Disappointment. Regret. Normal. But how do you cope?

Dr Gary
By Dr GaryCA Latest Reply 2014-03-11 22:59:59 -0500
Started 2013-03-02 20:06:08 -0600

“I never thought this would happen to me.”

“I didn’t think life would turn out this way.”

“If only I hadn’t…”

These are words of disappointment and regret. And I don’t any human being who doesn’t use those words from time to time. Or often. Life happens, and not always the way we had planned or hoped it would happen.

Nobody knows this better than someone who is living with a chronic condition. A chronic condition introduces change, much of it unwelcome. Along with challenges and limitations that can affect daily activities, relationships, and finances, and more.

A chronic condition can bring up all kinds of thoughts and feelings about what you thought your life would be like. How other people are living their lives compared to how you are living yours. At some point, you may have asked yourself the “Why me?” question. Or “Why didn’t I?”

Disappointment is the perception that you didn’t get what you wanted or hoped for. And wishing your life had turned out differently. Like a life without the chronic condition that you seem to have been saddled with.

Regret is wishing you had, or hadn’t, done something in your past, or made different choices. Maybe even choices that might have helped you to avoid your condition.

Disappointment can leave you feeling like your life is out of control, that things happen to you, and that you are powerless. Regret, on the other hand, is giving yourself the power, but also making yourself to blame.

Either way, disappointment and regret leave you wishing that your life was anything but what it is. And they come hand in hand with feelings like anger, sadness, and guilt.

So, the best way to say it is that disappointment and regret are stops along the road when you are living with a chronic condition, but not places where you want – or have – to stay for very long. And certainly not places to put down roots.

Need some help in coping with disappointment and regret when they come up? Here’s a link to an article In Living with Diabetes that might give you some ideas.

http://www.diabeticconnect.com/diabetes-artic...

Anything that’s worked for you? Need some support?


82 replies

Anonymous
Anonymous 2014-03-10 23:02:15 -0500 Report

just want to say totally agree with what you have said, but still and me i am very fickle either way as a diabetic, and also if constant have had issues with Irrational Hypoglycemia. so in some cases can be hard even for a legal system to totally get it… But will say that yes diabetes can be diffuculti also have another disability that with it doesnt at all help either so not to sure how many here are hard of hearing and or deaf, but even with that I do know how to build better Computers versus the brand names lol but i dont do that as a buiseness, just for me and if asked by someone I know… and will just be starting to go to college, not for puters tho, later this year, but think that in certian areas politics and law need to come to grips with specific people and depending if a supposed law is supposedly broken yet still in say a police report says Low Blood sugar, yet still press charges on "probable cause" is seriously over-reaching… this happens alot from what i hear and seen on type of cases where Irrational Hypoglycemia is the defense, and usually it may go to a Jury or an Alford plea is offered… Instead i think Prosecutors and Cops need to be made more aware of this and respect this disease in its uniqueness, of making some very normal ppl just go alil ya know, lol, but trust that the person with it will either learn what happened and work it with his/her Dr. that is my opinion of how to fix/manage with someone that has this disease should be, not make it more worse in a criminal proceeding…

Dr Gary
Dr GaryCA 2014-03-11 22:59:59 -0500 Report

Hi,

Thanks for your post. A very good point about recognizing and understanding the effects of diabetes.

Gary

carebear6
carebear6 2013-04-11 03:32:45 -0500 Report

Thanks for this post and some of the replies are truly inspiring; see Joice:
Very often we go through life taking all the wondrous things it has to offer for granted, nature, our health and how amazing we humans are. This does not prepare us for unforeseen circumstances that can bring about Disappointment, Regret, Fear, Anger, Frustration etc etc.
The big wake up call as we know can either kill us or make us stronger.
It is important not to dwell on the past and regrets they are not relevant and useless. Not to look at the future or tomorrow because that is also not relevant as we are here in the now and present, that's why we must be inspired by the moment and our very existence at this moment no matter . We must try and build positivity into our lives.
Find the hero within ourselves that's part of the wonderful creation of who we are.

