Trouble, need someone to talk to.

TJCudney
By TJCudney Latest Reply 2015-03-08 21:16:43 -0500
Started 2013-09-21 20:06:14 -0500

Hi. My name is Taylor. I am 18 and I was diagnosed 10 years ago. I used to be really good at taking care of myself and until 2 weeks ago I hadn't been checking my blood sugar and watching what I was eating for a while. I feel like I want to be normal and I don't want to check my sugar. It's not that hard but I hate it and sometimes I feel I want to die because I hate this disease. How do I overcome this? Please help. ): I want someone to talk to that has had this issue as well. Thanks. <3


18 replies

Sopies Grandma
Sopies Grandma 2015-03-08 21:16:43 -0500 Report

who told you that taking care of yourself isn't normal, it's only strange to not do so.
try looking at this as a challenge, I want you to know that you are part of this family now. and none of us are strange…well …some of us are un-normal LOL I'm just kidding, the fact is that having this disease is a kick in the head, and it can be very overwhelming, and when you have days like this, the only thing we can do is to take it one step at a time. and some days even that seems impossible, but please don't stop taking care of yourself. your the only you there is. and I know your family would be heart broken if something happened to you. so don't give up, hang in there. your not alone. we are in this thing together. :)

pwwb
pwwb 2013-10-01 00:08:53 -0500 Report

Taylor,
If you don't test, then you won't know.
You need that info and there isn't any other way to get it. I'm type 1 for 25 yrs, I know how you feel but when I rebel against it, I'm the one who pays by feeling like crap. But I'm the one who's rewarded when I take care of it by testing, eating healthy, walking etc because I get to feel normal for a while.
If you're not testing, chances are you're bgs are high. With the highs comes the negativity. When I'm like that I don't care about anything, but I know it's bio chemical and my attitude changes as soon as i get the sugar back down.

I hope you can get back on track soon. It's worth it.
Peter

Dr Gary
Dr GaryCA 2013-09-25 18:11:51 -0500 Report

Hi Taylor,

Nice to see you! I am glad you reached out.

Here is a link to an article on diabetes burnout that you might find helpful:

http://www.diabeticconnect.com/diabetes-information-articles/general/413-diabetic-burnout-how-to-talk-about-your-feelings

Normal is a word I hear a lot when I talk to people who are living with conditions like diabetes. So what I would say is that it's normal to get frustrated at times with the daily self-care tasks that go along with being diabetic. And as you can see from all the replies you have received, you are not alone in feeling this way.

And another perspective on that word normal. You are a normal person, one who happens to be living with diabetes. Sure, you have some diet restrictions and you have to monitor your blood sugar. But you are still a wonderful, multii-dimensional human being. You are living with diabetes, but you are much, much more.

What I would encourage you to do is to get a lot of support. Stick close with your support network, including your friends on Diabetic Connect. Talk! Get lots of support.

And focus on your vision for your future. Think of your diabetic self-care as helping you to be as healthy as possible so that you can accomplish what you want to do and to have in your life.

Take good care of yourself! And stay in touch with us! You are not alone!

Gary

Stuart1966
Stuart1966 2013-09-25 17:38:02 -0500 Report

Hello Taylor:
Unfortunately Im a guy, and have more life experience than you do at the moment… that aside, I've been a part of diabetic message boards since the COMPUSERVE days… been a T1 forty plus years…

When you stop hating this dragon of ours, you let us know will you??? You did not mention if you live at home, or on your own? What you describe sounds like "Diabetes Burnout" (the 101 version)?

You'd have to be something pretty special NOT to be disgusted, loathe this crap… plain and simple you'd never wish it on your worst enemies. Its never, ever pretty, blissful or joyous… whens the last time you honestly said HEY I HAVE DIABETES and danced around the room, because it was so blissful you could not stand it????

Well…? Come on, surely there was at least ONE time surely… ???

Its an ugly disease, with some nasty teeth and reeks to high heaven with the stench of its potential for nastier parts. It is a dragon of childhood fairytales… and never a friend.

