Diabetes Has Me On A Roller Coaster

Leslieluv21
By Leslieluv21 Latest Reply 2013-09-28 20:18:28 -0500
Started 2013-09-14 10:31:55 -0500

This is partly stress and partly emotional, as far as the topic. Ever since I got diagnosed I have been on an emotional roller coaster with diabetes. I sometimes feel like I have control of it and then I sometimes feel like It has control of me! When I eat well and stay active and check my blood sugar only to find out that my readings are still high, I pretty much want to say "F*** this" and completely give up! I am constantly stressing out about what my next meal will consist of, I am stressing about not wanting to gain weight, etc. sometimes I feel as though it would've been better if I never found out I had this. At least then I could whatever I wanted, I was much happier and I was 6 lbs lighter than I am now. I feel f****g awful, excuse my language. I hate this with a passion, diabetes has f****d my whole life up! I need major support as I am about to lose it and just never attend another doctors appointment again or take my insulin.

Tags: stress

42 replies

Anonymous
Anonymous 2013-09-28 20:18:28 -0500 Report

If you have serious intent to stop trying, it's like slow suicide. You might want to go seek professional help for these feelings.

imonlymichaela
imonlymichaela 2013-09-28 10:53:10 -0500 Report

This describes exactly how I feel. It's nice to know someone gets it. I mean I'm
Only sixteen and I've had diabetes for 13 years and right now my A1C is 13.1.

kateebrianne
kateebrianne 2013-09-22 21:18:29 -0500 Report

I'm glad I saw your post. I was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes in February and haven't been able to get out of my "funk" ever since. I am extremely angry that something like this happened to me. I don't understand why and its so frustrating! In one post you said you get so angry sometimes you feel like you need to hit something. I feel this too! Overall, since i've been diagnosed i've been sulking, angry, sad, frustrated, and stressed. I hate the person that diabetes has made me become. And to make matters worse i'm starting to frustrate the people around me. My boyfriend told me something has to change because he can't stand being around me because i'm always grouchy and angry and get mad at him over the littlest things. He always tells me yes diabetes sucks but i'm not dying..it could always be worse I could have cancer. And hes' right! But my world has completely changed and I just can't seem to be happy again no matter how hard I try.

Leslieluv21
Leslieluv21 2013-09-22 22:25:42 -0500 Report

I cannot imagine not being able to accept it or have it under control after 7 months. I am sorry. I hope that we come out strong and we find a way to get a grip. I understand when you say you're starting to frustrate the people around you, I have frustrated my girlfriend as well. I honestly feel bad that I make the people around me feel this way too. It has only almost been 2 months since being diagnosed and I don't want to feel sad anymore or upset or angry. I am determined to be a fighter and not throw in the towel. Goodluck to you, I will keep you in my prayers.

thiruvelan
thiruvelan 2013-09-20 22:12:38 -0500 Report

The feeling you have is common to almost all the newly diagnosed diabetes. Even those who are the top contributors in this discussion board experienced this same feeling when they diagnosed.

When you first start learning newly something, it looks difficult and makes us frustrating anger. Once we learnt the secrets, then it becomes easy and got the proud feeling.

Leslieluv21, I am confident one day you will become one of the top contributors in this discussion board and going to advise the newly diagnosed diabetes. My best wishes for you reach this level early.

Just Joyce
Just Joyce 2013-09-18 14:18:00 -0500 Report

Diabetes is a roller coaster if you treat it in that manner. Diabetes requires being consistant. As long as you feel the way you do, diabetes will control you. I look at it in this manner.

I enjoy breathing on my own, having both feet and legs, having all my fingers and functioning organs. I have been wearing glasses since 6th grade and I love having my vision. Had you not been diagnosed think of where you would be if you weren't. There are a lot of people wearing headstones and growing grass on their chest because they were not diagnosed or were diagnosed and didn't take proper care of themselves.

Stress can play a major role in keeping your blood sugars high and out of control. The more stressed out you are the more out of control your blood sugars will be. Diabetes is going to be with you for the rest of your life or until they find a cure. Hating it isn't going to make it go away but it is going to make you feel bad everyday. Hate uses energy that could be spent doing other things.

