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popplecove62
By popplecove62 Latest Reply 2013-07-22 21:31:29 -0500
Started 2013-07-15 17:15:11 -0500

I could choose most but for now it is depression, isolation and not wanting to eat as I should. I live in a rural area in Western, MA (not by choice). I have no family support at all. My daughter hasn't once even asked me about my diabetes. I have several medical issues and she doesn't want to hear or deal with them. She's angry that I can't do what I use to do for her 5-10 yrs. Ago. In a nutshell I'm scared of this disease. Li hate this disease. I feel like it controls me 24 hrs. A day and it does, so I find myself defying it. How stupid is this. I'm only hurting myself. Anyone else feel this way? Natalie


11 replies

bbchen68
bbchen68 2013-07-22 21:31:29 -0500 Report

Hey Natalie! It is super hard to feel down and discouraged while dealing with this disease. It's like when you have a cold, and cry. You know it will make your sniffles worse!!! With diabetes feeling down and depressed is counterproductive, especially when combined with worry and stress about the disease. Everyone with diabetes, even people who think they have "beat the illness and are living life" bla bla bla, experience disappointments with their progress. There is some great advice here about the vitamins, behaviors, histories of various commentators. But it is hard to keep picking yourself up ONE MORE time and try again. But you can do it. The 12 step program has been helping me a lot. Keep trying and cut yourself some slack.

Just Joyce
Just Joyce 2013-07-17 10:35:53 -0500 Report

Popple I went through a bought of depression recently and took the advice from someone on this site. I have regrouped and back to being myself.

If your daughter is angry about what you can't do for her 5-10 years ago she is the one with the problem especially if she is a functioning adult. When my mom got sick and could no longer go into the kitchen to cook all of our favorite meals, I didn't get angry. She told me how to cook them myself and over time the foods became as tasty as hers.

As far as support what are you seeking? If all you want is someone to listen to you talk about all of your medical issues and give you sympathy, your support will dissappear in a heartbeat. If you are seeking someone to talk to from time to time and to answer some of your questions, you can find that easily. Constantly needing people to be supportive can drain people and they begin to resent you and over time will begin to avoid you.

Learn to be self supporting. If you get up in the morning, feeling good, if your numbers are good, if your A1C is good, treat yourself to something you really want for you or do something special for yourself. It can be something small such as getting your nails done to buying a new blouse or a new shade of lipstick.

You said you live in a rural area. (I commend people who can live in a rural area. I would be insane within a month as I love city life) If you are able to do so, grow flowers and start a flower club with your neighbors. If you are an avid reader, start a book club. If you are crafty, make crafts and sell them. There are any number of things you can do to meet people and make friends.

Take Type1Lous advice "You already know that defying or ignoring diabetes is not the answer. Make a list about what YOU can do to make things better for yourself, then take it one step at a time…remember, choosing NOT to act is in fact a choice. The choice is yours!" Good luck to you.

eristar
eristar 2013-07-17 05:35:06 -0500 Report

I can so relate to your problems - I have no family support, either, so you are not alone there! I think we all are scared of the Big D and know what it can bring down the road - and yes, I too, defy it more often than not, even knowing it can be harmful. Hang in there - that's why all of us come here, for support and to be reminded that we are not the only ones who feel the way we do!

Just Joyce
Just Joyce 2013-07-17 11:02:31 -0500 Report

I don't agree with you, "We are all scared of the BIG D". I for one am not afraid of it. I live in a major city. We have been experincing shootings over the past 3 weeks. There have been a total of 70 shootings with 30 people murdered. Am I scared to live in my city and travel around the city? NO. I don't live being scared as it serves no purpose other than to limit me. I have very few limits.

If you are defying it the only person you are hurting is yourself. If you know what can happen down the road, you know what to expect. In life we all have to make choices. These choices can be good or bad. Good choices benefit us while the bad ones cause problems. Only you can choose what kinds of choices to make. Only you can choose to take care of yourself to reduce the problems Diabetes can cause. When you fail to make those choices, only you will suffer for them in the end.

