Just dont know how to help anymore

By Anonymous Latest Reply 2013-07-19 14:11:41 -0500
Started 2013-07-18 20:40:23 -0500

My husband has diabetes. He is suppose to be on insulin and checking his blood sugars regularly…but he isn't. I have tried everything to get him on a regular schedule of checking his sugar and taking his insulin he just doesn't do it. I really breaks my heart since he is young, 27. We just had our first child, and I have stressed the facts that not taking care of himself is only going to make things harder for the future. I know is blood sugar his high, he has all the symptoms…extreme thirst, eccessive urination, sweating, fatigue, the list goes on. How can I get him to realize this is important to take care of!? HELP!

6 replies

Type1Lou 2013-07-19 14:11:41 -0500 Report

To add to what Joyce replied, if you don't already have a will, make an appointment with a lawyer to draft one for you. When you ask your husband to go to the attorney's with you, explain that since he's choosing the path to an early grave, you want to make sure that you and the kids are taken care of.
As diabetics, each one of us is responsible for the choices we make in handling our condition. His choices are not your responsibility but, unfortunately, your quality of life as an end-of-life caregiver will be impacted. It is also sad to see a loved one deteriorate and be powerless to make them change. Wishing you all the strength you'll need!

BroadwayGirl 2013-07-19 12:02:45 -0500 Report

Sadly, this kind of thing works the same was as a drug addict. They knows it bad for their health, and their loved ones will constantly try to help them, but no one will be able to help him until he decides he wants help. The most you could do it keep trying to keep him in a schedule and maybe try calling his endo (the doctor who helps monitor his diabetes) and tell him/her what is going one. Best if luck, I hope everything turns out okay :\

Just Joyce
Just Joyce 2013-07-18 21:11:13 -0500 Report

You cannot force him to be responsible for his health care and you can't be responsible for him. You can talk to him until you are blue in the face but until he is ready to come out of denial and take responsibility for himself, there is nothing you can do. Your husband is not going to take care of himself until he accepts the fact that he is diabetic.

People in denial are not going to listen. It is going to take something drastic happening to him to wake him up. If he is that bad, he should not be driving or operating any machinery. I would not get in the car with him behind the wheel especially with a baby.

Ask him if he wants a ramp built for his wheel chair when he loses a leg. Ask him what kind of dog he wants to assist him when he loses his vision. I would also do as Rebelove suggested and have him make out a will. Then I would ask him about what funeral arraingments he would like to make. Diabetes will cause you to lose limbs, organ function and death. Good luck to you.

Rebelove 2013-07-18 20:51:08 -0500 Report

Oh honey, I feel so badly for you! :( There are no easy solutions to this problem. It sounds like your husband is in denial…something I am VERY familiar with, as I just recently stopped being there. If you can't get anywhere with him, maybe you could try talking to his doctor. I hate to be blunt, but maybe you could even talk to him about making a will. Tell him that if he's going to insist on contributing to his demise, you need to be sure you and the baby are taken care of. (You don't have to mean it, just suggest it.) I am no expert, this is just a suggestion.
Above all, get support, get help, and feel free to check in often. We all care about each other here, and we want to know how its going. Please keep in touch.
Oh, one last thing…none of this is your fault…you have tried your best. {{{hugs}}}

Anonymous 2013-07-18 21:01:36 -0500 Report

He is definitely in denial. We have made up a will, and I have talked to him repeatedly about how he may never get to see our son grow up, grow old together, ect. It kills me, it really does. I think I will have to try and talk to his doctor, and hopefully he will start going to his appointments again. If you don't mind me asking, how did you over come your denial about diabetes? If that is too personal I totally understand…I am just trying to come up with some genius plan that will help him! I feel its a long shot but I am damn sure I will not go down without a fight!

Rebelove 2013-07-18 21:41:03 -0500 Report

A trip to the hospital with an infected boil on my butt is what changed my state of denial. I had a very high fever, and was told that if I have come in even one day later, I probably would have died. From a boil…on my butt??? Now how would THAT have looked? That was it! I thought of not watching my granddaughter grow up, not seeing my daughters get married, not live to see Obama out of office??? LOL Seriously, that was one heck of a wake-up call. Its hard to accept when you're only 27…I was 39 when I found out I was a diabetic. (My first stroke, which sent me to the hospital, where I learned I was diabetic). I was in denial until last year, and lucky to still be alive. I back-slid last year, until I lost much of my vision, but the thought of never being able to read aloud to my granddaughter broke my heart, and got me back on the straight and narrow.
Please feel free to share with him all that I have told you. I will even talk to him, if you think it will help. The unfortunate thing is…he is acting like an alcoholic…not wanting to admit to the problem until something drastic happens. I pray this is not the case, and I will be praying for him, and you as well. Please stay in touch! :)