Everyone on this site can offer you all the support you need. However, none of us can make you be less stressed or get you to let go of hating the disease you have. Only you can do that. Only you can make decisions to find ways to deal with this.

You should take time out of you day and sit down and make a list of every question you have and have a conversation with your doctor. Then ask to be referred to an endocrinologist and a nutritionist. The nutritionist can help you plan meals and help you find the proper foods that you can incorperate into your meals each day. Diabetes is not a one size fits all disease. It can effect each person differently so what someone says works for them, may not work for you at all. This is why I do not take medical advice from anyone but my doctor.

The next thing is start a list of goals that you can accomplish each day or each week. Make a list of all the things you want to do and set about doing them. Diabetes requires a lot of self educating. You have to stay positive and look at the brighter side of life. The only thing I changed when I was diagnosed was my lifestyle which included eating healthy and exercise. I control my diabetes it does not control me. Good luck to you.

Amna2104
Amna2104 2013-09-18 12:10:15 -0500 Report

I can't believe that someone is feeling the same way I feel . You really described my life in this post …, I am so glad that um not alone and I feel terrible meanwhile because in that way we r not protecting our health , body and psychology ::: and for that , I thought about it logically and found that if I didn't control my diabetes it will surely control my "MIND" and thus I will eat more without taking insulin and gain more weight which leads me to eat more ( feeling depressed for gaining weight about 15 pounds) which led me to what um having now is ketones in my urine as I'm thinking that being in that case will make me lose weight fast ::: I know it's a stupid way of thinking ::: but I feel so,,, I advise anyone to never leave sugar levels high even if it was in 200s mg as this may make u enter the vicious cycle I entered and I hope I can get out of it as soon as possible .
Once we control our sugar levels then we can control our weight, body and life . Wish u the best and healthiest life eVer for All

Titan12
Titan12 2013-09-17 03:56:48 -0500 Report

I have the nerve problems and its driving me crazy and hurts so bad anyone know what to do for it

Gabby
GabbyPA 2013-09-17 09:18:29 -0500 Report

Where are your nerve problems happening? Mine are in my feet and I use Alpha Lipoic Acid twice a day 600mg each. That helps me a lot. Takes about 2 weeks to build up and get helping, but it works for me.

kerrybinns
kerrybinns 2013-09-16 22:05:35 -0500 Report

I know exactly how you feel, I was diagnosed just over two months ago and I am going through exactly the same emotions! I feel less healthy now I have my sugar under control, than I did before but I am hoping this will pass. We just have to keep trying!

silvie mae
silvie mae 2013-09-16 07:46:28 -0500 Report

I can't believe your doc didn't start you on a I/C ratio. I talked to another lady she's 62 and was diagnosed with type 1. And her endo. gave her the same instruction and she's has not been able to achieve good management and it's been going on for a year. It makes no sense to me. I'm not a doctor and not qualified nor bold enough to tell you not to follow your doctors orders, because you need to be monitored by your doctor and you should follow doctors advice, especially when it comes to delivering insulin. I would ask her about insulin carb ratio. I just don't know how you can avoid counting carbs and giving bolus according to ratio. Also, there is a correction factor for B/G spikes. for example, my pump is set at 80 meaning 1 unit for 80 points over 100. Now these doses are what my doctor and I have come up with over time and slowly making small adjustments until finally getting it dialed in.
I was on injections and I took 2 shots of long acting a day and was on a 1/10 I/C ratio meaning for every 10 carbs I took 1 unit of Humalog. When I first started insulin I was taking 1 unit bolus for every 15. Then adjustments were made as my insulin needs changed.
I had melt downs like you described about eating. I literally quit eating carbs almost all together, umm not a good idea, It took a long time to get dialed in with the right doses of Lantus and the right I/C ratio.
I also don't understand your doctor refusing you access to a nutritionist I am 5' 8" and weighed 120, and I was set up with a diabetes educator right away.
I've been told that I can eat whatever I want as long as I bolus to cover it. I choose not to manage that way. I find I have better control eating a lower carb diet and avoiding foods with a high glycemic load. That's just me, because of my own paranoia I tend to be pretty anal about it lol! :-p
I'm also eating as much organic and non gmo as possible. That has less to do with diabetes and more to do with overall health and cleaning up my diet as much as I can. And also to do with my feelings about what the government is allowing into our food supply, which I believe is directly related to the rise in diabetes and other serious chronic illnesses. But that's another discussion altogether.
If you know you are doing everything your endo is telling you to do and still not getting results, call her and tell her it's not working and ask her if there is something else you could try. If you find that you cannot achieve results I would look into finding another endocrinologist who encourages you to see a diabetes educator/ dietician. From everything I have heard and read, one of the first orders of business for a newly diagnosed person is to be set up with a diabetes educator. So it concerns me that your endo has denied you that request. Usually a Diabetes educator works together with you and your doctor. You deserve to have full access to resources available to help you learn about how to gain satisfactory management of the "D".
I went through 5 docs. I was diagnosed wrongly with type 2 and didn't get properly diagnosed with type 1 until almost a year and 4 doctors later.