Pastor Rob Tier
Pastor Rob Tier 2013-04-08 03:06:22 -0500 Report

Dr. Gary & Community,

First let me say thank you for sharing words of wisdom. I am a Pastor who is always teaching my own kids, family and church, "Speak Life & The Truth" . I have been for some time in denial of Diabetes in my own life that i have allowed my self to be in the condition that I am in now, toes & feet tingling all the time now, sharp pain in my nerves of my toes from time to time, and more often then none lately. I watched my grandmother on my fathers side lose both her legs and eventually die, I saw what it did to my grandfather, uncle & many others, I have gone to homes, hospitals & nursing homes to pray against diabetes to only grossly neglect the reality of my own condition. I was diagnosed last year with type 2 diabetes. I noticed I was getting more depressed the more I stuck my fingers while taking Metforman and spending more time on the can than in the "Throne Room of God".
I have learned that my God of my understanding has not given me a spirit of fear but a spirit of LOVE, POWER & a SOUND MIND, yet these days I am finding it harder to love my self, feeling very powerless and running through all kinds of things through my mind. I have come to believe that diabetes is not a disease or condition of do as I say and not as I do, yet a place where one needs support & education. I want to live and feel better & my concern / fear is that if I don't get educated really fast, seek out some kind of support while speaking truth about my condition, I will die spiritually & physically. The Truth will set us free, the truth, this Pastor Needs to be set free, I have much work that needs to be done and I know now that I will not be as effective in doing Gods work if I can't allow Him with others help me. Today my 7 year old princess came to her daddy and said, "Daddy, I want you to live and not die, I love you my daddy". So it's time Dr. Gary, will you & this community along with Gods help, please help me live?
From a Pastor who does love life, Gods people & of course my family,
Pastor Rob Tier
"Family Matters Lifeline Inc."
Familymatterslifeline@cfl.rr.com small

jayabee52
jayabee52 2013-04-08 15:18:05 -0500 Report

Howdy Pr Rob!

You may wish to start a new discussion with very much the same content as this posting as it would be seen by more people perhaps and commented on by many.

There are a lot of things which could be said to you about managing your Diabetes Mellitus (DM) but one of the best things I beleive I could say (without knowing your condition a bit more in depth) is keep coming here and learn. DM may be likened to a race, but that race is NOT a sprint, it is a Marathon or Ultramarathon! You have to pace yourself in learning how to manage your DM. Otherwise you may likely burn out and stop taking care of yourself, and that wouldn't benefit anyone! If your DM is not too severe, you may even be able to avoid the use of medications altogether in the management of DM and avoid the side effects of the medications. But all in due time!

Just know that there ARE people who want to assist you in managing your DM in ways which have worked for us.

Also there is me (and many other people of faith in Jesus Christ) who will be praying for your IMPROVING health!

James Baker.

Roxannescott
Roxannescott 2013-03-27 15:44:45 -0500 Report

I know how you feel…diabetic 1 now for 32 years…I think about what I COULD HAVE DONE had I not had Diabeties…but now I think about what I have accomplished and still can… sucks…but can always be worse…I can still do what I love…teach and garden … I had one healthy son…and it gets easier to deal with medical advances…So keep up the work! It's worth it!!!!!!!

Dr Gary
Dr GaryCA 2013-03-30 09:36:12 -0500 Report

Roxanne,

What a fantastic attitude you have, focusing on on your strengths and your accomplishments, the joys of life, doing things you enjoy doing, having people in your life that you love. As well as the many medical advances. Life is good!

Thanks for jumping in here!

Gary

sandyfrazzini
sandyfrazzini 2013-03-27 12:54:35 -0500 Report

I have been a Type 1 for a little over 30 years, pumping for 7 years. I have not always had the best control of my diabetes, I think mostly because I would get frustrated when the numbers were always high. I guess I just figured why test if the number is going to be high anyway (bad idea) so maybe that was diabetes burn out, I now test 4-8 times a day and most of the numbers have been good.
I have never thought why me or I wish my life was different. I have at times felt a little down, but I am not sure it's anything you could call depression. When I was diagnosed with diabetes my older brother already had it for a few years, so I guess I just thought it was normal and made me fit in a little more. I am very grateful that I have this disease in a day and age that there is treatment for it and not before the discovery of insulin. I also want to Thank everyone that shares on sites like this, because it makes me feel like there are others out there that can understand what we all go through everyday to take care of ourselves and our diabetes. It's a lot to take care of but it's worth it.

Dr Gary
Dr GaryCA 2013-03-30 09:33:38 -0500 Report

Hey Sandy,

Thanks so much for adding your empowered voice to this discussion. i was really inspired, as I am sure others will be as well when they read your post. What I took away from yous reply is the benefit of living life on life's terms, doing what you need to do to take the best possible care of yourself. But also, the value of support, knowing you are not alone because you are connected with other people traveling the same road.

I am glad you are here!

Gary

NonnieCee
NonnieCee 2013-03-25 12:10:22 -0500 Report

Thank you for this. I find myself at this stage of acceptance since I've only be diagnosed about a month. I know it isn' my 'fault' that I developed T2 but the woulda, shoulda, coulda's can be brutal.

