I was diagnosed with T 2 when I was in nursing school. My BG was always high so I was often tired, but I did it and graduated as a licensed practical nurse. My numbers remained high and I didn't and still don't truly acknowledge I have Diabeties. I lost all the weight and then some I put on in nursing school but still remained a diabetic. I have first handedly seen what uncontrolled DM can do. I don't need a lecture on that. When I got pregnant my hba1c was 13. Luckily my son was born without major complications and at a normal birth weight. I thank God everyday that he is okay. While I was pregnant and after I had him I was working as a nurse without much difficulty. I took a very stress full job and ended up getting sick all the time and eventually ended up with heart failure with no known cause. Doc said maybe a virus. Maybe stress. The docs I worked for were not happy I had to b out for 2weeks. Anyway I ended up quitting, but continued getting sick even when my #s were good That was 1.5 yrs ago. Last Christmas I had been vomiting for 5 days and decided it was time to go to the ER. Yep. DKA. They did blood work and informed me I was now a Type I. My problem is I'm 33 and want to go back to work and back to school but I'm so scared. Being a nurse u don't always have time to eat and u certainly can't stop CPR because you're having a low, and everything and anything I do effects my BG. Even in a docs office you don't get a break. I used to always b doing something. Now I don't care about anything. I feel I went to school for nothing. I can't b what I've always wanted. I can take an easy nurse job if that exists but that's not what I want. I always thought I'd b a great mom. Nope I suck at that too. I don't have any energy. I don't want to have a pitty party. I just don't know where to start to get out of my own way. I feel like I'm just waiting and hoping to get sick enough to die so it'll b over. Then I think of my husband and son surviving without me and I get motivated but any complication I give up. I mean like one or two high blood sugars and I'm done. I don't know how to take time to care for myself. Sorry this is so long. I've been holding this in for a long time. Even when I do speak about it everyone including my therapist looks at me like I'm crazy. No one gets it. I need to change my mind set from diabetes has me to I have diabetes. I know all the clinical stuff. I've seen a lot of it. It doesn't matter to me. It's the mind set I'm having difficulty with. Idk. Any advise would help.
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