Relationships

TJCudney
By TJCudney Latest Reply 2013-10-03 16:43:02 -0500
Started 2013-09-23 17:44:25 -0500

I'm single and want to have a relationship. In the past I never brought up the fact that I was diabetic to my boyfriends. If I did, they knew about it but didn't see me ever do anything because I kept it hidden. How do I bring it up to them without scaring them away? I need guys opinions on how guys feel about it. I don't know how to ring it up in a conversation. I'm not sure if a guy would be interested in me because I have diabetes. Does it make me look unattractive once they know? It's an insecure thing. Advice?


36 replies

diagnosedat4
diagnosedat4 2013-10-03 15:44:00 -0500 Report

My girlfriend not only supports me and makes sure i check my bs and do insulin, but she also participated in the walk for the cure and goes to insulin pump classes with me so she is just as educated as i am. There is nothing better than having your other half support you in every way possible.

diagnosedat4
diagnosedat4 2013-10-03 15:41:23 -0500 Report

My entire life revolves around being a diabetic. Its never going to go away and its never going to get better. You cant take a break from it. As you already know. I struggle with checking my sugars and bolusing for my food. The best thing to do is let the person know, especially if you want to spend your life with them. They need to know so they can help you in any type of emergency.

KG66
KG66 2013-09-28 22:21:36 -0500 Report

My boyfriend is my first boyfriend. I'm 19 and I was also very worried about this… Honestly though I'm not one to hide the fact that I have diabetes. If people don't like me it probably isn't because I'm diabetic. Most people are curious and want to know more. A lot of my guy friends in high school didn't treat me any different. I remember when I told my boyfriend. It was the very first day we started having conversations. I was soooo scared he wouldn't go on a date with me but you know what… He didn't care at all. He actually seemed happy that I told him. On our 3rd date I had to take my Lantus injection. All I did was ask him if it bothered him to see needles. When he said no I just did the injection in front of him. It didn't take him long to be educated and he is very supportive. I think it's good to be honest with the person. That way if you are acting funny on a date because of a low, they know it's not because of them. Honestly, if they say they don't want to go on a date with you because you have diabetes then they should really educate themselves on what diabetes is. :P

Just Joyce
Just Joyce 2013-09-28 20:00:33 -0500 Report

There are a lot of diabetic people in relationships. There are also a lot of diabetics who are married with children. Any number of things can make you appear unattractive to other people. Personality, honesty, kindness, intelligence can be more attractive to some men than being a beauty queen. As Judge Judy says beauty fades. However, if you are self centered, that can be a major turnoff. Just because you think you are cute, pretty, beautiful, sexy, well dressed, others may not. People really are not interested in people whose main focus is ones own self.

Just be yourself and if you meet someone and go out, you can decide whether or not you wish to tell him right away. If you are out for a meal and he asks why you aren't eating something, you can say I am diabetic and move on to something else. If he asks questions answer them if not, don't push it. Odds are he may have friends or family members who are diabetic. At any rate, if he asks you out again thats good, if not don't worry about it. Too many fish in the sea to worry about someone not calling you back. Life is short enjoy it and have fun.

MrsCDogg
MrsCDogg 2013-09-27 20:59:27 -0500 Report

If you tell him and he doesn't want to see you any more then you are better off without him!

tinkerbell54
tinkerbell54 2013-09-28 10:17:36 -0500 Report

If a man leave U because of Ur diabetes them he is a stupit B______! for leaveing U . We need support with our diabetes. That is the some important thing in our life. Ruth Tinkerbell54

long island girl
long island girl 2013-09-27 04:32:46 -0500 Report

I have been married 20 yrs now after my son was born he was about 3 when I became diagnosed . My husband is still with me. If someone loves you for you they are going to love you no matter what. If their are guys out there who get scared then they are the losers and tjcudney you don't need them in your life.

