Diabetes and marriage

By swapnil18 Latest Reply 2014-01-25 13:46:23 -0600
Started 2014-01-20 11:00:00 -0600

There are many superstitions about diabetes in India. Girls who are ready to marry have rejected me after listening about Diabetes. I can see difference in attitude before listening about my diabetes and after it. Worst case is that each one said clearly "no" because of Diabetes only. It really hurts me.

Whats my fault in having diabetes. And the girls family's are worst after hearing about diabetes even if girl is ready to accept it, they just don't accept it. It really hurts to hear this from such people. I feel very sad about having diabetes. In fact my life is just going, I am not living life. God, When this will end??? When I can live life??? When there will be cure for Type 1 Diabetes???

21 replies

jayabee52 2014-01-22 14:57:42 -0600 Report

Howdy Swapnil

I believe that if you scratch the surface not too hard here in the USA you'll find much the same thing. There are people of marrying age who don't want their potential partner to have a serious illness due to the chance that their offspring may develop the illness down the road. It is not only limited to diabetes. My 2nd wife "Jem" (now deceased) had been totally blind at 14, developed Lupis (SLE) as well as T1 and congestive heart failure (CHF) as well as several other "medical challenges"..

She had been engaged twice and both times the guy backed out. And then another b/f didn't want to commit to her.

I can't be sure (cause I didn't know Jem at the time) but I strongly suspect that her "defects" had something to do with those guys backing out of the engagements to her. (the 3rd guy, from what Jem told me of him was simply a jerk). Since we had met in our 50s we were past the childbearing years, (plus I was "snipped" anyway at my 1st wife's insistance) so bringing children into the world was not an option. I met Jem on a dating website called Dating4Disabled, and we were both up front about our "medical challenges".

As to your undoubtedly heartfelt plea "When I can live life?" I will answer that question by a quote (usually attributed to John Lennon): “Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans.”― Allen Saunders

After my divorce in 2001 ( after 25 years) I had been feverishly looking for a mate for the rest of my life. I eventually backed off and decided to take a break from trying to find someone. Then Jem contacted me online and we hit it off. All when I eased up a bit.

Praying you will have success in finding a mate.

James Baker

t.anurag 2014-01-20 18:48:10 -0600 Report

my mother went to a doc for her checkup, there she told that doc about me, you know what the doc said, she said her bro was having diabetes, they cured it by some medication..I don't know how but they cured it and he is living a happy life now…she said my mommy to take me to him

t.anurag 2014-01-20 18:44:57 -0600 Report

Dude don't forget one thing that the world's population is more than 7 billion, don't worry you'll get someone…I too used to think like that but now I concentrate on my studies as I'm a student now…

swapnil18 2014-01-21 08:35:20 -0600 Report

Hi Brother, Thanks for support. You from Pune??? I too…

101 Diabetics
101 Diabetics 2014-01-21 10:00:46 -0600 Report

Congratulations to both t.anurag and swapnil18!

Now you are forming a support group to assist each other which includes even the traditions of your culture. There may be others that will join you.

Just don't let the traditions of your culture dictate your futures. Be strong. Both of you shall go far with the directions you are taking. Maybe you will able to offer a support system for others in your communities.

Dr Gary
Dr GaryCA 2014-01-20 17:50:18 -0600 Report

Hello swapnil,

It's nice to meet you. Welcome!

I am sad to hear you are having these experiences with the young women you are meeting and their families, that you are feeling like an outsider.

It seems to me that across cultural traditions, there is some misunderstanding about chronic conditions like diabetes and what this means for the future. Not everyone is up to date on the latest treatments. It's a shame. In your case, these families are missing out on a great guy.

What I would say is that the young women you have met do not represent ALL women. Yes, it may take some time to find someone who is right for you, who accepts that you are living with a chronic condition but also understands that people with diabetes are living full, happy, productive, and long lives. It may take some time, with some frustrations along the way. But don't give up on what you want for your future. .

In the meantime, enjoy your life. Take really good care of yourself. Stay active with the things you enjoy and the people you enjoy doing things with. Live life to the fullest. What's more attractive than someone who enjoys life?

I hope you are getting lots of support. From family, friends, and others who are living with diabetes. You are not alone.

And stay in touch with us, my friend.