Dr Gary
Dr GaryCA 2013-03-30 08:59:41 -0500 Report

Hey Nonnie, nice to meet you. I appreciate your honesty. In my experience, woulda-coulda-shoulda is a stop along the way toward acceptance and moving forward. Getting support from others who are on same path can help a lot. You came to the right place! Gary

NonnieCee
NonnieCee 2013-03-30 09:13:58 -0500 Report

Thanks. I have learned a lot here and have gotten great advice and encouragement from others on the same path. DC is quickly becoming my go to place for advice, information and friendship among fellow diabetics.

lneider
lneider 2013-03-09 12:25:12 -0600 Report

I went through the if onlys when I found out I have diabetes I found out late in my life, that I am type 1, Inow realize it is what it is, cannot go back and change anything, I can only go forward and do my best to manage my sugars my A1C is a 7 to get it down lower than that is too risky for low sugars, so my Dr. has advised to try to keep it around 7, the lows can bea more immediate danger, trying to keep a healthy balance is my challenge each and every day frustrated often but I never give up hope that the day will come that they will find a cure, I think education needs to start with young parents & in our high schools seeing the numbers of diabetics in America alone just saying L

Dr Gary
Dr GaryCA 2013-03-11 15:38:57 -0500 Report

Hello Ineider,

Thanks for checking in. Glad to hear you have your treatment on track and that you are taking good care of yourself, one day at a time, facing all of the challenges. I agree, we really need to ge the word out more on diabetes and the importance of a balanced diet.

Gary

Gwen214
Gwen214 2013-03-07 22:06:48 -0600 Report

How I deal with disappoints about this disease, I learn not to dwell on it. Continue to do the best I can do balancing everything. Sure, I feel frustrated and sad at times, but I move on, keep my life busy.

Dr Gary
Dr GaryCA 2013-03-08 11:36:22 -0600 Report

Gwen, that is a great attitude. Stay focused on what's possible, take good care of yourself, have balance in our life. Thanks for sharing this! Gary

sweetj
sweetj 2013-03-08 11:59:22 -0600 Report

He is right, Gary u said some things in this that reminds me of a other fellowship, how quickly I forgot, we must learn to live life on life's terms, and remember to take it one day at a time. I thank you. If I focus on Jesus and the here and now I want become overwhelm but my circumstances, be encouraged

Dr Gary
Dr GaryCA 2013-03-08 12:08:57 -0600 Report

Hey sweetj, thanks for checking in here. I am glad this was helpful. You have a great attitude! Gary

Stuart1966
Stuart1966 2013-03-07 10:28:22 -0600 Report

Hello Dr. Gary:

Like most of my experienced peers, we have more than a few "scars". The "easy" ones are the physical and often far from…

The scars many of us wear are from battles we survived… a war without end, until someday we die. Diabetes or not, death is certain. As long as its never "today", I'm quite content myself.

How does one tell the difference between "HOPELESS" and something lessor?

Having been low once or twice before (imperceptible grimace), is my certainty it will happen again despite my very best efforts, my alacrity… that make us "hopeless" ?
That a vortex of "negative" or painful hard fact?

With a chronic illness, how do we separate the painful truths from the illusions or half truths? Diabetes does not play well…

Dr Gary
Dr GaryCA 2013-03-08 11:35:19 -0600 Report

Hi Stuart,

Thanks for sharing your thoughts here.

I don't know it this will help but it seems to me that living with a chronic condition is about that expression, living life on life's terms. It's really one day at a time, knowing that there are some things you can control and many things you can't control, and focusing on what's possible. I think that is one way to help avoid falling into that overwheming sense of hopelessness.

And, getting lots of support.

Here is a link to an article you might find helpful:

http://www.diabeticconnect.com/discussions/11765-living-with-the-unwanted-houseguest

Glad you are here.

Gary

Nana_anna
Nana_anna 2013-03-06 16:00:27 -0600 Report

For me, dealing with it daily can be a head ache. I have so many things going on with me that it would drive a person crazy. Financially buying things to cope with the chronic illnesses can be a pain in itself. Spending 100.00s a month on meds, Dr. office visits, extra's on other supplies Doesn't leave much for doing fun stuff! I miss going to the movies, or carnivals that come to our city. Especially miss buying extras, books, art supplies, make up, and little things, like that. Not to mention being able to tithe at church. It makes a big difference. I don't like it either. I know we have to adjust. Just wish life was normal health wise.

Dr Gary
Dr GaryCA 2013-03-08 11:16:44 -0600 Report

Hey Nana-anna,

It's nice to see you again, my friend. It has been awhile.

I understand what you are saying here. It's rough when you constantly have to shell out more money for expenses related to a chronic condition. With the additional financial burden, it just feels like more limitations.

I hope you will give yourself a lot of credit for placing a high value on your health, and for taking the best possible care of yourself.

