caregiver? when you need one yourself!

By highlandcitygirl Latest Reply 2009-01-13 11:31:50 -0600
Started 2009-01-01 17:27:08 -0600

how many of you out there are responsible for watching over someone when you would have liked a little looking after yourself. i have watched my husband progressively getting worse and it is causing me a great deal of stress! how do you cope?

18 replies

ShubieDu 2009-01-03 15:08:45 -0600 Report

I took care of my mom 24/7 until she died, now I am caregiver 24/7 for my dad who has Alzheimer's. My health is horrendous and I know nothing good is ahead. I know my dad will be passing away, and then I will be alone after caring for everyone else. My daughter lives on the other side of the country, so I will be all alone in ill health until I die. I wish I knew a way to cope. It is getting to me very much. Sorry to be a "Debbie Downer", but I get so sad and scared sometimes. I can't even get to my dr's appts because I can't leave my dad! When I have to go to the bathroom, I have to rush because he may try to wander. Just this morning, he fell while I was in the bathroom. Its so frustrating. I see no happy end for me.

highlandcitygirl 2009-01-03 15:29:36 -0600 Report

you know, i knew i wasn't alone in this! sometimes it helps to know that! i encourage you to hang in there, we are not able to really see the future, at best we guess at it! the way i finally end up coping is to say to myself, i bet tommorow will come, we'll see then! of course i have had very discouraging tommorows, but i am somehow still trying! i can tell you are to! keep on keepin' on! things might possibly get better!

DiabetesDiva 2009-01-13 11:31:50 -0600 Report

I can't imagine the difficulty taking care of someone that is so hateful to you. My mom was bi-polar and suffered from severe and painful back pain, I took care of her for most of my life, especially after my parents divorced when I was 17. I would hide her mental illness and bouts of suicidal depression. I used food to hide my feelings. Fortunately I have had professional help that has made a tremendous change in my life.

It sounds like you are a prisoner. Are there ANY programs in your area to assist you? Wish I could give you a big hug and a break - you deserve both.


LadyDi - 26259Miller
LadyDi - 26259Miller 2009-01-03 16:03:39 -0600 Report

First let me say that just reading your Diabetic Connect name put a smile on my face. Love it! I know and know of so many people who have been dealt similar hands, and my heart truly goes out to you (for all the good that does). Alzheimers is one of the sadest situations to deal with - and one of the toughest. You need to check into some daycare and/or some help in caring for your dad, so that you can take better care of yourself. A local Alzheimers group or organization might be the place to begin the search. If you are already in poor health yourself, it must be nearly impossible to care for your dad. Speak with his doctor, or yours, about seeking some relief. I'm sending up a little prayer that something will work out for you.

ShubieDu 2009-01-09 21:38:05 -0600 Report

Thank you. I wish day care were an option, but its too hard for me to get him down the few steps out of the house, he is very weak. I guess I'll just have to go day by day. Thank y ou, and I'm glad the name ShubieDu brought a smile to your face :-)

highlandcitygirl 2009-01-03 14:55:51 -0600 Report

i will rest when i'm dead! bad quote huh! thats why its not on the quote post. but that is the way i feel lately. i am looking for things to ease off in 2 weeks. hope i can cope better then!thanks!

2009-01-03 13:40:36 -0600 Report

Yes, I know what you mean; I took care of and watched my first husband slowly dwindling away in severe pain and rashes from kidney failure (only had one kidney and his foster parents thought he only needed medication once, and not the rest of his life, to help with one left.) He then had a transplant and never made it through the operation. Now my husband has diabetes and I watch over him like a hawk, do what I can without talking too much about it to him. no policing unless absolutely necessary, but I love caring for people. I suppose if I was a nurse, I would tire of it easily.

highlandcitygirl 2009-01-03 12:23:45 -0600 Report

today i feel like i'm ready for a nursing home! ouch!

LadyDi - 26259Miller
LadyDi - 26259Miller 2009-01-03 12:43:15 -0600 Report

Hang in there! I can't even imagine what you must be dealing with. Just be sure to take care of YOU. Take a break, do something just for you. You can't be all things to all people - not without killing yourself. Is there no one you can ask for some help now and then? You need some time out, gal.

sparkysmom 2009-01-01 19:15:18 -0600 Report

My MIL(81) lives with us for the last 20 years. She has been know to tell people that I am a Hypochondriac and have made up my medical problems. Fortunately most people know better. She has never liked me and mostly just acts like I am not in the room. She doesn't do anything to help either. The last few years she sits in her room and waits for me to call her to table or tell her that her laundry is done. That being said I have started trying not to let it get to me. Hubby tries to help me when he is home.

LadyDi - 26259Miller
LadyDi - 26259Miller 2009-01-01 19:27:10 -0600 Report

Bless your heart, you have a lot on your plate too! That's such an awful place to be in. I cannot understand how people can be like that, especially when you've given them a home for 20 yrs. I know from experience that it's not easy, under the best of circumstances, to have someone living with you. We love our families and want to help out, but we at least deserve some credit and some appreciation. My heart goes out to you. You must be a saint to have endured that all these years. Has she always been that way, or has it gotten worse with old age?

highlandcitygirl 2009-01-01 18:40:23 -0600 Report

hasn't it been said that stress can cause blood sugars to rise?

LadyDi - 26259Miller
LadyDi - 26259Miller 2009-01-01 19:00:50 -0600 Report

Stress has a tremendous effect on BS levels! I said on one discussion recently how frustrating it is to have someone (even your doctor) tell you that you have to cut down on the stress in your life. Do they think we would not have done that already if we were able and/or knew how?!? Some situations in our lifes are very difficult to change, ignore or get rid of. I really feel for you in your case. I've know others with the same situation to deal with, and it's very sad. Do you have family nearby that keep tabs on both of you and help you out? I may have read your family situation elsewhere, but can't remember right off hand. I pray you do have help, because you do require and deserve care for you too!

highlandcitygirl 2009-01-01 19:05:21 -0600 Report

i have been everybodys provider, they don't understand or reconize that i am in trouble!

LadyDi - 26259Miller
LadyDi - 26259Miller 2009-01-01 19:11:40 -0600 Report

I'm so sorry. Wish I lived next door - I'd love to help you out. Fortunately I don't need any particular care at the moment, but I do think about what might be my plight if and when that time comes. I have no family near me, alth I have great friends. But friends have their own needs and sets of problems and issues to deal with - their own families - so you can't really say they could or would provide the needed support. I ultimately may have to move nearer to my daughters in AL if and when that time comes. I hope you will do all you can, working with your doctor, to be sure you are taking appropriate care of yourself. Lean on the Lord. He's the one faithful and steadfast "caretaker" in our lives!