Sapphire89
Sapphire89 2013-09-27 03:39:49 -0500 Report

I always share the fact that I have diabetes. I have a pretty obvious medic alert tattoo on my arm. I find that men are interested in how my life is different from theirs, and the funny stories I have of low blood sugars. The ONLY issue I've ever had, is hypos during/after intimacy. It hasn't happened often…just a few times, but those times are just funny lol. Don't let diabetes make you feel embarrassed or insecure! It's a challenge you're able to face that others can only imagine…makes you stronger. I find its easiest to be open, let them know what to look for in case you go low while you're with them. I've never had it scare anyone off.

TJCudney
TJCudney 2013-09-27 00:29:10 -0500 Report

Plus if they do know, they back away so I never tell anyone. It's difficult. I get so overwhelmed.

Sapphire89
Sapphire89 2013-09-27 03:43:38 -0500 Report

Don't be embarrassed!! It's all in how you approach the topic. Don't make it sound like a death sentence because it's not! That's what scares people. Approach it with an optimistic attitude and people will be more interested in learning about it. If you seem all depressed when telling people about it, that's what makes them back away. Be proud of yourself and your diabetes. It makes you unique and interesting; don't let it be a handicap.

Just Joyce
Just Joyce 2013-09-28 20:03:17 -0500 Report

Fantastic response. If you act like being diabetic is a death sentence or are depressed about it, he will go running and screaming down the street.

TJCudney
TJCudney 2013-09-27 00:27:42 -0500 Report

I want to find one ): it's hard for me. I've never had luck with guys. I'm the girl that hangs out with a group of friends and the guys always run to the other friends and I get left In the background.

carebear6
carebear6 2013-09-27 00:10:17 -0500 Report

Hello,
My son was diagnosed with T1 in July 2012 when he was 18.
His then girlfriend of about one year disappeared, which was quite devastating for him on top of having to come to terms with his T1 and how he was going to cope for the rest of his life. He was distraught with all kinds of emotions going on in his mind. He has a huge wake up call one which he's still struggling with but slowly coming to terms with himself.
Now as his dad I too have suffered along with his mum we have felt his pain and his frustration
And like you as a young adult who at the prime of your life wants a loving relationship, which is perfectly normal.
I can only say to you what is difficult for me to say tony son. Go out, live your life to the full, don't worry about what other people think. You need to see yourself firstly as what you have to offer to the world and I'm sure that when you do this you will create the power of attraction by recognising that life has so much to offer and you are part of that.
When you meet people or Peoria are attracted to you, be proud of who you are, for your best friend throughout life will always be yourself.
I wish you, my son and all other people who have to come to terms with the cards they are dealt the happiness and fulfilment they deserve.
Hey and if your ever in London I'd be delighted Ito introduce you to my magnificent beautiful son.

Dr Gary
Dr GaryCA 2013-09-26 21:28:41 -0500 Report

Hello TJCudney,

It's nice to see you!

You are not a "diabetes." You are a multi-dimensional human, with much to offer to others. And you are much more than diabetes.

This is your news to share, when you choose to share it. Take your time. Get to know each other, decide if he is someone you want to get to know more. You have lots of things to share. Let him see the vibrant, fun, energetic person that you are.

And as others have said, anyone worth pursuing a relationship is not going to run away when they hear you are a diabetic. When you do disclose, offer to educate him on diabetes. If he can't step up to the plate, that is his loss. There are a lot of great guys out there.

Gary

gabriel123
gabriel123 2013-09-26 15:14:53 -0500 Report

Sweetheart…when someone loves you, he will gets the whole package..if you married someone , you will married with him , and some family and pets. He may die from cancer and you be alive…Just be honest with him, you learn how to manage your diabetes…and god will bless you..! Im a man and my wife is 9 years younger than me and she really take a great care of me…we have two princess one is 20 years old and almost finish the University and a baby that is 13 years old a\nd all of them love me…I was a diabetic when we got married…exercise, diet and a long life plus love is a WOW…GOD BLESS YOU..!