Stuart1966
Stuart1966 2013-09-15 22:45:54 -0500 Report

You're winding yourself up pretty tightly Leslie… whats going on?

Frankly I'd be more scared if you were not insanely ticked off. You should be, its not like this is grins and giggles stuff. Its gonna take some time to put a bit into your dragons mouth… same for all of us. Got a bunch of years on you riding this creature… we are never, ever friends, but I have learned to respect it.

Now help us pin some of this down, just a little, Im sure many can help. Women's fashions are insane, numbers change from year to year, different manufacturers… its ridiculous and nuts. But the 6 pounds isn't the real issue is it? All kinds of ways to get them gone…

And the truth is you can eat any blessed thing you want… NOW you have to do a little math is all. Your friends don't because their pancreas works… you can eat just like they do, at some point you will have to pay for it though with insulin.

Diabetes wont suffer our indifference, rebellions, pretending, it demands attention, and sometimes we need to focus elsewhere, to stay sane?

What happened at your doctors??? Which idiot speech did you get? Who gave it to you…? Any of it coming from in your head? We're all here… talk to us

Leslieluv21
Leslieluv21 2013-09-15 23:31:30 -0500 Report

Hi Stuart. Thanks for being concerned and listening. A number of things are going on. First, I have Kaiser Permanente health insurance and I do not know if you have heard of them or you're familiar with them but they are their own medical group in California and they are completely impersonal. They are trying to keep up with today's technology and I hate it. Anyway, the reason I went to the doctor in the first place was because I felt that I needed to get checked for diabetes. I lost 20 lbs within an 8 month period or so without trying, I noticed that I could eat ANYTHING I wanted and not gain a single pound, I was excessively thirsty and constantly urinating, up to 3 times at night which caused me insomnia for a while. I knew something was off but although I had a feeling I didn't necessarily believe that it could become my truth. I got a physical done and some lab tests were done. My labs indicated I had diabetes, the doctor called me and told me that I had it and I had to make an appointment with the Endo. I didn't even get told in person!! After I saw the endocrinologist, she went over what diabetes was with me very briefly, she told me she was putting me on insulin, and when I asked if I could see a dietician or nutritionist she said it wasn't necessary because weight wasn't the focus here and I didn't need to start counting carbs, she told me to follow the plate method. Just like that she sent me off with my life. I was left with a number of questions and confusion. Naturally, being left curious I went online and did my research. I noticed that CARBS were the main thing I had to look out for and count now. I was so overwhelmed with the stuff that I was reading and finding out, I messages the doctor and told her that I was afraid to eat and I was afraid to gain weight because of the insulin, she told me to add about 15 grams of carbs per meal and to allow a maximum of 120 per day. I was thinking "but you told me I didn't have to count carbs and to just follow the plate method" I was so annoyed. My concern with insulin is gaining weight. I was fat when I was younger, I was always teased and I grew up as an insecure child and I worried and still do, about what people think. I am still lightly insecure, but because I have found a partner that I've been with for almost 3 years things have changed a little. I am paranoid. I am constantly paranoid! I always feel that what I am going to eat is going to spike my blood sugar, if it's not protein, I feel like my blood sugar will sky rocket. I exercise and I still get high readings. I used to weigh 112 now I weigh 118. I get very frustrated with trying to find things to eat. I don't enjoy eating anymore because it's not what it's used to be. I feel like my entire life changed from one day to the next day. I get feelings of anxiety, desperation, like I am trapped, trapped in my own body. I get angry to the point where I feel like I have to hit something. Earlier I was having such hard time because my blood sugar readings were all very high and I hadn't eaten dinner yet and I was hungry but felt like I couldn't eat, I screamed and punched my couch. I feel like what I am feeling isn't okay. I am not who I used to be, I don't feel the same, I am normally always a very positive person, lately I feel depressed and I am sulking. I am a very string person but for some reason I feel like diabetes has a strong hold on me. Overall I feel frustrated, paranoid about my weight and sad, mainly that this is something that I will live with for the rest of my life.

