Advice please for my 19 year old son

carebear6
By carebear6 Latest Reply 2015-02-24 15:58:54 -0600
Started 2013-08-18 21:53:25 -0500

Please advise me, my son was diagnosed with T1 13 months ago and in that time has struggled to come to terms with it.
He has had the worst year of his life, his young girlfriend left him as soon as he was diagnosed. He drop out of college that he was struggling with and hardly left the house for the first 6 months. He has had all sorts of anxiety problems.
He is low on self esteem because he is dislectia. He doesn't want anyone at home me especially to even mention what he refers to as HIS diabetes, and says he's doing fine although he clearly is all over the place with it.
My wife and I try to be as supportive as possible but he locks himself away and won't talk about anything.
I know he needs support but he seems to be in denial and will blow up at the slightest mention of anything.
I have come to terms with having to walk on eggshells around him.
I just know that he so desperately needs support and guidance but that he won't get it himself or allow anyone to help.
He has starts to go out a bit more when his up to it with his mates who are all either studying or on career paths but that's mainly going to the pub and socialising. I don't think that he has any friends with T1 or who probably understand his situation and its unlikely that he talks about it with anyone.
Any advice would be appreciated, but please understand that the mere mention of anything coming from or instigated from me sets him off in a rage.


9 replies

Sopies Grandma
Sopies Grandma 2015-02-24 15:58:54 -0600 Report

my goodness, he sounds so angry. Have you tried to talk to a counselor about it yet? If he won't go, maybe you can go and get some help in dealing with your son. I'm so sorry that he feels so bad, I will keep him in my thoughts and daily prayers. Try and hang in there,

Anonymous
Anonymous 2013-11-09 23:47:56 -0600 Report

You should definitely convince him to join the website. I mean, I don't know much about a significant other leaving because of a disorder as simple as this, but I know what it's like to lose people. All of my friends ditched me once they found out. And after a while, I realized that if they don't accept me because if a condition like this that doesn't affect them at all then they were never my friends. And she apparently has some problems of her own if she wasn't willing to stay because of that. It's hard to find motivation, especially in college. And my first year of getting diagnosed which was my junior year of high school I experienced severe anxiety of my own, and it was really hard to get through until recently, and I'm a freshman in college now. Just give him some support and motivation and get him into a hobby or a program that he loves to do. Trust me, everyone needs a hobby to take their anger out on!

1lady4
1lady4 2013-08-21 08:35:54 -0500 Report

calendar65' s story made me cry . I want to reach through my computer screen to give her a hug

silvie mae
silvie mae 2013-08-20 18:08:51 -0500 Report

Being a mother I can't imagine the level of stress this must be on you. I've said before that it's so difficult dealing with this disease personally, but I think it would even harder if it was one of my kids.
Your boy is at a tough age already, let alone being presented with this.
I don't know what advice to give you, he has to come to terms with it on his own somehow. I know that my 18 year old son is pretty headstrong and if your son is anything like mine trying to push him only makes things worse. Especially when they are angry.
You can not make the choices for him.
My heart goes out to you. Hopefully he will be ready to meet this challenge soon.
In the mean time try not to let it drive you crazy. Take care of yourself. ((Hugs))

Ms Sassatude
Ms Sassatude 2013-08-20 00:24:18 -0500 Report

I am 45 years old and still struggle, denial over all Is so dangerous. One thing I am most thankful for is my mom, she never allowed me to stop living a normal life. I played soccer with her always by my side with a snack when I went low, marched in band as I entered High School again if she wasn't available she always made sure everyone knew what to do for me! When I reached my 20's she insisted we o to the doctor together so he could discuss with me the problems drinking would cause me and he not my mother asked me to tone it down to only a few drinks enough to still be cool and yet avoid complications. Did we fight, did I resent her involvement at the time! No not nearly as much as I let her believe, but I often felt less than because I wasn't "NORMAL" and her standing up to me and for me made me feel loved and that nobody is Normal. We all bear a cross but never the same one. I suggest no matter the fight this is your baby and your heart is broken just as much just different as his, grab him, hug and hold him, cry together, let him know he feels alone but reassure him he is not. Help him move on to start thinking about his future. God bless you and your entire family!

Jeanette Terry
Jeanette TerryPA 2013-08-19 20:38:50 -0500 Report

I was diagnosed at age 11 so I know very well what it is like to go through teenage years with diabetes. I am sure it is much harder to have been diagnosed at your son's age. I too went through a denial period, but eventually came out of it and started taking care of myself and sharing the load with family and friends.

Perhaps if you contact his doctor and ask if the doctor could mention any support groups or classes that he could attend where there would be other teens with type 1. That way it wouldn't be coming from you. He may not be interested but at least it would put a bug in his ear.

I wish you the best of luck. That is a hard time and a hard stage, but most teenagers make it through along with their families. Just do the best you can.