Just Joyce
Just Joyce 2014-01-20 15:32:05 -0600 Report

The advantage you have is youth. Don't worry about the girls who turned you down, they are not worth having. They say there is someone for everyone, in time you will find a special someone who will love you for who you are and diabetes will not factor into the love she has for you. Always remember that not everyone is going to like, love or accept you. Look at these girls who rejected you as yesterdays newspaper and toss them away. It is their loss not yours.

Every morning that you wake up means you are living. What you do with your life is up to you. Rejection for some people is not easy. The thing to do is not let it get to you because some where in life you will be rejected. Hold your head up and be proud of who you are and what you accomplish. If you know what you want to do in life, and that could be anything from being a doctor to an engineer and set out to accomplish those goals. You never know what the day is going to bring and when you least expect it, you will meet that certain someone who you will know was put on this earth just for you.

swapnil18 2014-01-21 08:43:51 -0600 Report

These words are really golden words for me. I have read them more than 100 times. We are living exceptional life not normal, So we will make it big.

Just Joyce
Just Joyce 2014-01-21 10:43:46 -0600 Report

Swapnil, yes we are living an exceptional life. It is normal for us. Just because we have a chronic disease does not mean we are less of a human being. There are athletes, doctors, lawyers, judges, nurses, teachers, policeman, firefighters, engineers who are diabetics and live "normal" lives. Each one of us can do or be what we want to with our lives.

I learned a long time ago to never ever let anyone make you feel bad about yourself. This means never ever let anyone make you feel bad about being diabetic. None of us knows when or if they will ever find a cure for this disease in our lifetime. This means that until they do, we have to take care of it so that we can really enjoy life.

Never feel sorry for yourself because you are a diabetic, that can make you become depressed. You have to greet each day with a smile and you always have to get up, get out and do something. We can do everything everyone else does accept eat the way none diabetics do. This makes us special because we are now eating healthier. I have been on this earth for 60 years and I still dance, travel and have a blast just like the none diabetics. Have fun in life and do everything you hoped to do. When you get to be an older man you can sit back and look at all the fun you had and all that you accomplished in life.

GabbyPA 2014-01-20 12:15:18 -0600 Report

You have youth on your side. The right girl is out there and times will change as we grow, some things that were important in youth are not as we age.

I don't know what the cultural expectations are for a young man of your age, but you can choose to enjoy life where you are at. Living it to the fullest without having the burden of taking care of a spouse. There are great freedoms in being single. Explore them. Your time will come to wed.

I am a little confused. Are you in the US but with Indian heritage or in India? Cultural restrictions can be hard to combat, but not impossible. I watched an old movie yesterday that deals with the constrictions of tradition and how one person can make a difference. It is "Yentel" with Barbara Streisand. I don't know if you have it where you are, but it might be inspiring.

swapnil18 2014-01-20 12:25:20 -0600 Report

Hi Gabby, Thanks for your supportive words. I am in India. With Diabetes it really hurting opinion of other people about the diabetes.Only parents are one who supports me in each and everything.

GabbyPA 2014-01-20 12:33:28 -0600 Report

Wow, that is incredible. Some of the most encouraging things in treating diabetes come from India. I learned about turmeric from an Indian member here.

I'm glad your parents are at least there for you. I know it can feel very lonely. I felt great pressure to be married and when I was still single when I was 27 I felt like I had failed. So I just focused on having a great life as I was. I was able to travel a lot, advance in my career, do things that I enjoyed. I didn't get married until I was 39. So patience can pay off. And all the great times I had are in my memory journals so as I grow old, I will have them always.

101 Diabetics
101 Diabetics 2014-01-20 11:49:52 -0600 Report

Sorry to hear about your situation with girls. However, there is ALWAYS a bright side! If the girl was worth anything, she would not let that bother her.

A duty of a wife is to be your helpmeet. There is no use wasting your time with those girls that would not be willing to stand by your side and support you.

According to most wedding vows here; we have the part about "through sickness and in health." You already know those girls will not be there for you.

swapnil18 2014-01-20 12:27:42 -0600 Report

Hi, Thanks for your words, I think you are correct we should look at brighter side always.

101 Diabetics
101 Diabetics 2014-01-20 12:53:17 -0600 Report

Just don't give up! There is a beautiful (not just in looks, but in heart also) girl just waiting to meet you. One day, you will find her.

Stop looking, stop worrying, and just start living!