Situations that effect your whole being...here's my latest.

Nana_anna
By Nana_anna Latest Reply 2013-04-02 12:27:02 -0500
Started 2013-03-22 21:33:48 -0500

This is off from my response to holding grudges…Not only does it affect the person holding the grudge. It effects the grudgee…My mom just recently shunned me from her life. Nothing new though, I am used to it. This time hurt though. But I hold no grudges. I just ask God to give her grace and forgiveness in her heart towards me. We have never had a really good relationship, in all of my growing up. Nothing I did was right. I was held back by her in allot of things. Mainly she told me that I would never amount to anything, God didn't love me, so on and so forth. I was young then But now as an adult I often think, why? What did I do wrong for her to not love me,? Why the hatred attitude towards me. I just wrote her a letter asking that, no response of chorse. I cannot let her get to me either When someone pulls you down like that, its not worth it! I don't care who it is! You think, well, 'she's my mother??'…doesn't matter. When someone constantly drags you down, its time to let go. Don't hold on to that negative. Please. It is harder to deal with her, if I let it get to me phyiscally and emotionally. I want to move on and feel good about what I have done. Things that I have achieved in my life. I am a strong person, I don't hold grudges. By the way the Bible says that is a sin. I hope this helps someone. It will affect your diabetes to. Stress does, either w

Tags: stress health

15 replies

Nick1962
Nick1962 2013-03-26 11:20:03 -0500 Report

I’m kind of a bystander of the same situation. I’m the product of a blended family – second marriage for both parents and I’m the only surviving product. My mother and my older (half) sisters (her kids from her first marriage) always seemed to be fighting. This went on for at least four decades with one or all not speaking to one another for extended periods. I tried to stay out of the way – whatever the issues were started long before I came into the picture - and even though I actually got along with my mother, ours was never what you’d call a “family” relationship. Sorry you’re going through the same thing. This may sound callous, but it seemed my mother had children more out of duty than desire. Whatever the case, she went through a lot in her life so I don’t begrudge her – I did turn out fairly successful.

At the time my mother passed, I was the only remaining family member on speaking terms with her. Lots of unkind words between her and her daughters, lots of grudges firmly in place. Some cemented by decades of anger. Of course I was left to carry out her final wishes, which given the circumstances were not popular. I cursed my (then already passed) mother for putting me in that situation, but did it anyway. I caught months of hell for it, and probably lost what little “family” I have left. The stress showed up clearly in my elevated numbers and A1c that year, and I managed, but I sure wish things had turned out differently.

Lentyl
Lentyl 2013-03-26 12:59:02 -0500 Report

Boy, I can understand your feelings. I, a singleton, was ousted from my parents because I wouldn't cow tow to their controlling. Not fun to know that I was disinherited because of that. Everything was left to the woman who took them to their doctor appointments. However, I realized that they were both toxic personalities so forgave them. In all truth I don't really think that they knew anything about that toxicity and only did what had been done to them. Very sad actually, for them. My mother was unable to get along with her mother and, because I was somewhat like my grandmother, then I got the same treatment. Not nice but I survived realizing that my mother wasn't angry with me, per se. She dealt the same hand to my father as well. All gone now.

Nick1962
Nick1962 2013-03-26 18:52:31 -0500 Report

My mother’s will should have had a screen door for all the times my sisters went in and out. Like I say, I can’t hold a grudge because my mother went through a lot in her life I couldn’t possibly comprehend – a divorce, two daughters who were “unruly” to say the least, the loss of a child, and my father was no saint either.
Because of the baggage that comes with “pre-owned” parents and siblings, I unfortunately saw that interaction as normal for many years, and had always been an outsider to keep from getting dragged down like Nana says. That didn’t help me in my relationships at all, which has affected me and my current family. I was never taught or saw what a real family was, and as I got older began to see my mother’s stubbornness in myself. Did not like that at all - that was almost a sickness in itself. I'm glad I managed to find the years left in life to change that in me. Had it not been for getting diagnosed and taking charge of my life, I'd probably be a bitter old man at this point.

