Death of a loved one

By Diefleu Latest Reply 2013-06-16 12:54:42 -0500
Started 2013-03-31 19:02:35 -0500

My father passed away last week to cancer. He was only 53. I never really had a mother (she left when I was two). My father was all I really knew of blood family. I flew to Boston over the weekend and said goodbye. He died on Monday the day after i left. Sorry to post this here but wanted to write somewhere. I miss him sorely.

Tags: stress

49 replies

cizzy21 2013-06-16 12:54:42 -0500 Report

Dear Deifleu, I'm so sorry that your father passed away. My son passed on March 9, 2010, by undetermined cause. He was only 14. I miss him dearly everyday, and my heart will never feel whole again. Also, my health has gone downhill ever since that tragic day. I do what I can to take care of my emotional health, but losing my son definitely worsened my depression. I try to thank God for the 14 years I was blessed with him, and I try to focus on the fond memories of my son. My prayers go out to you.

genniedevera 2013-06-16 08:34:59 -0500 Report

I am so sorry for your loss. I also lost my mom to cancer, 8 years ago…never had a dad around… i'm here for you, if you need to talk…

frazzlekat 2013-04-21 17:25:02 -0500 Report

I understand, I lost my mother very suddenly at the end of January due to complications of pneumonia. We didn't even get along very well but I can't seem to get my life back together. It seems to have been the straw that broke the camel's back. I have been binge eating almost constantly and cannot seem to get myself back under control. Emotional stress is so much harder than people realize at times. My family can't seem to figure out why I am such a mess. I don't seem to be able to get anything done, but I don't feel like I am depressed. I don't know what to do.
I hope we both get feeling better soon.

MewElla 2013-04-21 18:59:37 -0500 Report

I am so very sorry for your loss. I so understand what you are saying…I lost my husband…should you ever want to talk, please send me an email…

frazzlekat 2013-04-23 15:06:50 -0500 Report

Thanks, I appreciate it. I just wish I could figure out what is going on with this binge eating thing. I know part of the problem is just that I have access to all the food I want right now. Mom had far more life insurance than she needed (how many people can say that) and I know that I should spend it more wisely, but it's really hard for me to deny myself something I want if I can afford to get it. I am having a lot of trouble saying no. I really don't feel like I'm all that unhappy, just completely overwhelmed.

BellaJ1977 2013-04-13 20:40:12 -0500 Report

I am very sorry for your loss. If you ever need to talk about it or just need someone to help you get through the loss we are all always here for you. I know a lot about loss and no matter what anyone says, it will get better, but it will never go away. The best way you can honor your father is to live your life to the fullest each day. Carpediem and huggs.

elucero 2013-04-06 09:53:36 -0500 Report

I'm so sorry for your loss. I just lost my mother February 28th. She was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer February 5th. Didnt make it through the month, it took her so fast. She had been feeling sick but was misdiagnosed with the flu, and bronchitis. The cancer was everywhere. :.(. It harder for me every day without my mom as she was also my best friend. My sincere condolences to you.

jayabee52 2013-04-05 08:25:30 -0500 Report

I am sorry to learn that Diefleu. My prayers are with you and your family.

I lost my dad at age 47 to a freak accident in 1971. At that time I was 19 and still rather upset at my dad. So at the time it didn't affect me emotionally.

But later on in life, when I had my sons, I missed being able to share what was happening in my sons' lives and asking him for advice on raising them. I now miss the "what could have been" because I saw evidence of his attitude changing toward me. But I suspect the course of my life would have been radically changed had he not had that accident, or had the accident and survived.

But it is what it is and there is little which can be done to change things.

Prayers for God's comfort be with you and yours


available jones
available jones 2013-04-05 01:48:46 -0500 Report

may god always be with was a great loss to me when i lost my dad,although it has been many years ago.i will keep you in my prayers.

tinkerbell54 2013-04-05 10:03:13 -0500 Report

I lost both of my parents : my MOM in 1983. & my dad in the winter of 2004. & my mother -in-law in 2004 & my father -in-law in 2000. I miss them both so much. I will keep u & ur family in my prayers. Tinkerbell54

available jones
available jones 2013-04-05 10:34:16 -0500 Report

yes it is always a sad time. dad past 1975 mom 1990,sister 1999,brother2004 it is always ruff. now there plenty of good memories children-2 plus nieces&nephews.i am the last in this gen.

sNerTs1 2013-04-04 10:29:41 -0500 Report

So sorry to hear about your loss <3

I know that feeling and its never easy no matter what age they are or you are for that matter. Please never apologize for voicing out your feelings in any capacity, its how we deal vs cope with the heavy things that life gives us.

I am putting you and your father in my prayers and hope that you find peace within soon. Take care of YOU

NonnieCee 2013-04-03 18:46:27 -0500 Report

I'm sorry for your loss. At least you had the chance to say goodbye. You will be in my prayers. Ppl here are awesome so you just go ahead and post all you need to.

Dr Gary
Dr GaryCA 2013-04-03 16:39:19 -0500 Report

Hi Diefleu,

I am so sorry to hear about your father. It's hard to lose our parents. I am glad to know that you got to spend some time with him. I will keep you in my thoughts.


Laurams 2013-04-04 20:02:04 -0500 Report

I',m praying that my kids ..Well have me..I'm not going to think about it..It hard enought to live..