I also hope you are taking time to appreciate the daily pleasures that life gives us, getting out and enjoying friends, taking walks when the weather gets warmer.

Glad you are here!

Gary

Kirk H
Kirk H 2013-03-05 11:55:04 -0600 Report

I think most of us deal with some disappointment after being diagnosed…I cetainly was. It was easy for me to turn it around into a blessing. I knew my lifestyle wasnt good, not enough excersize, not eating right, but i needed the wake up call to mentally do what was good for me. Why do I say this was a blessing? After devoting a change in lifestyle to include a lot of excersize and great eating habits, I have lost a lot of weight, my bs and A1C is doing good, and I feel a lot better than I have for years!

Dr Gary
Dr GaryCA 2013-03-05 17:27:56 -0600 Report

Hey Kirk!

Welcome to Diabetic Connect. I am glad you are here!

And congratulations for seeing our diagnosis as a wake call and making the decision to take better care of yourself. Fantastic!

Looing forward to staying in touch with you.

Gary

Simlpy Me
Simlpy Me 2013-03-04 19:38:25 -0600 Report

lol thanks fir your reply however I am not angry and I'm reslly sorry but you have absolutely no idea what I'm talking about or referring and that is ok. Big hug to you too. Have a great day (if is day over there?)

Simlpy Me
Simlpy Me 2013-03-04 17:13:00 -0600 Report

so sorry about they typing I have such trouble distinguishing what keys I press on this phonr and seem to think quicker than what I can type and I loose it in the system lol being a newby and then it doubles on me just make things more interesting. So guys. lol

Simlpy Me
Simlpy Me 2013-03-04 17:06:57 -0600 Report

Just Joyce
How Dare You!!

Where's the compassion and so called support that I thought this site was meant to provide. You know Nothing of me nor my life to give such a personal attack and that is exactly what is was.
I am not a selfish person, in fact my therapist, Just Joyce, often comments on just how SELFLESS a person I am !, for always helping others before myself.

I have been a community service worker, firefighter, rescuer and carer to both humans and auzzie wildlife for over 25yrs and that just joyce is not done at all by a Selfish person wollowing in self pitty. My depression is medical brought on by a chemical imbalance in my brain aswell as medical conditions and MEDS! some of which are NOT mentioned, and You know Nothing about.

I have been down just about every healing road you can think of and I am exhausted and I'm sorry but I just haven't yet quite mastered the art of kicking someone when they're down, so just joyce thanks for that one. You must be feeling pretty good hey! Funny how these types of sites can bring such judgement from those who know absolutely nothing of the situation at hand and think they are helping when in actual fact Your comments to me could / would have pushed someone to suicide (speaking from experience as a past suicide worker), so I'd think a little harder next time before I'd launch such an attack on someone again Without Knowledge! What you said was extremely cruel. I Forgive YOU!

Knowledge is Power ~ Ignorance is evil.

Just Joyce
Just Joyce 2013-03-04 19:21:25 -0600 Report

Simply you want compassion. You have been seeking compassion and when you are depressed, this is what many of us who have been depressed seek. This is why people don't get it. A person who has never ever been depressed in life will never get it or the depressed person. They don't know what it is, what the feelings are or suffer the way a depressed person suffers. The first time someone said what I said to you, I reacted the same why but it opened my eyes. I wondered why people no longer told me how bad they felt for me. In therapy I realized they were simply telling me what I wanted to hear, not what I needed to hear. They were not helping me. I used their compassion to hinder my getting out of depression. When someone did tell me I could stop being depressed if I really wanted to, I was so angry I could literally see red. Anger is simply fuel for the depressed person. It makes you miserable and misery feeds depression. Anger and depression are like oil and water it does not mix well at all.

In my deepest level of depression, I woke up in the middle of the night wanting to kill everyone in the house including the dog and myself. I actually made plans on when I would do it and how I would do it. I felt they didn't understand me and didn't care even though they knew how depressed I was.

One day I was in one of the worse moods in my life and my best friend called me. She asked me what I was doing and I was going to kill myself. She said a lot of what I said to you and I was livid. I wouldn't talk to her for a month. Finally she told me that she was no longer going to feel bad for me and that if I could not or would not get help, she was no longer going to worry about me. It took a doctor at my job to recognize the signs and symptoms that caused me to get help. He sent me home and told me not to come back until I found a doctor. I found a doctor and that is when my healing began.

So you can be as angry as you want to be with me if it makes you feel better. But if you want someone who has been where you are to listen to you, I will do that for you. Send me an inbox message. I really do hope you get help I want you to feel better and I will still give you a hug.

