When your not "superwoman" anymore...

mspiggy81
By mspiggy81 Latest Reply 2013-11-25 10:31:38 -0600
Started 2013-11-22 13:52:49 -0600

I'm having a hard time getting my husband to understand I just can't do it all anymore. My husband and I have been together for 13 years. I have always been "superwoman", spotless house, kids always ready on time, dinner promptly at 6, laundry never piled up etc. No matter what it took, skipping meals because I had too much to do to stop and eat, up till 4am doing laundry, running around town with full blown flu because the grocery shopping had to get done. I spent years neglecting myself, my health, and pushing myself way past my limits. This past year everything has caught up with me. At 32, I've been diagnosed with osteoarthritis, severe osteoporosis, degenerative joint disease, sciatica, several herniated disks, and now pre-diabetic. The doctors are telling me if I don't slow down and stop pushing myself I won't make it another 10 years, as it is I'm looking at a good possibility of needing a walker if not a wheel chair in the next 5-6 years because of my bone/joint issues. I hurt daily, and add in BG some days I just can't muster the strength to get out of bed. I know I can't keep pushing myself past my limits anymore, but my husband doesn't seem to understand the world won't melt if I can't get to the dishes today. We've been fighting constantly lately, he thinks I'm just taking advantage of my diagnosis and using it as an excuse to be lazy. How do I get him to understand that i'm finally giving in and listening to my body, that pushing myself too hard to get through today is only going to result in a bad day tomorrow too?


7 replies

mspiggy81
mspiggy81 2013-11-25 05:18:30 -0600 Report

Thanks for the support and advise everyone. I have an appt. this afternoon I'm going to bring him with to. I think some of the resistance comes from his upbringing. He was raised very old fashioned, his responsibility is to bring a paycheck in and mine is to care for the house. At 35 he still has no clue how to even run the washing machine. I know there is some resentment at the fact that he is going to have to take on more than "his share" of the household responsibilities. It's not the marriage style we had planned, but then again this isn't the health situation we had planned on either. I'm considering maybe marriage counseling too. We both have a long road of adjustments and changes ahead and I think an impartial 3rd party would be beneficial to both of us.

Gabby
GabbyPA 2013-11-25 10:31:38 -0600 Report

I hope it goes well. Let us know. I know how he feels some. I wanted that kind of a marriage, I take care of family and he brings home the bacon. Never even started that way. We all have to make compromises as we live our lives with the ones we love. I hope he will do that for you and for his own sanity. Wanting something you can't have can be way too depressing. The counseling my work as well, but it will work both ways and you will have to find your point of compromise also.

Anonymous
Anonymous 2013-11-23 08:57:00 -0600 Report

Stop worrying about getting him to understand. You are still over functioning when you ask for help in changing him. That takes energy. Ignore his complaints and let it be. What he sees now is someone still putting energy into him, which is what arguing does. What he thinks right now can't matter. What matters is what you do and you think. Save your energy for healing.

Dr Gary
Dr GaryCA 2013-11-22 21:54:37 -0600 Report

Hi mspiggy81,

You are dealing with so much, and I am sad to read that your husband is not being supportive.

I wrote an article awhile back that you might find helpful. Here is a link to it:

http://www.diabeticconnect.com/diabetes-discussions/general/11455-in-sickness-and-in-health-or-so-you-were-promised

As Gabby suggested, bringing your husband to a doctor's appointment might make a big difference in his attitude. Getting him to understand, and get on board with working with you, may take some time and patience on your part. He may be going though his own denial right now, hoping that if he pretends this isn't happen, then your diagnoses will just go away on their own. But we know it doesn't work this way.

In the meantime, take good care of yourself. And that includes getting support from people who can listen and show you the compassion you deserve. I hope you have people like that in your life. Stay in touch with us, my friend. You are not alone.

Gary

Gabby
GabbyPA 2013-11-22 20:39:59 -0600 Report

Take him to a doctor's appointment with you. That is how I got my husband to start to understand a little better what I deal with, though I don't struggle with what you are. But when he heard it come from a professional, it seemed to sink in more.

Glucerna
Glucerna 2013-11-22 15:15:05 -0600 Report

I'm glad you reached out to this group. Has your husband been with you to a doctor's appointment, so he can hear your doctor's recommendations? This is a big change for both of you, and your doctor may also be able to recommend a diabetes education program or support group to help you both learn to adapt to this new diagnosis. ~Lynn @Glucerna