Stuart1966
Stuart1966 2013-09-16 10:18:59 -0500 Report

Just read your background info… wish I could make it go away for ya. Truly do. We are all trapped in these bodies, and with these minds. Every single one of us could easily get stuck on these channels you are playing in your head… its irritating all you want is a different tune, ANY different tune… just for a little time. Its like that HOKEY POKEY song… ; >

You are the same woman you always were. You now have a name for what was happening… You can still be a dopey, giddy, silly, sleepy, sleazy, cranky, happy any of the other diabetic 7 dwarfs too. Won't change the woman you are… you are a young woman, with dreams, ambitions…hopes. Who in addition to all your other skills and abilities is going to be a diabetic too. It does not start every sentence, is not a factor in every breath. Cut yourself a break please… you are winding yourself up, and honestly its perfectly ok to be there by the way. However, if you are still playing this tune in a year, three years, finding someone with degrees might be a good idea.

As for the body weight per se, don't know your height, regardless if you want to bring down your weight, (ie feel you must), well ok, which method will you use?

The not eating thing is a problem, because the cure for high numbers whatever you consider those numbers to be is insulin. You gotta eat, and yup, should eat carbs, proteins, and even fats too! Gotta have em all or you'll really feel nasty when your body starts getting what it requires breaking down other things to get what it requires. Given time it will confuse not eating as starvation, and that's another avoidable fight.

For right now you feel held down with a diabetic pillow over your face essentially? To some degree you are the one holding the pillow this tightly. Give yourself some time, let yourself be high once in a while… you don't and that pillow is gonna get real heavy.

As for the sulking, A DUUHHHHH. You just had your world rocked off its axis. If you weren't angry, cranky I would genuinely be worried about you my diabetic sister. This sounds pretty normal to me… lets see… yeah hello diabetic… its got some baggage, and ia heavy load to lift sometimes.

You anywhere near the Behavioral Diabetes Institute in California? Don't know them personally, but they are in your state. Their director and many personnel is a type 1 too, and one of us. If they had a group in your area, bet they'd be pretty good to help you feel entirely normal AND be face to face too. Online peers is great, but face to face is even better…

Its got a hold on all of us, but that doesn't mean we can't hold the rudder! As for hitting something -stifled grin- its what I do for my living, Im a fan of such outlets, makes you feel better, when done well.

Help any?

Lyerly
Lyerly 2013-09-15 14:15:36 -0500 Report

Hey I have had this disease since 1987. It has been an up and down battle every day. I have ended up having open heart surgery. Now I must say I retired in January of this year have lost 23 pounds and my morning sugar levels are 105 to 115. I feel great. My solution. Don't let the Stress get to you it almost killed me. That is my advice. Keep a smile on your face. Add value to everyone around you each day. You are a special person. Don't let this to you we are all here for you

Leslieluv21
Leslieluv21 2013-09-15 14:23:12 -0500 Report

Lyerly wow, that is amazing, I was born in 1987, which means you've had it for about 25 years now! One day I will get to where you are. Thank you, I will stress less and and a lot more positivity with this challenge. Thank you thank you!! You are a special person as well! :)

cowboyslbug
cowboyslbug 2013-09-15 11:07:00 -0500 Report

Your dr is your best friend. Tell this to him/her about your difficulties it may just be a simple medication change/increase.
But truth be told it will be a constant battle your right, in accepting the anger you can deal with it. Somedays your readings won't be perfect but others you will be surprised. Learning to go with the flow is also just as important as maintaining control. I have accepted my weight gain for what it is, it isn't my business what others think of me I know what my faults are and can forgive myself a day to chow down on something sweet. I can also tell myself enough and get on the right track when I don't keep my sugars in control. Balance isn't about staying within the standards balance is about the time you spend happy with the choices you make. As long as you take the right steps, keep up to date with your doctor, afford yourself a day to not care yet still be accountable for your choices diabetes is not a death sentence. It's a challenge in life that will teach you more about yourself that you can gather strength from and be proud of!

