Newly diagnosed Type 2...No spousal support

By KFisher86 Latest Reply 2013-07-02 08:20:05 -0500
Started 2013-06-24 23:49:49 -0500

Hi everyone! I was diagnosed with type 2 diabetes in March 2013. My A1C was 6.7 at the time. I've been making changes where I can, but I'm finding it abundantly difficult without the support of my husband. He often complained about the new healthy meals I prepared and after a couple weeks of making two separate meals everyday I was just burnt out. So, I just ate whatever I cooked for him. I know eventually I will have to do what's best for me and my health, but can anyone offer any suggestions as to how I can get my husband on board? And to really see the severity of this disease…especially if not treated properly? Thanks in advance.

27 replies

kcmregan 2013-07-02 08:20:05 -0500 Report

Men are visual by nature. Just talking to him won't do any good. Get him involved with your regimen. Show him how to check your sugar, just for emergencies. Take him to the dr with you and have the dr explain to him what it means to be diabetic. But do not get off your healthy meals!!! I'm going through a lot of complications now. I have been a type 1 diabetic for 17 years, so I got lucky I went 17 years without many issues. But now they are hitting… neuropathy, proliferative diabetic retinopathy, and more. You have to do what is best for you!

GabbyPA 2013-07-01 18:58:08 -0500 Report

Take him to the doctor with you. That is what helped my husband understand that it was not just something to toy with. He still doesn't totally get it, but he is much more willing to eat what I need to eat. I give him his freedom to have a stash of things I don't touch. That helps too.

Another thing that I did was take him with me to the diabetes education classes I took. He didn't go to all of them, but the ones he did, really seemed to have made an impression.

If those things don't work, then helping him understand that the way you are supposed to eat with diabetes is really a healthy way for anyone to eat. If he wants you around to be with grand babies and enjoy retirement years together, he needs to be your support.

Sometimes we don't realize that they are kind of scared too. They suddenly are faced with more uncertainty in their lives than they planned. My husband always said he was going to die before, he's not so sure and that feeling of being without a spouse is very unnerving. Maybe a good heart to heart about feelings might be in order?

Set apart
Set apart 2013-07-01 06:12:25 -0500 Report

My husband is non diabetic, so we work it out like others here. Sometimes he gets a steak, salad, and baked potato while I get fish and the salad. I add the carbs, especially starchy for him. He gets cake and I get sugar free jello. It's one of those things where usually we get the same meal, with same modifications! Good luck and welcome. Your A1c isn't bad, great doctor, though to get you right back on track! Kudos to the doc!!!!

coyotejohn 2013-06-30 09:54:49 -0500 Report

He's a "Big Boy". Let him fend for himself. You do what you need to do for YOU. An AC1 of 6.7 ain't too bad. You're so close to getting into the safe numbers zone—take care of YOU!

KFisher86 2013-06-30 10:03:15 -0500 Report

Love your reply! This is how I truly feel, but if left to his own devices he'd probably eat out for every meal, everyday. Still, like you said, I have to take care of ME. Thanks!

available jones
available jones 2013-06-29 10:48:06 -0500 Report

I know the feeling when I was told all my ways had to change.i paid it no came stints,then pace wife changed every you need all the help you can possibly get,not only from home but work,church,here in this commutity & any and ever place out wife turned into a vegetarian.i an not there yet but it has helped me.i even joined the gym something I said I would never do. life is good I wish you & yours the very best working this issue out

smurfysuzi 2013-06-28 19:53:33 -0500 Report

Hello KFisher86! I was diagnosed in February with Type2 Diabetes. When I was first diagnosed my husband and son were very stubborn about eating more veggies and less starches. They kept saying that they wanted me to be healthy and eat what I needed to, while asking me to cook two different meals for them and myself. I slowly started incorporating more veggies and less starches and now only cook one meal, with maybe one extra side each. Like others before me have said just opt for a salad or other non-starchy veggie instead of the potatoes that he's having. Monitor your portions and your carbs and you will get back on track.
My husband has seen how much weight I've lost and how much better I feel both mentally and physically and how much weight he's gained and is now jumping on the bandwagon. I am proud to say that he is starting to eat healthier too and the meals are getting easier to plan and make for all of us.
I know it's hard, but give it time, he'll come around to eating healthier. In the mean time you have us to help with emotional support.