Set apart
Set apart 2013-03-04 05:43:14 -0600 Report

hi Dr. Gary, this is really nice! Thank you. I gotta say there are still days when I ask myself if I can do this forever. Those moments are usually short-lived. I asked why me, so many times and like James my faith has brought me through many trials and tribulations. I can either stay down and let this take over my life, or I can let it be part of my life with me in control! I choose the latter! I will fight and although there are days when I will be down, I refuse to stay down, I have a right to life as a woman, and to be happy and healthy and that's what I choose!

Dr Gary
Dr GaryCA 2013-03-04 22:30:16 -0600 Report

Hello Set apart,

Great to see you, as always! And you are welcome. I am happy to hear this was helpful.

And such empowered words from you! Making the decision to take the best possible care of yourself, to stay optimistic, to keep moving forward. That's being a fighter!

I really appreciate this!

Gary

Just Joyce
Just Joyce 2013-03-03 17:06:10 -0600 Report

Be calm and strong and patient. Meet failure and disappointment with courage. Rise superior to the trials of life, and never give in to hopelessness or despair. In danger, in adversity, cling to your principles and ideals. Aequanimitas!~Sir William Osler~

Having traveled down the shoulda, coulda woulda, road, I have learned that disappointment can do one of two things:

A: Make you stronger as you over come your disappointment
B: Leave you less that what you can truly be simply because you can't turn disappointment around.

I spent a lot of time on "B" than "A". I lost self confidence in myself. Once I accomplished this, I expected to be disappointed no matter what was going on in my life. I knew that someone or something was going to let me down and I would be hurt by it. I simply hated life and being alive.

It took being thrown into community work that turned things around. A fresh new Commander of our police district wanted me to become a co president of their community relations council. A week later I was the only one on board. I left him a message saying I was also dropping out. Why set myself up to fail?

He called me we had a meeting. He told me all the good things I had done and was doing in the community and that he had faith in me and believed that I could do this. No one had ever said those words to me in life. It took a lot of looking deep within myself to find that he could be right. Thirteen years later I am still president and he has moved higher up in rank. We became very good friends and he still believes in me.

Today, if I attempt something and become disappointed with the end results, I look at the situation differently. Instead of letting the box grow to small around me, I build a bigger box. I also think outside of the box. I also don't expect a lot from people. I don't put them on a pedestal because they fall off. I don't expect anyone to live up to my standards or beliefs. I can't change anyone but myself. I live up to my standards and hold true to my own beliefs. I make disappointment work for me instead of against me.

I don't expect people to always help me, to be there for me, or to make demands on me that I cannot live up to. I learned to be strong, independent and to depend on myself first and foremost. Instead of running from the obstacles placed in my path, I strive to get through it, over it or under it but one way or another it will end up behind me and the disappointment that occurred when the obstacle landed in front of me is a success story in my very own book of life.

Dr Gary
Dr GaryCA 2013-03-04 22:27:21 -0600 Report

HI Joyce,

I agree with tabby, you definitely have a way with words.

A chronic condition can take a hit on your self confidence. And as you said so well. we can benefit from taking that step back, assessing our personal strengths, and getting back on the path.

And I think that along with confidence in ourselves, we can benefit from not having unrealistic expectations of others. Everybody has limiitations. Let people be who they are, and give yourself room to be the best you can be.

Thanks a lot for sharing your wisdom!

Gary

Just Joyce
Just Joyce 2013-03-05 13:45:22 -0600 Report

ty Dr. Gary. I think the best thing in life is having confidence in yourself and living up to your own expectations. It is impossible to live up to the expectations of others.

raccoon mana
raccoon mana 2013-03-03 13:25:15 -0600 Report

i found getting a hobby i really enjoyed helped. i took up painting and get so engrossed in it that i forget my pain and gain a new perspective on things. its a great stress reliever too

Dr Gary
Dr GaryCA 2013-03-04 22:12:45 -0600 Report

Hey raccoon mana, having a positive distraction is a great idea! And, yes a good way to relieve stress. Thanks for sharing here. Gary

raccoon mana
raccoon mana 2013-03-04 22:21:18 -0600 Report

your very welcome. new to diabetes, but have had fibromyalgia for years.so getting used to ways to occupy my mind.

davidhogan
davidhogan 2013-03-03 10:39:37 -0600 Report

Nice article! I try to be grateful and I know that is hard to do when you feel like you are up to your neck in alligators and somebody drained the pond!

BUT, when I get negative after my 5th insulin shot of the day, carb formula, carb counting, exercising and all the other things it takes to get through the day, I think about KIDS with diabetes, and I know that at one time there was NO insulin and people and children just died from this complicated metabolic problem we call diabetes. We are more fortunate now, than then.