Leslieluv21
Leslieluv21 2013-09-15 11:22:13 -0500 Report

Thank you very much cowboyslbug! Sometimes words like yours are all I need to hear :) thanks again! ::hugs::

silvie mae
silvie mae 2013-09-15 00:35:50 -0500 Report

When I started injections I didn't gain weight but it was a total roller coaster. Seemed like I would have a good week and then bam out of control again. I thought I was going to go crazy. I would go really high and then hypo. Then it would take a few days to get my numbers more regulated. I honestly was An emotional and physical wreck. I ended up quitting my job because I couldn't keep up with it. It took me a year and 1/2 before I started to get a better handle on management. Not because I wasn't vigilant either. I was eating 10-12 carb meals for about 8 months, to avoid taking the humalog because I developed such anxiety over hypoglycemic episodes. I ended up losing too much weight and having no energy. So I began to slowly force myself to eat more carbs and take my humolog. I started to eat about 20-25 carb meals consisting of vegetables, fruits, nuts and meat. Very little breads, pastas, or cereals.
For breakfast I eat 2 eggs, 1 piece of toast w/ peanut butter and 1/2 of a banana. For lunch every day I make a salad I load it up with dark leafy greens, cucumbers, carrots, beets, Grapes, apple, onion, cheese, and sunflower seeds, I throw in a few whole grain type crackers, sometimes, hummus, cottage cheese etc.. It usually ends up being about 20 carbs. I weigh everything. I made a chart I keep in a notebook and I figured out common foods I eat and how many carbs per gram. So for instance raw carrots are .06 carbs per gram. So I weigh out 1/4 carrot say it's 25 grams, then I multiply .06 by 25.
I cut and weigh it all by the gram and then add it all up. Whew! Sounds pretty crazy now that I'm typing it out lol. But that's how I live. I have some things memorized now so I can eye and guess some things. If I go somewhere I prepare ahead, say I'm invited to dinner. I'll prepare myself a salad just in case there is nothing prepared that I feel comfortable guessing at or eating.
Dinner I usually steam or saut some veggies, have some kind of meat usually chicken and a piece of fruit a piece of bread and butter or about 100 grams of potato or yam.
When I go out I prepare what I'm going to order using my calorie king ap. i just make sure the place I am dining is either on the ap or has nutrition facts I can find online.
It will be 2 years in October since I was diagnosed. I started on the pump 2 months ago and for the first time i can say I'm managing. My average BG for the month is about 112. I have minimal spikes and minimal lows, so far. This how I roll. Lol! It took a while to find what works for me.
I am starting now to gain weight back, may be due to quitting smoking.
I know this is long winded, but I want you to know that you are on a journey, and it's a difficult and complicated one. You will get angry, tired, frustrated and sad. But as you walk through the days ahead you will be learning things about yourself you never knew. You will grow as a human being and be steered into new directions that you never anticipated before. Many changes for the better are ahead, then in a couple of years you will find yourself giving advice or being supportive of someone who is where you are now, and you will look back on your journey and be amazed at how far you've come.
I still have to remind myself now and again that I must accept this struggle and it is my choice to make the best of it. :-)

Leslieluv21
Leslieluv21 2013-09-15 00:49:06 -0500 Report

Silvie Mae if I could ever at some point in my life ever meet you in person, I would give you a HUGE hug! You are such a wonderful inspiration to me and you help so much with all of your comments. You have come such a long way with your diabetic journey. I know that I will get to where you are someday because I want to. Where there's a will there's a way. I have to grab hold of the proper mindset and determination and I will come out strong, I know it. Thank you again I think I'm going to follow your breakfast regimen and lower my carb intake. Again thanks! :) ::hugs::

silvie mae
silvie mae 2013-09-15 01:06:03 -0500 Report

I know you're gonna nail it because of your determination and strong will. Who knows maybe our journey will lead us to meeting in person someday. :-) If I have been helpful to you I am truly grateful. Peace Out Girlfriend!!

