Grocery food choices??

By Scarlet03 Latest Reply 2013-05-03 12:27:32 -0500
Started 2013-04-14 15:49:47 -0500

Im a diabetic on insulin and my teenage daughter can eat anything, when I grocery shop, I do my best to get stuff for her and me…but…being a teen she can be difficult and picky…

This may sound bad, but she does work part time, and I told her if she wants to buy junky food to do so with her own funds…cause Im on State Medical Insurance and foodstamps..and get a limited amount…

What would you guys do???

43 replies

tinkerbell54 2013-05-03 09:57:31 -0500 Report

I would tell what U told her. We had this same talk with our daughter Rain, she works 2. but we said if U want food that is not on our shopping list, U buy it . My daughter hates to let go of her money. I think a teenager problem , my daughter is 16. How is U teenager? Tinkerbell54

Scarlet03 2013-05-03 12:27:32 -0500 Report

My daughter is 17…and loves her job and having her own money…Im glad she does cause I cant always buy what I want for her…her and I had a discussion one day and she told me that she's learning to save money and be frugal…something my parents never taught me…I guess Im doing the right thing…

Beyond that…she knows Im a diabetic…she forgets sometimes about what I can eat…I dont get mad about it…I say thank you its all for you…and she's fine with that…

jeopardy3 2013-04-28 16:25:26 -0500 Report

personally I do not have that problem my son likes to watch his weight anyway and my husband was told by our dr. that if he didn't lose weight he would be a diabetic like me so he joined weight watchers and lost all his weight. so they eat what I cook and know that it is healthy for them.

GabbyPA 2013-04-23 17:40:39 -0500 Report

I think that most of us who live with any amount of family face similar situations. I have tried to shop for everyone, but sometimes it just comes to having healthy choices for everyone or junk for a few....I cannot do both and having the healthy choices is much better fore everyone, even if they don't agree.

Tommmie46 2013-04-20 16:27:17 -0500 Report

I think you did the right thing by saying that. I live with my brother and his wife. My brother and I are both diabetics. I do all the cooking. My sister in law can eat anything. He father was diagnosed with type 2 diabetes last year. I am trying to show her how to cut back on sugar and carbs. She refuses. So when we go grocery shopping, she buys as much sugary and pasta products as she can. I use my money to buy everything else needed in order to cook healthy meals. I have broken her of making tea with 3 1/2 cups of sugar down to 1 cup of sugar. I completely understand the struggle. God Bless you for trying to work through it. =)

Chuck Fisher
Chuck Fisher 2013-04-25 11:30:17 -0500 Report

Pasta is not as bad as "white bread". Look for whole-grain pasta as well as whole-wheat bread. As far as sweets, there are cookies and chocolate that are "sugar-free". Usually they are made with Maltitol. It has a lower glycemic index (GI) than regular sugar (sucrose). I don't hunk you can tell the difference in sweetness.

Nana_anna 2013-04-19 13:26:30 -0500 Report

That is a great concept! If you are doing the shopping and have to limit your foods for you, that is the best things to do. If your daughter understands your needs in doing that, than that is great!

Jim Edwards
Jim Edwards 2013-04-19 08:16:09 -0500 Report

YES! Reguardless of how much funds you have and where you get them from, I think we need to do our best to eliminate junk food from the younger generations. Lord knows we are paying the price for our junk food eating. I am proud of my daughter. Her daughter says, "Mom, can I have a snack?" "Sure, do you want veggies or fruit?" At 6 she has had very little junk food and does not like soda!

Chuck Fisher
Chuck Fisher 2013-04-25 11:31:57 -0500 Report

Besides veggies or fruit, mixed nuts is another snack. Just be careful of the size since nuts have more calories than other options.

Caroltoo 2013-04-16 08:11:48 -0500 Report

If more people in the general population ate like those of us with diabetis are learning to eat, there could possibly be a decrease in new cases of type2 and a reduction in obesity. That would be a good thing. My point is that you are making an appropriate choice to buy and use healthy foods instead of junk foods. This is your job as a parent and you ae doing it.

Your daughter, on the other hand, is 17 and her developmental task at this point is to figure out who/what she is. Most teens do this separation of self task by rebelling against their parents and/or parental values. If you see this struggle over food as just another marker on her highway towards independent adulthood, it may not seem so threatening to you and you will come through it feeling better about her.

If she is working a part time job, she is moving toward independence and self-sufficiency. That's what we want for our children. She will experiment with how to spend her money as we all did. She will make poor choices and mistakes as we all have. This is how we learn to make better choices.

If she tries to make you feel guilty about your choices, just hold on to the fact that you are making good choices and don't accept the guilt she may want you to feel. Don't argue about it, makes mealtime really miserable, but just accept that she has different opinions which does NOT mean yours are wrong. It just means they are yours, not hers.