I try to view all this as a wake up call to take better care of myself and hopefully educate others to eat well and be healthy wherever I can.

Zig Ziglar said the healthiest human emotion is GRATITUDE and while it is hard to be grateful with all those alligators I mentioned, I still TRY. Thanks for the article!

Dr Gary
Dr GaryCA 2013-03-04 22:21:25 -0600 Report

Hey David,

Thank you. And nice to see you!

You have a really empowered attitude. And that's a good way to look at things, we have come a long way in treating diabetes -- increased treatment options, and knowledge about how to maintain a healthy lifestyle.

I am a Zig Ziglar fan, too. Gratitude is so powerful!

I really appreciate your kind words!

Gary

Just Joyce
Just Joyce 2013-03-04 12:19:05 -0600 Report

David if you are in a drained pond with alligators, the gratitude comes in if they have not attacked you and you make it out of the pond unscathed. However when a person feels as though they are in a drained pond filled with alligators everyday, they can't accomplish too much in life. This person is in a position where they can see the shore but make no attempt to reach it. If the person makes it to the shore unharmed that is a plus. If the person attempts to make it to the shore and fails, at least the person had hope. If the person does nothing but stand there and hopes someone will come along and rescue him, this person has depended on others to rescue him most of if not all of his life.

In looking at this situation, you can see how helping oneself can play a role in living or dying. If you make no attempt you will possibly die, if you make an attempt and die, at least you died trying to save your life. If you wait for someone to come along to save you and no one does, disappointment and resentment can set in.

Each and everyone of us has the ability to help ourselves. Some choose to do all that is possible, other make an attempt, fail give up and wait, while others simply give up. I am a fighter and will never give up no matter how bad or good things are in my life. I am grateful to wake up in the morning with the ability to function no matter how bad or good I feel. You my friend are going to make it through life being all you can be and doing things you want to do because of the gratitude you have in your life.

Simlpy Me
Simlpy Me 2013-03-03 04:14:04 -0600 Report

me again, just thought id add, I was one of the diabetics that lived by the book to point of not having much of a social life so I have so much confusion as to why I have ended up like this. Always ate, ALWAYs ate healthy but my stress is the killer. I have never felt so alone as I am now.

Simlpy Me
Simlpy Me 2013-03-03 04:06:35 -0600 Report

wow where do I start! I have been insulin dependant since 1978. Now have just about every complication there is to get with this wonderful disease and I still get more thrown at me.
Depression huh been fighting that one since I was 8yrs and still in very deep despair. Lost 18 friends last yr, most recent xmas eve. One of whom was my best friend and fellow D. She died from all the complications that I now have. The future to me is just way too scary. I turn 50 this coming july and honestly I really dont see much of a future past that. Since developing Gastroparesis cant seem to manage/stomach any antidepresants so I just dont know where to turn.
I come from a large family who are all quite ill yet No One gets me at all. I have got myself soo far down now I pretty much cry evrry day and now have just found out that a sister has leukemia.

Gwen214
Gwen214 2013-03-08 20:24:52 -0600 Report

Wow…Simply Me, Dr Gary is right. You're not alone! I'm 39 and going through issues that keep me isolated from the public. Depression and anxiety overcomes me everyday. I found out my dad diagnosed with Liver cancer. I volunteer and that helps with my depression, and keep busy. Most of all the grace of God keeps me going.

Lentyl
Lentyl 2013-03-04 13:43:42 -0600 Report

The lyrics to an old song come to mind: Pick yourself up. Dust yourself off and start all over again. We all have to do that regardless of our health, current circumstances, etc. No one can do it for you. It sounds as if your family are trying to look after themselves. Why not look after yourself? You can do it. As I recall depression is anger turned inward. I wish you good success.

Just Joyce
Just Joyce 2013-03-04 12:48:37 -0600 Report

Hi Simply, I started battling diabetes around that age and stopped when I was in my 40's. I felt reborn. I can say I had the best therapist I could find. I went through hell and he was there with me every step of the way. When I gave up he pushed harder, when I stumbled he caught me, when I fell he picked me up, when I was on the verge of suicide he pulled me off the ledge. I found my will to live and I have been living every day since my therapy and medications ended.

I come from a large extended family. I have lost both parents, 4 aunts, 1 uncle, a lot of cousins and some friends. When we buried my great aunt, a cousin died while we were at her funeral. The day after two cousins were killed in a car accident, the day after one of my fathers cousins died and on the day of the first funeral someone else died. I stopped going to funerals after the third one. I had had enough of death for the week.

You may think this is harsh but since I have been down the road you are on, you can do one of two things. You can wallow in your depression and wait for people to "get you" or you can get up and fight for yourself. ONLY you can make that decision. Look at it this way, you are not the only one who has lost friends and family members, you are not the only one with a sister with Leukemia.