Sounds like you need a diabetic vacation to me… someone to do 100% of the diabetes stuff, just like when you were 8, and just couldn't do it yourself… easily. Look up the term "diabetes vacation" and you'll find the description essentially 48-72 hours where someone you trust INTIMATELY is your personal MD, nurse, and does 100 percent diabetes stuff for you, having given them the necessary information. Afterwards, then you talk with them about whats going on face to face… gives them the ability to talk about it.

If your hatred is doing the tests, because whatever the reading comes out to be, you have to do SOMETHING about that? You dont love the self injury required to get the droplets, to determine if we are "perfect", or did something wrong?

Where do the troubles lay??? Diabetes is a dragon as I see it. We will never be friends. It tries to kill me, I try and kill it, or keep it chained hidden in its cave 24-7-366. Sometimes, I will treat it like the dragons of the Bugs-Bunny Cartoons, slap it around as Bugs did, just because it amuses me. Sometimes, I will cover the food solely, if I need a tiny break. oooopsy. golly gee forgot my tester… gee wilickers, what ever am I gonna do SSI.

You play catch up later of course, but sometimes you need a break. Help any?

Brittany&lt;3
Brittany<3 2013-09-25 15:18:35 -0500 Report

I'm 20, I've had diabetes since I was seven so were basically in the same boat. I totally know how you feel. I want to be me, not that girl with diabetes. /: but you just have to power through it. Talk to me if you need.

Novemberrose19
Novemberrose19 2013-09-25 14:53:47 -0500 Report

Will power women!! I understand I been diagnosed for 4 yrs and haven't followed a diet or check my sugars to often but until 4 and half week I been trying so hard to check my sugar and follow a diet that works for me. its hard but don't give up trust me youll feel great if u eat right and keep those sugars in check…

TJCudney
TJCudney 2013-09-23 19:46:37 -0500 Report

Wow. That makes a lot of sense. Thank you so much. That is great advice and I understand that a lot better than people just saying, "DO IT RIGHT OR YOU GET PUNISHED!!" Thanks(:

TJCudney
TJCudney 2013-09-25 15:22:48 -0500 Report

Thanks guys. I won't deny that I'm having trouble. I'm a bad diabetic. I hate that it's been 10 years and I'm just now deciding to take care of myself. I'm scared to death of the damage I've done. It's scary. I have to tell myself that, the goals I have and things I want to accomplish are awesome. But I have to be around to do those things. I have to do this for me and my future.

Stuart1966
Stuart1966 2013-09-25 18:01:41 -0500 Report

Here Im gonna give you my sparring gloves, so you can whack the snot out of yourself, the way you keep beating yourself up this way!!!!!! Cut it out would ya!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Look, you are NOT bad! Sorry but you are not. If you were you would NOT be here. If you were, you would not be capable of articulating the issue this well.

You are doing exactly what you are able… ONLY what you are able, and you are scared to death. A-duuuuuuuuh. Anybody who isn't scared of something with this beast knows something which none of us do, or is advanced kind of stupid?!

All right, go ahead change your past choices… go ahead. Oh wait a minute, you cant go back in time can you? None of us can… dont hold yourself prisoner to choices you made and you can do ZERO about them. Those are the "Ghosts of Diabetes Past".

You cannot feed them, or they stay alive. You cannot keep spending time with them, or they drag you backwards, and keep you a prisoner of them.

Trust me others will gladly try and do so, through no serious flaw or fault of their own hopefully??? SOme will because they are terrified it will happen again, whatever the spooky event(s) they witnessed. But if you can make a truce with your past, their calling such events up will not haunt or torture you too much. I pity and forgive those who love to call the ghosts up at family gatherings, events.

There is not a person on the planet who can say decisively that X event(s) were the definitive cause, the catalyst and guarantee with 100% certainty some (sic un-named) future problems.

It does not exist. You can make zero mistakes, walk the line, and still never guarantee there won't be future problems somewhere. Its not how this stuff works.

