Very ANGRY and FRUSTRATED about this whole DIABETIC (type 2) thing!!

LadyLouAnn
By LadyLouAnn Latest Reply 2014-02-01 03:36:13 -0600
Started 2014-01-21 21:38:02 -0600

For most of my life I have worried about my weight, dieting, exercising, weight lifting, walking even in horribly bitter cold winter weather. Eating barely anything sometimes and sometimes eating "clean" and NEVER feeling it was natural or NEVER having it make me happy. My sister died of Lung cancer three years ago and I remember her saying to me at one point" Look I'm finally a size 2", I thought to myself ,When am I just going to accept how I look? I finally quit obsessing about my weight and low and behold I am now a diabetic and NOW I am FORCED to go back to MONITORING what I eat.
I am so ANGRY and depressed. Today at lunch one of the coworkers was discussing how they made sure they only ate no more than 45 carbs per meal. IS THIS WHAT I HAVE TO LOOK FORWARD TO FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE??????!!!!!


33 replies

LadyLouAnn
LadyLouAnn 2014-01-28 23:08:07 -0600 Report

I checked in, and I read the replies. .. Thank you for those that understood my feelings. I've always been on the slimmer side and rarely been over my b mi. . In fact I had anorexia as a late teen and young adult. .I never got any joy out of watching what I ate and it never made me like myself any better. .I think that's why I find this so frustrating.

theladyiscrazy
theladyiscrazy 2014-01-28 20:06:48 -0600 Report

What you are feeling is natural. It is part of the "grief/mourning" cycle. Yes, mourning the lost of health, etc. Don't beat yourself up. I was dx over two years ago now and I went through a period of being afraid of eating anything, to easing off, to just saying forget this, and finally at the point of accepting and working on my health in general. I am just getting a referral to the classes that have been mentioned. I start next month for three weeks in a row. I am hoping they have a support group afterwards, although here it is great for support as well. My focus now is trying to stay low, but also really looking at what MY triggers are. I can't eat certain things that other can without shooting my blood sugar super high. Yet, I can eat some items that others can't. So, paying close attention to that helps. Some things get easier too as you go along. You kink of learn what is okay and what isn't. ((((HUGS))))

Prprincess0923
Prprincess0923 2014-01-28 16:37:44 -0600 Report

Well there are class you can take to help u so you can understand and learn.l go to those classes every month were I go to my doctor visits. Try it cause it doesn't hurt

Kaysville84037
Kaysville84037 2014-01-28 01:16:47 -0600 Report

Hi Lou Ann, This is actually my first post in four years, I see discussions but your post really got me and I identify with every word you said. when I got diagnosed diabetic, my doctor told me that I had to go to this class, which made things a little more clear in perspective of what Diabetes is and how affects millions of people. In that class, they explained to us for the new ones at least that we would go through stages anger and burst of outrage are part of the symptoms of diabetes, just like when you lose someone. Anger, Depression, sadness, motivation, and again anger, depression, sadness etc.… and that the thing about diabetes is that many people live normal lives for a long time. I was so pissed off, just like you explained in your post, I found out that when someone gets diagnosed with diabetes they have been diabetics for at least five to eight years I was so angry…Why in the world nobody told me that before?.. I was mad at the world, I was mad at my genes, (because my father was diabetic) so in a way I have always been afraid of developing diabetes; Well Now I Got IT!!!!
I understand your anger because I feel it too; but also know that you will enter another stage of feelings, and the best part is to know that you will see things different later. I was diagnosed five years ago, and I have a nine year old son who needs me, and when I at my most angry moment I try to think of him and calms me down, and then I enter the depression stage where I start thinking about what is going to happen if I leave this world? …. :((
I had to pause there for a moment, however I will not let go and I will do everything in my power so my son has his mother for as long as possible. In conclusion, we have to find our anchor and stick to it; maybe diets and counting calories is not our best skill, and sometimes there are other things that motivate us to do what we need to do. I don’t exercise, instead I got a dog and because I don’t have a yard I have to walk the dog at least three times a day, I don’t see it like exercise even though he is a Lab and keeps me active and helps me relieve stress in the first week I lost 5lbs. I could give you hundreds of tips to lose weight and lower you sugars, and check your cholesterol etc…. but we all have a special key that make us tick and you have to find yours! Thank you for your post, my condolences for your sister; replying to you actually helped me relieved some stress I had bundled up inside. Diabetes is like a car so get in the driver seat, and watch out for the curves.  Live Long, Prosper, Happy, Healthy, wealthy, and with peace in your heart.