TJCudney
TJCudney 2013-09-25 22:40:41 -0500 Report

Wow! Thank you for all of the advice and comment. I really appreciate them all. Hearing from different point of views helps me, also makes me feel dumb because I shouldn't be insecure. It's tough for me, I have a lot of negative baggage behind me at only 18 years of age but, all that put together with diabetes ontop of it is like hitting the tip of the iceberg. I feel better about myself when I am reassured by many people that share this common trait with me. And I thank you so much. (:

Stuart1966
Stuart1966 2013-09-25 22:18:43 -0500 Report

Stifled Laughter:
You don't reveal your entire health history from childhood, your dating history from day one as a teen… on the first date, do you?

There is a time and place to share things, and get information in the opposite direction as well, right? When they want to know, or you want to share with them such things… feel free. But don't share until you feel the time is right… and you wish to share such things!

Its personal, and private information.

Until you feel the time is right,,, do not. Its not insecure at all. Its not unattractive either. Its sensitive stuff… and not information you share with just anybody. I won't. -Gentle shrug-

I can't conceive of someone being genuinely "scared" by the knowledge. Unsure, maybe… concerned, ok sure… but… if, if they are truly "scared" by it… likely they are not the right person for you to date, initially at least?

As for injecting in front of someone, or testing in front of them,,, those too are fairly uncomfortable things, for those who do not have to do them personally.

If you are sensitive/aware of someone's discomfort you will take steps to not make them feel worse/awkward, to a point at least. I can test or inject so quickly, that NOBODY knows or even realizes it. A little tricky with a syringe and vial, but after decades and decades its simple enough.

Lots of people do not know, and have no business knowing all kinds of health/intimate information about all of us. They wish to know about me, get to know me WELL… in time I will share assorted things. Unless I get a ring, or they share blood with me… somethings they do not get ever from me…

Help any?

mtrevino57
mtrevino57 2013-09-25 18:47:57 -0500 Report

OMG I think at your age guys are trying to impress you and I would say use that to your advantage! Let them know up front that you are diabetic and let this filter the duds out for you. I am pretty sure there isn't anybody THAT attractive that you should consider hiding that you have diabetes and you have plenty of time.

Brittany<3
Brittany<3 2013-09-24 15:13:34 -0500 Report

I always say, flaunt it! (: if they don't like it they aren't worth keeping. Guys that you're dating are eventually going to know even the fact that girls fart. Lol. So something as simple as my diabetes often times I would have my boyfriends previous or current wear infusion sites like I do. Help me check my sugar. Check their own sugar. And when I trust them a lot put the sites in for me or do my shots in case something goes wrong you really don't want your partner to be in the dark about it.

bradley13
bradley13 2013-09-24 13:57:59 -0500 Report

If a guy is hung up on diabetes, man I would hate to see him make choices when ordering dinner. It's consideration for your other haft my wife loves to tease me about what I can't eat, and loves to tell me how the food tastes. I know it's out of love because she constantly looks at my food I'm eating. A guy should be your support filter when you let stuff slip by. I say wait like the universe guide your heart.

Kirk H
Kirk H 2013-09-24 13:47:51 -0500 Report

As a guy just let me say…as a very attractive woman I can't imagine diabetes scaring any guy away. Its not like you have aids or something. You should tell a guy soon, it will come up when you are eating anyway, if it does scare him,its his problem not yours.

forsakes alive
forsakes alive 2013-09-24 10:52:30 -0500 Report

the thought that arrises in mind, why not find a man that has the diabetes as well. Then you'll both be able to recognize the symptoms of one another, even though its the individuals responsibility to do so. Unless of course, isnt able to recognize the symptoms

Nick1962
Nick1962 2013-09-24 10:33:15 -0500 Report

In addition to the good advice so far, as a guy I might add that don’t forget, age changes the relationship criteria too. Priorities change drastically from year to year up to about age 40. At age 18 I might have had second thoughts about going long term with a T1, but that would have been mainly due to my own immaturity. Getting re-married at age 35, diabetes was the least of my worries with all the baggage we both had accumulated by that time.

