hey guys

t0tianna
By t0tianna Latest Reply 2014-01-19 11:24:07 -0600
Started 2014-01-15 15:14:54 -0600

so heres been my life lol
im still struggling with my diabeties I cant figure out a good diet and I don't have support on It
if anyone has suggestions on a good diet that has worked for them please let me know
so guys uhm idk whats going on right now.
I finially had the job of my dreams loving what I do for 2 weeks and then got fired because I was different from most of the ladies who worked in there
I got fired on Christmas after they used me for a 12 hour shift the day befour
nothing has changed so im not going to sit here and lie
hope is still guiding me through everything in my life
friends are still keeping me going but
idk idk idk idk idk idk
im stuck in life
im stuck with nothing still
for Christmas I learned what my family really though of me and how much they truly respected me and how they think of me
I got self help books called change or die and a 12 step book also a bike to ride it to work more than 8 miles away it was pretty horrible this year
I just disappeared until two days ago so ive been "running" again as my social worker calls It
my medication for my mental disabilities are horrible they make me dead and a completely different person I hate it
im still trying to manage
my mom is more disappointed in my than ever and I see slowly and slowly everyday she looks down on me even more
my sister tells me I wont be s**t in life and ill be on welfare the rest of it
my brother is my only support on that he lives way up north in Kansas so
I don't want to but I mean
im feeling things will never change
im feeling I wont ever get that second chance in life to prove everything to myself that I know I am
I stoped smoking weed, I wish it was legal becaue it does more for me than my medication can do in a month
I pray to god I find that light that I need to find
I continue to fight for it is all I can do
I think over and over sometimes maybe I should just go back to the instution I feel its my safe place where I can be alone with my thoughts and figure my life out and what the fuck I need to do with myself but I don't want people to think im batshit crazy
this one isn't going to be long becaue nothing has changed
nothing has moved forward
ive only been throwed beyond 20 steps back to that one step I took forward
I pray you guys pray for me
god is my only hope
prayer is my only voice
ill try and keep in touch but im tired of just nothing positive


8 replies

Bekah Nikole
Bekah Nikole 2014-01-16 17:43:47 -0600 Report

You don't sound crazy, you sound like you know how to help yourself move forward. Stop thinking so much about others looking down on you. Focus on the positive things in your life no matter how small they are. Do what you have to help yourself and wrap positive things and people around you. Every single day is a brand new chance to try again.

Sugar Nana
Sugar Nana 2014-01-16 15:14:42 -0600 Report

My niece is the same age as you and was struggling with her future as well. Last summer she decided to join the Army Reserves. She is now more focused and confident. Maybe something to check into.

Gabby
GabbyPA 2014-01-16 09:59:39 -0600 Report

Hey! It's good to see you, and even though you are struggling, this post is so much better than some you have posted in the past. That tells me you are learning to deal with it, somehow...and I do pray for you. You have a special place in my heart.

Is there anyway you can get yourself closer to your brother? It seems if he is your best safety net, it might be better to be closer to him some how.

And as for your bike...that sounds like a great tool. I know it's intention was perhaps not what you wanted, but I have to say, when I need a break, there is nothing like getting outside and taking a walk or in your case, a bike ride. You can scream or think or plan when you are alone out there, just you and your bike.

At least that is better than what we got our daughter this year. We wrapped up mushroom growing kits in a big TV box...she was not happy either. It was made up when she opened the real TV, but sometimes disappointment comes before the blessing.

jayabee52
jayabee52 2014-01-16 09:31:02 -0600 Report

Howdy T0tiana!
Don't let the turkeys get you down! Please don't give up on yourself.

Your words that "[G]od is my only hope" brought to my mind a scripture verse, Psalm 46:1 "God is our refuge and strength, A very present help in trouble." (there is more in Ps 46 which may be of comfort to you.) I would encourage you to take this time and spend time reading God's word and getting to know it better. And I have been in a place in my life like you describe a couple times before in my life, and even though I thought nothing would change for me, it always did. Things moved forward for me in a positive way. God has a way of surprising you (and I have discovered it is always a good thing)!

Since you asked about "suggestions on a good diet that has worked for them" I submit what has worked for me to manage my diabetes well without the use of diabetes meds plus I also lost 65 lbs and have kept it off since 2011.

Praying God's best for you!

James Baker

dagger1234
dagger1234 2014-01-15 23:43:00 -0600 Report

Don't be down on yourself girl. Atleast you are trying and keeping positive. Take it one day at a time. I am still struggling. I can even bet you thos who's been diagnosed for years still struggle too sometimes so you're not alone. Hey- if some aren't there for you- others are and you still have other people's blessings and support so stick by them and have them help you through. I may not have a lot of people on my side but those who are, are enough to make me happy and those who doubt me…one day I will prove them wrong! Have that attitude!

jaydoubleyou23
jaydoubleyou23 2014-01-15 15:56:05 -0600 Report

I don't think you're crazy at all. I just think you've definitely let people step on you way too much. Don't let what your family thinks let you down. I've been on that road many times and I know it hurts but they do come around. Don't let yourself take a step back, take a step forward. If you get fired from a job that you love then go put and find one similar. Start a name for yourself. Good job on stopping with the weed. (Even if I do support is bring legalized, it's still dangerous to our blood sugar). You have to focus on the good and try not even thinking about the bad things. I know it's cheesy and you hear it numerous times, but you won't be able to pull yourself through this if you don't let yourself. It will be okay I promise! If you need anyone to support you, message me anytime. :)

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