dkellis
dkellis 2014-01-27 16:38:12 -0600 Report

I was diagnosed with type 2 about 10 weeks ago and I too was angry. At 60 years old I had been in good health most of my life only to find out now in the later years I have this to deal with. The first eight weeks my numbers stayed above 300 And I was on multible meds. I began to wonder if my Doctor knew what He was doing. I decided to educate myself on every thing I could find out about the disease. I enrolled in a class at the hospital on the disease and diet. I started to exercise, mostly walking, and eating healthy. This past week I have seen my numbers go down, once all the way to 112. The numbers still spike up but not as high as they were. I said all this to say that instead of being angry I decided to embrace my condition and defeat it by doing all I can do to be normal. I still get frustrated like today as I replied to your post , my numbers were low this morning and now have spiked up, I feel lousy and my legs and feet hurt. But I will not give up and keep doing all I can do to win. On the positive side I have lost about 30 lbs. which I hope to keep off. So look at it as a challenge and a way to improve your Health.

alfie mae
alfie mae 2014-01-31 23:28:33 -0600 Report

Hi. I am 59 and will be 60 on July 4th. I was diagnosed in 2002 with type 2. My numbers were like yours in the beginning. At first I thought I would never reach anything under 300. Then after losing some weight and becoming more conscious about my food intake, it happened! My next goal to get under 200 took longer, about 2 years to finally get there. Still had a lot of fluctuation, but now (about 2 years) I'm finally at a pretty steady 90-110 every morning. My A1C was 6.2 in Oct 2013 and I have been off of meds for over a year, It took a few tries in the beginning to find the right combo of meds for me, and then again as I lost weight and my numbers got better, and then again when I finally said, "OK, what do I have to do to get off meds all together!!??" Now it's 2014 and over the last 12 years I have gone through losing my mother, my diabetic father having toes amputated, and also 2 heart attacks and heart surgeries, getting divorced, my diabetic sister having gastric bypass surgery (due to uncontrolled diabetes) followed by complications of a collapsed lung and almost kidney failure. I was an over-the-road truck driver and came off the road to be with my family whenever I was needed. I have diverticulosis and had a heart attack at age 28 (born with a faulty valve and a replacement was going to be done when I turned 30, but I got mine a little early) so most of my life it was necessary to think about food -what's good, what's not good- for my heart and for my colon (and I'm still not very good at it!). Oh and of course for my stomach! I'm so glad I joined Diabetic Connect. Though I try to stay positive and lean on my faith, I have succumbed to the ailment of depression and I'm being treated for it and ptsd (due to my mother's passing in my arms). I tried to handle these terrible feelings, nightmares, and fearful thoughts myself (What's Wrong With Me!?) until I couldn't stand myself anymore and just wanted something to help me sleep. I've come to the conclusion that lack of sleep is the root of all illness! I'm sorry I got a little long winded here, but I really just wanted to thank you for reminding me to be positive and don't give up this lifelong fight. :)

dkellis
dkellis 2014-02-01 03:36:13 -0600 Report

Alfie mae, thank-You for an amazing story. This is just what I needed this morning. I was getting a little down, my numbers are down under 200 but still not normal yet. Your story gave me the boost I needed,that and what I read in my devotion to have a grateful heart for all things work together for good to those that love the Lord. Thanks again, DKEllis