I have a T1 acquaintance in her late 20’s who’s been married a few years now. She manages her condition very well, and I think that’s part of it. Her husband doesn’t have to take on that responsibility, and that says a lot about her ability to handle life in general. I think most men like to see that strength in a partner.

jaxsblf
jaxsblf 2013-09-24 08:38:50 -0500 Report

I'm sorry I am new to all of this but are you serious ??? You are a stunning looking woman. !!! What diabeties got to do with men. ? It's the same as wearing glasses or high blood pressure everybody has there issues and if diabeties is yours take it on own it! A man that ran because your a diabetic is not worth it ! Don't waste your time on wondering if they will accept you because of it … That's just insane ! I'm sorry I'm a very honest person Diabeties is part of you it didn't MAKE YOU!!!!

george allshouse
george allshouse 2013-09-24 01:13:04 -0500 Report

Well I'm a guy and most guys are pigs anyways and if you tell them that you are a dietbetic and guys run off they are not worth your time sweety you are soo much better then them and if you want to share it it's up to you. If you out on a date ask him how he truly feels about you and if he really cares about you then ask him a question like would you leave a person who is a dietbetic? If he's says no then tell him that you are one and hope he will accept you for you it's your life take control and go after what you want

TJCudney
TJCudney 2013-09-23 19:35:38 -0500 Report

I tell people that I'm not in a relationship because I'm not trying to "impress" them in some sort of way. That sounds weird. I know how I feel but is can't explain it :/

locarb
locarb 2013-09-23 18:01:37 -0500 Report

Your concern is perfectly understandable and, like everything else, defies a simple answer. Relationships are difficult (and a gamble) regardless of what each of us bring to the bargain. I have been involved with women who have health conditions and they were understood, communicated and incorporated into our lifestyle. There are people, and we can judge them harshly if it makes us feel better, who don't want the limitations and risks that a partner's health condition lives with. I'm sure that you wouldn't reject a man with diabetes. What about a wheel chair? An amputee? If either gives you pause, then you have to admit that each of us have our tolerances. With divorce rates at 50% and more casual relationship failure rates at much higher percentages, some people don't want the additional burden.

What I'm saying is,while there's no shame in having this health condition; it's not necessary to feel compelled to disclose it to everyone you meet. As you become more interested in someone and if that interest is reciprocated, it's important to share personal things about yourself. Believe me, you won't be able to hide it for long anyway. People want you to "try" different food at events and restaurants and that may pose a problem for you. You'll know when it's right, but I do think it is only "right" to let a person that you're interested in know about your health. Let's be honest, there are plenty of things about ourselves that we are going to conceal from others anyway…and most have no difficulty rationalizing that.

Trust your instincts. You'll know the right thing to do with the right person at the right time. I am curious though, do you tell people who you aren't interested in a "relationship" with? Why or why not? It would be interesting hearing from women too…I respect this issue is personal to you, but it's really not a gender thing.

Type1Lou
Type1Lou 2013-09-23 17:58:57 -0500 Report

I'm not a guy, but, if a guy loses interest because of your diabetes, do you really want him in your life???? I've never hidden the fact of my diabetes; it's part of who I am. I deal with it responsibly and do not hide to test my BG. When I was on MDI and out to eat, I would wait until my food is served and discretely inject at the table…no need to make a big production of it…many times, nobody noticed. With a pump, it's even easier now to bolus discretely. Diabetes is nothing to be ashamed of. In fact, if you're dealing with it responsibly, you should be proud! Only shallow, immature and ignorant people will shun you because of diabetes…IMHO, you're better off without them. (It would be interesting to get a Guy's take on this.)

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