Turtle 2013-04-02 20:08:08 -0500 Report

I am sorry for your loss. I understand where you are at and what you are going thru. My father passed away the 12th of March and I have written here many times. ppl here will support you.

tabby9146 2013-04-02 08:31:16 -0500 Report

I am very sorry to read this. My heart goes out to you. I lost mine when I was 22, he was only 62 to cancer. I know what it is like.

tabby9146 2013-04-02 08:32:34 -0500 Report

at a time like this, stress can affect your blood sugar, either too high or too low, so just a reminder to be careful, eat right and monitor it.

jimLE 2013-04-01 18:25:31 -0500 Report

sorry for your need to worry about posting it father passed away of bone cancer in 1998..i know he went through lots of pain and suffering.we suffered to.simply because he's our father and we love him.but we got throuh katcot said you'll go through so much and feeling.but you'll through it all the same..

katcot2152 2013-04-01 16:55:25 -0500 Report

I am so sorry to hear about your loss. I can totally understand how you are feeling. I have lost both my parents. My mom passed away it will be 21 years Memorial Day. She was my best friend. And a day doesn't go by that I don't think about her and I still miss her. I would like to tell you that the pain and sorrow goes away. But it doesn't always go, not in the sense you would think. The pain is always there, but it is different now than 21 years ago.

Another one I was very close to was my maternal grandmother and I miss her dearly. She passed away back in the 70's but I still miss her - she was like a second mom to me. But she was not my mom and somehow the pain is not as bad as it is with my mom.

On the other hand, my father passed away 12 years ago. We were not close, because he was an alcoholic and he was very abusive, in every way and sense of the word! I do not miss him in the least.

Now, you only lost your father a week ago and you miss him. Be prepared to go through a whole gambit of emotions. You will be sad, you will be angry, and even a part of you will be relieved because you loved him so much, but you understand the pain he has suffered with the cancer is gone. These all are normal emotions. It s part of the healing process. And don't let people who say, "you are still grieving for your father? Why? He died a year ago?" get under your skin. We all mourn in our own time frame. Some can get over it and move on more quickly than others. This too is normal.

I don't know if you are a religious man and attend church, but I found for me to go talk to the priest, he helped me through that emotional roller coaster! The more you talk about it, the better it is for you because you don't want some of these bottled up emotions to eat at you. If you don't feel comfortable talking with a minister or priest or rabbi, or your best friend, etc, then I would suggest you write your father a letter and pour out your heart to him in that letter. You can write whatever you want because the only one who will see that letter is you. It does help. You may think it is a dumb idea, but it isn't really.

By the way, I am not talking off the cuff. When my mom passed away the funeral director hooked us up with pamphlets called Afterlife or something like that and it had all of these suggestions in it.. It also discussed the emotional roller coaster (they were mailed to us monthly and it got so I looked forward to receiving it because it did help. You might go online and see if that or something like that is still in print.

Good luck to you! I know you are hurting big time right now, it does lessen a bit and as time goes on, you will see what I meant when I said it felt different. If you need to talk about it, you know you can always come to DC - there are enough good people here to go around, and we are all here to support one another, through good times and bad.

I will pray for your father and for you, that your Guardian Angel shine his/her white light around you to protect you and help you through this tough time for you.


Kirk H
Kirk H 2013-04-01 14:59:27 -0500 Report

All I can say is time heals and think of the good times spent together. I lost my brother in February with cancer, he was only 59, I lost my other brother 10 years ago to cancer , he was 56 at the time.

GabbyPA 2013-04-01 11:05:06 -0500 Report

Loosing a parent is very hard. Grief is part of it, take it as it comes. We are here to help if you need. Remember the good times and be so grateful you were able to be with him in his last days. That is a special time we don't all get. My thoughts will be with you.

Michael Morgan
Michael Morgan 2013-04-03 01:11:18 -0500 Report

I was not that hurt when my father died because he was an ass his whole life. He always no matter how old you were wanted to tell you what to do . He was rich because his father was rich and I would have nothing to do with it. When my MOM died I was torn for months. I was a certified mamas boy and was proud of it. She was always loving and caring.

lanykins 2013-04-01 20:37:08 -0500 Report

I'm so sorry. My dad died 5 years ago and I still grieve for him. But I keep pictures of him around and find myself talking to him which actually helps. I wonder if he can be near me or hear me but it doesn't matter when I just talk to him. He was a wonderful man and I miss him so much but it helps to know that he had a good life and lived to be 93.

Do not be afraid to grieve, it can be helpful to get you through this. You will always miss him and love him but that is normal and good. Let yourself go and do what seems comfortable and normal whether it is talking to him or just remembering and thinking about him. Take care.

Set apart
Set apart 2013-04-01 05:50:46 -0500 Report

I am so sorry to hear about your loss. No one can provide you with the words to take away your sorrow, but we are here for you. Blessings and prayers!

jayabee52 2013-03-31 23:01:32 -0500 Report

I am so sorry to hear that Diefleu! My prayers are for you and the rest of his family and friends that they be comforted in their loss!

SandySilvers 2013-03-31 20:44:28 -0500 Report

I'm really sorry for your loss. I don't have much in the way of family. My grandparents basically raised me. I lost my grandmother in 1991 and my grandfather in 2001. I just went to the cemetary on Saturday. I try to go as often as I can. You will get through this. I promise. And you will be stronger for it. Hang in there :)