Relationship

bradley13
By bradley13 Latest Reply 2013-11-22 22:12:05 -0600
Started 2013-11-21 17:47:44 -0600

When I first found out I had diabetes I was caught off guard, but I figured hey I can control this. I figured my family would be there, but I was wrong! I pose this question has your family made you feel like diabetes is nothing more the a bother to them. I'm strong but for how long is the question.


4 replies

Dr Gary
Dr GaryCA 2013-11-22 22:12:05 -0600 Report

Hey bradley,

Nice to see you. I am glad you are here.

I often hear from my clients that they feel like their family just doesn't want to bother with their diabetes, that it just annoys them, or that their family members don't quite believe it is real. That can leave the family member with diabetes feeling pretty lonely.

What I tell my clients is that we can't control how other people choose to think, feel or behave. Even our own family members. But it is especially hurtful when our family can be supportive when, were the tables turned, we would be there for them.

What I encourage you to do is to continue to take the best possible care of yourself. You are doing this for you, because you value your own health, and not for them.

Support is a really important component of your self care. If you can't get the support you need from our family, then reach out to other people in your life, friends, other family members, who can be there for you.

You have a lot of supportive friends right here on Diabetic Connect! So I hope you will stay in touch with us. Don't go through this alone!

Gary

Nick1962
Nick1962 2013-11-22 08:56:07 -0600 Report

I’ll echo what’s been said already. It’s really only my issue and my responsibility to handle it. If it were something more debilitating that would require others to care for me, I might have a different opinion, but my personality type makes me look at it as just another project I’m responsible for around the house.

My wife forgets I have it because like anything else, she’s taken it for granted I have the situation handled. The only “support” I ask for is that she recognizes I have to deal with it and when I say something like “I need to get some food” in the middle of the afternoon when we’re out somewhere, it’s not just because I have a little hunger pang. In fact it was a couple years before my step daughter (away at college) even knew I had it. Not that it was kept from her, more because it just wasn’t a big deal, and then only because I left my testing supplies on the kitchen counter during one of my every-30-minute testing marathons.

Since the wife and I follow the same diet, the issue of “should you eat that” never comes up, and I’ve had control long enough now that I know my limits on what I can and cannot eat. I’m in a comfortable place with it, and even though there are those that say diabetes can’t be cured, or you always have it, I consider myself to be diabetes free. Yeah, there’s the possibility that it could all come crashing down, but as long as I’m still capable of caring for myself, I’ll meet those challenges as they come up.

jayabee52
jayabee52 2013-11-21 20:59:57 -0600 Report

Howdy Bradley

Welcome to DC!

No I have never felt that my family felt that my DM (diabetes mellitus) was a bother to them. I did have my (now ex) wife cite that to some friends as one of the reasons that she was divorcing me. However perhaps that was justified as I didn't take care of my DM at first. She told them that she was afraid I'd stop taking care of myself again and I'd then get some serious complications and then she'd be "stuck"with me. (that had more to do with her mom's & dad's marriage than ours - but she listened to her mother).

Other than that my sons have never indicated feeling that way (except when dad nags them about their self-care) Nor has my family of origin given indications of bothering them. In fact my mother (who always wanted to feed her son when I visited) had been quite helpful and cooperative with me in keeping up my new meal plan.

Praying God's best for you and yours

James Baker

Just Joyce
Just Joyce 2013-11-21 19:35:59 -0600 Report

No my family does not make me feel that way. In fact I don't give anyone permission to make me feel inferior to them.

I have a lot of cousins in my family who are diabetics so it is no big deal to any of us nor to those in the family who are not diabetic. We are all responsible for our own diabetes so we don't expect the family to help us. None of us ever put that burdon on our families. Several of us had a get together not long ago and the word diabetic never came up. We have far more other fun things to do and talk about than being diabetic. My sister is not diabetic and I am not a bother to her because I take care of my disease and do not put that burdon on her.

If your family feels you are a bother to them, look at how you are taking care of yourself. If you constantly need them to tell you what to eat, when to test and take meds, you may have gotten to the point where you have become a bother to them. This is when you learn to become self supportive and not rely on others to always help you by being supportive, on a regular basis.

I would ask them why I am a bother to them and I would ask them to be open and honest with their responses. You will have to listen with an open mind and not get upset because you are asking them that question. Assess what they are saying and find ways to change that will allow them to no longer make you feel that you are a bother to them. Good luck to you.

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