Scarlet03 2013-04-15 20:30:28 -0500 Report

Thanks to all of you that know and understand that being a parent whether we have both or not…can be really difficult…especially when one of us is diabetic…My daughter is 17 and has her moments…but I do what I can and that's all what counts

smurfysuzi 2013-04-15 20:14:44 -0500 Report

I think you are doing the right thing. I grew up in a single parent home and whether we ate at home or my grandmother's house - if we wanted a choice in what we had for dinner then it was our night to cook. My mother's main priority was making sure that we had mostly healthy food and that there was enough of it.
I can remember many a time when I didn't like something put on my plate and had to sit there until I ate everything on my plate. My mom would patiently wait until I fell asleep at the table before letting me leave the table. The next morning whatever I didn't eat the night before would be breakfast.
Once we got old enough to work - if we wanted soemthign that Mom wouldn't buy then we bought it ourselves.

Set apart
Set apart 2013-04-15 20:03:13 -0500 Report

Growing up things were tough for my mother who was a single parent, raising six children. Like you my mother was on a fixed income, and junk food was never around. Our food was about survival and appreciating what you did have to eat. I was also raised wearing hand me downs. I think sometimes what's wrong is that we want our children to have what we didn't have. I remember my first job as a teenager, my mom said my money was my own, but when school started, I better have clothes and supplies. I was so excited, I could buy my own clothes, goodies, etc. I don't think what you're doing is wrong, it will teach your daughter respnsibility, and hopefully she will make better choices when it comes to spending her money. It's easier for us to spend another persons money, but we may think twice when it is ours! Good luck with this!

sNerTs1 2013-04-14 22:19:42 -0500 Report

Times have changed since I was a teenager! I never thought I would type that out or let it pass my mind … but I guess as we age, we do let those thoughts run in. Im the LAST oldest of 6 siblings. My parents were by far wealthy and there were many times that we didnt have much to eat at mealtime, so we ate what was there and liked it too!! I never knew that pork chops were fall off the bones tender until I got out on my own and learned to cook. Hang in there girlie. Although what a perfect time to start educating her so she makes better choices on which junk food she is going to allow her body to absorb =)

Good luck and keep us up to date on how you are doing. *HugZ* Cheryl

Scarlet03 2013-04-14 22:10:34 -0500 Report

I should have been a little more specific…YES…Im on a fixed income and YES my daughter can buy her own stuff if she wants…shes a healthy teenage girl…

I should have mentioned with all my food allergies and diabetes and insulin regimen…it can be difficult when you got shopping…I shouldn't feel guilty but I do…I do my best to explain my issues, but sometimes its hard…

We're not a household of junk food…but for myself…I go overboard once in a blue moon to feel normal after 13 years of being diabetic…

Harlen 2013-04-14 21:54:50 -0500 Report

You eat what I make or don't eat !!!
Every one asked how did I get my kids to eat lol every one gets Hungary !!! Lol
That was before D so the got lucky still made them eat what was made
Best wishes

Gwen214 2013-04-14 20:45:58 -0500 Report

I remembered my parents saying the same thing to us. They cooked fresh foods, junk food, soda, and fast food was not common in our household growing up. That doesn't sound bad

jimLE 2013-04-14 20:21:30 -0500 Report

just like joyce we were brought up to get permission first on junk foods.but like you pointed out.she has a job and earning her me that earns her at least some right to buy her self junk food..let her know its ok to buy it.and at the same time.not to come to you when she runs out of money.and that she's on her own when she does.and that shes to eat good meals before junk food..

Just Joyce
Just Joyce 2013-04-14 20:02:08 -0500 Report

In my household as a child, we ate food and junk food provided by our parents. The reason for this is because they were the PARENTS and they paid the bills in the household. We could have junk food but not on a daily basis because even thought there were cookies and candy in the house we had to ask if we could have it. We also always had fruit in the house and could eat all we wanted without permission.

You gave your daughter permission to override you in telling her she can buy all the junk food she wants with money she earns. You can't open the barn door then ask what anyone would do once the horse left the barn.

Kids are going to eat junk food no matter how much the parent tries to prevent it. The only thing you can do now is talk to her about diabetes and have her tested. You could also teach her how to count carbs and let her see how much she consumes in her junk food.