Therapy taught me one thing, depression is a selfish disease. The depressed person thinks it is all about them. Well it isn't all about you. Your depression effects everyone who comes into contact with you. They don't get you because you have allowed depression to take control of you. These people can't help you and more than likely won't help you because you have to help yourself.

You said you feel all alone, you want to feel alone, you want the attention and you want people to feel sorry for you. I know this because I have been there. You have to get into therapy if you aren't there. Getting better is going to be hard and you have got to be willing to fight. You will have to learn to let the past stay in the past by learning from it. You have to strive to get better. You have to know that you can have a future that can be fulfilling and you can get there. You have to look at it as being reborn and you will feel so much better once that happens. I know because I have been there. You can do this, I believe that you can. Good luck to you and lots of hugs.

carebear6
carebear6 2013-04-11 03:09:45 -0500 Report

Hi Joice,
Very inspired by your attitude and your courage to face reality. My 19 yr son was diagnosed with type1 last year, since then he's struggled to come to terms with his condition and relented to being at home exhausted and depressed watching telly on his computer ext. my wife and I have different views on his plight to get by, but he seems stuck and certainly in denial doesn't communicate anything and doesn't want to talk about HIS condition. I am struggling with seeing him resign himself even though I know how bad he's feeling.
We live in the UK he's seen a Councilor but that hasn't helped he won't talk to me without getting angry and frustrated, he wants a way through this , I and he know that he must get a handle on things himself but we don't know where to turn. I've posted the question
If anyone knows a suitable place where young people can actually go to get themselves back on track because there doesn't seem to be anywhere in theUk. I know that he must find the strength to get past this stumbling block himself but as he's father I fear for him.

Just Joyce
Just Joyce 2013-04-11 10:16:15 -0500 Report

Hi carebear, here in the US, the Criminal Justice System has prisoner reform/rehabilitation. We also have drug and alcohol rehab. What isn't realized is that you cannot reform or rehab someone who isn't willing. Prisoners and drug/alcohol abusers come out of prisons and reahab centers claiming to be "changed" only to continue as before. They wanted to get out, they didn't want to change. Sending your son somewhere to get him out of his depression and out of his denial of his disease is not going to help him unless he wants to be helped.

Sometimes people need the proverbial slap in the face to get them to face reality. He has to understand that because he has diabetes doesn't mean he can't live a happy healthy life. He can get a job, go to college, get married and start a family and do many other things with his life. He may not know that unless he starts taking care of the disease that he can lose limbs and vision and have other medical problems. If this occurs his life with drastically change.

His anger is not directed at you, his anger is directed at himself. You and your wife need a break from this. Take a step back and relax. If you both are frustrated that isn't good for either of you and he is feeding off your frustration. Get books and use the internet to learn as much as you can about the disease. If you haven't done so, take him to his doctor and talk with the doctor or request a family meeting with the doctor. Trying counseling doesn't work, he has to dedicate himself to this. Let him know you love him and that he can take the journey towards better mental and physical health and that you and your wife will take that journey with him.

I live in what was used to be referred to as a ghetto. I have watched people rise and be successful, rise and fall and fall stay on the floor. Children in my neighborhood go to bed hungry. People are living with the basic necessities while others live on the streets and in abandoned houses. My neighborhood has well educated and uneducated, there are also middle class and poor. People are shooting and killing people or stabbing them to death on the streets, there are a lot of people addicted to drugs and selling them. Thankfully my community is one of the safer communities. There are people losing jobs and homes. This is a reality. You cannot walk around viewing the world through rose colored glasses because when you take them off, you will find the world isn't what you thought it was. You can't live under a rock. These days saying you didn't know or don't know something is your own fault. I prefer to live life in the real world and it isn't frightening because it is real. Because I live in a real world, I can live in almost any city or country in this world and do far better than anyone who is afraid to face reality. Good luck to you and your family.

jayabee52
jayabee52 2013-03-03 01:21:52 -0600 Report

I am surely a person who could say "I never thought it would be this way". But it has turned out so much differently than I thought when graduated from college, when I got married to the lady who was to become the mother of my sons, and graduated from grad school.

Unfortunately I got beat up by life and spit out. My work world was not as I had expected, and the people with whom I worked were fickle. Also I made mistakes. Some pretty big ones. So to save my mental health I had to forgive myself and eventually chose to leave that profession and find other work.

I spent a lot of time in the "basement digging holes" of depression. I have been disappointed by life, but that is not the only consideration.

However what has bouyed me up was a faith in my Lord Jesus Christ and a belief that God has a positive reason for me going through the experiences I have experienced. Even my latest experience of returning to dialysis, is, I believe God shaping me and perhaps putting me in a place where I may be able to do someone some good, somehow.