TopazDee
TopazDee 2014-01-27 05:46:17 -0600 Report

Hi LouAnn been in the same state as you so know how you feel love, I have several long standing health issues as I am disabled, last year I was thrown at me you have COPD then just as I was coming to terms with that I had a really bad chest infection and was hospitalised my Blood Glucose reading was 28 (not sure what the USA equivalent is) on admittance, my sugar level yo yoed , one Dr said I was diabetic another would say it was the steroids I was taking that had caused the raise it was really confusing me but I knew something had to change I was already on a low fat way of life now I knew it would also have to be a sugar free one as well, I really wanted to give up on life, I am a spiritual person and in the early hours of the morning sitting in my hospital chair thinking about life in general a voice told me not to be so selfish to think of my family and friends, I knew then that I had to embrace this new way of living.
Now 3 months later a good 36lbs lighter and feeling much better I can tell you honestly IT IS WORTH HAVING A NEW LIFE STYLE yes I have good days and bad but with each passing month there are more good days than bad.
Take heart my friend have faith you can do it.
MAY YOU WALK WITH LOVE AND LIGHT AS YOUR CONSTANT COMPANIONS…TOPAZ (Dee) xxx

Set apart
Set apart 2014-01-26 07:36:56 -0600 Report

Life is about never giving up, I attended a training the other day, and I laughed when the presenter kept saying "SHIT HAPPENS". I am so sorry for the loss of your sister, and for your most recent feelings. I can relate, I took care of my body, by exercising, eating right, the whole thing, I was a perfectionist. At 48 I was diagnosed with T1, talk about a let down. I was angry, mad at my god, mad at the world, hadnt I had my share of life??? I then found out I needed God more than ever, I found DC, and since then I've tried to nit be a perfectionist, wanting to always be in control of my BG numbers. I work hard to be in control, but some days well i am not, so I just say, tomorrow will be different, I just don't give up!!!!! Life is too good, to not live it, every moment, every day gives us and opportunity to just LIVE!

Jim Edwards
Jim Edwards 2014-01-25 12:09:55 -0600 Report

yes, but, you do adjust. My biggest give it up is homemade bread. I was a bread man, now it has been over a year since I made or bought bread. Out of sight, out of mind. You have some control over what makes you angry or depressed. You cannot change your dx of type 2. You can monitor it and make good choices and get on with your life.

powersintexas
powersintexas 2014-01-24 15:13:26 -0600 Report

Life is to be managed not cured. You will also need to take a bath, brush your teeth,wash your clothes, wash your hands, get enough sleep, you have to breath to get oxygen to your lungs and many other things for the rest of your life. God gave you a gift of life, what you do with it is your gift back to Him. The ultimate gift that you need to manage. Try a different prespective

Rebelove
Rebelove 2014-01-24 09:56:22 -0600 Report

Good morning! Wow, I remember feeling like you do right now. In fact, I still have those days! So much good advice has already been given here that I doubt I can add anything of significance. You have come to the right place by joining this community…we are here for you, and we care! :)

Just Joyce
Just Joyce 2014-01-25 17:14:52 -0600 Report

Rebel the next time you have one of those days, sit down and count all of your blessings. Be thankful that God gave you another day on this earth.

You have the gift of life as Powers said. It is up to you what to do with it. Life is hard and at some point you have to stop being your own victim in your life.

You can't make life harder than it has to be. Far to often obstacles can cross our paths that will make it hard until the problem is solved.

You can do this as long as you want to live and keep all of you limbs, your vision and organs that are functioning. Life is short you have to want to make the best of it because tomorrow is not promised to any of us.

Tomorrow morning when you wake up, look in the mirror and say "just for today I am going to________" you fill in the blank. You will find having those days will eventually disappear. Always keep you head up and keep smiling. Have a great day and a better weekend.

Set apart
Set apart 2014-01-26 07:29:10 -0600 Report

Hi Joyce, I haven't been on line for a while and when I visit I can always count on your words of inspiration, in a kind of GET ON IT GIRL kind of way. You're so right focusing on being a diabetic, can take away from being a a person with diabetes, there's a difference! As I mature into being a T1, I've got to admit I've been a little down about needing more insulin, even if my diet hasn't changed, fighting highs and lows!!!! Oh and did I mention menopause peeked it's little green head into my life, so I am everywhere these days, but you my friend, have reminded me that I am a fighter, I refuse to not be healthy, and to not have fun in life. It's my right, because god says so, and so do I! The dark side can remind us of all the negativity, and if you give in, it's so easy to get pulled into the dark hole, on the other hand the light is much nicer, and a lot more peaceful! Have a nice one! Thanks again!

Just Joyce
Just Joyce 2014-01-26 11:55:17 -0600 Report

Hiya Set. Glad to see you my friend. I have never noticed you not being a fighter.

