Bringing your own food?

By ashleyrose2092 Latest Reply 2017-02-04 21:37:54 -0600
Started 2013-12-05 01:48:22 -0600

Anyone bring your own food when you eat at others houses? I know a lady when she was on her diet she brought precook end chicken with her when we'd do get togethers? If not do you think it would be looked at as rude if you did?

36 replies

Cocheze44 2017-02-04 21:37:54 -0600 Report

I've had diabetes since 1994, when I was 7. Back then it was clear and cloudy insulin and there was no eating between meals. Then basal / bolus regimen came out through Lantus, which made it a bit easier. I'm not sure how I would be remotely proper without my pump. One time I went to a girl's dad's mansion to just hang out and they were cooking a millionaire's feast. They had over 200 grams of carbs in just this one supper alone. I was running low on insulin in my pump but I did a 20 unit bolus. Her dad insisted I eat everything they cooked, included sugary jellies for the biscuits and the sugary fruit salad. So i thought what the heck it's just this one time so i'll go along with it. I shouldn't have eaten those and ate the mashed potatoes, but in an effort to not die, I politely said no thanks to the potatoes. The dad, a doctor, got pissed at me and said I was being rude and asked me to leave. Now, really, I do not think I did anything wrong in this situation from an etiquette point of view. If anything, I should have explained my diabetes for the jelly and fruit and have eaten the potatoes. In general, I don't think it would be rude to bring your own food, maybe just snacks, but do try to eat what you can for the actual meal. He didn't allow me to pick and chose. I had to eat everything. Then to top it off, when I told him I had diabetes, he said I couldn't date his daughter because he wanted grand kids, insinuating that I, for having diabetes, couldn't have kids. I'm guessing he was trying to get me away from his daughter. They were worth $70 million, and I was / am poor. I don't think he liked me very much.

Gavia 2013-12-12 19:48:43 -0600 Report

Why would this be any different than if you had a food allergy that could kill you? I am assuming you won't be asking to use her kitchen to cook your entire meal. I don't see where bringing a plate of things you can eat or a dish to share is such a big deal. In fact, a hostess who doesn't ask about food allergies, cultural or religious taboos is being rude. I would never think to serve a pork dish to Jewish or Muslim friends or a meat dish to a vegan. It is considered good manners to identify these items on a buffet so that people can avoid them if necessary.

granniesophie 2013-12-12 15:43:15 -0600 Report

I also have Celiac Disease on top of Diabetes, and I bring my own food almost everywhere. There is too much chance of cross contamination from other people's gluten filled foods, including salads, and I can't take a chance on making myself sick, since I will be sick for at least a week, and my body goes back to the beginning and I have to heal all over again. If it's a pot luck, I always bring dishes to share that I know I can eat, and try to serve myself first, before others might cross contaminate the food. It doesn't take but a crumb to make me ill, unfortunately. I explain myself if I have to, since I refuse to sit and watch other people eat, and I refuse to feel sorry for myself. It may be rude to some, but this is my life and I have to take care of me-I can't afford to be sick, off of work, and just living in the bathroom. My pet's food is also gluten-free, that's how bad it is for me. 2013-12-10 11:14:07 -0600 Report

If someone is on a special diet plan I think it is not rude if you explain the situation. I have worked with many people who want to stick to a certain meal plan and dont want to take chances eating at someone elses home. Simple communicate in a tactful way your intentions and the host will understand. Remember its your body and we must take care of it.

Glucerna 2013-12-10 10:57:13 -0600 Report

This is a really interesting discussion, and you bring up a question Ashley that I get asked all the time. Like so many things in life, I don't think there's one set answer that applies to every person in every situation. When we're eating with friends and family talking with them ahead of time can be really helpful. Think about what makes the most sense to you, and I don't think you can go wrong. ~Lynn @Glucerna

KeepinOn 2013-12-09 21:24:13 -0600 Report

In my original post, I guess I wasn't clear. I would ask the hostess if I could bring a dish to pass that would be OK for my diabetic meal plan. I have a hard time imagining a friend being offended if the friend understood your situation and you politely approached them with bringing something you could eat. Sorry for the confusion.

KeepinOn 2013-12-09 13:07:42 -0600 Report

If you are eating with other people who you eat with often and are comfortable telling that you are watching you diet (or that you are diabetic) tell them and offer to bring something that you can eat and that they all can try.