Nana_anna
Nana_anna 2013-04-02 12:27:02 -0500 Report

Thank you to both responses. To Set apart, thank you for praying. I had to laugh, last week, when I got a letter addressed to me. I though, oh good, maybe she came to her senses. Not! She got my letter, in which I had mailed to her church, because of not knowing her address. She got my letter, but returned it back to me, all tore up! That was disappointing and laughable at the same time! So I decided to put it back in the envelope as it was, taped it back up and put "Return to Sender" on it, with a smilley face on the back of the envelope. I am sure she will either trash it, or return it again! Who knows with her! I am not stooping to her level though. She's lying about something that I won't go into on here. It's personal. But it gets to me because she knows what she did, and is now lying about it. That gets to me. Just be honest for once! Don't lie! You know, that really bugs me! Thanks for praying. I will pray to for you. To Nick, I am sorry, and I agree that doesn't make you popular, though it was her wishes. I feel for you. I hope its better now, eventually people will wake up and see your side. Hugs to both!

Set apart
Set apart 2013-03-25 05:35:53 -0500 Report

Hi Nana, I am so sorry for this! I am also glad that you have God kn your life, He can fill the emptiness and help you understand. I believe in God's hands anything can happen. He has promised that if we ask in His name and believe as true Christians, that within his own time He will heal broken relationships. I will keep you in my prayers! I have a brother who right now is not part of my life, I have left this in God's hands.

raccoon mana
raccoon mana 2013-03-23 09:20:53 -0500 Report

my father is the same way. nothing anyone does is right according to the Book of Herb. (family holy grail)
some people are just wired to be cold and opinionated. ive come to terms with it and dont let it affect me personally.
letting go is hard when its someone you care about. but your well being, physically, mentally and emotionally are worth it.

Nana_anna
Nana_anna 2013-03-24 13:41:33 -0500 Report

Thanks raccoon mana, Its better to let go of somethings, when you know in your heart, that its unrepearable by human standards. Let go and let God deal with it. That is my thing on her. I am not responsible for my mom and her feelings. She and God will work it out, either way. I pray for grace, love, and forgiveness to work through it. Thank you. I have accepted her personality but there is a point where you can't keep giving in to her tantrums. She has to learn to accept me as me. She can't make me be who she wants me to be. Only God can. I live for him, not her.

Gwen214
Gwen214 2013-03-23 07:44:56 -0500 Report

Nana Anna … Wow my life mirror yours regarding your mother. My mom holds grudges from her childhood. Just keep praying, that's what I do. Tell the prayer group at church. I use to stay away from my mom, I even moved to a new city. We still have our days, but she has become better.

Nana_anna
Nana_anna 2013-03-24 13:44:01 -0500 Report

Thanks Gwen, sorry for your situation to. Its hard when our own mother's do this. They should love us reguardless. That's the part that I don't understand. How can mother's not love their own children? I am praying for all of us. I will pray for you to.

Gwen214
Gwen214 2013-03-24 19:51:40 -0500 Report

I don't think she doesn't love you. I confronted my mother. This personality of my mother, comes from being hurt since childhood, and continued all the way to present day. I asked her, my mom is not very affectionate person. It's her defense mechanism. I know because I'm like that. I continue to love my mom unconditional and pray she lets go of the hurt. I don't think we did anything personally. They may have been hurt, and this is how they cope.

jayabee52
jayabee52 2013-03-23 02:06:02 -0500 Report

I am so sorry that you hurt so badly, Anna.

I can understand why you distance yourself from her. And you HAVE done things in your life of which you may rightly be proud.

My prayer is that your mother sees the error of her ways and that you two finally reconile.

James

Nana_anna
Nana_anna 2013-03-24 13:47:23 -0500 Report

Thank you James, I am getting better with it. Just bother's me that she lies about certain things, and than denies what she has done, that effects me. I am used to this, but it still bother's me. I treat everyone the way God says to, I have never been able to stand up to her. I had to finally say it to her in a letter and sent it! I hope she read it to. I thank you for your prayers. Hope you are doing good to. Anna

jayabee52
jayabee52 2013-03-25 01:36:22 -0500 Report

I would suggest that if you are really "used to it" it wouldn't bother you.

yes I am doing OK! Dialysis again tomorrow!

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