hollowed
hollowed 2013-09-14 13:10:23 -0500 Report

Good! It's a challenge, but on a positive note, it brings us together! You're allowed to get frustrated (and flat out pissed off) with this disease, just don't let it get you. I know there will be a cure, plus technology is making things a little easier. I think you're doing great and you seem like a very positive person.

locarb
locarb 2013-09-14 12:45:23 -0500 Report

The truth is that the feelings that you are having are real. This condition has done all that you said, and more. Despite that, you can (and will) find ways to navigate your way around choices that will end up helping you in the long run. For example, I noticed that you're very physically active. Frequently, on those days, when you exert yourself significantly, you can eat things that you normally wouldn't or shouldn't without consequence. You either end up with a lower blood sugar because you exercised, or you eat something in advance of exercising and the net effect is the same (your BG just doesn't go up as high).

The strangest thing by far that I learned is that things that I really missed eating no longer appeal to me because my tastes have changed. I'm sure that you'll find that too.

Think about giving up all that you want to. Just don't actually do it. Most of us know somebody who is no longer alive due to this condition. In each incidence, they gave up or falsely believed that Metformin, or some other medication, was a miracle cure and they could eat anything they wanted to.

I'm still not taking any medications for this condition because I analyze nutrition and have become physically active. I think we all know that can change too but instead of looking for negative outcomes, I concentrate on anything good that I can do…no matter how small.

Let your feelings come and go but just keep on taking care of yourself.

Leslieluv21
Leslieluv21 2013-09-14 13:51:56 -0500 Report

Thank you so much locarb! I do think about giving up but I don't have the guts to do it because I know how bad that can affect me. Thank you very much!! You're great help and inspiration.

Gabby
GabbyPA 2013-09-14 11:24:17 -0500 Report

I use the roller coaster analogy a lot. We throw our hands in the air and scream!!
It is frustrating and we so often seem to go backwards. I know I started insulin a few months ago and the results were great in the beginning, but like everything with me, my body adapts and now I am gaining weight like there is no tomorrow. It does suck. Big time!
However, you do know now and the battle is always going to be there. And trust me, as frustrating as it can be, ignoring it can be down right horrifying. I did that a couple of summers ago and wow, did I really mess myself up.

So while the ride is wild, and we scream a lot...we get back on and go again.

Leslieluv21
Leslieluv21 2013-09-14 11:43:45 -0500 Report

Thank you Gabby! You're right. I just feel like Diabetes has hindered something that I loved doing and exploring so much… Eating! While this is a tough ride I will eventually get a grip and just move along with it.

Gabby
GabbyPA 2013-09-15 06:06:06 -0500 Report

Go ahead and keep exploring eating. In fact, that is a great way to look at it. I know I am the same way. I love flavors, spices, smells and textures. I eat with all my senses, and being a diabetic opened me up to all kinds of new culinary delights. Sure, I have to give some up, but the replacements are great.

Nick1962
Nick1962 2013-09-14 19:51:59 -0500 Report

You wii. You're still a newbie at this. Turn your daignosis into a project and "explore" it as well. Test as much as you can and become an expert on how your body reacts to things like food, stress and so on. Once you get to know YOU, a lot of the stress will go away.

Leslieluv21
Leslieluv21 2013-09-14 11:21:05 -0500 Report

I pray and hope that someday there will be a cure. Thank you so much, people like you that respond to my posts make me want to come out strong in this. I will try my best to keep my mindset positive and focused :)

hollowed
hollowed 2013-09-14 11:08:28 -0500 Report

I think most of us diabetics feel this way. It's an expensive, frustrating, and inconvenient disease. The problem with stress and diabetes is the vicious cycle relationship that stress and blood sugars have with each other. More stress, higher blood sugars and on it goes. All that we can do is the best we can. Take care of yourself. Keep your body and mind set in as a good a condition as possible. Who knows, a cure could come anytime! We're all warriors here.