I look at diabetes as a thing I have. After about the first 6 months to a year of being diagnosed, I asked myself what am I going to do with this thing. I could let it be the main focus of my life and let it take over everything I do or I could set it aside and do everything I want to do with my life.

I set it aside because it does not need my constant attention. Besides these days with so many diabetics I have found that people don't care one way or the other about you and your diabetes unless they are interested.

However, you can't be so caught up in yourself that when opportunity knocks you don't open the door. If you are not in control, angry and frustrated and you have a friend, family member or in this case a co-worker who is managing their disease, you take advantage of the situation and talk to them. Pick their brain. On the other hand if you are so caught up in your sense of self, and that everything is about you, then you don't see the opportunity and you will miss out on information that will help you. People have to view life with an open mind. Closed minds never learn anything because they are not open to change or how to accept it and move forward. Stay strong my friend.

Bekah Nikole
Bekah Nikole 2014-01-24 07:21:12 -0600 Report

I've felt that way too. I was doing everything I could to take care of myself. Eating right, not eating between meals, exercising like a mad woman and keeping active throughout the day. All I thought about all day was how tovtake care of my next number.

It took a person I had only met once or twice before to turn the light switch on. I had lost so much weight and looked completely different than when he first saw me. While we were talking at a party he made a comment on it telling me just to ease up a bit cause it looked like I was doing too much. I took a step back and gave it some thought.

I was stressing over every meal I ate so much it took the joy out of the meal. I was getting snappy with my Hubby cause I was always so stressed about my numbers. It was starting to be the only thing that came out of my mouth!!

That's when I realized that I could (and should) find a new way to live with this. I had learned what and how to take care of my body, but I had to re-learn how to actually breath while I did it all. To relax about where we went out to eat and that if I spent the whole day out window shopping there was no need for me to come home and exercise if I met my step goal for the day.

Yes, I still try every day to follow the rules, but I've given myself some breathing room to be human. You can do this too! You'll have your bad shitty days, but the reminder of your good ones will push you through the bad ones. Instead of just working at being healthy - work at living your life while being healthy.

We all get down or just simply pissed off at this, but Nick has the right idea. Figure out what is healthy for you. Figure out how your body reacts to different foods. Try to find out what helps to lift up not just your mood but your whole outlook for the day.

There is so much to look forward to once you get a handle on this. The first part sucks hardcsnd it hurts like hell, but once it's done life does get better and life does get brighter again. We're all living proof of it.

Just Joyce
Just Joyce 2014-01-25 17:25:49 -0600 Report

Bekah I love this sentence, "Yes, I still try every day to follow the rules, but I've given myself some breathing room to be human." I could hug you for that one sentence.

I think for some people, they get so caught up in being diabetic they forget to be human. This is when diabetes has taken control of everything you eat and do.

I stopped letting diabetes be the main focus in my life. I don't stress over highs and lows because I rarely have highs. I go to out to eat and don't worry about it. I use the step system at times also. If I don't reach my goal that day, It is not a problem.

I am so glad to have read your wonderful post.

Glucerna
Glucerna 2014-01-24 17:41:48 -0600 Report

When we get to the point where we can find the positives in a difficult situation, we know we're making progress. You said it much better than I can! ~Lynn @Glucerna

jigsaw
jigsaw 2014-01-23 20:46:06 -0600 Report

Ok ladyLouAnn, I read most of the excellent replies here, and they really are great examples! So, don't get upset with me for bragging a bit. With many years of diabetes under my belt, I am still healthy, and enjoying life emphatically! I don't obsess about my diabetes, as a matter of fact I really have learned to not think about it too often. Of course I take measures to manage my diabetes, but they're nothing more than a healthy way of living.

Nick1962
Nick1962 2014-01-23 10:16:38 -0600 Report

I’m going to put a different spin on things. We’ve all been conditioned to think we can do whatever we darned well please to make ourselves happy, but the consequences are never discussed.
Being overweight all my life, I too at one point came to “be comfortable” with it. That didn’t mean it was healthy.

Truth is, just because you’re comfortable and happy with something, doesn’t mean you can’t be even more comfortable and happy with something else. That change, or departure from your comfort zone is usually what stands in your way.