The problem I see is that everyone wants support. I have a support system of friends and family who are diabetics. I rarely use that support. They have their lives to live and I am not going to constantly contact them because of some problem with diabetes I may be having. I am self supporting and self motivating. No matter how supportive your family may be, they cannot take care of your diabetes. You have to do that. Please stop trying to defy Diabeties and stop being scared. All you have done by doing this is limit yourself and no amount of support is going to stop it. Only you can do it. Live your life to the fullest. Stop being scared and get up and go do something you like doing. Visit a place you would like to visit. Meet people and make new friends and when you look back you will find that the time you spent being scared was time you could have spent having the time of your life. Good luck.

margokittycat
margokittycat 2013-07-16 23:46:10 -0500 Report

Natalie, I think we have all felt this way at one time or another during the course of the disease. I have had it for 32 years. I to live in a small rural community. Maybe you and your daughter should try family counseling along with everyone else in the home.

Gabby
GabbyPA 2013-07-16 07:37:30 -0500 Report

Depression is a fight many of us face in this battle. We know we should do certain things and yet we make the wrong choices or as you are dealing with the lack of support in the battle. It is hard. We don't like to admit it sometimes and people who don't have it don't understand...it's hard.

That is why I come here. Here I know I'm not alone. I find the support I need so that takes the pressure off the family a bit. I'm sorry that she's angry, but you may find out that she's more scared. It's frightening when a parent is starting to show signs of age to a child. It means many things in their mind that they will have to deal with. And that can be frightening.

Type1Lou
Type1Lou 2013-07-16 07:25:47 -0500 Report

It is frustrating having to deal with our diabetes and never easy. A while back, I was diagnosed with depression and they found that my vitamin B12 levels were very low. After getting B12 shots and supplementing with sublingual B12 tablets, the depression is gone. Have your B12 levels been checked? Since you can't change the fact that you have diabetes, YOU must learn as much as you can to properly manage your condition. While we can't make diabetes go away, how we eat and exercise can help us minimize diabetes' effects and provide us with a better quality of life. Is there a diabetes support group in your area?…check your local hospital for information…they may be able to help you with both support and information. It might also be a source of new friends who will understand and help you to cope. You are not alone in this. You already know that defying or ignoring diabetes is not the answer. Make a list about what YOU can do to make things better for yourself, then take it one step at a time…remember, choosing NOT to act is in fact a choice. The choice is yours!

Just Joyce
Just Joyce 2013-07-17 10:19:15 -0500 Report

OMG this part of your response " You already know that defying or ignoring diabetes is not the answer. Make a list about what YOU can do to make things better for yourself, then take it one step at a time…remember, choosing NOT to act is in fact a choice. The choice is yours!" is by far the best adivce you could give her and the best advice given so far. I applaud you for saying that.

I don't agree with you saying having to deal with our diabetes is frustrating. That doesn't apply to everyone. I admit it was frustrating for me the first month. Then I had an epiphany in the middle of the night as I always do. I realized that when you view things as frustrating you are in a sense asking for trouble. Problems become bigger because finding the answer causes frustration. I learned to walk away from the problem for a few days then come back to it with a different tactic. For instance, I lost a ring, couldn't find it for a week. Went to get something out of a container and there was my ring.

I do not focus on being diabetic. I have too many other things going on that need my attention. I know what I have to do such as what to eat, testing, taking medication and getting exercise is all routine to me.

Everyone handles things differntly what may be frustrating for you may not be frustrating to others. I think it all depends on how each of us view life and illness. I won't let being diabetic control me.

Again I loved your comment and I hope she heeds your excellent advice.

Type1Lou
Type1Lou 2013-07-17 15:38:02 -0500 Report

Thank you Joyce! I think you'd agree that the key is to handle the stress without distress…but that is often easier said than done.