Feel-Good Strategies for Life's Disappointments

By Tony5657 Latest Reply 2013-10-03 20:07:20 -0500
Started 2013-09-30 06:15:08 -0500

I receive emails from Bottom Line Publications and find many of them very helpful. Here is the introduction to this article that addresses Rejection, Loneliness, and Failure:

"We try to shrug off the little things that make us feel bad. We tell ourselves it doesn’t matter that we were snubbed by a neighbor. We reason that it’s no big deal that our plan to get new customers failed. We reassure ourselves that our feelings of loneliness after retirement will pass. But recent research suggests that minor emotional challenges such as these can lead to major mental-health issues when left unaddressed.
Example: A study published last year in Psychological Science found that the more minor daily emotional stresses participants reported, the more likely they were to suffer from other serious psychological disorders such as depression 10 years later.
Minor emotional challenges are the psychological equivalent of cuts and scrapes. They don’t require surgery, but a little basic first aid will reduce the odds that they will become infected.
Effective first-aid strategies for three common emotional challenges, Rejection, Loneliness, is found in the following article. The article was too long to post here so go to the link.. The link is also long but I copied it and pasted it into my browser and it worked. My friends, I wish you the best and pray for this entire group every day…Tony5657 in New Braunfels, TX

Here's the link to the entire article:

6 replies

Just Joyce
Just Joyce 2013-09-30 20:45:02 -0500 Report

Tony, the reality of it is that I simply don't care. If my neighbors don't speak to me, if I am not invited to something, if people don't call me, I don't care. I don't worry about those kinds of things because they are not important to me. Half the time I wish some people didn't talk to me at all.

I think people spend too much time with things that don't matter. Think about it. How many people do you think would care if someone didn't speak to you, if you didn't get the promotion at work, if you didn't get an invitation to a party or an outing, if you weren't asked to be a part of something? I don't think too many people would say they care or if they did it would be in such a fashion you could tell by their body language that they don't care as they say how sorry they are for you.

The only way I would be hurt would be if I made an effort to get something. That would be a promotion, or did what I could to get the invitation for something in the future and it didn't happen. I tried for 10 years to get approved for a board here in my city. To get on this board I had to be approved by the Mayor. It bothered me every time I didn't get the approval so last year I gave up trying. Why be upset for a few weeks? This year out of the blue, my city council representative asked me if I wanted to be on the board. I said yes but I have been trying for 10 years and gave up. He handled the paperwork. I got approved by the Mayor, the oversight committee and the city council and was sworn in by the Mayor 3 weeks ago.

I think if people spend time on things that are important disappointment would be hard but it wouldn't be as bad if you were disappointed by all the little things in life. The only thing in life you can change on a consistent basis is yourself. Don't expect too much from others. People are not always going to like you, love you, or even care about you and you can't let that disappoint you.

Tony5657 2013-10-03 06:29:32 -0500 Report

I don't have time to worry about people who don't like me. I'm too busy loving the people who love me. I do have time to love and pray for all kinds of people because as a Christian, God enables me to do that. Holding negative thoughts about anyone will eat on you from the inside out and there is a huge danger in that. Actually holding negative thoughts/emotions about any THING is destructive. In a situation, I pray for wisdom, then I do or say what I can do or say. If what I do or say is not accepted or if I am not accepted I have God's peace knowing that I tried my best, then I move on. Love, forgiveness and positive thinking and acting are powerful forces that always bring God's peace.

Tony5657 in New Braunfels, TX actually praying for this entire group daily.

GabbyPA 2013-09-30 09:16:50 -0500 Report

This is so true, as we beat ourselves down by not expecting to be treated the way we would treat others, it does take a toll. Being honest with feelings is hard sometimes but it is liberating. Not to be "mean" honest, but to be real I guess is what I mean. Being honest with ourselves is sometimes the hardest thing to do.

Just Joyce
Just Joyce 2013-09-30 20:32:41 -0500 Report

I do not beat myself down expecting to be treated the way I would want to be treated. People are going to be people which means some are going to be nice while others aren't. A total stranger at times can be nicer to you that your spouse, your children, family and friends yet at the same time a total stranger can actually harm you.

Honesty to me is being as real as possible. I am not going to sugarcoat anything for the benefit of anyone. If you don't want to know what I think of the outfit you have on, don't ask me because I am not going to say it looks good on you if in actuality you look like a sack of potatoes.

I agree being honest with yourself is very hard. I think this is why people have so many problems in life. They go through life not taking care of problems that can easily be handled. These are the people who always, always ask for advice or opinons of others. These are also the people who get offended when someone gives them an honest opinion. As Dr. Phil says, you can't fix anything that you don't acknowledge.

GabbyPA 2013-10-03 19:22:46 -0500 Report

There are ways to be honest though, without tearing someone down with "mean" honesty. Having compassion is important in dealing with people as we all come from such different backgrounds. You can be honest without being mean, then you can truly change the world.

Just Joyce
Just Joyce 2013-10-03 20:07:20 -0500 Report

Gabby, I am not trying to change the world. That is too big of a task. I prefer to change my little corner of the world if or when that is possible. I know lots of people from different cultures and communicate frequently with people in different parts of the world. People in most cases can't handle honesty and want it sugar coated. I don't have time for that and it doesn't serve a purpose other than to make the other person feel good about something they more than likely know is wrong.

I give compassion to those who truly need it. Drama queens, people who are constantly needy and feel they should be accepted no matter what get no compassion from me because I avoid them like the plague.

The real problem with discouragement and disappointment is that people do not use the "get over it and move on theory". Who hasn't been discouraged or disappointed? If you can't move forward and get over it then you wallow in it making yourself and others around you miserable. I have been discouraged, disappointed and unsupported. I got over it and moved on. Life is too short to dwell on something I want and can't get or something or something or someone wasn't what I thought it would be or wanted it to be.

Finally, you can't expect people to be any more than they are willing to be. Just because someone didn't say hello, didn't smile at you or welcome you to your new job or the neighborhood is nothing to cause you to be discouraged or disappointed. I am who I am and I am not going to attempt to be something I am not just to live up to anyone's expectations.

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