KFisher86 2013-06-28 20:14:21 -0500 Report

Sounds like you know exactly what I'm going through! I am going to do exactly what you've done in hopes of bringing him over to the healthy side of things. Not only for support, but also because he needs to lose weight himself for the Navy. As I mentioned before I am overly thankful for finding this resource. Everyone I have encountered has been an amazing support! Thank you.

BB42 2013-06-27 06:49:54 -0500 Report

That is really unfortunate. Sounds like your diabetes is not that bad and with a few changes, you should be fine. Spousal support is so important. Have you tried having your husband speak with your physician? Or, can you enroll in diabetes education classes with him? Best wishes to you

KFisher86 2013-06-27 09:12:15 -0500 Report

He has not yet been to the doctor with me, but I am strongly considering a diabetes education class since that is a free benefit for the military.

MsBugzee 2013-07-01 17:44:11 -0500 Report

Diabetes Ed. Class is a great idea. When I was diagnosed in July 2011 my doc sent me right away to classes. Very helpful class and a great support source.

BB42 2013-06-28 06:36:58 -0500 Report

I wish you good fortune. My wife joined me for diabetes education classes and that really helped

BB42 2013-06-28 06:36:50 -0500 Report

I wish you good fortune. My wife joined me for diabetes education classes and that really helped

Deekath 2013-06-27 05:29:41 -0500 Report

Hi. I was diagnosed with type 2 two years ago. I ignored diagnosis and told myself it would go away because I would lose weight etc etc. I didn't manage it at all. Went into total denial. 6 weeks ago I found myself in hospital having surgery to excise an abscess that had nearly given me blood poisoning. While I was a captive audience for drs at hospital. It was discovered that the abcsess could have been caused by my uncontrolled diabetes. Plus I had an ulcer on my leg for a year that wouldn't heal. My eyesight was affected and circulation in my legs. It was the wake up call I needed. So I have been very careful with my diet. Fortunately I have a very supportive husband. I haven't had to change meals around too much. I just have less of the bad stuff and substitute better stuff for me. Eg. I'll do a pork chop and veg for him but I'll have the same. Just substituting a piece of fish instead of the pork chop for me. Plus i have been modifying diff recipes to fit my requirements but still tastes like he likes it. Eg. I make bolognese sauce with only 30% turkey mince and use lentils and veges like zucchini, mushrooms, carrots etc that i whiz up in the food processor so they are chopped really fine. He never knew the diff. I am still learning every day. Especially what foods to have more of and what to have less of. I still can't get my fasting sugar below 7mml so have to see doc about that. But losing weight and noticing changes in my general feeling of well being. I just pray I can keep it up and stay on track. Good luck to you. Would your husband go with you to a diabetic education class or go with you to the doc so he knows what u r facing and how important it is that u look after yourself. Good luck! I hope you have success in bringing him around. Cheers

Jesse's derby
Jesse's derby 2013-06-25 22:29:23 -0500 Report

If there is any way you can have him join you in the kitchen, do it! It can be rewarding to both of you to discover new spices/flavors/recipes! Great recipes here!

Type1Lou 2013-06-25 16:17:33 -0500 Report

How sad! Here are some of the meal strategies I've followed. My non-diabetic husband loves his spaghetti but I avoid pasta. When I make spaghetti, his sauce goes over real pasta while I put my sauce over french style green beans. That way, I avoid the pasta-carbs (For me it's all about controlling carb intake since that is what causes BG's to rise.) If I'm making any kind of meat dinner, I'll cook potatoes for my husband but don't eat any myself. I'll just have an extra helping of vegetables instead of the starchy potatoes..again eliminating many of the carbs from my plate. I follow a low-carb diet and limit myself to no more than 120 grams of carb per day. The recipe section here has many good recipes. Pre-diabetes, I used to bake a lot and loved baked goods. I do very little baking now, usually only for special occasions. My husband, who loves his cakes and cookies, now bakes his own which I stay away from. I know this doesn't really address how to get your husband on board with YOUR dietary restrictions but, you can develop some strategies that will enable you to eat healthier while he continues to eat whatever he wants. Wishing you well!