I don't want folks to think everything has all been trajedy in my life, because I have had glimpses of joy peeking through the clouds like sunshine on a dismal day. My first marriage was wonderful for a while while things were going the way my wife wanted, but unfortunately turned sour when things were not. The birth of my 3 sons were a high point im my life and partnering with my wife in caring for them was a joy!

After the dark days following the divorce I also found some joy again in dancing and getting to know other people. And then I met that one special "Jem" who would become my wife. Since Jem, even after she passed on, my mood is much better, I am more upbeat and I "roll with the punches" better. I feel God smiling on me now as He had while Jem was alive and with me.

May God smile upon y'all too!
James

Dr Gary
Dr GaryCA 2013-03-05 17:16:31 -0600 Report

HI James,

You are such a good writer. And you are an inspiration. In spite of the ups and downs of your life, you are optimisitc, always seeing the bright side, always focused on what's possible. And I know your faith in God hasprovided with a firm foundation.

Thanks so much for checking in here!

Gary

raccoon mana
raccoon mana 2013-03-04 22:16:35 -0600 Report

life does have a way of tossing us all lemons. you just learn to throw harder and move on. you my friend are a true survivor and should be an inspiration to others.

Just Joyce
Just Joyce 2013-03-04 12:53:05 -0600 Report

James my friend, I am not a very religious person. Most of the time I really don't believe in God and I certainly do not believe in Jesus.

There is an old African American hymn with a verse that goes like this. " On Christ the solid rock I stand, all other ground is sinking sand" It is one of my favorite hymns. There are times since I have been a member when I feel like I am sinking in sand. I go back and read some of your postings and you became my rock on a few of my dark dismal days.

This is a beautiful post and it is your insight at times that has allowed me to keep going when I wanted to give up. For that my friend I can only say, Thank You.

jayabee52
jayabee52 2013-03-04 13:03:25 -0600 Report

Thank you for your most kind words. I am gratified I have had such a positive effect upon you!

Now about believing in Jesus, we'll have to take it to the Private messages! LoL!

SnufflesMichelle
SnufflesMichelle 2013-03-02 21:27:40 -0600 Report

I've been Type 1 Diabetic for 11 years, and I still feel this way…why can't I get passed this?

Roxannescott
Roxannescott 2013-03-26 19:18:17 -0500 Report

I am type one diabetic now for 32 years…it gets easier. I know now How I feel and have come to terms. Getting a pump helped me SO MUCH.I cannot stress how much! I lost my first baby because of the diabeties but with a good Dr. I had a healthy boy 26 years ago… I still have no damage from the Diabetes but keep at it every day! Some days I do sit and cry and feel like crap but…gotta fight!

moon74
moon74 2013-03-02 21:26:20 -0600 Report

Disappointment, Happy, Pendulum swinging from one side to the other ? You bet. Some days I can pray and it helps. Other days I exercise and then I scream. I thought menopause was hard till this started. There is no one thing. I do Reiki and that helps. It is a fact that diabetics fight depression. Sometimes I think the medicines add to it. I am unemployed and my life is out of control. But I have options and choices. And then there are days that I just sit in the corner and wonder. Thank Goodness I have a higher power I believe in. Otherwise there are days I would quit all this. I would take enough Insulin to put me out forever. And I would say Good night. But I believe that if I do that I can;t go to Heaven. it is a good thing to believe in something.

snuggles11
snuggles11 2013-03-02 20:43:35 -0600 Report

Also anyone need a new blood glucose
Monitoring system ?
Got the accu-chek
Aviva pluss for free at k-mart
Also in the lower right hand corner of the box
It says with a RX you pay $15.00 a month for your testing strips !
Make sure to tell your dr to max you out on that if ya now what I mean !
Get as many as you can for $15.00 dollars !
Good day everyone
Tammy

snuggles11
snuggles11 2013-03-02 20:32:39 -0600 Report

Thank you Dr Gary
Also would like to add some addition to this !
I'm very new to d c
Type 2 about 3weeks now !
If anyone is having trouble learning how to take care of them self ?
About carbs and diet ?
If you have insurance great !
If no insurance !
Their is a government grant that pays for you to get the knowledge !
Contact your local hospital
Dept diabetic ! Inquire about the classes !
I needed a RX from my dr to take the classes. !
It's all free
Government grant !

raccoon mana
raccoon mana 2013-03-04 22:19:52 -0600 Report

some colleges also have a living healthy program that helps cover the costs of diabetic and other medical supplies. always worth checking if the colleges near you offer this.

Next Discussion: Diabetic neuropathy »