. It's so time consuming! I feel like I'm literally a constant charity case. I want so desperately to try and be better but I'm afraid I'm too far gone. Just this past year I met an incredible doctor that helped me to bring my A1C down to 8 so that I can get a pump and then out of nowhere our insurance provider told us that it would cost us $4,000 for a pump and a CGM. Who had $4,000 that they can just toss in the air for anything?! After that I lost it…I haven't been keeping record because I think to myself "what's the point of trying if everytime you pick yourself up from the hole you've been kicked in you're just thrown right back in… I know I sound like a whiner but if you've been rejected from a better lifestyle as many times as I have you would understand why.

10 replies

beatingtype1 2014-01-28 15:17:20 -0600 Report

I grew up with zero support from my mom. I don't have a dad. I can relate to what you're going through. Since your insurance company said a pump and a cgm would cost $4000 sounds like you went with Medtronic. Most insurance companies will not cover the new Minimed because they won't cover a sensor. So the answer is try animas. The Animas ping is the best pump on the market! Almost all insurances cover it.

You can try as hard as you want but getting an A1c into a safe range on shots is literally next to imposible. Can it be done by one person for every 90-100 people? Statistics (dr kelb) but don't feel so bad! You're on shots what do you expect an A1c of 7 lol! The best reasonably possible on shots is not lower than 8.5.

Shots keep a type ONE Alive. Pumps allow a type one to live!

xXGilesXx 2014-01-27 14:00:28 -0600 Report

I really appreciate the support that I've received from you guys! (: I just really needed to vent and I figured you guys would better understand me rather than anyone else.

GabbyPA 2014-01-27 13:56:46 -0600 Report

Hmmmm, the goal was met then dashed. That is horrible. Is there another way to finance the pump? Will the maker of the devise help you out? If not, then since you are already at 8, why not just keep on doing what you and your doctor did to get you to that point? You got a better lifestyle when you dropped from 12 to 8. That is HUGE. You should be proud of that. And that is your better lifestyle for now. Maybe not your ultimate one, but a better one.

Find a new goal to drive that momentum. Maybe it will be a vacation or a special electronic devise that you want? What do you want more than anything that is not diabetes related?

I am not a very well disciplined person either and I have to constantly change my goals and motivations to keep me on track. It's just how I'm made. I tend to make my goals smaller and once I achieve them or find out I can't for some reason, I re-evaluate and try again.

Just Joyce
Just Joyce 2014-01-27 10:20:05 -0600 Report

I am going to simply be direct. At 19, you have choices to make. You are no longer a child with diabetes, you are an adult with diabetes. It is time to grow up and be responsible. Not one of us regardless if we are T1 or T2 no matter what our ages are, chose to be diabetic, it chose us.

You are going to have to accept that you have a chronic disease and learn to take proper care of yourself. At 19 your parents do not have to get you a pump. If you are not working, find a job and start saving money for one. You can also sit down with your parents and ask if you save half the money if they will match what you have. Be prepared if they say no.

Your parents are not responsible for taking care of your disease, you are. This means you have to sit down and make some 2 choices.

Choice #1 Life-Taking proper care of yourself with your pens and diet, educating yourself, making a better or happier life for yourself.

Choice #2-Death-Not taking care of yourself will cause you to lose kidney and liver function which also leads to damage to other organs. The loss of limbs and vision and a slow painful death with a lot of your time confined to a hospital bed.

No one can make those choices for you but you. Good luck to you and I hope you choose to accept diabetes and live a very fruitful life.

ashley50 2014-01-25 13:08:32 -0600 Report

You are just going to have accept the fact that you have type 1 diabetes. It is a lot harder when you do not have a family that supports you very well. There are a lot of people out there that can not get on pumps due to the cost. But that doesn't mean you can control it on your own with pens. You can get your a1c down with using syringes and pens just as well as a pump. Living with diabetes is not easy for a 19 year old. I would know i am 19 dealing with this. You have to try harder and harder. You can do it. Anyone can do it. Its just a matter of believing and actually doing it! You will have to test your self all the time! Everyday. Its just a part of life! Own diabetes!

Type1Lou 2014-01-25 11:13:03 -0600 Report

True, none of us "chooses" to have diabetes…but each one of us "chooses" how we deal with it. You are only 19 years old and could have a long, relatively healthy life ahead of you IF you make the right choices…it's up to you. You are the master of your fate. Wishing you the strength to make the right choices!

kimfing 2014-01-25 09:40:05 -0600 Report

Im gonna b blunt and to the point, u either choose to take care of yourself or the alternative is a slow and painful death. The reality is you have diabetes. Im sorry im being unsympathetic, but that's the reality. You can do it, you have done it. Yes, its tedious and frustrating at times. No its not easy. I've chosen to take control my disease and not let it control me. My husband has been t1 33+ yrs and at one point he turned to drugs and alcohol, then realized life was worth living and living to the fullest.

Good luck

Just Joyce
Just Joyce 2014-01-27 10:21:50 -0600 Report

Kim very good post. Sometimes being blunt opens peoples eyes. Wallowing in self pity is harmful. Diabetes isn't a game people play when they feel like it.

I am glad your husband realized life is worth living and living it to the fullest. Kudos to him.

kimfing 2014-01-27 10:44:08 -0600 Report

Thanks. I liked yours too. I agree. I am too that my husband did too. He heard his family say early in disease he wouldn't make it to 18. Not something a young boy should overhear

Just Joyce
Just Joyce 2014-01-27 20:14:52 -0600 Report

Sometimes parents can be insensitive. A young person hearing thinks their parents don't care and can lead to a lot of problems for the child and themselves. On the flip side they also say things because they are afraid for their child.

Some kids hear this and strive to prove them wrong and do everything they can to rise above what they have heard. Others take the wrong path in life because they believe they will become what their parents negative view has mapped out for them.

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