We do the best we are able at a given moment. Walk in front of a bus worrying excessively, or just texting on your cellphone, ignore the two guys stalking you to your car, and the future won't be very long.

Worry about the right now,

if we can make THAT ok, personally I am content!

Anonymous
Anonymous 2013-09-23 19:41:23 -0500 Report

Hey sweetie: I had a friend who was a pharmacist whose teenaged daughter 's best friend had type 1. He told me of this incident when his daughter's friend was experiencing what you are now and she was feeling that it did not matter. He said he sat her down one day and asked if she had learned in grammar school how to make rock candy? Basically it is filling a cup up with high dose of sugared water, placing a string in the bowl with the end of it hanging out of glass and then watching what happens over days as the sugar water evaporates and forms hard sugar crystals on the string. He said that is what happens to your whole body, starting with your eyes, but eventually becoming in essence rock candy. . There are people out there that love and care for you, (even one who does not even know you personally) Please do not become rocky candy, I prefer you remain just a sweetie.. .

Silicone eyes
Silicone eyes 2013-09-23 10:50:16 -0500 Report

You're headed into an interesting stage for most T1's. You go through what everyone else does, becoming an adult and more changes than you've ever had and oh by the way, manage this disease none of us wanted. I did not test for years; at all. I was 'normal' for a while. Now at 40 I am parading around with 1 eye. Just remember, there is no 'normal', everybody is dealing with something. Try and keep the best control that you can.Down the road you can even learn to appreciate diabetes. All that healthy eating will show up in your 30's and beyond, when all the 'normal' people are learning to finally eat right because they are overwight

TJCudney
TJCudney 2013-09-23 00:11:17 -0500 Report

I went into DKA once. I went to Florida and didn't bring enough insulin. I had heat stroke, dehydration and DKA. it was bad. I need to take care of myself and now I am. I am because I have a great life ahead of me. Dreams I want to accomplish and family that I want to be around. (:

Tata400
Tata400 2013-09-22 23:32:33 -0500 Report

I agree. It is definitely hard. I kind of take spells where i just get burned out and don't care cuz i want to be "normal" too :-( It's not good but it happens. Just jump right back on the wagon is all u can do…

Tiffanymae
Tiffanymae 2013-09-22 13:16:47 -0500 Report

Not takin care of your diabetes is one of the worst things to do. I know from experience. I had the same feelings and went through DKA twice within 2 years of being diagnosed. I just got out of the hospital this month for my second case. I payed big time. I felt the effects of it and the toll it took on my family. Please take care of yourself because there is only one you.

TJCudney
TJCudney 2013-09-23 11:58:41 -0500 Report

Thank you. That makes sense. It helps wen I get advice from people who actually have had it and have it, instead of people who don't and think they know and understand but they don't.

TJCudney
TJCudney 2013-09-21 20:36:05 -0500 Report

Thanks so much… It seems really hard for me. I'll get on the right track for a little while and then I slip back into the bad habit again. I guess when I get a bad blood sugar, I don't want my parents to get mad at me so I don't check and lie about my numbers. ): it's hard for me. And then it scares me when I go to live on my own and not being able to afford my supplies. So I get stressed.

Cindy926
Cindy926 2013-09-21 20:30:21 -0500 Report

I went through the same thing and still have some issues with it but you have to make up your mind if you want to live or die I chose to live. If you ever need to talk email me at cbaxter83@yahoo.com small please contact me so maybe I can help you.

Starry_D
Starry_D 2013-09-21 20:30:36 -0500 Report

I know how you feel. I'm 15, and went try the same thing… The only thing that pulled me through it? The prospect of something better happening in my life. I was told I could go on a trip with several other diabetics, if I began my checking and carb counting again… I did, but ten fell back off the wagon. When I was told I could finally get a pump, (I had been waiting YEARS) that spurred me to check and get back on the wagon… I have been doing pretty well since then. Just maybe try an find a silver lining in the storm… Good luck! :)

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