A little proactive change in your eating habits now is really nothing compared to the comfort zone you might be forced out of down the road. And the truth is, even “healthy” non-diabetics have to watch what they eat. 45 carbs per meal is about right, especially if you’ve reached the age that you simply don’t burn off what you did as a teen. Lifestyles change and your habits need to also.

When you post you had a number of 601 at diagnosis, this means you’re really, really doing something wrong or something’s really broke. In either case, attention is needed to correct it in order to continue to lead a happy, comfortable life.

Here’s what I propose; put in the time, do the work and make the changes for a year. If after that you still haven’t seen any improvement, and you’re still miserable, go back to the way it was. Try it and I’m pretty sure you’ll be much healthier (and happier) and possibly not even having to deal with it anymore.

I’ve been there. I walked the shores of Lake Michigan, in winter, at night, just to get my measly 3 miles in. I’ve had to purge my kitchen of all the bad foods, and had to learn that just one bite of something is often enough to stop a craving. At nearly 300 lbs., I could have continued to tell myself that I accepted who I was, but that was a lie. I put in the work and I’m so much more happy with myself now than I could have imagined.

Glucerna
Glucerna 2014-01-23 16:02:44 -0600 Report

Well said Nick! You didn't take the easy way out and instead moved outside your comfort zone to improve your health. Wise words for all of us. ~Lynn @Glucerna

Just Joyce
Just Joyce 2014-01-23 13:13:11 -0600 Report

Nick I agree with you. Changes occur in our lives all the time. You have a choice, you can accept it and move forward or you can deny it until it comes to a point where you have no choice but to accept the change and face the consequences that comes with denial.

Gabby
GabbyPA 2014-01-22 20:57:47 -0600 Report

It is normal to be angry, frustrated, and depressed. It's a huge change and since you are familiar with it, and didn't like it, it brings back bad memories.

All that said, you don't want to stay there. You want to try to work through it and then see food as your medicine and your friend instead of an enemy. I know that helps me a lot. Food can work for you just as much as it can against you, so that choice is yours. And once you develop some good habits, it's not so hard. You just have to stick with it.

Glucerna
Glucerna 2014-01-22 18:19:48 -0600 Report

I definitely hear your frustration! There's an excellent book: Eat What You Love, Love What You Eat with Diabetes that uses a mindful approach to diabetes and food. It gets at exactly what you bring up, and gives lots of useful and helpful information. ~Lynn @Glucerna

Just Joyce
Just Joyce 2014-01-22 14:10:04 -0600 Report

The question is how much to you want to live to be a ripe old age? You feel the way you do because you choose to feel that way.

My guess is the coworker is focused on being healthy while you are focused on being angry and frustrated. There is absolutely nothing in life that says you are going to be totally healthy from the day you are born until the day you die.

You have to decide if you want to continue to be a victim of your own emotions and drama or if you want to focus on YOUR health and not be concerned with what others are doing to stay healthy. You had someone at lunch who could more than likely become a support system for you instead you immediately made the situation all about your anger and frustration. Why couldn't you ask your coworker how he or she does what they are doing?

Eating a little and eating healthy now and then is playing Russian Roulette with your life. This day and age, most people really don't care what you look like. Would you rather be skinny and beautiful so everyone can admire that or be healthy and happy? Remember beauty fades and there is nothing you can do to stop that.

The longer you refuse to accept the fact that you have to watch what you eat for the rest of your life the shorter your life becomes. I would rather live long and be happy and healthy that to live a life filled with anger and frustration over something that you and only you can control.

101 Diabetics
101 Diabetics 2014-01-22 08:49:43 -0600 Report

Anger, frustration and depression are all normal feelings that seem to accompany Diabetes. No matter what you have done in the past or present, you must now deal with it.

Your emotions are not going to serve to help you get your blood sugar under control. You must come face to face with it, and do what it takes to get things back on track.

I do not count carbs. I haven't fully learned about that yet. I have been reading about it, and that is as far as I've gotten. My blood sugar has gotten well within range without going that far. I'm not changing what I'm doing as long as this is working.

As far as your statement: " IS THIS WHAT I HAVE TO LOOK FORWARD TO FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE??????!!!!!" If that is what it takes, then just do it. Your other alternative is not as bright as this is.

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