Bun10 2013-06-26 23:43:42 -0500 Report

Hey, Lou, good news. You can now cook Dreamfield pasta for both of you. You can't tell the difference between regular pasta and this one. Much better tasting than whole wheat pasta. Yes, my nutritionist said this is great. She said just because it is better for you doesn't mean you can more of it though. Sounds like you and your husband have worked this out well.

liquorish 2013-06-25 15:41:57 -0500 Report

Hello KFisher. Normally one would say "welcome to the club" but this isn't the greatest club to join(the diabetic club). However, it isn't the worst one either. Everyone has given such good advice. I can really only repeat it. You can get great recipes, and they don't really have to taste much different. You can still make spaghetti, but with leaner meat, and make your own sauce so you control the salt and sugar in it. Add a salad, and a piece of garlic bread for hubby, and you have a great meal. Just change a few things. I might fix corn for my husband, and green beans for me. So, anyway, learn all you can for yourself, and change yourself so you will be healthy, and your husband will probably come around. Good Luck. Liquorish

Dr Gary
Dr GaryCA 2013-06-25 14:39:55 -0500 Report

Hi KFisher,

Nice to see you! Glad you checked in.

When one person in the house is diagnosed, in a way, everybody receives the diagnosis. It sounds like your husband is having trouble adjusting to your diagnosis, and the changes that diabetes brings along with it. Kind of going through his own denial.

Here is a link to an article I wrote awhile back that you might find helpful:

You might try sitting down and talking to him about the diet changes you need to make to take the best care of yourself. And remind him that a healthier diet could benefit him as well. You might also ask him to sit down with your doctor or a diabetes educator and talk about your diet and lifestyle changes.

It may take some time for him to adjust to the new normal in your household, and to begin to get on board. He needs some gentle reminders, every day, that this isn't going away.

I also encourage you to set limits to maintain your own self-care. It might help to find some easy to prepare recipes that you might both enjoy, as well as simple meals that you can eat, even if that means eating different food than he eats. Make yourself a priority -- you are worth it!

Stay in touch with us. Let us know how you're doing, my friend.


KFisher86 2013-06-25 14:46:12 -0500 Report

Thank you all for the wealth of information and resources. I'm hopeful that my husband will get on board. Regardless, I am making the necessary changes to take back my health!!

MsBugzee 2013-07-01 17:48:44 -0500 Report

I'm very grateful for the folks here. Also when diagnosed having a husband who is an RN helped that way. He got inspired and lost 50 lbs I lost 40. Hang in there girl you'll get it. Really!

Dr Gary
Dr GaryCA 2013-06-26 15:12:26 -0500 Report

You are very welcome. Sounds like you are taking good care of yourself. Your number one priority. Keep me posted, please!

Poodle gal
Poodle gal 2013-06-25 14:26:29 -0500 Report

I am sorry to hear that your spouse has not been supportive of your type 2 diabetes diagnosis. As hard as it might be, however, you need to take care of your own health first. You could start by making small changes in the food you are cooking for your husband—just eat the same thing, but you could use a smaller plate or make healthy substitutes (he doesn't have to even know). One thing that could help is to make sure that he goes to your next meeting with your doctor and have your doctor support the necessity for him to "man-up" and support you. I can imagine that he would want your support if the tables were turned.

Good luck to you!

abdulhaq 2013-06-25 03:35:43 -0500 Report

You will have to talk to him. Ask him for some spare time when no other issues are bothering him. Prepare 2 cups of tea/coffee and take him on board about the difficulties and issues you are facing alone. And ask him for his support, because believe me or not, if you are married and diabetic, then you alone are not ill. Your spouse should also have the courage to feel your condition even if he personally not into that.