DulaxTrainer 2013-12-08 10:28:43 -0600 Report

I agree with Dagger … I don't find it rude if someone were to bring food (especially if they let you know their situation … for example if their diabetic and need special food)

@Just Joyce - I have to say I kindly disagree with you, as it is not rude or poor etiquette. I think if the person is trying to get there diabetes under control then there's nothing wrong with that. Just explained to the host or hostess what you were doing ahead of time. I too was raised with manners. But I feel my health is more important, and that shouldn't mean I can't be with friends during the holidays. (P.S. - My friends all know I have diabetes, and they would accept the fact if I had to bring my own food, and bone of them would think twice about it)

Just Joyce
Just Joyce 2013-12-09 17:23:21 -0600 Report

My health is important to me but I still would never take my own food to someone's dinner party. I have been at dinner parties where people brought their own food. The hostess put it in the fridge and didn't serve it and gave it back to them to take home.

It is not your house so you have to respect that house. My friends no I am diabetic and they always have foods I can eat. Guess I was raised in an era where respecting someone's home was very important.

ashleyrose2092 2013-12-10 01:19:03 -0600 Report

A lot of ppl r uneducated about diabetes though is it ur job to educate them? I don't really think so I think it would be rude to tell some I need this and not this or I can't come

Just Joyce
Just Joyce 2013-12-10 13:07:41 -0600 Report

No it is not my job to educate people. There are people who don't have diabetes and don't care to learn about it. You cannot force people to educate themselves having been a professional tutor in both reading and English as a Second Language, I know this as fact. People are only interested in learning about what interest them.

Finally, it is rude to not inform your host or hostess about your diet prior to showing up at their home with your own food.

jaydoubleyou23 2013-12-06 02:03:54 -0600 Report

I think it's fine honestly. Especially if they were making something that didn't work with your diet. You don't want to risk your health especially if you're type 2.

ashleyrose2092 2013-12-05 15:40:41 -0600 Report

Your all really formal lol I meant with family and so on. But I agree I couldn't ever bring myself to do it because I always felt rude and like it would give me unwanted attention if I did. Like with the lady I know she doesn't do it anymore but she did and I always almost wanted to ask y she came because she'd just stand in the kitchen and make her food and eat it in there nd not socialize

GabbyPA 2013-12-06 09:25:31 -0600 Report

Well, that sounds like there was more at play than just a plate of food. Going to a party and just hanging in the kitchen and not with the guests sounds like a lonely person. Or at least one who was very uncomfortable and felt like being left out. Social events are hard on some people. I am not good with ones where I don't know anyone, but where I know people, I may just open up your fridge and drink from your milk carton. LOL (not really, but feeling comfortable is important to having a good time)

Just Joyce
Just Joyce 2013-12-05 20:20:50 -0600 Report

That lady would not have done it in my house. Some people are simply rude.
I have a dear friend whose cookouts are really nice. She does not use paper products at all. We use glass plates, silverware and linen tablecloths. Dinner at her house, the table looks like Martha Stewart set the table.

All of our family dinners are formal. As kids, napkins were in our laps, no elbows on the table. We were taught how to set a formal table, what each piece of silverware was for, how to identify stemware and how to properly serve guest seated at the table. The only causal things we do are BBQ's or a casual gathering. All dinners are formal which is getting to be a lost art. We could go to a wrestling match at noon, come home dress for the symphany and go to a formal dinner that evening. My mother and aunts were domestic workers and they raised us to be proper young ladies. Don't get me wrong, we climbed trees, made mud pies, and did all the other kids stuff but we were cleaned up in time for dinner.

Yerachmiel 2013-12-09 17:46:11 -0600 Report

Everyone needs to do what works for them BUT nothing overrides health. If they can't meet you and can't acomadate you are they your friends?

Just Joyce
Just Joyce 2013-12-09 17:53:51 -0600 Report

My friends always accomodate me as I do them. Why is my health more important that anyone else to the point I would take my own food to their dinner party?

What happens to the dinner party if the person with high cholesterol, heart disease, food allergies etc…if everyone brought their own food. You can bring your food to my dinner party if you didn't ask to bring it but don't expect me to serve it or allow you to eat it. The best thing to do is to stay home.

ashleyrose2092 2013-12-10 01:11:26 -0600 Report

U really can't not allow someone not to eat, u could excuse them though that's a bit over board I think if they were a friend

mspiggy81 2013-12-05 13:07:14 -0600 Report

It depends on the formality of the get-together and how well acquainted you are with the person hosting the get together. Informal with close friends or family who know your situation ask if they mind if you bring a dish to add to the table (not single serving, but a dish for everyone to have if they like), my experience has been they usually don't mind especially if it's a neutral dish that non-diabetics would enjoy too. Don't wait till the last minute though. Speak to the host/hostess as soon as you get the invite.
However, if it is a formal gathering or you don't know the host on a personal level, eat a small meal before hand and look for veggie appetizers to nibble on.
I have been known to keep a low carb snack bar in my purse and excuse myself to the restroom on occasion too.

Just Joyce
Just Joyce 2013-12-05 12:00:50 -0600 Report

I was raised by parents and aunts who taught us proper ettiquette and how to behave properly at someones home. When you are invited to dinner you do not take food to a dinner party unless it is pot luck or you are asked to make a special dish the hostess likes but cannot prepare.