Scarlet03 2013-04-14 20:22:00 -0500 Report

I will tell you one thing…I am a very GOOD SINGLE PARENT…and my daughter is as healthy as a horse…I watch for signs of illness I would know if something was wrong and she would tell me…what Im trying to say is this…its hard to live in a household where one is diabetic and the other isn't…and we dont eat junk food all the time…Thank the lord above my daughter lives a normal weight of a teenager…being on a STRICT income…if my daughter wants cheese sticks and stuff…she buys it on her own

Just Joyce
Just Joyce 2013-04-14 20:53:00 -0500 Report

Who said you were a bad parent? I am on a strict income also but you said you told your daughter if she wanted junk foods she had to buy it herself since she has a job. You gave her permission to do this. Then you asked what would you guys do?

I am the only diabetic in the house. I don't find it hard for me. I chose not to make diabetes hard for me. It is good that she is at her normal weight and is healthy and that you watch for signs of illness. I simply said you can't leave the barn door open then ask what anyone would do once the horse left the barn.

midgemills 2013-04-14 17:16:58 -0500 Report

I have some of the same issues.. My husband and daughter both are junk food lovers.. My husband does by his own junk food but my daughter is on my stamps and tries to buy all junk food.. I think they should both try and be sensitive to my new diets since I am new to being a diabetic and learning new ways..
I say put your foot down the habits you may implement on your daughter may benefit later down the road beings you are a diabetic chances are she will become one later in life

Just Joyce
Just Joyce 2013-04-14 20:26:40 -0500 Report

midge you husband is an adult and can buy his own junk food. You can control what your child eats. It isn't written in stone that she cannot have junk food but you can control how often she eats it unless she is out of the house out of your control with money to buy junk food.

Your diet has changed. This doesn't mean they have to change theirs. A friend invited my sister and I to breakfast yesterday morning. She asked what I could eat. I told her to fix what she chose but I can't have anything with nuts, raisins, oatmeal, bananas, and everything else I am allergic to. She served, eggs, bacon, mini pancakes, orange, apple juice, coffee and applesauce. She said OMG we are drinking juice and have applesauce and you can't have that. I told her not to feel bad because I am use to people eating what I can't have and it doesn't bother me. We ended up having a great breakfast, great conversation, and a lot of laughs. I don't want people to be sensitive to my diet because they won't be able to enjoy their meal being worried about what I can or cannot eat. My health, my diet and my diabetes. Your wanting them to be sensitive is going to be stressful for you. Fix healthy meals that everyone can eat and enjoy your meals together. Family meals are important because far too many families don't have that and these meals together should be fun and relaxing time without anyone being sensitive to what the diabetic can or cannot have.

Scarlet03 2013-04-14 17:30:43 -0500 Report

I count my blessings and hope not…but diabetes runs in my family…and since I have a more strict insulin regimen in the last month or to I do my best to explain what I can and can't eat. As long as I follow my good eating standards, Im hoping after a time she does too

jayabee52 2013-04-14 16:03:49 -0500 Report

YOU're the adult, Scarlet, she's the child.

You are required to provide food for her and as her mother you want that food to be as healthy for her as it can be. I would stick to my guns there and IF she wanted to buy junk food, she would need to buy it herself!

My income is limited too, so I see no problem with your position on this. I would buy and fix food for me and my needs and for what she really needs too. What she wants would be on her dime!

(of course all my experience as a father was raising 3 sons and no daughters)


Just Joyce
Just Joyce 2013-04-14 20:34:56 -0500 Report

I agree with you 100% James and I am not a parent. I sat down to breakfast, lunch and dinner and ate what mom cooked regardless of whether or not it was something I wanted. My father would say eat or go hungry. I learned to eat it and be grateful.

Scarlet03 2013-04-14 20:43:36 -0500 Report

when you dont understand to be a single parent, you dont have any hard it is…

Just Joyce
Just Joyce 2013-04-16 19:20:20 -0500 Report

Scarlet being a single parent is not unique, single parents have been around since the beginning of time.

I have worked with single parents, I have friends and relatives who are single parents and I see them everyday of the week. If I didn't understand, why would I,

Walk through my community with our Community Association Executive Director getting names and addresses of single moms and dads at Thanksgiving so they could get a basket of food for an entire meal.

Take tickets given to me by the Mayor and Governors office and give them to single parents so they can take their kids to the state fair or our grand prix race at no cost

Keep a database of resources of services and give resource information to single moms and dads who need information on services available to them

Volunteer to help our community services agency distribute food to single parents and low income families with children so they can have healthy meals

Help a single mom get haircuts and school supplies for her two sons so they could start school on the first day.

Because of all the community work I do with the police department, the officers I work with brought me a 15lb turkey for Thanksgiving. Why did I keep it in the freezer until the week before Christmas and give it to a single mom with four kids. She cried because she had everything she needed for their dinner but could not afford a turkey.

Why on Sunday morning did I spend time with a woman whose husband decided he no longer wanted to be a husband and moved everything but her clothing and wedding pictures out of their house when she told him she was pregnant with twins. This woman is sleeping on a parking lot where our Farmers Market is held. Social Services told her they will help her find housing after the children are born. Unfortunately once they are born, CPS will take them because she doesn't have a home where she can take them. I spent an hour giving her resource information and emailed her phone number to several people who may be able to help her.

I am about to start attending meetings with the faith based community, the police department and other community leaders to have our second Day of Hope which will bring all kinds of resources to everyone in the community in August. If you think you can walk a mile in my shoes, doing what I do on a regular basis and I get no money to do this, then and only then can you tell me I don't understand the plight of the single parent. There are 15 houses on my block, only three of those houses are two parent households. I see these single parents struggling every day. If you lived in my community I would help you even though you think I don't understand because I am not a single parent. I wish the best for you.

dochumphreys 2013-04-14 16:38:51 -0500 Report

I would also explain to her that she may have a genetic disposition to having diabetes as she gets old and the healthier she eats now the better chance of not getting it when she gets older. I would also explain to her that eating some foods around is very hard on you and some of those high carb foods are like poison to you. Her being a teenager, that might not work, but well worth a try.

Scarlet03 2013-04-14 16:07:06 -0500 Report

Oh good… thanks James…I appreciate that very much…and she does buy her own JUNK FOOD…cause Im not buying it

Gwen214 2013-04-17 04:55:41 -0500 Report

I live with my sister, and she is a single mother. I'm not a mother either, but just being someone looking from the outside, and being involved with their lives, she struggles, between his ADHD, his school, activities, and her career, (school professor) 24 hours is not enough. It's even difficult with a 2 parent home. Point blank being a parent is difficult.

Scarlet03 2013-04-17 07:30:16 -0500 Report

My daughter has ADHD also, but Im glad I have a good relationship with her…the only help once in a while is my parents and they are aging and I really hate to ask too much…being here in DC helps with the emotional support and thats the best I can ask for…

jayabee52 2013-04-17 05:02:33 -0500 Report

Being a parent is the toughest job that anyone could love! Also it doesn't end when they're "out of the nest" because they're always your child and you want the best for them.

katcot2152 2013-04-17 09:19:12 -0500 Report

Justjoyce, have you ever walked the walk? That young lady whose husband walked out on her because she was going to have twins, and CPS saying because she didn't have a home to take them to, so CPS would take them hits a little too close to home. I have had to spend Christmas in a homeless shelter with my 4 children when they were younger - People were soooo generous, coming into the shelter with gifts for all of the children there, and cooking a Christmas Dinner for us when they could have been home with their own families. It was a horrible experience for me, but I turned it into a teaching moment for my children, telling them that the gifts were not what Christmas was all about, but what these people did on Christmas Day is what Christmas was all about and that was the best gift they could ever receive. My own father turned his back on my children (my mother had passed away a few years prior to that). And my ex husband, their father, has told them that "his life didn't revolve around them. He had a life of his own!" nearly killed me when he came out with that comment, literally, not figuratively". He left with our checkbook, savings account and had it all transferred to his own name, and left me and the children penniless! Oh and did I mention he physically abused the children? Yet CPS awarded him custody?

I spent the next 14 years fighting with CPS to get my children back! They are still carrying the scars from those years and are angry with both of us…but they try to put it behind them and move on when perhaps they need counseling to work it all out! And I have been spending these last 25+ years beating myself up because the only way they could visit me was with supervision!

And do you know what my second oldest son told interviewers why he decided to become a guidance counselor? "Because my mother never gave up fighting for services for my brother who has disabilities, or my sister who also had some learning disabilities. She went into Special Education because of them and she became a Reading Specialist because my sister was dyslexic. I wanted to follow her example"

And my children were all there for me when I had my open heart surgery. My oldest son took charge of the situation, went to the surgeon with me with a notebook full of questions he had re: the surgery and the surgeon's credentials. Then he had a family meeting to discuss what my wishes were if I did not survive the surgery. My daughter-in-law took picture of me with my 3 month old granddaughter the day before I went in for surgery so that she would have them to give to her when she was older to remember me by.

Scarlet, don't worry about your children, they are probably a lot stronger than you know. I didn't realize just how resilient my children were until we faced these hardships over the years. My children could have chosen the wrong path, wrong friends, experiment with drugs, etc. But because I had given them some good moral examples in their early childhood, and continued to fight for them while I fought my own mental health to get to where I am today, they all turned out well. They chose friends who stuck by them during those tough years, and developed such bonds with them that they will always have (bonds that siblings generally share), and their friends were not into the drug scene or any kind of trouble.

Kids are resilient - I've seen it over and over again in my teaching career. If you gave them a good solid upbringing in their earlier years, they usually carry them forward into their adulthood.

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