What you do is when you accept the RSVP, you explain to the hostess that you have a specialized diet that requires low carb dishes. Do not be surprised if you can't eat the dessert. Most people will not make a dessert just for one person. If it is buffet, usually there are foods on the buffet that you can eat such as veggies, meats and cheeses.

I have never been to a dinner party where there was nothing on the table that I could eat.

GabbyPA 2013-12-05 05:58:08 -0600 Report

Maybe you could offer to bring a dish to the gathering. That way you have at least something for sure you can eat. I know when I have people over, I try to be mindful of their likes and needs. I don't see why other people would not do the same for you.

I think if someone showed up with a plate of food from home only for them I might feel kind of weird about it. I guess if they did it often enough, I might get the signal and provide food for her that they could eat.

Just Joyce
Just Joyce 2013-12-05 12:02:02 -0600 Report

If someone showed up at my house with food only for them, they would be shown the door. You simply do not take food to a dinner party if you were not ask to bring it.

ashleyrose2092 2013-12-05 02:49:55 -0600 Report

True I'm such a hush hush person though. It was months before I said I had diabetes on my fb… I hate all the extra attention that comes with the disease

dagger1234 2013-12-05 02:17:02 -0600 Report

I don't think it's rude at all if they knew your situation. And or if they didn't and you did bring your own food, go ahead and tell them before they assume that you don't like their cooking etc. No harm in that… They're probably give you kudos for caring for your health. I transport food everywhere and I don't care. Lol. U go girl!

Just Joyce
Just Joyce 2013-12-05 12:10:49 -0600 Report

Dagger it is very rude and poor etiquette to bring food to a party if you were not asked to bring it. Even if you tell them you are bringing it, the hostess has a right to refuse. Keep in mind you are an invited guest in someones home and you have to respect that home and the host/hostesses wishes. When you RSVP is when you let the hostess know of you dietary needs. If you tell me you are bringing food that only you can eat, I will tell you to stay home. You don't assume that because you have a special dietary needs that it is okay to take food to someones party that you were not asked to bring.

Also if you don't think there will be food you can eat, eat a small meal prior to leaving for the party. I am so glad I was raised by parents and relatives who taught all of us kinds proper manners. We can eat at any kind of function using the best of table manners and proper rules of etiquette.

The only thing you bring to an invited dinner party is a gift for the hostess which could be wine or chocolates and don't be upset or surprised if she doesn't serve the wine or chocolates.

One Step at a Time
One Step at a Time 2013-12-08 21:44:46 -0600 Report

How about a guest with a severe allergy? Like eggs or gluten? Are they expected to go without eating or to eat and pray they don't need their epi pen or an ambulance?

I take my own food all the time to places. I've been to dinner with several friends who do jot understand that diabetes is about carbs, not sugar. I have eaten grilled chicken and passed on the bread, potatoes, and pasta sides and been so hungry! I feel less rude taking a salad to share or just for myself.

I don't think it's rude at all. You have to maintain your health. And if your friends show you to the door, so be it. They must not care about you anyway.

Mine have always understood.

dagger1234 2013-12-05 13:30:21 -0600 Report

True. Maybe I am speaking for myself. I'm Asian. We have different ways with different situations. I guess it depends on how close you are to that person.

Just Joyce
Just Joyce 2013-12-05 20:12:03 -0600 Report

It doesn't matter how close you are to the person, you do not bring food to someones house if you are an invited guest unless you are asked to do so.

When we are invited out to someones home for dinner we always ask if they want us to bring something. We are always told no and this includes family. The only difference is if it is something casual and everyone is given a choice of something to bring.

A cousin had a small dinner party with and told all of us not to bring anything. A friend of hers took it upon herself to bring banana pudding. I am highly allergic to bananas and can't be in a room if someone eats one. The woman was offended because it could not be served as long as I was there. My friends and family know my food allergies. I cannot have nuts or bananas because of the smell the other foods are okay as long as I don't eat them. This is one of the reasons why you don't take food to anyones home. You don't know if the guest have allergies. The hostess does. Taking food to a dinner party can be a problem for a guest also.

ashleyrose2092 2013-12-10 01:16:21 -0600 Report

So u expect ppl not to serve what ur allergic to but ppl can't bring they're own food? That's almost a double standard. I see it as the lady trying to be nice granted u were allergic. However if u going to family or even close friends I dont think they should mind or bring enough for others if they are allergic they don't have to eat it just the same as u were saying with diabetics

One Step at a Time
One Step at a Time 2013-12-08 21:46:43 -0600 Report

I must know of you think it is appropriate to inquire about the menu and suggest changes for you specific situation. What if I invited you over and informed you I was fixing something involving nuts. Is it ok for you to tell me to change the menu?